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Yupo Frag and The Barn Burner versus Farmer John

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  • Yupo Frag and The Barn Burner versus Farmer John

    Most assume the long fanged hungry wolf would provide a dairy farmer with the most aggravation, loss and general deprevation of personal welfare. But no. It is the unworthy mouse who steals my cheese, scares my wife, frustrates my cats and dogs with fast running, and scurries about the rafters of our house in the wee hours of night. For all my enormous strength and hefty stock of gunpower, there is nothing I can do to fight the mouse. Farmer John, owner of Yupo Dairy Farms on the border of Prussia and France. This famous quote is emblazened on a plaque over the front entrance to the Colonial House in Frankfurt to provide inspiration to the members of the Prussian partisan club who now must face Farmer John on the battlefield.


    A War Most Brutal and Threatening: Napolean the Bully Drops the Hammer on Prussia


    My name is Unscratchedfoot, King of Prussia, appointed by heir to the throne. First I will tell you a little of how this conflict came about.

    Farmer John was no friend of the Prussians. His dairy farms were in the vulnerable position of being very close to the border of Prussia. Countless times he had had to get out of bed and grab his 6-barrelled musket 'cannon' at midnight to chase off youngsters stealing vegetables or the vandals who brought in wagonloads of rabbits to unleash them into his cabbage fields. It was a tough way to make a living but in his own words, "If anyone ever asks, just tell them John loves farming."


    Farmer John loves drinking beer almost as much as farming.

    Farmer John is also well-known for his fantastic physical strength and he loves to show it off in barfights by throwing people around like bails of hay. That's why when push came to shove, Napolean chose Farmer to lead the well prepared northern French army into Prussia and crush the vegetable stealers. Napolean needs the Prussian territory to provide a buffer zone against the Russian powerhouse to the east but the French emperor is too involved in fighting the Spanish in the south so that's why he appointed Farmer John to handle the invasion.

    For a long time after taking over Naples, the French were at peace except for England while war between her rivals kept them weak. France took a British city and still is holding on to it. Russia always was and still is constantly going at it with pretty much anyone who has the literary skills to read a declaration of war. (Sorry, I thought I had a picture taken of the fight but I must have not saved it). France joined in this fight but most of the losses were taken by all the other countries. Huge stacks of troops and cavalry from Spain, France, Sweden, Austria and the Ottomans all scrapped it out with the Russians who somehow held on to their cities while their soldiers fought to the last man on the battlefields.


    While the Russians enjoy their rumble, the French prepare their forces to march on Frankfurt. The stupid people in Frankfurt meanwhile think its funny to refer to me, the noble King of Prussia, as a 'The Barn Burner'. This is so rude because I haven't burned down a single barn since becoming king a few years ago. Hell, most of them probably burned down barns too after they finished high school. Everyone does that.

    The French conduct a covert, warm-up attack on Frankfurt and destroy one of the 2 defending cannon with a spy. Although the spy unit was duly killed, the sneaky attack successfully destroyed the much needed cannon.


    The wimpiest nation in Europe since Russia knocked out the Dutch is here to insult me. He got the toe of my boot as an answer to his weak threat.

    Prussian wartime contingency strategy:
    (1) In the event of a war declaration from the French-Danish alliance, the main assault force of 27 Currassier cavalry and 4 fusilier regiments on the border of Denmark will push in and take over Copenhagen with the objective of capturing the War College.
    (2) All Prussian cities will hold against French forces until Copenhagen is taken and the assault force is available to swing south to counterattack the French.
    (3) Destroy as much of the French army as possible.

    Military strength comparisons (attack/defense + hitpoint bonus):
    French forces are mostly made up of Imperial Guards (8/8 +1), Imperial Cavalry (8/4 +0), and Voltigiers (5/6 +0)

    VS

    Prussian Fusiliers (5/5 +0), Currassiers (5/4 +0), Fusiliers (4/4 +0)


    And now...

    ...for the ultimate showdown in military prowess between Europe's number superpower and the seemingly weak nation of Prussia.



    French forces flood into Prussia under orders from Farmer John to wreak as much chaos, despair and carnage as possible upon the 'Prussian varmints'. Another cannon is lost while being moved through the country to help defend Frankfurt. The loss of cannon is keenly felt because it takes most cities about 20 rounds to build one. In the painting, the stacks of troops to the south are most worrisome, particularly the presence of legonarii gladiators from the captured city of Rome which are musket armed legionaries.

    Being the wise leader I think I am, Barn Burner Unscratchedfoot signs military alliances against France with every other nation, going into debt in the process.

    Inevitably Frankfurt will fall. The only hope is for all the cavalry in the north to head straight to Frankfurt to prop up the defences and abandon taking Copenhagen. It is a frustrating decision but must be done. Losing one unit to a guard attack, 26 cavalry arrive in Frankfurt to avert disaster and bring the total number of defenders in the city up to 35. The French fire volley after volley at the city but are held off. As a second place prize, the French resort to tearing up all the roads, mines and irrigation in the area.


    This painting is of the mid-war situation. The southern stacks of French headed into Austria and burned down 2 Austrian cities before they turned north again to batter the Prussian southern front. The Imperial Guards prove virtually unstoppable. One guard unit destroyed 4 Prussian units which were trying to defend the iron deposit on the hill.


    Through sheer precision and the production of some cannon, the French are killed off. Notice the dead French general lying on the hills below Leizig. Austrian hussar cavalry helped out by making many attacks on the French and suffered many losses in the process. Austria certainly has a large casualty budget considering they lose about 3 or 4 units to each French they kill.



    Disaster in the north... the Prussian navy is sunk to the last ship. A Danish troop transport escorted by 3 frigates heads to the Prussian coast. On the way, the Danes are intercepted by Swedish frigates who sink 2 Danish frigates. Seeing easy pickings, the Prussian tear into the surviving frigate and troop transport but lose 1 warship, 1 frigate and 2 privateers including one elite! The Danes lost one frigate and captured one of ours to break even. The painting shows the surviving Danish ships north of Danzig and a fresh new transport group coming as well.

    In the same painting, there is a partisan unit heading into Denmark after killing a Danish musketeer guarding the border. The name of the elite partisan unit is 'Yupo Frag' named after the yupo yogurt containers they use to make grenades out of and 'frag' is the name of the grenade inventor Mr. Herbert Frag.

    Already in Denmark is a stack of 2nd rate Spanish units doing nothing because they are too weak to attack with. The Prussian partisans, though friends with Spain, use the Spanish troops for target practice and gun down 3 of their units while losing one of their own. This is all neatly explained by the logic that the Spanish payroll will be reduced while providing excellent target practice for green partisans in need of skills.

    Yupo Frag, a veteran of fights at Franfurt, Hanover and now Denmark are putting notch after notch into the woodstocks of their muskets. The life expectancy of partisans is the lowest of any militia unit so it is a sure sign of bravery for one of them to reach elite status. Only one other unit in all of Prussia is elite: The Guardian of Frankfurt, a cavalry unit credited with erasing several imperial guards from the French order of battle. No Prussian generals have emerged from battle yet to lead a panzergruppe to stand up and fight toe-to-toe with the Imperial Guards.

    A final operation is conducted to surround and eliminate several guard units fortified on the hills outside of Frankfurt. Artillery reduces them and 2 of the killing blows are stolen by Spanish line infantry who snook up to take what is not theirs. But this gesture of supreme selfishness by the Spanish must be forgiven, for the French are still a beast stung but not slain and without the Spanish, Prussians would all now be eating frogs and saluting Napolean. Not a single French city has fallen yet.

    The fight will continue...

    Casualties
    These numbers do not contain the hundreds of units lost in combat among other nations, only from combat involving Prussia.

    Prussia

    Infantry 12
    Cavalry 13
    Partisans 2
    Cannon 2
    Warships 1
    Frigates 1
    Privateers 2


    French

    Infantry 52
    Cavalry 4
    Partisans 1
    Spies 1


    Denmark

    Infantry 2
    Frigates 1
    Captured 1 frigate
    Last edited by unscratchedfoot; May 13, 2004, 02:14.
    Here is an interesting scenario to check out. The Vietnam war is cool.

  • #2
    Nice bit of warfare there, your Barnburning Highness.



    Hope you are able to kick out the French and live to tell the tale.
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    • #3
      oooohhh... another one of your great napoleanic stories! hooray! cant wait till next chapter!!

      Comment


      • #4
        Yeah, I love these picture stories!!!

        How's about a world map.
        "The Pershing Gulf War began when Satan Husane invaided Kiwi and Sandy Arabia. This was an act of premedication."
        Read the Story ofLa Grande Nation , Sieg oder Tod and others, in the Stories Forum

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        • #5
          Naked Prussia

          Western Prussia is often referred to as 'naked' among the local folks, referring to the terrain denuded of all irrigation, roads and mines by the rude invading French forces. Jeering veteran French imperial guards who cross over the border into Prussia after being refitted are fond of yelling out in in a haughty tone, "It's time to get naked Prussia!!"


          Horrors of War


          French garrison troops doing bad things in Austria.


          Two Austrian cities lie in ruin since Farmer John's devastating initial assault. The Austrians have long since made peace with France in order to pursue a war with the Turks which is going nowhere at all. The Turks and Austrians are a match made in heaven. Neither can overcome the other even by an inch.


          This painting shows the current map situation. France has taken over Naples (Italy) and one Spanish city while losing none of its own cities. For a long while, France held a British city in southern UK but recently the British took it back. We can only imagine the meatgrinder that went on there all that time.

          Spain still holds Amsterdam which it took from Russia during the bloody coalition war of seven nations against Russia. Note that Russia is in fine shape after being hammered by the specially prepared armies of 7 countries. The war occurred after a lengthy period of general peace all over Europe except for the Anglo-French affair. So once the coalition formed against Russia, the numbers of units involved were phenominal. Hundreds of units from all the nations participating in the conflict died in that pointless struggle. Pointless in terms of such little territory taken from Russia, but certainly an enjoyable rumble it was. Prussia was the only nation not to join the war against Russia because it was busy preparing for the inevitable showdown with France.



          [COLOR=dark orange]Commander Tito[/COLOR]

          Tito is the supreme military commander of Russian forces. This is not a man to be taken lightly. He is tough and has proven it time and again with his brutal fighting style, especially when he stood up against the combined armies of 7 nations: Sweden, Britain, Spain, France, Denmark, Austria and the Ottoman empire all at the same time. He swept the battlefields clear of enemies and lost hordes of his own troops in the process, and Mother Russia remained unspoiled by foreign hands with the exception of a minor town exchange with the Turks down south. Tito truly is supreme.

          Unscratchedfoot seems to have a bad feeling that Tito used to be the bad boy of Europe at one time, but maybe it was just a bad dream or maybe someone who looked like Tito stole his lunch money from him in elementary school or something (hint: Muscles From Brussels story).



          Hurray!! Our Russian friends are coming to help! They made peace with Austria and Ottomans and only pursue a little moonlighting war on the side with Sweden so they have plenty of troops available to scrap it out with France. Prussia maintains a right of passage agreement with them to speed their boys to the killing fields of Hanover where all of them will die glorious, smokey deaths on the bayonets of the imperial guards. But what a good fight they will put up before going down. Also, Yupo Frag can be seen moving southeast to help out terminate an intrusion into East Prussia. As usual, the threat will already be eliminated by the time they get there.
          Last edited by unscratchedfoot; May 17, 2004, 02:05.
          Here is an interesting scenario to check out. The Vietnam war is cool.

          Comment


          • #6


            Good news! Parkinson's Disease is here! Huh? Yeah, its the name of the elite partisan unit just southwest of Frankfurt in this artist rendition. But it was not the Prussians who christened them with this strange name; it was the French themselves. A French general was killed just south of Frankfurt and the after action battle reports on his person referred to the partison unit as Parkinson's Disease because of the sneaky way it would kill weak and injured units while not exposing itself to counterattacks.


            An elite partisan sharpshooter.


            Parkinson's Disease partisans pose for a painting after overruning a French trench on a hill. Attacks like these are always immediately followed up by Prussian cavalry and troops to fortify and hold the taken territory until the French come and push them back out again. Partisans as a rule do not attack out into open fields and plains.

            Also in the above painting of the war situation, there is a highly decorated French imperial guard unit named 'Delicatessan' for the way it makes meat sandwiches out of all its 'customers'. This time it is making a stand against all odds across the river southwest of Hanover after participating in a successful counterattack against the Russians. Almost dead, in one action alone that regiment has bragging rights for killing off 3 Russian flintlock units and two Prussian cavalry units while its leader was promoted to general during the action. And the unit was already wounded from the previous battle to cross the river. Finally the last available Prussian currassier seen next to it delivered the long desired coup de grace. As a reward for bravery, the accompanying general was given the unique Prussian designed death for honorable adversaries by first being half-boiled, forced to eat a 2 week dead oppossum, given a complimentary tour of Hanover tied from a rope dragged by a drunken wild horse, run over by a supply wagon train, and was finally drowned in a dirty bucket of horse urine. Farmer John posthumously awarded the fairly stricken general with the Pour le Merit, France's highest award for a member of the armed forces, the second of which awarded so far by the farmer.

            The first Pour le Merit went to a musketman regiment named 'The Lone Pillagers' which snuck into eastern Prussia unopposed and almost unnoticed thanks to the bloodbath in the west. Originally intending to tear up the terrain improvements, a hot fight developed as the obsolete regiment found itself defending against wave after wave of desperate, inexperienced Prussian recruits. The meager Prussian reserves in the area were all thrown against the stout French musketmen who put notches in their stocks accounting for 5 Prussian fusilier and currassier units before finally succumbing to their wounds.




            Unscratchedfoot looks through a big telescope at the Rhine river. The military really pressure the Barn Burner into moving away from the iron rich hills near the French border to the safety of Berlin but Scratch will have none of it. Through the scope a frightful scene can be seen. All along the right side of the river for a couple of hundred yards are scattered green clad corpses in such numbers that the land itself can hardly be seen at all, and in the river among the reeds float countless more of them. Then looking across the river there are yet more green corpses along with heaps of sky blue troopers strewn over the ground in a grand spectacle. Blue uniformed soldiers, horses and their riders are mangled and entwined among each other where they fell in battle like some sick orgy of death.

            What a great painting it would make! Unfortunately for the common citizen, all paintings of battlefield action can only be seen in pay-per-view art galleries for the rich and well-acquainted. A painting made from a position of danger commands a high price and a place in one of the trendy warfront art galleys

            The Russians scrap it out big style with the French while the Prussians continue the ***-for-tat casualty exchange south of Frankfurt. The prize is control of the river area southwest of Hanover. The river gives the occupants a defensive bonus as well it is the border of France which Farmer John is fanatical about defending to keep his cows and family safe while preventing Prussia from reworking it terrain into something useful. On average the Russians and French each lose about 8-10 units per round but in this previous round over 20 units from each side were smitten in a wild exchange of volley fire. Row after row of men from both sides dropped in perfect unison like it were rehearsed. The French even employ field cannon in this scrap. A perfectly even fight it was but at the end of the day, the Russians had gained a valuable toehold over the river. This exposed bridgehead would cost the Russians dearly in the coming fights as they struggle in vain to hold the position with dwindling manpower.


            French and Russians scrap it out near the Rhine.


            This painting shows a fight south of Frankfurt where the French used cannon to support their infantry in fights against the Russians. The Russians really took a beating in this battle and caved in under French firepower.

            The Last Stand of the Riftraft



            This painting was made to honor the many Spanish war dead. Barn Burner Unscratchedfoot paid the Spanish 700 bucks to reopen a warfront against France in the south after letting them have a lengthy rest and refitting period. Unscratchedfoot timed the Spanish re-entry into the war in order to allow them adequate time to build up their reserves before fighting again. However, some Spanish units have been on the battlefield since the start of war, though mostly wandering around without purpose. The Spanish stack of low-level riftraft in the painting by the river south west of Hanover is the same stack which conducted the siege of Denmark long ago. Yupo Frag and its sister partisan unit Parkinson's Disease both used that same stack for target practice. The Spanish riftraft also traded some gunfire with the Danes before heading south to get lost in the Black Forest for awhile and then managed to get themselves mauled by imperial guards. The above painting was colored up just before the last stand of the stack of riftraft. In the south, the French prepare a medium sized assault which will kill several Prussian cavalry units including one elite regiment, along with some fusiliers. No French units are lost in the attack.

            Meanwhile the mutual slaughter of Russians and French goes on but the tide slowly turns in favor of the frog eaters who go from a 1:1 kill ratio up to 3:1 approaching 4:1. In one particularly one-sided action, 8 Russian flintlock units return to the earth for the price of only one French unit during one of Farmer John's hammerfist assaults. Not surprisingly, Russian manpower in the region dries up due to lack of reinforcements. Tito decides to take over Denmark and 60+ units are sent up the peninsula in the first wave. Tito's not known for his soft touch.


            The Spanish riftraft have all been smitten. And about time too. A stack of sneering French guards stands over the slain Spaniards and have a gloat about the good practice it was to shoot them up. The French lost only one cavalry and one guard unit in the massacre of a large undocumented number of Spanish solado and musketeer regiments.

            And as always, fighting between French and Prussians in the hills south of Frankfurt goes on without let-up. So many soldiers from both sides have been killed in the fighting that the Barn Burner even considered renaming the city to Verdun. The reason for the stalemate conditions is the hilly terrain because it gives the approaching imperial guards ample defensive bonuses which make Prussian counterattacks near suicidal and negates most of the artillery effects. Many currassier regiments have fallen while attacking nearly dead guard units, such is the defensive strength of the French. Usually what happens is the French punch through and push out or annihilate Prussian defenders on a hill and in the process are themselves hurt. Prussians precede counterattacks with a good dousing of arty before using cavalry and partisans to finish off the exposed French units. Lather, rinse, repeat. When the laundry is all done, both sides have nothing to show for the fighting except a lot of bodybags.

            One French attack recently successfully wiped out 2 precious cannon along with all the fortified infantry on a hill.


            Prussian fusiliers in position to defend a fortified position. Sadly, these blokes ordered into positions south of Frankfurt time after time were written off the Prussian order of battle before the French even attacked, so inevitable was their doom. As yet, not a single Prussian regular infanty unit has survived to reach elite status. Even the total number of veteran infantry both dead and alive can be counted on one hand.


            A rare successful counterattack by Prussians takes over a French held hill. Celebrations at times like this were normally cut short by the French returning to even the score... well, to 'uneven it again' would probably be more appropriate.
            Here is an interesting scenario to check out. The Vietnam war is cool.

            Comment


            • #7
              Terrain enhancements around Hanover are going strong thanks the temporary relief the Russians bought us. Workers escorted by infantry repaired almost all the damage done in the initial French invasion at a cost of 4 workers captured and several infantry escorts gunned down by marauding imperial guards who made it over the Rhine. A lot of work got done north of Frankfurt and was halted due to unrelenting pressure from the French. Apparently the workers are upset about the fresh carpet of casualties constantly sprinkled over the landscape.

              We admire the bravery of the Russians who duke it out on the open fields with no thought of preserving their strength. Stacks of Russians and French shot each other to pieces on the battlefield while the Prussians watched with glee. This contrasts with Prussian tactics which use combined arms along with terrain considerations to maximize defensive advantages and reduce risk during attacks.


              It is typical for Prussians in Hanover to come home after work, grab a cool beer or orange juice, and relax on the balcony while watching the evening battles between the Russians and French like in this picture.

              There is no telling when the map situation will change. The fighting will of France does not seem to be diminishing even though they are fighting Spain, Prussia, Austria, Russia and England. Now with Russia focussing on Denmark, France may well overrun West Prussia again and denude it. Hanover has no defence out in the field and already guard units are coming accross the Rhine unopposed. Apparently Russia is more concerned with getting control of the coveted war college in Copenhagen than the overall war strategy.

              The fight will continue.

              Cumulative Casualties
              These numbers do not contain the hundreds of units lost in combat among other nations, only from combat involving Prussia. Losses from partisan action have been included. Partisans are 'non-national' so they are permitted to attack and by attacked by forces of any nation at the risk of angering the victim's authorities.

              Prussia

              Infantry 23
              Cavalry 30
              Partisans 3
              Cannon 4
              Warships 1
              Frigates 1
              Privateers 2


              French

              Infantry 93
              Cavalry 7
              Generals 2
              Partisans 1
              Spies 1


              Denmark

              Infantry 10
              Frigates 1
              Captured 1 frigate

              Spain

              Infantry 4

              [COLOR=firebrick red]Austria[/COLOR]

              Cavalry 1 (lost in an evil backstabbing ambush on Yupo Frag)
              Here is an interesting scenario to check out. The Vietnam war is cool.

              Comment


              • #8

                Prussia has just taken Nancy while Russian forces secure the Rhine area once and for all. A large number of French infantry units were just beaten down along the river. French imperial guards are notorius for taking out up to 4 enemy units each before going down in a puff of musket smoke. Prussian infantry try to secure a line back into Prussia but are constantly harrassed by fresh stacks of new imperial guard units coming from the Paris region. Prussia also got its first 2 elite infantry units, visible in the painting, but have yet to get any army leaders.

                Much time has passed and many good people have also passed away. Although Prussia finally nailed down the French city of Nancy after a long siege, Spain is about to cry 'austa la vista baby!' Once France grabs the city of Valencia, Napoleon will be receiving foreign volunteers from 4 different cities, 2 in Italy and 2 in Spain. Our loyal Spanish allies will be sadly missed. On the bright side, we will still be able to meet them on the battlefield after the fall of Spain. But instead of exchanging pleasantries we'll be exchanging gunfire, dang pro-Napolean volunteers.

                However, if Prussia can grab Paris, we just might receive a small number of imperial guard regiments who sympathize with our cause which is the extermination of Farmer John. Apparently Farmer John is choosy about who he gives his tasty, farm fresh yogurt drinks too. The best steaks from his farms also are distributed to units which are "deserving of perks". Prussia will try to take advantage of this biasedness.

                The siege of Nancy was ugly. Both Yupo Frag and Parkinson's Disease went down fighting in the many battles, as well as all but one of the elite currassier cavalry regiments. But the spirit of Yupo Frag lives on, and now all new elite partisan units, all 2 of them, are allowed to join the Yupo Frag brigade and are given corresponding company names. So far Yupo Frag Alpha Company and Yupo Frag Bravo Company were awarded membership, although sadly Bravo Company is now fertilizing the poppy fields outside of Nancy. Rest in peace brave partisan warriors.

                Russia took over Denmark and already we are seeing Danish volunteers among the Russian ranks. Russia has been very slothful in its war against France, and reluctant and selfish to boot. Prussia constantly must pay cash to Russia to keep them in the fight while Russia insists in going to war with its neighbors Sweden, Austria and the Turks, over and over. Austria even declared war on Prussia for a short while although only one Austrian cavalry was gunned down during the 'war'.

                Looking at the long term, Prussia expects a future long, bloody war with Russia and/or Turkey, although Russia may beat down Turkey before France is put away. Then again, France is stronger now that its ever been and may become overpowering once its veteran southern armies move up north after finishing off Spain.
                Here is an interesting scenario to check out. The Vietnam war is cool.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Cumulative Casualties
                  These numbers do not contain the hundreds of units lost in combat among other nations, only from combat involving Prussia. Losses from partisans, spies and secret service agents have been included. These special units are 'non-national' so they are permitted to attack and by attacked by forces of any nation at the risk of angering the victim's authorities.

                  Prussia

                  Infantry 49
                  Cavalry 37
                  Partisans 7
                  Cannon 5
                  Spies 1
                  Warships 1
                  Frigates 1
                  Privateers 2

                  French

                  Infantry 158
                  Cavalry 15
                  Cannon 3
                  Generals 2
                  Partisans 1
                  Spies 1
                  Secret Service Agents 1

                  Denmark

                  Infantry 12
                  Frigates 1
                  Captured 1 frigate

                  Spain

                  Infantry 4 (killed by partisans)

                  [COLOR=firebrick red]Austria[/COLOR]

                  Cavalry 2

                  Russia

                  Cavalry 1 (killed by a Prussian secret agent for target practice)

                  ********************************
                  From here on, pictures will be posted only after each 50 to 100 or so rounds of combat as per this update, after significant developments such as the fall of Spain in this case.
                  Here is an interesting scenario to check out. The Vietnam war is cool.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Great job your doing with this Scratch, another epic and the pics are fantastic
                    A proud member of the "Apolyton Story Writers Guild".There are many great stories at the Civ 3 stories forum, do yourself a favour and visit the forum. Lose yourself in one of many epic tales and be inspired to write yourself, as I was.

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                    • #11
                      Great stuff, indeed, scratch.
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                      • #12
                        Please play the French next time. PLEASE!!! The Frogs could really win a war here and there, you know.
                        Now just don't go forming any angry mobs now, you hear?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Operation Ulcer: Southern Typhoon


                          All indications pointed to a collapse of the French empire: much fewer troops on the battlefield, weak counterattacks, 2 cities lost to the Russians and one to the Prussians, and most importantly, fresh new stacks of Russian troops were pouring over the Rhine and marching on Paris, the heart of France. And what's more, the Russians also captured Amsterdam from the Spanish in order that it not become part of Farmer John's buffer zone to protect his vegetables and cows.

                          France moved most of its reserves in around Paris to shore up its defences against the Russians. Barn Burner Unscratchedfoot took advantage of this diversion by launching a battlegroup towards Orleans operationally named 'Salut Orleans' with the hope of a quick and easy capture, unlike the long, bitter siege of Nancy earlier.

                          Operation Salut Orleans at first went very well with careful use of combined arms including infantry, partisans, cannon, cavalry and Prussia's first elite secret agent unit named Axis Sally. About 3 dozen French units were destroyed in battles outside of Orleans and most of the terrian around the city was turned into moonscape, all at minimal cost to the Prussians.

                          A newspaper in Berlin called 'The Scratching Post' published an article headlined 'Farmer John Scrapes the Barrell to Save His Big Fat Cows' referring to the dwindling strength of the French forces. Another smaller article on the bottom of a page mixed in with the sports section which no one read was about villagers bringing word of massed crack French divisions coming up from Spain towards Nancy. This bit of news was shrugged off by most Prussians as foolish heresay invented by drunk streetcorner preachers trying to create a sense of doom and desperation to inspire converts.


                          Russians march on Paris just as the first of the elite Spanish War vets arrive to defend the city. The one stack just south of Paris alone contains about 60 imperial guard units, many of them veterans. To the south of Nancy, secret agent Axis Sally readies for a mission.


                          Within 2 rounds of combat, every last Russian soldier on the battlefield outside of Paris is gunned down with unspeakable disregard. Some 40 or so Russians were estimated to have been put down in the massacre but the total loss may have been much higher considering the fog of war north of Paris prevents proper viewing. The losses to the French were very light in this fighting, hardly a half pack of eggs worth. South of Paris can be seen a Spanish cavalry and a Spanish line infantry, volunteers in the French army from the occupied territory. The cavalry unit just finished killing off one Prussian fusilier unit and almost did in a second before retreating. Pictures of the outlawed Spanish riders is on every saloon entrance and lamp post: wanted dead or alive for the killing of Prussian soldiers.

                          To the west of Nancy, a Prussian artillery battery on a highpoint prepares to pepper the masses of French who smoked the Russians and are now looking hungrily upon the frail Prussian defences and beyond to the city of Nancy waiting to be liberated. Farmer John announces the assault is named Operation Ulcer, after the way his ulcers acted up when he heard news of his Yupo Dairy farms being bombarded, cows exploding, troughs overturned, and some farms even being captured in Brussels by the Russians. Roaring out his rage, he managed to persuade Napolean to send the bulk of his southern forces up north despite the Spanish still holding out in one last city. The fact that Farmer was successful in his plea to the headstrong emperor is testimony to the scary degree of anger the bulky cow milker underwent.

                          In response to the article in The Scratching Post, Farmer John was quoted as saying, "The only thing I'm scraping is the manure off my boots." referring sarcastically to Prussian people as cow dung.




                          Farmer John puts the boots to the Prussians and rolls them back into Nancy. One Prussian pocket is trapped outside the city to the southeast by the encircling French. Unscratchedfoot performed a fighting retreat of forces by leaving rearguards entrenched in the hills around the city while artillery and other high value units were brought into Nancy to boost the city defences. The retreat was costly with 10 fusilier infantry units and one partisan unit lost in the last round of combat alone and many more lost in the preceding rounds. The most stinging loss was one elite fusilier unit which was badly needed back in Nancy. The elite unit did manage to take a French elite guard unit down with it. Six imperial guard units went down under fire in the assault last round and many wounded French units were left on the battlefield at the mercy of the Prussian vultures: partisans. In the painting above, Yupo Frag Alpha Company and its sister Sierra Company prepare to attack the wounded French to the northwest and leave them on the fields for the ravens to pick at.



                          Strange women hug each other in relief when they hear news that relatives enlisted with the fusiliers successfully made it into the fortified city of Nancy.

                          In all 38 Prussian military units, including all combined arms elements, prepare to defend Nancy against the encroaching French forces of 200+ regiments. Many more French units are back in Paris for rest and refit after participating in the initial assaults of Operation Ulcer. Farmer John is quite fond of using imperial cavalry to hit Prussian positions, inflict casualites, and then retreat back to Paris while fresh units rush out to continue the punishment in a revolving gravy train fashion. Farmer John likes his gravy rich and steamy.
                          Last edited by unscratchedfoot; May 19, 2004, 08:22.
                          Here is an interesting scenario to check out. The Vietnam war is cool.

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                          • #14
                            The Scratching Post... Hehee.

                            It looks kinda grim for Nancy there. Hope you fend em off, scratch.
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                            • #15
                              May the Prussians grab them by the nose and kick them in the ***! Go Barn Burner go!

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