I don't find that big of an issue with borders or AI aggressiveness at all.
Regarding the AI & Borders...
What I do is decide where the borders are before our main borders meet. Once I learn where an AI's borders are I immediately build cities near them so they don't expand my direction. Although this may leave an empty gap between my main borders & my cities on the AI's civs borders, I can fill in that gap later. Will the AI? Usually not! The AI likes to expand it's borders to obtain as much "new border" space as possible 1st. If you place cities near them early on it will force them to grow in other directions first. If the AI does build a city in the gap your culture gets to absorb it shortly. Too bad some people just give up so soon. See my attachment to see how I made the Persians grow vertically (instead of east towards me) and the Chinese to grow horizontally (instead of north towards me). Persians are a blue-grey & the Chinese are pink. My capital started on the Eastern shore... take a look how close my cities were built to the Persian Capital in the west...
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