Culture Shock, World War, and the Case of the Stolen Panties

[Absolut_Zero]

I would like to personally apologize to all of you for writing the third part, it was a mistake and I feel that I've ruined any enjoyability (is that even a word) my story may have had and filled it with crapulence (don't think that's a word either, but Monty usually knows what he's talking about (I.E. "Wallowing in my own crapulence")). On top of my writings degeneration, I feel I have let down anyone who liked my story and for that I am truly sorry. As for an explanation to my disgusting story, I'm thirteen, and usually I write in an intelligent if not juvenile manner as for my humor, but with this, I seemed to have a lapse into a more childish state, and sincerely thank you for reading and enjoying my story up to that rough part.

[Absolut_Zero]

the changes I made should make it a little better

[civman2000]

bump

[civman2000]

bump

[Civ3King]

Umm, Ive been wondering for the longest..what does "bump" meen civman2000?

[GeneralTacticus]

It means that the point of the post is to move the thread up the list, so that people will notice it.

[Absolut_Zero]

My Fourth Part

Well, this is obviously my fourth part to the story, I've been a little busy lately(thanks for the bump, Civman), but

I think this one might be a little funny.


Montezuma was in his council room, the year 1865, with the Presidents, Lincoln and Miss D' Arc. To recap the previous

sections, the Americans declared war on the Aztecs upon the accusation of panty-theft, the military advisor said poop (no he

didn't), I don't care what you say, he said poop (did not. Poop is what he said) Screw you, I don't want to get into this

again, and Montezuma made his cultural advisor cry (the big meanie) nobody cares what you think (do too) why don't you shut

up, ya big grasshopping, gas guzzling, masturbatory monkey. (you hurt my feelings), don't care (lalalalala, can't hear you)

oh shut up (Oh ****lalareedickdedoo to you), what (Oh just shut up), hey, that's my line. (don't care), that's mine too,

(can't have everthing), wanna bet, (why yes I d... (the sound of gunfire fills the air and the alternate, parethetical voice

is silenced for good)). (not quite). damn you, die ((he empties the clip into the voice)) that's better (for me) I give up,

onto the sto... (I win), onto the stor... (now onto the story).

"Abe, Joan, listen, It's not that I don't want to help, and to fight your war, but you forget, Lincoln had all of my

panties stolen, and to be quite honest, I don't really want to fight a war." Montezuma glared at Abe with hatred.

"Listen, Monty.."

"Don't call me Monty, Joan."

"Monty, you can't go around pointing you finger at..."

"This is my Palace, I can do as I please." With this, Montezuma stood up, raised his outstreched index finger and

repeatadly pointed at Lincoln until interrupted.

"Montezuma, the American people will destroy you in war, unless you fight with us to gain back the panties."

"Well, I'm not going to fight with you but.." Abe's face lights with anger as Montezuma said this, "But.. I will give

you horses as a bri... a token of good faith."

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." Abe stated politely.

"Sir, what are you doing." The trade advisor broke in.

Montezuma whispered to his disgruntled defacto trader, "I gave him the horses because horses are extremely cheap to

make."

"Excuse me, but I think Joan makes a valid point, w..."

"No she doesn't, she makes one hell of a stupid point, the kind of point my invalid mother would make. Whilest she's

eating rice flour.

"What."

"That wasn't a question."

"Yes it was."

"Not at all."

"Well sort of, in a way."

"What way."

"The... uh, erh... uhm, the post modernisticallitisticationallitity kind of way."

The military advisor now advised, "Sir, I believe we should cooperate with them, their military outweighs us by about

75,000,000 men.

Montezuma was intrigued by this, "And just how many men do they have, pray tell."

"Oh pray, pray." Joan and Abe both stare at each other laughing as they say this.

"75,000,000 men, to our best estimate sir. That is why I believe we should cooperate."

"Listen, with your keen ability for conscise and persuasive speechgiving, you've gotten me to believe that the moon

is made of cheese, your mother-in-law is actually a boyish-manchild of the freaky nature, that thirty-five percent of all

tables are hermaphradites, and that sun is the moon and that the planet Earth acually orbits a giant head of lettuce, that

was sneezed out of a forty-two year old man's navel as he was beginning to take off his roman sandals and grateful dead tee

shirt, but Damn, how in all of holy mother****ing hell do you expect me to believe that, outside this window, their could

possibly be, (he looks out the window) that b-b-be, uh," he turns to the Presidents, "Let's find us those panties."
\::/
/||\

That's all for now, but I should post more later tonight or tommorrow. As always, thanks for reading.

[Absolut_Zero]

that didn't come out quite the way I expected, I won't pre-type it in notepad any more.