I am Yuute Hergeshlervenshvicschlocken

[gooberboob]

"The big house, up the river, the slammer..."


"Ummmm... All good names for a nightclub frequented by homosexuals!!"

In prison, we enjoyed playing a game called Tribond, in which an inmate would come up with three words or phrases, and the other inmates would guess them... I always said 'All good names for a nightclub frequented by homosexuals,' because it made the other guys laugh, and made me sound intellegent at the same time.

"Hergeshlervenshvicschlocken!"

I was startled to hear someone pronounce my last name correctly.

"I am he, what is it?"

"You are being deported to Canada?"

"Canada? I'm not Canadian!!"

"According to our records, only a Canadian would try to marry the Statue of Liberty."

"But all you've got on that little pad is a picture of a cowboy shooting a mountie with an oversized six-shooter."

He then pulled an oversized six-shooter out of his back holster.

"Bring me one of them suits and you can go free."

"Sure thing boss."

I took the gun and headed north, but not before I stopped to say goodbye to my only true love (up untill that point).

------

I was not actually planning on bringing back a Mountie uniform, after all, the idiot just let out a convicted murderer... I had more pleasurable goals in mind, so when I arrived in Toronto, I walked promptly into a cheap motel's main office, you try walking from the East River to Toronto and not be tired, and you'll see why this was so pleasurable.

Anyways, I spent all of my money on a cruddy room with a clean bed, which was much more preferable than a clean room with a cruddy bed... I refuse to sleep in a cruddy bed unless the only other option is pure crud.

The next morning I planned to find some honest work... or a sugar mommy, whichever seemed more feaseable first thing after a good night's sleep.

---

We'll find out what Mr. Hergeshlervenshvicschlocken has in store in the next installment.

[unscratchedfoot]

[gooberboob]

What does a post about cheating have to do with this??

[SKILORD]

I hardly brownnose him scratch. brown nose implies that I am hoping to please him with my compliments, I do not care whether he is pleased or not, I enjoy his stories and therefore write feedback, and yes, pay homage in mine, but I was really tired at the time and it seemed like a good idea, in addition to being rather funny.

You want disgrace scratch? disgrace is getting so worked up over a minor misunderstanding to allow it to ballon to such levels and then leaving, I dare you to work out the life or death problem you and goob have created out of a smilie. You won't even stand to fix yourself here, you will march off with a grudge because you lack the balls to admit that maybe it wasn't the best conceived plan, even though every singlr poster has apoligised for overreacting. Disgrace is lowering yourself from an hnored writer to a coward and deserter.

You want feedback? look at your about the pukey smilie thread, everone who posted there wants you to stay, they have gathered and composd two (2) pages on the subject of 'Why Scratch Shouldn't leave. Your apologies from us are gathered there, goob may be too much of an ass to apologise, but that is no reason for you to leave.

I'll miss you scratch, you can read the rest of manifest destiny at CFC if you want.

last word to you :goodjob: I hope you are happy, we have all been washed blameless by your pukey smiley thread (maybe not goob, but he is guilty only of holding a grudge)

I hate the middle finger smilie.

[ChrisiusMaximus]

Goob I read this last part and I think that it has a lot to do to A shake off the events of the last few days and B be as inventive as your last work.

Scratch I see no reference to you in the last part but maybe the part before should have been edited by now.

I agree with SKILORD I dont like the middle finger smilie, its way past being funny. Any person who had the balls to openly confront me face to face with such a gesture had best be a good runner!!

[gooberboob]

As you may have guessed, the author of this story doesn't have anyone to do tonight, so he's just gonna write this story about me until he's bored, have fun reading about my excursions in Canada.


Well, I got up the next morning and walked northwest for a long time. Eventually I made it to a lumbering camp, and smelling steaks on the grill, I immediately inquired if there was a position to be filled in this fine establishment.

"I wish to inquire as to the availability of a position within your fine establishment."

"What?"

"Want food, need work."

"Ohh... Heh heh I give you work if you need work."

"Great... when is dinner?"

"No food until you work!"

"I can't work on an empty stomach, I'm sure you're a good enough of a cook that you could impress me with your culinary skill"

"But of course I impress you! I'm French you silly Scandinavian pig dog! I'll boil your bottom and make castanets out of your testicles already!"

"What?"

"Oh... I was in a Monty Python movie in a previous life."

"Well, will I be fed anything or not?"

"Food is in the mess hall... now go away before I taunt you a second time!"

I scurried off to dinner where I met a very interesting character named Paul Bunyan.

"Wha'd you say yer name was?"

"Her-Hergeshlervenshvicschlocken... Yuute Hergeshlervenshvicschlocken, from Scandinavia."

"Hergishlerwhatenocken?"

"Umm... close enough."

"Why'd you come here?"

"Food"

"You want lots of food, you should meet my cousin of the same name as myself."

"Really? Why's that?"

"He makes flapjacks as big as houses, and does all the work while the men just try to dodge his feet."

"Where does he work?"

"Down in the US"

"That's too bad, I was just convicted of several crimes causing my deportation to Canada from there."

"Wha'd ya do?"

"I was charged with "attempted seduction of a National Landmark.. and regicide."

"Regicide... I didn't know it was a crime to kill guys named Reggie."

"Actually it was Shaka, king of the Zulu."

"King of the WHOLOO?"

"They're a people in Africa who go around trying to pick up chicks and failing miserably."

"Well ya seem like an alright feller Yuute... welcome to tha camp, now lets chow while the grub's still hot!"

"Here Here!"

We chowed like madmen... hungry madmen, and soon my belly felt as rotund as some of the others' looked. That was when I saw the most beautiful sight I had ever laid eyes upon.

----
I think this is a good segway into the next story.

[BigDork]

Goober

Keep it up, you're doing a good job. Can't wait for the next story.

BigD

[ChrisiusMaximus]

getting better goob, hmm I wonder what this beautiful sight could be. Dont make us wait to long.

[gooberboob]

Hey, it's Yuute, Goober's gonna make you guys wait, he says it depends on whether or not he gets back with his girlfriend, she's pretty hot, but she's like the school's bicycle, you know, everyone gets a ride.

Anyway, if he gets back with her, the story will probably continue on a regular basis, otherwise it probably won't come untill next weekend.

[vovan]

Originally posted by gooberboob
Anyway, if he gets back with her, the story will probably continue on a regular basis, otherwise it probably won't come untill next weekend.

I thought it would be the other way around but oh, well, any way.

[gooberboob]

sorry guys, I got sucked into some NESes, I'll have time on saturday and sunday to work on this though

[gooberboob]

BTW, if anyone is interested in helping me bring down Capitalist American Dogma in Skilord's NES, go to the stories and diplomacy forum

[vovan]

Originally posted by gooberboob
sorry guys, I got sucked into some NESes

Boooo

Get writing!

[ChrisiusMaximus]

Yeah what vovan says!!