A-Viking We Will Go.

[vovan]

Originally posted by gooberboob
hehe santa smileys

Pretty funny story. Keep the goods coming

[gooberboob]

Thunder roared outside, Erik was startled, sure, he had heard thunder before, but not like this. He stumbled to the balcony window and looked outside to see that...WOMAN. That evil bald one that tried to kill him before, she was summoning lightning from a staff she held.

Erik, the French will return!!!!


"whazzuh whuh whereamI?"

Erik awoke from the horrid dream with the bald woman of death. He had never thought that a woman would be so powerful, but she had startled him enough to give him nightmares, which was more than Erik would ever have wanted to be startled.

Just then, a bullet zinged past Erik's head and caused the pillow he was just on to explode into a cloud of goose down.

Erik fled the room in terror.


-----Meanwhile in the Viking Parliament-----

"so it is settled then, we will disband a majority of the raiding parties as they are detremental to our people's morale and our reelection"

It was Brugar, head of the North Amercan states. He was known for his destruction of the Skraelings there, and the decapitation of their leader, Hiawatha.

"No it is not settled!! We cannot, and will not end raiding now!!"

Morgondo, representative of the North African coast.

"Ending raiding will allow the Carthaginians and Egyptians to counterattack, and will destroy my settlements."

Seeing how Africa was the only large part of the known world that had gone relatively unraided, the other delegates did not care, they were not in immediate danger for an attack.

The vote was taken, Morgondo lost. He was forced to sail home and attempt to create a volunteer army to...defend instead of pillage.

-----South Africa-----

Shaka, Cleopatra, Hannibal, and Joan all sat around one table, a more odd-looking group of people had never before been seen.

"The Viking menace must be stopped, they have virtually destroyed my nation, and they have started on yours, the time to strike back is now or never!!"

Shaka, who had a thing for bald chicks, responded, sounding very much like Barry White.

"Oh baby, I hate to see you hurting, come over here and let me help you, ease the pain."

Joan had to let it slide, Zululand was the only nation with the resources to make firearms, and they were the only chance to stop the waves of Viking cavalry which threatened to overtake them all in a matter of years.

--------
some interesting twists to bump this up, only a handful of posts before this is done and I can post the big story

[ChrisiusMaximus]

Nice stuff Goober, I like the Barry White thing. Had me in stitches.

[SKILORD]

i like it!

[gooberboob]

French Musketeers stalked forests around the city of Memphis with Zulu arms, undetected. Morgondo was rushing to get as many men building a wall as possible; the wall already stretched for miles, but Memphis was still relatively weak.

The French call was made.

"READY!!!!"

The Viking builders looked up, obviously confused about where the shout came from.

"FIRE!!!!"

Dozens of Vikings fell fom the top of the walls.

"It's WAR!!" Morgondo shouted. He grabbed his cerimonial battleax and his rifle and mounted his horse, these Frenchies wouldn't take the capital of his settlements without a fight.

Although the Viking cavalry had been disbanded to work on the wall, they had not trashed their equipment, so in a matter of minutes the full force of cavalry - minus several dozen, came thundering out of the main gate of the wall, led by a Morgondo who's battlecry could have scared a lion.

The French fired a volley into the horsemen, one man fell from his horse, blood gushing from his neck as if by some unholy geyser. Another was holding onto his shoulder, yet he rode on. Several horses fell, hurtling their riders forward, but these men just stopped and fired upon the French menace.

Morgondo knew that the French were in the middle of reloading, so he gave the order.

"FIRE!!! AND AIM FOR THEIR THROATS!!!"

The cavalry decimated the French front line, and was preparing to overtake the French force entirely.

"BAYONET CHARGE!!!!"

The French were surprisingly lethal with their bayonets, and, as the Vikings had never seen anything of that sort before, were able to take out most of the horses.

Morgondo was forced to dismount, but was not disappointed, he unslung his battleaxe and rallied the Vikings to do the same!!

"MEN!! IT IS JUST LIKE WHEN OUR BERSERKERS DESTROYED THE SPEARMEN OF THEBES AND CAPTURED THE MULTITUDES OF WOMEN!!"

Morgondo had used the true Viking rallying cry, women, and the Vikings had emerged victorious, or so they thought.

-------
Thousands upon thousands of dark-skinned bodies were lined up, Shaka himself had begun to address them.

"Men of Zululand, the French have been unable to prevent the Viking onslaught, the Egyptians are falling back, and Hannibal is indecisive, Every man who kills 20 Vikings and retrieves their skulls to me will be given command of their own regiment."

This encouraged the warriors, in Zululand, wives were chosen for men who did not hold rank in the military, and they were viewed as second class citizens. A collection of heads seemed like a good plan.

The impi warriors charged the fray, armed with pistols and long spears, these men were much less predictable, and the weakened Viking force could not stand to this onslaught.

--------
TTFN Ta Ta For Now!

[ChrisiusMaximus]

[gooberboob]

Chrisius, I appreciate you doing the "thumbs up" thing, but you should realize that your post added a page onto the thread, which brings people who click it to a page with just



Please comment on the recent addition if you're doing a 20th post as a respect to the author... namely, me.

Thanks in advance

Goober on the boob

[ChrisiusMaximus]

They would see more than a Thumbs Up if you wrote a bit quicker you lazy chap you! However point taken

Your last part was very good and your writing is improving, this is your best story to date and I would like to see some more, SOON

[gooberboob]

Realize Chrisius, I'm 17 and taking four advanced placement courses, the least amount of homework I had this year took me two hours, generally school takes priority over the forums, and I've been spending most of my time on the 100 page novel right now besides.

I'm on Christmas break now though, so I'll be wrapping this up soon

[gooberboob]

The French taken captive at Memphis found themselves in the odd position of being the jailors of those who once jailed them, and every miniscule hatred they held towards the Vikings was unleashed without prejudice.

Shaka watched the French with glee,(I've been hearing Rudolph about 23 times a day, gotta use glee somewhere )it seemed his culture was taking hold over these weaklings with accurate rifles.

----

"Gentlemen!! Memphis has fallen!!!"

"Absurd!!"

"Preposterous"

"I gotta pee"

"SHUT UP JENNINGS!!"

"But I do"

"Alright...geez... 10 Minute unmoderated caucus so Jennings can pee!"

After the caucus, the Viking congress discussed ways of retaking the captured Memphis.

"Reform the berserkers, they are by far the coolest warriors ever, and they are so pissed all the time that even if we lose, it will be hilarious."

"I move to censure Jennings for the rest of this session of congress"

"Why?"

"Because you're stupid Jennings!"

"Oh, ok, I thought it was because I'm white."

"We're all white you nincompoop!!"

This went on for a while, ending finally with some interesting work with duct tape and cottonballs.

"Ok, any SERIOUS, FEASABLE plans to retake Memphis?"

"Well, we do have a new experimental vehicle that is capable of manned flight."

"I MOVE TO CENSURE!!!"

"No, I am dead serious, I spoke with the head researcher, they were planning on unveiling it next week."

"What could we do with these flying machines that would make them want to surrender Memphis?"

"We have things, commonly known as bombs, which we can drop from these flying machines to inflict fire damage from above."

"How can a bomb inflict fire damage though?"

"It is a big metal thing that's filled with explosives, and it blows up when it hits something hard at a high speed."

"Oh, alright, I vote for that idea then."

The Viking congress wasn't the most intelligent bunch to have ever served as a congress.

-----

"Hey baby, it's Shaka, how about I show you how to mount my stallion."

"I know how to ride a horse, and stop that damn Barry White talk you stupid pervert!"

Shaka was still not getting anywhere with Joan, he made a mental note to start writing "Joan is a lesbian" in all restroom stalls he might find himself in.

----

More to come later!!!

[ChrisiusMaximus]

most ammusing, got to love that Barry White thing youve got going with Shaka and Joan.

[ChrisiusMaximus]

Havent you finished opening your presents yet! come on Goober give us some more.

[SKILORD]

he made a mental note to start writing "Joan is a lesbian" in all restroom stalls he might find himself in.

Now return! I command you!

[SKILORD]

Originally posted by ChrisiusMaximus
They would see more than a Thumbs Up if you wrote a bit quicker you lazy chap you! However point taken

Your last part was very good and your writing is improving, this is your best story to date and I would like to see some more, SOON

They would have seen more if they bothered to post encouragement at all.

This is great goober.

[gooberboob]

Sorry about the delay, I've been ..umm side-tracked by a beautiful woman, never mind you what I've been doing!!! I'll just say it's more fun than writing stories