Deutchland, Wach!

[unscratchedfoot]

Yeah Skypie!! After reading this I was tempted to write a story in half english/half japanese (*it would be nice if you put the translation in the brackets for us who know not a word of German*).

And continue the story please

[Micha]

Chapter 1:
<“Liegen Sie hier der vergöttertste König der Deutsch,”> (Please lay here, the most admired king of German ???)
should be:
"Hier ruht der grösste König der Deutschen, ..."

On a note: Otto von Bismarck has never been King, in fact there hasn´t been any King of Germany. Germany consisted of many kingdoms bound together to form a Kaiserreich, so the leader was a Kaiser (Emperor), not just a king. Bismarck however only has made it to chancellor, the right hand of the Kaiser.

“Deutchland,” he spoke in the ancient tongue that the walls warmed to, “Wach.” (Germany, be on the guard.)

I think you meant "wake up, Germany!", which would translate to "Deutschland erwache!". One more thing, Deutschland needs the <"s"> in it, for it sounds gay without it


Chapter 2:
< Um zusammen das gebrochene zu binden,
um die Verstorbenen zu erwecken,
die Dies das Schwert der Deutsch ist>

Um zu vereinen was zerbrach,
Um zu erwecken was erstarb,
dies das Schwert der Deutschen ist!

On a note: It would be much more realistic to turn it into Barbarossa´s sword. Bismarck was a politician, not a warrior. He never used a sword, and I doubt he could have. His weapon was diplomacy. Kaiser Friedrich Barbarossa however was the greatest of all German leaders. He unified the kingdoms to the first Reich, he defeated the eastern invaders, he was a real Warrior! Also there´s a legend that he will awake in his tomb and save the Germans when the times turn bad for them.

<“Welcome to the Volk Gefängnis.”>
Volksgefängnis. Just put them together, but don´t leave the genitiv "s" out

Chapter 3:
< Deutschland uber alles, Johan smiled back at the men who had so quickly come to accept him, above all the petty disputes, above every difference. Deutschland>
über alles. I know it´s popular in English to use "uber", but here such a word doesn´t exist. It´s "über" or "ueber".

<“Deutschland,” Johan stepped forward, lifting his fist, “Wach!”>
Again, it should be "Deutschland, erwache!"

Chapter 3: (you have two "chapter three"s )
<“He’s been gone a day, it usually take that long?”
The other men frowned, “Ja, Mein Kaiser.”
“Scheisse.”
He nodded in return, “ja.”>
Why the last line? You should cut it out, it doesn´t fit.

<“Uber alles, Uber alles!” resonated across the yard.>
Again, über alles, with "ü"...

<“Deutschland Leben.”> (Germany. Life. ???)
If you meant "Germany lives", it should be "Deutschland lebt."

Chapter 5:
<“Deutschland Leben?” Johan read, stepping out of the car.>
Again, "Deutschland lebt!" is the way to go

<“Ja, these are your Volk, Kaiser.”>
Volk is singular, people plural. So either you translate it all into German or you leave it English... Also if someone talked to the emperor only using "... Kaiser", he´d get shot. It´s either "..., Eure Majestät!" (Your majesty), "..., Mein Kaiser" (my emperor) or "..., Mein Herr!" (my master).

<“Deutschland Leben?”>
Again. Deutschland lebt...

Chapter 7:
<“Have you ever heard of the Volk Gefängnis?”>
Again, it should read "Volksgefängnis".

<“Gott in Himmel!”
Johan smiled in the back seat, “Ja.”>
Gott im Himmel! (just a minor thing, but still ... )
You shouldn´t answer "Holy Lord!" with "yes", it sounds a bit... arrogant...

<“Lassen Sie die Bastarde schleppen Sie hinunter nicht.”>
This is a part I didn´t understand. Could you please tell me in English what this should mean?

[SKILORD]

ahh... but scratch, that would take all the fun away!

-

See, as Micha has demonstrated I don't speak any German either. Thanks man, as for the last bit.. I think it's supposed to be something like 'Don't let the bastards get you down.' Thanks, again.

[Micha]

Ah, then it should be "Lassen Sie sich von diesen Bastarden nicht unterkriegen!"

[Whoha]

the umlauts are a pain in the butt dont worry about them

[Whoha]

can't do the double s that looks a lot like a B either. Whats the name for that? shaffes?

[Micha]

Originally posted by Whoha
the umlauts are a pain in the butt dont worry about them

Wrong! If you cannot write them as they are, write them as we do in crosswords. The plain vowel plus an "e".

ä -> ae (alt + 132 or 142)
ö -> oe (alt + 148 or 153)
ü -> ue (alt + 129 or 154)

If you simply leave the dots out, you present yourself as a "stupid American". (quote from an American guy I had this discussion with)

Originally posted by Whoha
can't do the double s that looks a lot like a B either. Whats the name for that? shaffes?

You mean "ß". It´s called "eszett" (S-Z). It isn´t just "ss" but a "sharp S".

ß (alt + 225)

[Paddy]

what the

[Whoha]

Originally posted by Micha

Wrong! If you cannot write them as they are, write them as we do in crosswords. The plain vowel plus an "e".

ä -> ae (alt + 132 or 142)
ö -> oe (alt + 148 or 153)
ü -> ue (alt + 129 or 154)

If you simply leave the dots out, you present yourself as a "stupid American". (quote from an American guy I had this discussion with)


You mean "ß". It´s called "eszett" (S-Z). It isn´t just "ss" but a "sharp S".

ß (alt + 225)

bah thats still too much typing for this stupid American

[ChrisiusMaximus]

I dont mean to sound rude or anything guys, and Im sure your advice and help is of help to SKILORD, but all your posts are rather filling the thread and new readers may find it hard to follow the story when and if any future installments are added.

When and if being the operative words SKILORD

[Micha]

So... is there any chance that those changes get implemented in your story, skilord?

[SKILORD]

yeah, there's a very good chance. But I'm trying desperately to win a mock trial right now (A mockery of Newdow vs. The US Congress etc.) I'm also involved in several less amusing tasks that fill my final weeks of high school.

Dear Lord... the thought is terrifying.

[EQandCivfanatic]

enough talk, more story

[SKILORD]

Alright, edited.

I might even bring a new chapter.... you never know!

-

About the 'Kaiser' disrespect thing, Damien doesn't really think he's the Kaiser and really wouldn't respect him.

[SKILORD]

Chapter 9: Die Suche für das Schwert

Parental Advisory: I break with the wiser aspects of my nature to allow the characters to be as angry as they are. I do not apologise for the graphic nature of this chapter nor for the cursing, I only warn you beforehand. It will drop from this, I assure you, and this chapter will probably be the bloodiest of them all. You have been warned.

The inside lights were off, Johan flicked the light on the top of his hat, peering suspiciously into the inexplicable darkness. The outside lights had been on.

He let out a short, high pitched whistle, turning his head back and forth. He stepped forward into the dark.

The Kaiser’s mausoleum wasn’t hard to find, it was a large and ornate building. He slipped inside of it, using his headlight to stare into the darkness, hoping for a shimmer. He pulled back the cloth he had wrapped the sword in, it was disappointingly light.

“Are you going to surrender easy, mein herr?”

The man was leaning against the door to the mausoleum, his cigarette glowed and from the faint lights from outside Johan could make out the identity.

“Edward, friend,” he spoke calmly, quietly, “They told me you were dead.”

Edward laughed, shrugging, “Call me lazarus.”

They were quiet there for a moment, escape routes raced through Johan’s head, each being discarded as quickly as it was conceived.

“What are you, Ed, MI-6?”

Edward laughed again, “Maybe. Maybe I am.”

Johan shook his head, “Who am I goin to tell, Ed? The other inmates back at the Geffanis?”

Edward pushed himself off of the doorframe, “There are other agencies. Some of them are better than MI-6.”

“So you’re one of those?”

Edward stepped forward slowly, “Maybe, John, Maybe I am.”

The handcuffs glittered in the light of his head lamp, “You wouldn’t do that to a friend, would you now?”

Agent Rhodes grinned, “Why did you come here John, you couldn’t have thought we would have left that little knife.”

“No, I didn’t think you would have.”

“Why’d you come here then?”

“I figured there would be someone here who knew where it was.”

“Like me?”

“Yeah,” Johan grinned, “Just like you.”

“What did you plan then?”

“I had some grandiose plans about overcoming the fellow and beating the information out of him,” Johan pulled a pocketknife out of his pants.

Edward stepped back, spreading out open palms, “You gonna try?”

“I imagine so, I don’t have a better option.”

Edward nodded, “yeah.”

They paused, staring at each other for a moment.

“So, you know where it is?”

“No.”

Johan shrugged, “Well, it can’t hurt to ask.”

Edward stepped forward, holding the handcuffs out, “Let’s make this easy John.”

“It’s Johan,” with a grin he shot his foot out, catching Edward neatly in the side of the knee, dropping him. He grabbed Edward on the way down, pulling him in front of himself and slipping the pocketknife right over the Brit’s jugular.

Bullets stared at him through barrels of hidden guns, Johan could feel their stares, he held his human shield close.

“Tell them to fall back.”

Edward breathed heavily, pain thrusting itself up from his knee.

“F*ck you, you g***amned Kraut.”

The knife came off of the jugular, Johan thrust it into the top of Edward’s shoulder.

“Why the f**** did you do that,” Edward screamed slipping to the ground.

Johan brought his hand back to the throat, lifting his hostage back up, “Call off your dogs.”

“You think I can’t stand this?”

“I don’t care one way or the other.”

“You think you can get away with this?”

“I think that if I don’t, I’ll die. One way or the other it works for me.”

Johan began to edge his way towards the door, keeping his back firmly against the wall.

“You pissed off the wrong motherf***er, I’ll tell you that. You sure as hell better get me killed, Ed, because if you don’t I swear that there will come a day that Berlin burns every f***ing Union Jack she’s ever seen.”

“You Krauts, all talk.”

Johan jabbed the pocketknife into his torso, off to the side, away from the heart.

“Don’t f*** with me, Ed, don’t. Where’s the sword?”

Johan was creeping towards the open door, he realized there would be guards out there somewhere too, and no wall to press his back against.

“I don’t know, how the f*** would I know?”

“You’re in charge of all of this, Ed, Where’s the sword?” Johan reached all the way down to the broken kneecap, slipping the knife in with all the delicacy of a surgeon.

“Yeah,” Edward flailed about, “Alright, I know, f*** you.”

“Wrong answer,” the knife began to move up, without being pulled out of the cut, extending it sloppily up his thigh, getting caught and forced up.

Edward screamed, kicking himself up with this unharmed leg swatting at the German with his unharmed arm. They reached the door.

“You wanna tell me?”

“F*** you.”

Johan threw the body out the door.

-

Rifles barked, screaming outrage into the tall grass outside the excavation, searching for the German and finding nothing but grass and dirt. Most of the gunmen were attempting to call for an ambulance, propping Agent Rhodes up and slapping bandages onto his cuts.

“You’ll live, sir.”

“Will he?” Edward asked.

“We haven’t found him yet, sir.”

“He came out of the door with me.”

“We can’t find him, sir.”

Edward shook his head, “F***in Kraut didn’t disappear.”

“Yes, sir, we know.”

-

The gunmen from inside were running out, hurtling themselves towards the door, focused, intent.

They didn’t notice the shadows, the glint of the knife and the dark figure, Johan realized that they probably wouldn’t.

It wasn’t a chance he was willing to take.

He slipped out of the shadows, slamming his knife deep into the throat of the man in front, making a clean, smooth grab for the rifle that he held out in front of him, yanking it free and pulling it to his shoulder, firing a burst into the line of gunmen and throwing himself to the side.

In the shadows he paused just long enough to flip the rifle to fuill automatic, aiming for the muzzle fires that sent out bullets that couldn’t find him. A couple of swings silenced the men who didn’t have any cover.

The door was suddenly dark as the gunmen outside started to file politely in, Johan hardly had to try to kill the first group.

They stopped coming in so quickly then, pointing their guns in without even looking and firing, a few more shots., Johan grabbed a body and began to drag it deep into the site, he knew just the spot. He kept firing, hoping they wouldn’t even notice it was a retreat.

-

“I limped off after he shot me, sir.”

The gunman was bleeding from the leg, the thigh, it wasn’t a bad injury, compared to most he had gotten off rather well, the bullet hadn’t even caught, but had simply torn a streak out.

“You might have stayed there, and he might not have gotten away.” The gunman from outdoors sneered, “You’re a disgrace to the uniform.”

The man he had found inside hung his head low, “I’m sorry, Sir.”

“Go report to Agent Rhodes, he’s outside waiting for his ambulance.”

“Yes sir.”

The pain wasn’t so bad as he had anticipated; he could still use his leg, mostly. It kept the men who didn’t know the fellows under their own command away from suspicion, Johan grinned to himself as he limped to the door.

The ambulance was there, a pair of orderlies were lifting Edward, in a stretcher, into the back.

Johan exaggerated the limp, “I’ve been hit, I’ve gotta come along.”

An orderly offered him a hand, the gun swung around to face the inside of the ambulance.

-

The outdoor gunman came out from the excavation site, there were three men tied up, lying in the door.

“Where’s the ambulance?”

An assorted and confused mumbling rose from the bound mass.

Johan von Bismarck drove off, armed and dangerous, hostage in tow.

-

“Where’s the sword, Ed?”

The rifle barrel was pointed directly between his eyes, the ambulance was long gone and they sat alone in a dim and moldy apartment.

“F*** you.”

The rifle was raised to Johan’s shoulder, tight, the aim was perfect, like a fish in a barrel, “I’m not bluffing, you know that.”

Edward shook his head, “I know, you f***in shot yourself, you’ll have no trouble with me.”

Johan moved his rifle to the Shoulder, blood was already seeping out from the cut, “I’ll take you to a hospital later.”

The bullet fired out, glancing the shoulder, leaving a streak of red on the wall.

Edward started to curse, screaming profanity.

“Where’s the sword?”

“F*** this,” Edward exhaled deeply, “It’s in the museum’s storage, why the f*** didn’t you just look there first, you know where it would be.”

Johan smiled, pulling his rifle back.

“Had to make sure.”

Edward growled, “And you got to kill some of us, didn’t you, ye sadistic German bastard.”

Johan grinned, “Those dead will speak for me, they will whisper on the streets, they will scream in anguish from every dark alley. Britain will hear the screams and tremble.”

“So you’ve dropped yer conscious somewhere along the way?”

“Maybe so.”

-

The blood was still on the steps to the hospital, the patient was in traction, an IV stuck into his arm, the bleeding finally appeased. The doctor shook his head, this guy was in bad shape.

A glare boiled out of the broken and pained features while the doctor assured Agent Rhodes that the drugs would kick in any moment.

“The s*** I do for my country, huh doc?”

The doctor shook his head, he couldn’t imagine how the country had been served by whatever his patient had done to get himself into this mess.

"The mouse takes the cheese, doc, every f***ing time. The mouse takes the cheese."

A quiet delerium began to play itself across the insides of Edward Rhode's eyelids.