The Glory of News - SPECIAL WAR EDITION!

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by ZargonX
I think that's the first time I've ever been compared to Bin Laden... not sure how I feel about that...

It was either that or Saddam Hussein.

But we still have yet to find you hiding in a hole somewhere

(and fyi, comparing you to Osama would automatically compare me to Bush... an equally scary thought )

[Master Zen]

btw, just noticed it took over two months to pass from page 5 to page 6...

[Aeson]

Yes MZ, you're Bush. Shouldn't you be liberating an Arab country with help from a certain island nation about now?

(Forget that ND is a Democracy already... concentrate on the WMD's and Oil!)

[Cort Haus]

Originally posted by Aeson
Yes MZ, you're Bush. Shouldn't you be liberating an Arab country with help from a certain island nation about now?

[Master Zen]

!!!!!!!!!

Hadn't really thought of it that way, of course GS would have to concede to being mere pawns in our schemes for world domination

[Theseus]

I hadn't thought about it, but GS has acted quite the part of England in many ways.

[Aeson]

Originally posted by Master Zen
Hadn't really thought of it that way, of course GS would have to concede to being mere pawns in our schemes for world domination

I thought maybe we could be more like a Bishop or Knight than a Pawn. (We will not, under any circumstances, be the Queen!)

[Master Zen]

Rook sound ok?

[Master Zen]

1330 AD Edition

The Glory of News
All the News thats unfit to print

1330 AD


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BREAKING NEWS
GoW reaches PTWDG final
Will play against winner of ND vs GS semifinal


IMPERIAL CITY - In what is considered a lucky draw, GoW avoided a tiring semifinal clash and received an instant bye to the PTWDG final where they will meet the winner of the Neu Demogyptica vs Gathering Storm semifinal currently underway. GoW coach Master Zen explained, "We were so tired after our Quarterfinal game against Lego, we're glad we have a breather before the big one". On the other side of the pond, GS coach Aeson was not as pleased. "We've played three straight games with no rest at all, but we are confident that we will emerge victorious". The titanic struggle between ND and GS is viewed as a classic match between offense and defense with no team having a clear overall edge. "It will be a great game" mentioned Vox coach Rhothaerill, "having these two teams in top form duke it out, I'm definitely bringing an extra-large bucket of popcorn to watch this one!".

The first round of the PTWDG championship saw Lux, Vox and Roleplay eliminated in some amazing matches and a number of unbelievable upsets. Lux's now-legendary defeat against ND was all the more humilliating since all of ND's goals were scored by Lux themselves. Likewise, GS was hard-pressed against Vox but ended up snatching a major victory out of the blue. And in what was perhaps the most memorable of matches, the simultaneous trashing of Roleplay by ND and GoW's underdog victory against GS paved the way for the second round of the championship though not all was good sportsmanship, as the GoW-GS game ended in massive stadium riots and fights in the pitch prompting many GS players to quit the tournament. But in a sign of unity, a combined GoW-GS team slid through and defeated the most feared team in the tournament, Legoland, in the Quarterfinals.

In other news, there are plans to get Vox and Roleplay to duke it out for an Honorable-Mention though there is still the pressing issue on which of the two stadiums the game will be played and whether either team has the means to travel all the way around the world to play. There is also talk about the final being played with the new and controversial Nuke Net-Busterâ„¢ ball which is still in its testing stage.


GS's DeepO makes an agressive sliding tackle against ND's zeri during the opening minutes of the semifinal




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Neu Demogyptica builds United Nations
First draft resolution declares Gathering Storm "illegal"

BORCEM - In what is likely to be a milestone for multilateral diplomacy, Demogyptican authorities completed the United Nations in the city Borcem, inviting delgations from all around the world to work together for peace, security, order and "the Demogyptican way of life". Delegates from all nations were quick to arrive and set up permanent missions in the city. Among the expected topics for discussion will be the issue of Roleplay's former Lego colonies, and of course, the current war between ND and GS. The opening ceremony, however, was mired with protests outside the UN Headquarters, mostly from Spanish and Stormian ex-pats protesting ND's less-than-stellar reputation for peace. "This is outrageous" said Spanish ex-pat José Miguel de Cervantes Nuñez Ferández Hernández RodrÃguez, "the same country which invaded Roleplay twice now wants to act like they care about world peace!"

One of the first comittees to begin work was the Security Council. ND diplomats were quick to present an initial draft resolution titled "The Situation regarding The Gathering Storm". Among other points, the resolution called the Gathering Storm to be "illegal" and urged their immediate surrender and extermination. "This resolution had some heavy language" said GoW diplomat Hot_Enamel, "I mean, seriously, how can you call an entire nation 'illegal'?". While not expected to pass this resolution is seen as only the beginning in a series of equally-useless garbage that will be discussed in the near future.

GoN obtained an exclusive copy of the draft resolution which is presented as follows:

DRAFT RESOLUTION SC1
SPONSOR: Neu Demogyptica

- Noting with alarm GS's imperialist past and their intentions to settle on Bob at all costs,

- Concerned over the possibility of GS constructing weapons of mass destruction,

- Determined to finish what we started in the Bobian War,

1) Decides to declare the Gathering Storm illegal,

2) Reiterates our intentions to make all their base belong to us,

3) Urges our sissy-ass neighbors to the north to join us in this struggle,

4) Determines to capture Togas, King of Spain, and hang him from the minaret of the Neu Theben mosque



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Other Headlines


The Capital (Page A1)
"Museum of Mismanagement opened, built with only two workers"

The Hinterland (A15)
"Livestock die in Isolationa, chupacabras or Trip likely suspects"

Foreign Affairs (B1)
"'Neutrality Prostitute' foreign policy deemed even too whoreish for GoW"

Culture (C1)
"'Lern to speik an spel' campaign opens in Tenebrae"

Fashion (C10)
"Electric shavers banned, declared 'un-Warmongerian' by Cultural Ministry"

People (D1)
"'GhengisFarb truly insane', new book claims"

[Theseus]

"Neutrality prostitute"... is that 'round the world', and costs extra?

/me the ex-Marine with past duty in Manila and Okinawa *honestly* wants to know.

[Rhothaerill]

Can't wait for that match against Spain. Vox has a couple of young, powerful forwards in snoopy369 and jon miller, the wily "shoot-em-up" halfback in Beta and the defensive minded fullback in Rhothaerill. Paired with Wittlich as the "nothing gets past him" goalie, I just don't see how Vox could ever lose to Spain.

[Master Zen]

Originally posted by Theseus


"Neutrality prostitute"... is that 'round the world', and costs extra?

* Theseus the ex-Marine with past duty in Manila and Okinawa *honestly* wants to know.

"me love you long time"

[Theseus]

Originally posted by Master Zen
"me love you long time"

Ahhh... the essence of GoW diplomacy.

[Rhothaerill]

Originally posted by Theseus


Ahhh... the essence of GoW diplomacy.

Beware their bearded women...and GhengisFarb, though that's about the same thing.

[Theseus]

Hmm... bearded women.