Most assume the long fanged hungry wolf would provide a dairy farmer with the most aggravation, loss and general deprevation of personal welfare. But no. It is the unworthy mouse who steals my cheese, scares my wife, frustrates my cats and dogs with fast running, and scurries about the rafters of our house in the wee hours of night. For all my enormous strength and hefty stock of gunpower, there is nothing I can do to fight the mouse. Farmer John, owner of Yupo Dairy Farms on the border of Prussia and France. This famous quote is emblazened on a plaque over the front entrance to the Colonial House in Frankfurt to provide inspiration to the members of the Prussian partisan club who now must face Farmer John on the battlefield.
A War Most Brutal and Threatening: Napolean the Bully Drops the Hammer on Prussia
My name is Unscratchedfoot, King of Prussia, appointed by heir to the throne. First I will tell you a little of how this conflict came about.
Farmer John was no friend of the Prussians. His dairy farms were in the vulnerable position of being very close to the border of Prussia. Countless times he had had to get out of bed and grab his 6-barrelled musket 'cannon' at midnight to chase off youngsters stealing vegetables or the vandals who brought in wagonloads of rabbits to unleash them into his cabbage fields. It was a tough way to make a living but in his own words, "If anyone ever asks, just tell them John loves farming."
Farmer John loves drinking beer almost as much as farming.
Farmer John is also well-known for his fantastic physical strength and he loves to show it off in barfights by throwing people around like bails of hay. That's why when push came to shove, Napolean chose Farmer to lead the well prepared northern French army into Prussia and crush the vegetable stealers. Napolean needs the Prussian territory to provide a buffer zone against the Russian powerhouse to the east but the French emperor is too involved in fighting the Spanish in the south so that's why he appointed Farmer John to handle the invasion.
For a long time after taking over Naples, the French were at peace except for England while war between her rivals kept them weak. France took a British city and still is holding on to it. Russia always was and still is constantly going at it with pretty much anyone who has the literary skills to read a declaration of war. (Sorry, I thought I had a picture taken of the fight but I must have not saved it). France joined in this fight but most of the losses were taken by all the other countries. Huge stacks of troops and cavalry from Spain, France, Sweden, Austria and the Ottomans all scrapped it out with the Russians who somehow held on to their cities while their soldiers fought to the last man on the battlefields.
While the Russians enjoy their rumble, the French prepare their forces to march on Frankfurt. The stupid people in Frankfurt meanwhile think its funny to refer to me, the noble King of Prussia, as a 'The Barn Burner'. This is so rude because I haven't burned down a single barn since becoming king a few years ago. Hell, most of them probably burned down barns too after they finished high school. Everyone does that.
The French conduct a covert, warm-up attack on Frankfurt and destroy one of the 2 defending cannon with a spy. Although the spy unit was duly killed, the sneaky attack successfully destroyed the much needed cannon.
The wimpiest nation in Europe since Russia knocked out the Dutch is here to insult me. He got the toe of my boot as an answer to his weak threat.
Prussian wartime contingency strategy:
(1) In the event of a war declaration from the French-Danish alliance, the main assault force of 27 Currassier cavalry and 4 fusilier regiments on the border of Denmark will push in and take over Copenhagen with the objective of capturing the War College.
(2) All Prussian cities will hold against French forces until Copenhagen is taken and the assault force is available to swing south to counterattack the French.
(3) Destroy as much of the French army as possible.
Military strength comparisons (attack/defense + hitpoint bonus):
French forces are mostly made up of Imperial Guards (8/8 +1), Imperial Cavalry (8/4 +0), and Voltigiers (5/6 +0)
VS
Prussian Fusiliers (5/5 +0), Currassiers (5/4 +0), Fusiliers (4/4 +0)
And now...
...for the ultimate showdown in military prowess between Europe's number superpower and the seemingly weak nation of Prussia.
French forces flood into Prussia under orders from Farmer John to wreak as much chaos, despair and carnage as possible upon the 'Prussian varmints'. Another cannon is lost while being moved through the country to help defend Frankfurt. The loss of cannon is keenly felt because it takes most cities about 20 rounds to build one. In the painting, the stacks of troops to the south are most worrisome, particularly the presence of legonarii gladiators from the captured city of Rome which are musket armed legionaries.
Being the wise leader I think I am, Barn Burner Unscratchedfoot signs military alliances against France with every other nation, going into debt in the process.
Inevitably Frankfurt will fall. The only hope is for all the cavalry in the north to head straight to Frankfurt to prop up the defences and abandon taking Copenhagen. It is a frustrating decision but must be done. Losing one unit to a guard attack, 26 cavalry arrive in Frankfurt to avert disaster and bring the total number of defenders in the city up to 35. The French fire volley after volley at the city but are held off. As a second place prize, the French resort to tearing up all the roads, mines and irrigation in the area.
This painting is of the mid-war situation. The southern stacks of French headed into Austria and burned down 2 Austrian cities before they turned north again to batter the Prussian southern front. The Imperial Guards prove virtually unstoppable. One guard unit destroyed 4 Prussian units which were trying to defend the iron deposit on the hill.
Through sheer precision and the production of some cannon, the French are killed off. Notice the dead French general lying on the hills below Leizig. Austrian hussar cavalry helped out by making many attacks on the French and suffered many losses in the process. Austria certainly has a large casualty budget considering they lose about 3 or 4 units to each French they kill.
Disaster in the north... the Prussian navy is sunk to the last ship. A Danish troop transport escorted by 3 frigates heads to the Prussian coast. On the way, the Danes are intercepted by Swedish frigates who sink 2 Danish frigates. Seeing easy pickings, the Prussian tear into the surviving frigate and troop transport but lose 1 warship, 1 frigate and 2 privateers including one elite! The Danes lost one frigate and captured one of ours to break even. The painting shows the surviving Danish ships north of Danzig and a fresh new transport group coming as well.
In the same painting, there is a partisan unit heading into Denmark after killing a Danish musketeer guarding the border. The name of the elite partisan unit is 'Yupo Frag' named after the yupo yogurt containers they use to make grenades out of and 'frag' is the name of the grenade inventor Mr. Herbert Frag.
Already in Denmark is a stack of 2nd rate Spanish units doing nothing because they are too weak to attack with. The Prussian partisans, though friends with Spain, use the Spanish troops for target practice and gun down 3 of their units while losing one of their own. This is all neatly explained by the logic that the Spanish payroll will be reduced while providing excellent target practice for green partisans in need of skills.
Yupo Frag, a veteran of fights at Franfurt, Hanover and now Denmark are putting notch after notch into the woodstocks of their muskets. The life expectancy of partisans is the lowest of any militia unit so it is a sure sign of bravery for one of them to reach elite status. Only one other unit in all of Prussia is elite: The Guardian of Frankfurt, a cavalry unit credited with erasing several imperial guards from the French order of battle. No Prussian generals have emerged from battle yet to lead a panzergruppe to stand up and fight toe-to-toe with the Imperial Guards.
A final operation is conducted to surround and eliminate several guard units fortified on the hills outside of Frankfurt. Artillery reduces them and 2 of the killing blows are stolen by Spanish line infantry who snook up to take what is not theirs. But this gesture of supreme selfishness by the Spanish must be forgiven, for the French are still a beast stung but not slain and without the Spanish, Prussians would all now be eating frogs and saluting Napolean. Not a single French city has fallen yet.
The fight will continue...
Casualties
These numbers do not contain the hundreds of units lost in combat among other nations, only from combat involving Prussia.
Prussia
Infantry 12
Cavalry 13
Partisans 2
Cannon 2
Warships 1
Frigates 1
Privateers 2
French
Infantry 52
Cavalry 4
Partisans 1
Spies 1
Denmark
Infantry 2
Frigates 1
Captured 1 frigate
A War Most Brutal and Threatening: Napolean the Bully Drops the Hammer on Prussia
My name is Unscratchedfoot, King of Prussia, appointed by heir to the throne. First I will tell you a little of how this conflict came about.
Farmer John was no friend of the Prussians. His dairy farms were in the vulnerable position of being very close to the border of Prussia. Countless times he had had to get out of bed and grab his 6-barrelled musket 'cannon' at midnight to chase off youngsters stealing vegetables or the vandals who brought in wagonloads of rabbits to unleash them into his cabbage fields. It was a tough way to make a living but in his own words, "If anyone ever asks, just tell them John loves farming."
Farmer John loves drinking beer almost as much as farming.
Farmer John is also well-known for his fantastic physical strength and he loves to show it off in barfights by throwing people around like bails of hay. That's why when push came to shove, Napolean chose Farmer to lead the well prepared northern French army into Prussia and crush the vegetable stealers. Napolean needs the Prussian territory to provide a buffer zone against the Russian powerhouse to the east but the French emperor is too involved in fighting the Spanish in the south so that's why he appointed Farmer John to handle the invasion.
For a long time after taking over Naples, the French were at peace except for England while war between her rivals kept them weak. France took a British city and still is holding on to it. Russia always was and still is constantly going at it with pretty much anyone who has the literary skills to read a declaration of war. (Sorry, I thought I had a picture taken of the fight but I must have not saved it). France joined in this fight but most of the losses were taken by all the other countries. Huge stacks of troops and cavalry from Spain, France, Sweden, Austria and the Ottomans all scrapped it out with the Russians who somehow held on to their cities while their soldiers fought to the last man on the battlefields.
While the Russians enjoy their rumble, the French prepare their forces to march on Frankfurt. The stupid people in Frankfurt meanwhile think its funny to refer to me, the noble King of Prussia, as a 'The Barn Burner'. This is so rude because I haven't burned down a single barn since becoming king a few years ago. Hell, most of them probably burned down barns too after they finished high school. Everyone does that.
The French conduct a covert, warm-up attack on Frankfurt and destroy one of the 2 defending cannon with a spy. Although the spy unit was duly killed, the sneaky attack successfully destroyed the much needed cannon.
The wimpiest nation in Europe since Russia knocked out the Dutch is here to insult me. He got the toe of my boot as an answer to his weak threat.
Prussian wartime contingency strategy:
(1) In the event of a war declaration from the French-Danish alliance, the main assault force of 27 Currassier cavalry and 4 fusilier regiments on the border of Denmark will push in and take over Copenhagen with the objective of capturing the War College.
(2) All Prussian cities will hold against French forces until Copenhagen is taken and the assault force is available to swing south to counterattack the French.
(3) Destroy as much of the French army as possible.
Military strength comparisons (attack/defense + hitpoint bonus):
French forces are mostly made up of Imperial Guards (8/8 +1), Imperial Cavalry (8/4 +0), and Voltigiers (5/6 +0)
VS
Prussian Fusiliers (5/5 +0), Currassiers (5/4 +0), Fusiliers (4/4 +0)
And now...
...for the ultimate showdown in military prowess between Europe's number superpower and the seemingly weak nation of Prussia.
French forces flood into Prussia under orders from Farmer John to wreak as much chaos, despair and carnage as possible upon the 'Prussian varmints'. Another cannon is lost while being moved through the country to help defend Frankfurt. The loss of cannon is keenly felt because it takes most cities about 20 rounds to build one. In the painting, the stacks of troops to the south are most worrisome, particularly the presence of legonarii gladiators from the captured city of Rome which are musket armed legionaries.
Being the wise leader I think I am, Barn Burner Unscratchedfoot signs military alliances against France with every other nation, going into debt in the process.
Inevitably Frankfurt will fall. The only hope is for all the cavalry in the north to head straight to Frankfurt to prop up the defences and abandon taking Copenhagen. It is a frustrating decision but must be done. Losing one unit to a guard attack, 26 cavalry arrive in Frankfurt to avert disaster and bring the total number of defenders in the city up to 35. The French fire volley after volley at the city but are held off. As a second place prize, the French resort to tearing up all the roads, mines and irrigation in the area.
This painting is of the mid-war situation. The southern stacks of French headed into Austria and burned down 2 Austrian cities before they turned north again to batter the Prussian southern front. The Imperial Guards prove virtually unstoppable. One guard unit destroyed 4 Prussian units which were trying to defend the iron deposit on the hill.
Through sheer precision and the production of some cannon, the French are killed off. Notice the dead French general lying on the hills below Leizig. Austrian hussar cavalry helped out by making many attacks on the French and suffered many losses in the process. Austria certainly has a large casualty budget considering they lose about 3 or 4 units to each French they kill.
Disaster in the north... the Prussian navy is sunk to the last ship. A Danish troop transport escorted by 3 frigates heads to the Prussian coast. On the way, the Danes are intercepted by Swedish frigates who sink 2 Danish frigates. Seeing easy pickings, the Prussian tear into the surviving frigate and troop transport but lose 1 warship, 1 frigate and 2 privateers including one elite! The Danes lost one frigate and captured one of ours to break even. The painting shows the surviving Danish ships north of Danzig and a fresh new transport group coming as well.
In the same painting, there is a partisan unit heading into Denmark after killing a Danish musketeer guarding the border. The name of the elite partisan unit is 'Yupo Frag' named after the yupo yogurt containers they use to make grenades out of and 'frag' is the name of the grenade inventor Mr. Herbert Frag.
Already in Denmark is a stack of 2nd rate Spanish units doing nothing because they are too weak to attack with. The Prussian partisans, though friends with Spain, use the Spanish troops for target practice and gun down 3 of their units while losing one of their own. This is all neatly explained by the logic that the Spanish payroll will be reduced while providing excellent target practice for green partisans in need of skills.
Yupo Frag, a veteran of fights at Franfurt, Hanover and now Denmark are putting notch after notch into the woodstocks of their muskets. The life expectancy of partisans is the lowest of any militia unit so it is a sure sign of bravery for one of them to reach elite status. Only one other unit in all of Prussia is elite: The Guardian of Frankfurt, a cavalry unit credited with erasing several imperial guards from the French order of battle. No Prussian generals have emerged from battle yet to lead a panzergruppe to stand up and fight toe-to-toe with the Imperial Guards.
A final operation is conducted to surround and eliminate several guard units fortified on the hills outside of Frankfurt. Artillery reduces them and 2 of the killing blows are stolen by Spanish line infantry who snook up to take what is not theirs. But this gesture of supreme selfishness by the Spanish must be forgiven, for the French are still a beast stung but not slain and without the Spanish, Prussians would all now be eating frogs and saluting Napolean. Not a single French city has fallen yet.
The fight will continue...
Casualties
These numbers do not contain the hundreds of units lost in combat among other nations, only from combat involving Prussia.
Prussia
Infantry 12
Cavalry 13
Partisans 2
Cannon 2
Warships 1
Frigates 1
Privateers 2
French
Infantry 52
Cavalry 4
Partisans 1
Spies 1
Denmark
Infantry 2
Frigates 1
Captured 1 frigate
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