People of the Valley

[SKILORD]

Ah, its good to see the aproval of this story by the "big two" and I, a person who never posts in replies to stories gives it two thumbs up so far

I have a lot of trouble with dealing with myself as a figure of any sort of seniority, I don't know why.

For that reason I find anyone referring to me as one of the 'big two' as rather amusing, I'm not asking it to stop, simply noting that I would not think of myself as so important at all.

Paddy:

You do a good job in this story as far as the big picture is concerned, ie, you get the idea across. However you still need to work on details, details are the writing. Notice details that others don't and bring them out, don't pour the light on every nuance so as to overwhelm your reader, but rather shine light where you want the reader to see.

but I so believe that they are such a blessing.

This is your only other problem, minor faux pases every now and again, make sure you read every piece back over to ensure that it sounds like you want it to.

I quite enoy the story, my hat's off to you for your work here.

[ChrisiusMaximus]

I too wonder just what this big two stuff is, SKILORD might be massive for all I know but Im fairly average in height and build.

I suppose it refers to my posting so often in peoples stories, well its not me who deserves recognition its all the superb writers who are good enough to share their imaginatative works with us

Come on our Paddy we really would like some more

[Paddy]

soon me laddies, soon

the game rumbles along

[Paddy]

SKILORD

Thanks for the feed back, I really appreciate it and get alot out of it.

Could you please explain further for me, what you mean with:

This is your only other problem, minor faux pases every now and again, make sure you read every piece back over to ensure that it sounds like you want it to.

[Paddy]

The world was greater, far more comprehensive than we could imagine. There were peoples in far places with amazing languages. Over the years, we met civilizations through our explorations, and had various wanderers through our lands.

Our closest neighbours are a people with a strange tongue, the Français (French). They are happy sort of folk. They taught us the value of good bubbling wines, how to built solid fortifications for our sentries around our valley. We in turn shared our brews, our Black Rock from our hills, and even the Ironed metal weapons of our Bands.

These hearty folk invited us to visit their capital, to come stay in their Palais du Royales (Palace of the Royales). Our spirits rose in meeting more of these people.
Their city was a place of wonder. The people were out everywhere celebrating our arrival. They had parades, feasts, banners, and celebrations to welcome us.

The evenings were filled with amazing shows of beautiful exploding lights in the sky, great feasts and more and more of the amazing French liquors.

By the fourth day, we were passed out in exhaustion; we were like creatures of the night. Wandering the halls of the palace with hung heads and baggy eyes. Ohh the words of our mothers rang so true, you party, and then you pay…

The young Princes were so cute, so friendly and caring. They were more diligent in serving our meals those days than the serving people. They really helped us through our hangovers.

Now I like thick toasted bread in the morn, preferably covered in a good butter and berry jam. Yet these folk would temp us with such delicate pastries, of such exquisite tastes. These recipes would cause quite a stir in the valley. The secrets of whipping cream into a fluff, so that it is so light and just sits on the crepe, amazing, and given with a laugh and a smile.

Our trade deal was a high point of the entire journey. All parties felt like winners, after all, real trade is good trade. Yet I believe that I got the best of the lot. For two of my Grandfathers hand crafted battleaxes, I got a beautiful Golden Retriever ***** (Female Dog), and her litter of pups. In my visit to the city, I had discovered that dogs are great, and we did not have any at home. Trapper is her name, and if her pups grow to anything like her, then I am one blessed Axe Grinder.

We stayed for several weeks, building great relationships, gathering new deals, investigating their society. Yet all good things do end, and our time to travel home came quickly.

Over the coming years, we built a good and solid relationship with these people. As I sit here in the "Bird Club", enjoying my pipe and brew, I can quite honestly say that I believe that this has truly benefited both our people groups.

Oh, and I now have Trap, and six of the finest dogs in the valley.

[ChrisiusMaximus]

Nice addition and not before time , no really this is an enjoyable piece to read and Im left looking forward to the next serving.

[Paddy]

. . .

- - -

. . .

[Paddy]

. . .
- - -
. . .

That was the only message that came down the great wire.

Our friends were calling us to “Save Our Souls”.

With no other details, “Blue” sent out three Bands of scouts in the direction of “La France”.

To reinforce the scouts, two flying columns were quickly called to arms. The first consisted of three of our beloved Horse Bands. The second, which would follow a little slower, consisted of three Axe Bands, and two Bands of Field (a mixture of farmers, miners and artisans). We could only presume what sort of trouble there was.

“Blue” had the scouts on the way instantaneously, the Horse and the Foot within 36 hours of notification. All of his drills and standards for mobilization were such a splendid sight to see in action. We now had eleven Bands on the road to face an unknown situation.

“Blue” Holly set out with the Horse. She, and her team, would have overall field control of the flying columns. Her youth and vibrancy would be surely missed around the “Bird Club”, but we were proud to cheer her on as they rode out of town, heading for “La France”.

The council met, and it was decided that a larger column would be prepared and sent to our most northern township. They would consist of a mixture of Horse, Foot, Archers, and Field Bands. Not knowing what was going on was no reason not to have some good resources available to assist our friends.

“Save Our Souls” - in our treaties, this was the highest call we had for trouble. That there was no further communication of any sort was not good.

Could it be a sickness? Could it be another of the exploding mountains? On the other hand, were those cantankerous Germans on the warpath?

The Council spent a series of cold nights waiting for word. Passion is not something our people lack. There were some fiery discussions at those meetings.

“Blue” was calm in his resolve. Everything took place very methodically. The third column marched within days. There was no shortage of people who wanted to help the French.

The “Bird Club” was a little quiet in the following weeks, as we awaited word.

[SKILORD]

Good additions.

To elaborate on my point about faux pases: Every now and again, not frequently, but often enough to be cited, you will throw us a phrase that seems improper to the reader (Tore up roads, for example in chapter 1) I am pretty sure that these are evident if you read the chapter over again to yourself.

I saw none, btw, in the last 2 chapters.

[unscratchedfoot]

I don't see any fax machine pausing problems here. It sounds like a herd of mythical creatures are flying out to meet some aliens or something.

[Paddy]

Originally posted by SKILORD
Good additions.

To elaborate on my point about faux pases: Every now and again, not frequently, but often enough to be cited, you will throw us a phrase that seems improper to the reader (Tore up roads, for example in chapter 1) I am pretty sure that these are evident if you read the chapter over again to yourself.

I saw none, btw, in the last 2 chapters.

Skilord, thank you for further elaborating.

I think that I can now see what the issue is, and I believe that it is a good issue with the Civ community.

I believe that it all comes down to using our own languages to suit our own requirements.

I am from Australia, and although the Language we speak is English, we have been away from England for over 200 years, so our language, nuances etc has evolved quite separately.

I can understand what you are saying, but where I come from, that is the way my family, my clan, my community talk.

The difference in our civilizations is evident here, I love the way this works.

If I have really missed the point, please do not hesitate to let me know. It is my intention to learn, to grow, and hopefully develop my writing further.

[Paddy]

Originally posted by unscratchedfoot
I don't see any fax machine pausing problems here. It sounds like a herd of mythical creatures are flying out to meet some aliens or something.

Ok, so I have no idea what you are talking about.

Could you please explain further....?

[ChrisiusMaximus]

Keep it up Paddy

[Paddy]

Thank you for the encouragement.

[vovan]

Originally posted by Paddy the Scot
Could you please explain further....?

Well, maybe I am missing the sarcasm in that question, but... You know, faux pases, fax pauses.

As for the story, I can just say:



More please.