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**vovan** · November 20, 2002, 20:55

We'll drive our ships to new land

On we sweep,
With thrashing oar.
Our only goal will be the western shore.

We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs blow.

Ahem... Yes. Nice story

Go on

**TheGuitarist** · November 20, 2002, 20:58

This is pretty funny

Keep it up.

**gooberboob** · November 20, 2002, 22:04

"Wimminz! Wimminz Harold! WIMMINZEZ!!"

Borog the Twitch-Eyed had indeed spotted women... French women. The men let loose a most victorious whoop, after all, French women have a reputation which preceeds them. It was soon apparent to all of the villiagers exactly which part of rape and pillage these marauders preferred.

The war horn was blown, and the ship was set ablaze. The sight of their escape going up in smoke drove the Scandinavian warriors into a bloodthirsty frenzy, and each man fought with berserker strength. Axes cut through the flesh of villiagers armed with crude farming implements. It was not long before the gently sloping paddocks of Versailles were stained with the blood from the male defenders. The Scandinavians captured wives, and elected Harold to the governorship.

The remnants of their beautiful longship were still smoldering slightly, allowing small white wisps of smoke to curl from the glowing embers of their former home. Burning brands from the ship were used to light the first council fire, and plans were made for the construction of a longhouse, from which judgement could be made in criminal and security matters.

As the fire grew, the mens' goals for this settlement grew as well. Soon work had begun on twin longships of a much greater capacity, one to send home, laden with gold and trinkets, the other to take further down the coast to provide for more farmland and riches.

The fire grew larger still, and the bodies of the deceased defenders were thrown upon the evergrowing blaze, and the Scandinavians breathed the smoke in deeply, for the men being cremated had fought bravely and with a fervor unexpected to the raiders.

-----

Trondheim was coming along nicely as far as Erik was concerned. His people were erecting a bronze statue to his magnificence which would dwarf the gigantic pyramid and tall lighthouse which had been built previously.

As he was reflecting on his accomplishments, he observed a longship much larger than any he had seen or heard of before. It was the raiders of Versailles, piloted by Victorold Kingrand. As soon as Erik realized that this large vessel was laden with gifts for him, he was exalted. He gave credit to Victorold, partly because he thought Victorold was a cool name, but partly because he didn't want Harold to come back. The name he gave the raiders of Versailles, and all other Scandinavian raiders since, was Man of Viking, or just Viking.

"You have brought glory to Scandinavia, go, my Vikings, bring forth more valuables so we may expand our excellence even further."

As before, Erik loaded this return vessel with the angry and mentally distrubed peoples of Trondheim and other cities. This, he felt, was the best way to keep control over his people.

------
More to come later

**ChrisiusMaximus** · November 20, 2002, 22:22

Not bad goober, in fact much better than the two hoodlums thingy.

Keep this going, you know you cut gooberpoxy short before but your obviously capable of writing. It would be nice to see this one develop and go the distance. If you keep giving up on your work part way through people might give up on reading it and that would be a shame.

**gooberboob** · November 21, 2002, 22:03

Well, I had a really good addition to this, but my internet crashed about halfway through writing it, and as I am anti-wordpad, it was subsequently deleted, I'll try to post a reply this weekend. (I'm in a play friday and saturday so it may not be til sunday afternoon)

**SKILORD** · November 21, 2002, 23:17

nice

**Metaliturtle** · November 27, 2002, 10:18

Sounds good, keep it coming!

**ChrisiusMaximus** · November 27, 2002, 13:53

My goodness the Turtle has returned ! Hows your Gran Goober said she was ill a while back.

And are you going to add to your last story ?

Sorry for posting questions to Metaliturtle in your thread Goober, when's the next shipment due ?

**gooberboob** · December 2, 2002, 19:03

Originally posted by ChrisiusMaximus
My goodness the Turtle has returned ! Hows your Gran Goober said she was ill a while back.

And are you going to add to your last story ?

Sorry for posting questions to Metaliturtle in your thread Goober, when's the next shipment due ?

As soon as this forum lets me reply

**gooberboob** · December 2, 2002, 19:31

Versailles was a busy settlement now. It was renamed Arsewhoopisheim in honor of the glorious beating which the Viking men had carried out so gallantly. The Viking men built strong fortifications around the city, and set to work doing what non-Viking Scandinavians did, farm, and sleep with their French wives. Indeed, life was good in Arsewhoopisheim.

-----

Meanwhile, back in Trondheim, a large longboat had arrived with the spoils of a raid, the most notable of this being, of course, the women. Dozens of maidens deemed fit to marry the Viking king, Erik, were paraded in front of his palace.

Erik, in a great cerimonious swagger, addressed the women, and ultimately picked a French woman named Joan. This was surprising to many a Viking man, as this Frenchwoman had not a single hair upon her head, but they would soon see why.

Erik whistled loudly, startling the confused women, when his numerous sons began walking out of the palace. Erik had chosen the ugliest woman so that his sons could have better ones, this deed made him renowned as the father of the year, and his sons even chipped in to get him a beer mug with "#1 Dad" inscribed on the side.

It was now business as usual to the port city of Trondheim, merchants bartering wares, lucky princes broke in their new wives, and the city's alchemists, world-renowned, caused a massive explosion.

------
Joan was extremely upset, here she was, naked, in the home of the most powerful barbarian. She felt the need to save her country somehow, but all the other women were Scandinavian, and didn't speak the same language that she did. "Sooner or later," Joan thought, "I will be able to take out this 'Erik' and force infighting between his sons to divide the nation of Scandinavia."

------
A shipment of goods had arrived from Trondheim, including Scandinavian women to prevent the breeding out of the Viking heritage by the lusty and seldom clothed French women.

The shipment also contained something new. Long black iron poles, and a blacksmith who understood how these poles could most effectively be used.

------

More nekked ladies and vicious Viking antics to come

**ChrisiusMaximus** · December 2, 2002, 19:44

Hmm a bit short after all this waiting but good to see your back. Looking forward to the nekked ladies and vicious Vikings.

**gooberboob** · December 4, 2002, 02:05

Ole and Leif Erikson, Erik's two eldest sons and fraternal twins were pacing outside of their father's quarters, Erik had fallen desperately ill in the past month. The two were waiting to see who would become the successor. This soon became monotonous so they decided to pass the time with humorous tales about different women.

"I'll go first, Lief, I've got a good one"

"Ok"

"Allright, you know my wife, Lena, don't you?"

Lief did, in fact, Lena was the first punishment wife, and was nearly twice as old as Ole, who was past being middle-aged himself.

"Yes, I know of her"

"Well, as part of the punishment, I was forced to have a child by her, but I could not bring myself to performance, so I eventually went to the tailors to get a see-thru nightie in the hopes that it would blur her features enough that I could stand it."

"right"

"So anyways, I go home and she takes the nightie in the back to try it on. About 15 minutes later she comes out completely naked and says 'what do you think?' Now, I don't have that good of eyesight, so I responded by saying, "Geez, you'd think that for 9000 gold coins they'd iron out the wrinkles! Apparently she had planned on selling it to get drapes or something."

Lief chuckled at this, however he was more disgusted at the thought of Ole sleeping with Lena.

Lief was about to tell a story of his own when their father's chamber doors burst open and the bald wife ran out.

"Gross! We just saw one of our mothers naked!"

"Pipe down you old nincompoop, she's half your age!"

"For Odin's sake it's still gross."

"C'mon, let's go attend to father before we talk about your incestuous thoughts."

"INCESTUOUS!! WHY I'LL!"

"SHUT YOUR HOLE LIEF!!!" It was Erik, even in his enfeebled form, he was capable of silencing his sons into obedience.

"How are you, father?" Ole, the obvious favorite of Erik, was genuinely concerned.

"I'm going to get better now that I know that bald wench was poisoning me to try to force you two into fighting over Scandinavia after my death."

Neither one could honestly say that this was untrue, but both professed it to their father with the general feeling that he was going to leave Scandinavia to one of them in order to prevent this.

"What would you have us do father?" Lief had grown impatient.

"We shall try something unheard of in the entirety of civilization. We will allow the rule of... the people."

"This geezer's gone senile, Ole, let's kill him."

"No, Lief, your sentence is death if you go against the king in any way."

"But it's rule by the.... 'people' now, they are the king."

"You two shut up and let me finish!"

"You two, along with your 21 other brothers will be one half of the government, and that half will be able to override the other."

"Cool" they each thought.

"Of course it's cool!" Erik thought after reading their thoughts.

"Stop reading our thoughts DAD!!" they both cried in unison.

"Sorry."

-------

"HEAR YE! HEAR YE! His Royal Highness, deflowerer of virgins, father to a nation...literally, king of kings and all the known world because he says so and nobody disagrees with him or they die, Erik the Red has issued the following proclaimation:

As of next year, the citizenry of Scandinavia will have a direct say in government of the nation!

They will form one half of a bicameral legislature to be counterbalenced by Erik's sons and their consecutive heirs, that is all!!"

The crowd erupted into cheers at this proclaimation, and many a vicious viking antic was perpetrated against unsuspecting women who quickly found themselves being disrobed.

------
's all I got right now, sorry

**ChrisiusMaximus** · December 4, 2002, 03:09

's allright

**gooberboob** · December 5, 2002, 21:41

hehe santa smileys

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A-Viking We Will Go.

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