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[CapitanGarlic]

Newsflash!

The Mad Capitan's Economy hit an all-time high earlier today, reaching the classification of 'fragile'. Brokers that hadn't yet jumped to their deaths rejoiced.

[lightblue]

NEWSFLASH

The Free Republic has imposed tariffs on foreign imports, thereby protecting its industry. In response its industry is now of a very strong level and described as a 'powerhouse' in the region.

In separate news, the current President has knocked down legislation put forward by centre-left ARS party which would outlaw any groups or politcal parties which would want to introduce the death penalty. The President trusts in the common sense of the people to make sure these parties never reach power, and believes that the outlawing of said parties would make him no better than they are.

And now for the weather...

[Spiffor]

Newsflash

The Falangusta Gazette - 20.01.2003
The claim of corrupt scientists, yesterday, that they could cure some rare diseases by cloning human beings created a huge commotion in all major cities in the Kingdom. Yongassa counted about 400.000 spontaneous demonstrators, which means 20% of the capital's population. This demonstration is one of the biggest Yongassa ever knew in history.

The King immediately decided what is best for us and for our culture, by banning cloning altogether, and by expelling these scientists from our Country.

The redaction wants to congratulate the King for his wise decision, as once again, he prevents the tide of immorality, permissiveness and anomy to corrupt our beloved Falangusta.

Great demonstrations of gratitude are expected today in all major cities, at the call of both major parties and the 15 most influent associations. They will happen at 18:00, after work hours.

Thank you again, Majesty

[ColdWizard]

From the Freezington Post
Animal Rights Activists released over a dozen chickens again on saturday, saying that Frozen-Snaq, Inc. was practicing cruel methods of fattening up the chickens. A prior release of chickens resulted in the King banning cruelty to animals in food processing.

This time however, 6 chickens tried to run across the nearby highway and splattered by heavy traffic. The activists were fined for the cost of the chickens, and the cost of road cleanup. The activists were then sentenced to an additional year of service in the military.

King ColdWizard commented on the issue saying, "They made their ****ing point the first time, a second occurence is annoying. They know that property destruction can't be tolerated and that there are proper channels to go through for these kinds of complaints. Stupid ****ers."

[Jack_www]

United States of Jackson

News Flash
Today the goverment released its new buget for the up coming fiscal year. In it a tax cut of about 6%, lower the income tax rate from 23% to 17%. The president of Jackson said that this was need to simulate the economy which verges on the edge of collapase. Many Econonmists praised the new tax cut saying it would give need help to the sagging economy.

[Frozzy]

OOC: I must point out the grammatical mistake in the title... to should be in

NewsFlash!

In Sport, the Atradaitoshi Raiders have won the Pasiphae Premier League in soccer. Their comprehensive thrashing of Quelm Quackers by 5 goals to 1 secured the 2003 title, their second in 2 years. The Raiders also boast the league's top scorer, Kyle Mills, with 34 goals this season, averaging just under a goal a game.

Now back to Jed Sanders in the studio

[ColdWizard]

OOC: "to" is "grammartically" acceptable


From the Freezington Post

King ColdWizard announced today that military spending is likely to be increased again "due to regional conditions". No mention was made of the size of the increase nor specifics about "regional conditions" given. It's likely that the planned increase in military spending will result in a cut of educational expenditures, though a tax hike is also quite possible.

[Mr. President]

From SouthernNews.com:

The Karakas Assembly looks almost certain to approve a bill preventing private citizens from possessing guns. Secretary of the Interior, Senator Siti Nurhaliza Abdul Rahman, said that Monday's school shooting was "the straw that broke the camel's back". If the bill is approved, police and Militia will begin collecting surrendered weapons on Friday . . .

[Arnelos]

Newsflash

The Republic of Lavor has been re-named the Commonwealth of Lavor, citing the dissolution of the parliamentary government by the conspiracy.

In other Lavor-related news, our forests are being clear-cut by the mining industry and uranium mining is now listed as one of the leading industries in the country.

Despite having citizens recently rated by a U.N. survey as "dumb as a brick", we are currently working on a nuclear weapons program with what high-end research capabilities we have developed within the small elite class of society. The military recently came to the conspiracy and asked for additional funding for this and other projects and the decision of the conspiracy supporting this action is currently being carried out.

Lastly, The Commonwealth of Lavor has been ranked #2 in the size of the gap between rich and poor for the region of Apolyton, behind only the Republic of Karakas. In related news, the conspiracy is hoping that the clear-cutting of the rainforest and expansion of the uranium mining industry may provide some needed jobs to get the beggars off the streets of the capital.

[GhengisFarbâ„¢]

Originally posted by Arnelos
Despite having citizens recently rated by a U.N. survey as "dumb as a brick",

Actually, it was determined that "brick" was too complimentary a term and was updated to "dum as a brik".

[Urban Ranger]

For immediate Release

The Nooslandian Department of Defense will start fielding the Broad Sprectrum Sourceless Dopler Radar after three years of rigorous field testing. The new device enables Nooslandian forces to detect stealth aircrafts and ships.

[Arnelos]

Originally posted by GhengisFarb

Actually, it was determined that "brick" was too complimentary a term and was updated to "dum as a brik".

[Spiffor]

"Ag Tendonbo" - 21 January 2003
His Majesty king Spiffor of Falangusta had to make a difficult decision regarding the extension of police powers. Police officers suggested to put surveilance cameras in every street croner to avoid crime, while many common people argued such a thing would go against the traditional freedoms we enjoy. According to them, Falangu people have alwys taken care of social order by themselves, without needing the King or his troops to do so.

"It is saddening to go against such a deep rooted tradition of self-discipline", declared the King yesterday to Akio Radio, "but the changes of our society has made the old ways of enforcing the law inefficient. We have a crime problem, and we must deal with it by any means necessary"

The King allowed surveillance cameras to be implemented in all major public areas, which had a significant impact on crime (especially youth-related) overnight.

While we understand the reasons of the King, the redaction would ask him to reconsider his position, who really is losing most of us. We seem to be on the way to disband privately-inflicted justice, which shapes our society for so long ; we feel we are simply losing our identity.

[lightblue]

NEWSFLASH

Main topic in the News at Ten is the reintroduction of the death penalty by the recently elected right wing populist party CRUL. The President is disappointed that his motto of "Education, not Legislation" has resulted in this pathetic party taking power. Internal power struggles within CRUL suggest that this might not last long.

On a separate topic, the Chief of Staff of the tiny Lightblue Defense Forces request for extra funds has been sidetracked by the President until he can knock it down properly once CRUL are out of power.