An Ode to Activision

[Slingshot]

Here is a Haiku. It has been ispired by all of Activision's contributions of late:


Dust settles.
Iron rusts.
Somewhere in the distance, a dog barks.


Let me know if there has been a flood of new information that I don't know about.

[Slingshot]

Since no one from Activision is responding, let me write what I think would be a good interview....

Slingshot: Hi folks! Today I have Cadet_Joe from Activision with me. He unexpectedly flew up to Alberta, Canada from the sunny US just so he could talk about this new CTP2 project!

Cadet_Joe: Thanks Slingshot. You know, I always love comming up to Canada. You Canadians are such good Activision customers!

Slingshot: That's because we have nothing better to do with our time - it's too cold to do anything outside. But anyways, let's talk Civ!

Cadet_Joe: Fine idea! CTP2 is going to be everything you Apolytoners wanted. In fact, just about every new idea we're incorporating came from your 500-page list!

Slingshot: That's not too hard to believe. 500 pages covers a lot of stuff.

Cadet_Joe: Righty-O. We have been working on this project day and night. No rest for the wicked, you know.

Slingshot: Um, sure. Wickedly good, you mean?

Cadet_Joe: Heh heh ... In fact, we've been working so hard that nobody even thought about telling our fans what was going on. People are running around so fast, delivering the latest in Apolyton suggestions. One day I was typing some epic CTP2 SLIC code, and this guy runs past me at lightning speed...

Slingshot: And then?

Cadet_Joe: His shirt sleeve button caught my ear...

Slingshot: And then?

Cadet_Joe: Totally by accident, my head was RIPPED from my body!

Slingshot: Oh, dear!

Cadet_Joe: You bet! It took four managers to restore order. I was in intensive care for 3 days.

Slingshot: That's all?

Cadet_Joe: (Activision doesn't have the best medical plan, Slingshot). But anyways, the Activision Investigators - that's Actigators for short... They ruled that Apolyton was responsible for raising the level of excitment for CTP2 to unacceptable levels here at Activision. In essence Apolyton was responsible for my stay at the hospital, and the escalation in health-care premiums. As a result, no more contact with Apolyton.

Slingshot: Wow! I'm sorry that Apolyton caused Activision so much trouble!

Cadet_Joe: It's okay. We just have to lay low for a while. CTP should be released in the fall, and I think management will allow us to field new Apolyton suggestions in December.

Slingshot: So that means you're going to put out a patch?

Cadet_Joe: You bet! And if you think CTP2 is going to be good, just wait until you see the CTP2 patch!

Slingshot: All right! Thanks for the update, Cadet_Joe!
[This message has been edited by Slingshot (edited March 13, 2000).]

[pauli]

shouldn't that be "just wait until ctp3!" ?

[Slingshot]

Pauli, that's the joke. CTP2 and the CTP2 patch. Activision won't listen to suggestions for CTP2 development until they are working on the CTP2 patch. Ahem.

Since no one else is listening, I guess I'll ramble on some more....

That last imaginary interview went well, I think.

So well, in fact, that I believe Activision would probably want to reinstate Slingshot-led interviews with other Activision team members!

Imagine they flew me down to find CTP1's lead lady Cici Garagas!

Slingshot: Hi Ms. Garagas. I was sure tough finding you here at this gas station. Why are you working here instead of Activision?

Cici: It was awful! It all had to do with those nasty Apolytoners. You aren't one of them, are you?

Slingshot: Um, me? Oh no! Heh heh, I'm just a Canadian - wouldn't criticize anybody!

Cici: That's good. You see, I though we did a good job and all with what we had…

Slingshot: Sure! You tackled probably the most difficult programming project - next to a bug-free version of Windows - and came out with a unique style of Civ!

Cici: Thanks. You Canadians are nice!

Slingshot: We try. Really, there's nothing else to do up there but be good. It's always so cold!

Cici: But anyways, my termination of employment was orchestrated by the evil Actigators. They have always been jealous of us Actigrammers…

Slingshot: Activision programmers?

Cici: You're smarter than you look, Slingshot! That's right. It seems that they saw what Apolyton was saying - about how the interface was un-Civish. Those evil people! They were a curse from the start - what with their moronic radical ideas and all.

Slingshot: We've been having troubles with moronic radicals as well, it seems…

Cici: Well it was war I tell you. And guess who lost… Me!

Slingshot: Cici, I am certain that someone of your programming calibre could find a new job in, say a Big, Huge Gaming Company.

Cici: Oh sure, if only there was such a Big, Huge Company! Sigh! You'd think that if there were such a company, they would have a web-site with something on it.

Slingshot: I know. It sounds like a Big, Huge Secret these days.

Cici: But to tell you the truth, I'm a little bored with TBS these days. Maybe it would be good to try a new spin on RTS!

Slingshot: I'll keep you posted if I hear about any Big, Huge Gaming Companies that are filled with people who are tired of TBS games, with a whimsical desire for trying a new spin on RTS. It sounds like a tall order, and I'm usually not the best informed!

Cici: Thanks. Now you'll have to come up with some real currency for the gas. No self-respecting American is going to accept that Canadian stuff! And remember, stay away from the evil Actigators! Speak only to the nice Actigrammers! Of course, most of the Actijanitors are nice as well, but you never can tell these days.

Slingshot: Thanks for the tips. We Canadians can't carry guns around with us, so we're practically sitting ducks!

Cici: What about hand grenades? You can carry around hand grenades, can't you?

Slingshot: Nope, the Justice Minister won't allow it. She says that the possession of hand grenades can lead to the carrying of guns, and guns are only for the bad guys. Anyways, thanks for the update, and good luck making a truly revolutionary, epic TBS strategy that will be loved by Apolytoners one and all!

[MarkG]

Slingshot, check the latest news...

and from what i know, the entire ctp team(with additions) has kept their jobs to do ctp2....

[Slingshot]

Thats great to hear, MarkG!

I hope that Cadet Joe and Cici Garagas aren't too mad at me. The compliments I gave them were sincere. And the stuff about the Actigators, well, let's just keep our eyes open!

[Slingshot]

Wow! When it rains, it pours at Activision. Here I am, tyring to microwave some pizza pops when the doorbell rings. And guess who walks through the door! Sieve Manicotti, head Actigrammer for Activision.

Slingshot: Hi Sieve, nice to speak with you today!

Sieve: The feelings mutual, friend. And wow, its great to be here representing Activision as an Acitigrammer. I was the head Actigrammer for CTP1, you know.

Slingshot: Sure. Activision had a long, proud history of programming. Heck, I remember playing their blockbuster game Chopper Command back in the early 80's on a Peanut 2600 game console.

Sieve: Oh yeah! That was when men were men, and Peanut 2600's were king! You know, the best part about the early days was that customers had such different views on SLIC graphics.

Slingshot: What do you mean, Sieve?

Sieve : Well for starters, everything could be represented on the screen by a block, and that was okay! A golf ball was a white block. A golfer's head was a yellow block. Bullets were black blocks. And those Chopper Command helicopters …

Slingshot: Yes? Go on!

Sieve: They were made up entirely out of blocks! 16 to be exact.

Slingshot: Cool! Think of it, one little symbol had so much meaning!

Sieve: Yep. But then came along the new generation. 8-bit games just weren't enough. The Peanut 2600 console was flooded with competition, and they had to adapt.

Slingshot: Adapt?

Sieve : Righty-O! They retaliated with the Peanut 400ST. It had a huge store of memory - 1 meg to be exact. Activision's proud tradition of block-programming was being threatened, too!

Slingshot: Oh my, what did you do?

Sieve: We had to fight fire with fire. All Actigrammers threw out the Legoâ„¢ sets and became fluent with the ancient programming arts of the Orient.

Slingshot: Sounds sinister. Did that work?

Sieve : Oh no! But Actigrammers felt like they could be cool again. Sometimes we would walk the streets (of Street Fighterâ„¢) and whoop some gangmember but! Things really changed with the advent of our newest secret weapon - the Actigators!

Slingshot: Ouch! Even the name smarts. You mean the Activision Negotiators, right?

Sieve : In the flesh - I mean, in the silicon.

Slingshot: Silicon?

Sieve : Oh yes (Sieve looks around in fear) they were originally an AI life-form, designed to come up with cunning ways to keep Activision customers busy with marketing hype.

Slingshot: Of that I'm sure. As I understand, Apolyton was formed as an Anti-polymorphing-Actigator-Faction. Apolyton for short.

Sieve : Wow, complex!

Slingshot: They had to be complex in the early days. Apolyton had a lot of marketing hypsters to thwart. Nowadays, they'll let anyone become a registered member.

Sieve : Like yourself?

Slingshot: Uh, yeah. Anyways, about the
Actigators…

Sieve : One day, they discovered a technology called the Beef Vat. It allowed the synthesis of tissue from electrons.

Slingshot: Gotta love that! Free steaks for everyone!

Sieve : Hurrah! Er, actually it became a powerful weapon for the AI entity. They learned how to synthesize human, polymorphic forms. Now they roam the corridors of Activision, manipulating HR policy, hiring sympathizing Actigrammers, firing the rabble-rousers. They were the ones who invented ideas like patches. They were the ones who have sucked the life right out of the Actigrammers. We're so busy, we can't even talk to the fans who made Activision who they are!

Slingshot: Ah, the truth is out! Well thanks for your time. I suppose you'll be killed when you return to Activision because of this interview.

Sieve : Without a doubt, I'll be tortured and killed. But anything for you Apolyton fans!

Slingshot: Sieve Manicotti was a good man. Hopefully some other, new Actigrammer will step forward and defy the terrible grip of the Actigators!

[Slingshot]

What! No comments? It can't be all that bad
[This message has been edited by Slingshot (edited March 14, 2000).]

[skorpion59]

Slingshot,

I am thoroughly enjoying it. How about an interview with THE man himself, Sid. Surely he has thoughts (and possibly insight) into Activision, CtP1 and CtP2.


------------------
Don,
Apolyton CtPMaps

[Slingshot]

Glad you asked that, skropion59!

I recently had a chance to take on the form of a fly. My experiences as a fly on the wall of a Firaxian bunker have been posted in the Dinos section. It's under "An Ode to Firaxis."

[eisduotres]

Slingshot, you're hilarious! You seen to have a talent for this. Perhaps you could startup your own mock "PC game commentary" Web site...

[eisduotres]

So, like, if I kiss a little more butt, I can get a starring role in your script? Hey, by the way, I've got this idea for a cool sci-fi spoof - I want to call it Galaxy Quest...waddya think?

[Slingshot]

eisduotres,

It never hurts to start writing. The worst that can happen is that people won't like it - and then we try again !

On this thread, I'm trying to stay Civish. Gotta keep from getting kicked out

In my books, being an Apolyton agent (complete with minigun) is the coolest occupation on the planet!

[Slingshot]

Sieve Manicotti was in hell. He had been there for 96 hours, deep within the home base of the Actigators, vile AI-entities gone humanoid, charged with "investigating" any and all activities of the Actigrammers. The poor man looked even worse than his location. For 4 straight days, he had been forced to play TBS games. Just when he thought the constant CLICK-CLICK, CLICKITY-CLICK of that infernal mouse was going to drive him mad, an Actigator agent would ask about his conversation with the outsiders.

Several times Sieve almost cracked under the pressure. The worst was during the night, when his TBS units emulated Civ:CTP speech. "Find the enemy!" they would say. "Find the enemy!…. CLICK-CLICK, CLICKITY-CLICK!" and then, the questions. "Mr. Manicotti, tell us about the outside. Tell us about the enemy." Sieve fought against the ropes that tied his hands to the mouse, and the rest of him to the chair. The room started spinning, and then everything went dark…

Sieve's delusional slumber was shattered by the sound of a blast, followed by a deafening ROAR!

Then silence. There was the sound of footsteps and shouts down a long corridor.
Another second, and another a boom echoed over the cold, stone floor. It was followed by the screech of an overheated mini gun, contested by the icy clink-clinking of empty brass cartridges falling on stone. The sounds reminded him of the CLICKITY-CLICK of his mouse. "It's alive!" he screamed. "Okay, I'll talk! I'll talk now! Just keep the mouse away!"

Seconds went by. Why wasn't the mouse making any more noise? Sieve's mind raced. Something was wrong, and he was going to die.

"Over here!" a voice yelled. "He's over here!"

Sieve saw the ceiling start to swirl again. "It's all over," he thought. "This is the end, TBS has beaten me." The poor Actigrammer struggled one last time against the shackles holding his hand and feet to the chair. There was another pop, but this was real close. Then a crash, and two dark silhouettes burst into the room.

Sieve started to babble. "Keep the mouse away! I'll talk now. Don't let the mouse get me. I'll find the enemy for you, I'll find the enemy for you…."

"Poor guy," said skorpion59.

"Ugh, the humanity!" answered eisduotres.

"It's a good thing Slingshot liked our comments, and wrote us into the script as Apolyton agents!"

"The mini-guns are especially cool!" skorpion replied, admiring the dark sheen of the smoking barrel. "But there's no time to loose! Let's get this guy back to the Actigrammer pool so he can finish CTP2!"

Eisduotres gave the usual reply, sounding almost bored. "It is our mission. MarkG will be pleased…."

[skorpion59]

So.... did Sieve make it or did the Apolyton Agents lock him in the trunk of their car and take over his job?


------------------
Don,
CtPMaps at Apolyton