Apolyton Times - 1st Issue

[Sirotnikov]

	the Apolyton Times
	1st Edition | Saturday June 15th 2002 | Civlization III Democracy Newspaper
Theisms to go around! Violence erupts as citizens argue about which belief system is true.		Imperial Expansion Lobby? A majority vote decides to put Eli, Punkbass and Timeline in a single board, to decide about the future of infrastructure development and imperialist expansion.
Citizens of the yet to be named state, argue vigorously about the real and true religious belief system. A majority, it appears, believes in only one true god. "Our god is the greatest" said one protestor while smashing what he called "idol altars"."That's right" added a man helping him, "Allah is the only true God". "What?" said the first, "Everybody knows that Jehovah is the real god". Ignoring their comrades calls to "postpone the discussion to later times", the two protester proceeded to punch each other in the face. In another occasion, citizens have been seen erecting new altars on each corner. "Every corner" explains chief Polytheist priest Man E. Gods, "has its own god. For instance, here the goddess Thamar rules the streets, so everyone must pray to it and give it apples, which she adores". Below: Thamar's Temple	A neighbor passing by disagreed. "If we went by his system of belief, gods would be like street gangs. On every street corner you have to pray to a different god, wear its colors, put its headband and pay it passing fees. It's ridiculous. There are only so many gods, which are involved in only the most serious of manners. Typical lefties - bloating the pantheon. A small number of gods is best for all ". "This is stupid" says director of Atheists in Apolyton. "They'd like you to believe there's a god of this and a god of that. We don't need them! We already have a democratic government. Besides there is no proof that god exists" concluded the atheist just before being struck by lightning. "It's so stupid to put your faith in the hands of another, so called 'superior' being" said another atheist. "That is why we gather every 7th day in public centers and rub the heads of bald men for good luck". Later in the evening, it appears that the God-fearing zealo… excuse me – people, have all united in a big clan and went to bust some heretic heads. On this stage, our reporter preferred to leave the scene.	In a crushing victory (72%) it was decided that Eli, Punkbass and Timeline will be put together in a board of "Territorial Development and Expansion" to "serve as a center of communication between these interlinked positions" according to idea initiator Timeline, Minister of Imperial Expansion. "Members can debate, hammer out details, and present a united front to the president on our course of action" he added. Fears in the government arise that the united front will become a serious right-wing expansionist lobby. Those 3 ministers and the Defense minister and the Generals, will, according to some, push the executive authority to pursue their own private interests and ideology. Punkbass, as the city planner, is supposed to be the left wing, perfectionist leader. However, it appears that he too shares the same imperialist visions as the rest. "I strongly believe that an early war is an important for a beginning nation's development" he said in a recent election campaign. "I will emphasize both offensive and defensive units early on, in addition to building settlers at every opportunity" he continued. "I really don't >hick< know what to think" told us a drunken communist hippie protestor. "I mean, sure, you can laugh all you want about us being high all day long" at which point he proceeded to ride a purple two headed lamma for a while. Then he returned.	"But it doesn't mean we don't >hick< notice what happens around us. This right wing imperialist government will only proceed to oppress other nations and civilizations. It will overrun other cultures, which have the same >hick< legitimacy to exist as we do. I don't even get why do we form a state? Why can't we all just get along as a single human >hick< race?" "Nonsense" said a military official by the name of P. Anzer. "There are evil people out there, and they don't care much about us. We have to protect ourselves by assuring enough territory and arms for the survival of our people. And you all know that the best defense is a good pre-emptive offense. Besides, I'm sure that other nations will be in awe of our culture and I more than welcome them to join. In fact, I think we should help them join in advance. We need to make them understand that they want to join." At this point the official left us and began chasing a leftwing protestor who threw rocks at him. The leftwing protestor claimed that the rocks were merely a weapon of popular dissent, and therefore were fully legitimate. Yet when an approaching army vehicle began hurling rocks at the protestors, some began crying about "excessive use of power" and "illegal use of lethal weapons". "Those are boulders!" yelled a protestor fleeing for his life.
Landmass Ahead Projected Landmass: How the hell are we supposed to know?	Bombs, Away! Lethal Bombardment fans will just have to wait for the next lifetime.		My name is Citizens vote to decide the forming country's name
It appears that the majority vote for the landmass of the planet we are settling is better left undecided. "There are these people, who go around telling others that we are on a continent, and that the planet is covered mostly by water" told us one person. "But I think they are false prophets. I mean – how the hell do they know that? It's impossible to foretell". His friend explained "We haven't even settled on the damn planet surface yet. Not one city. Not a village. Zilch. Nada! And these people are going around spreading rumors about the whole damn planet?". "Next thing we know they'll say it's not flat!!" added the first person. Below: Scientists' projections about immediatelly known terrain	In another poll, most voters agreed that lethal bombs should never be developed. Not by this civilization and not by others. "It's enough that we have all sorts of pointy things that can pierce our bodies that we can poke, hurl or project at each other using various means" said one voter. "We do not need to add huge tons of mystical magical exploding stuff to it too. I mean, it's ok if it hurt or something. We can't ignore that magic can hurt. But killing using explosive magic? Killing from afar? That's not fair, not to mention it's cowardice." Most people seemed to agree, but several people still hold the view that anything is legal in war. "You know, someday we'll develop an explosion strong enough to wipe off cities" told us one Nostraamsesdamus. "And people will be able to attack from the skies and the sies. If that is legal, why not large exploding things? What's the deal with that?"	Passers by preferred to ignore his words calling him "crazy". "We'll eventually leave this earth! You'll see" began Nostraamsesdamus yelling at people, chasing them off. Above: Nostraamsesdamus Supporters of lethal bombs told us that if they lose, they will consider using their suggested bombs to terrorise the community into submission. "We'll bomb them to death!" Screamed one lethal bombardment enthusiast. "You mean to almost zero health" his friend corrected him.	In an election process going on for a while now, citizens vote to decide on how to name the new forming country. Many would like the country to reflect the political and ideological background of the people, while others just think it should sound 'cool'. A 'Star Trek' fan told us: "Now take 'The dominion'. Now that's a cool name, waaay cooler than everything else. I mean 'The People's Republic of Apolyton' - that's ridiculous. It suggests we plan to reproduce in an astounding race and built great walls of sorts. It also requires us to eat rice, which isn't that great for the digestion, if you know what I mean". Another citizen said "Well that's just dumb. I don't want to have some sort of geeky ideological name. We are the people of Apolyton. Therefore - Apolytonia. It's that simple. There are so many stupid names. Apolytonica? What are we, a metal group? Aplytonia does seem to be winning, in both polls. Speaking of which, the people are suspicious of the legality of this double polling, yet hope for the best name to win.
Yiddish Works Eli wins Ministry of Public Works	Banana Tears Banana cries about discrimination following major humiliation in polls		Civman = 100% Civman2000 Elected Chief Statistician
In a close competition with a yellow prolonged crooked fruit, Eli has proved victorious. Eli, possibly the apparent inventor of democracy games (see thread The Perfect Civ Game) will now be assigned the job of deciding on moving workers and placing land improvements. Imaginary sources tell that Eli is planning to create a Worker's Union, which will lobby the government for funds and if refused, massive strikes and pillaging of national infrastructure is expected. Eli, an Israeli Jew, is said by non-existing sources to include temples and synagogues in the category of public infrastructure buildings. Eli did not comment on the accusations since we haven't bothered to contact him.	Following it's defeat in every single poll, Banana today organized a press conference in which it accused the citizens of discrimination on the basis of race, type, shape and color. "You did not elect me, because I am a plant" accused Banana the gathered crowd. "You thought to yourself 'Hey, what is that curved creature going to do? We can't trust him! He's not even human!'" Banana added. "On several of my campaign posters people sprayed hate messages such as 'He is yellow' and 'Go back to the tropics where you came from'". Banana broke down in tears "You have no idea what's it like to be called 'Fruit!' when walking down the street".	"You only accepted my applications to make fun of me and give me false hope!" He continued. "You thought that if you include me, you could say you're a democratic society. But it's not! It's an apartheid! Fruits are grown in isolated farms by special 'farmers'. Do you have any idea what does it do to a man?" At which point the crowds got so bored that they began chasing the poor fruit, hoping to put him in a blender with some milk which would result in a cool refreshing shake. May he rest in peace. The most prominent candidate for his replacement appears to be Strawberry, but rumors originating in the Kiwi election staff try to stress that "Strawberry is excellent in cream cakes".	In a unanimous and self-obvious decision, Civman2000 was elected national mathematician for the statistics office, following the discovery he knows math . "He invented 4 different ways to decide who the winner of a multi-poll should be" said one observer. "Not only that, but the rest of the people seem lost when encountered with methods such as 'mean' and 'median'". "It's very simple" explained Civman2000 when asked to explain his methods of calculation to the masses. "You take all the results you get and then…" at which point our reporter lost track and dozed off for a good couple of hours. It has come to our knowledge that several political candidates have already contacted Civman2000 in search of ways to maximize the probability of them winning the election polls.
	All rights reserved to Sirotnikov Publishing Ltd. 2002 ©

[Nubclear]

Re: Apolyton Times - 1st Issue

I can bairly read it....

[ThePlagueRat]

You have to highlight all the text... then you read. A little flaw, but Nice!

[Nubclear]

Originally posted by ThePlagueRat
You have to highlight all the text... then you read. A little flaw, but Nice!

Yeah, it is nice. This will be a nice addition to the 'newspapers' i can read, although I still prefer the Apolytonian.

[notyoueither]

It appears perfectly fine for me.

[Panag]

hi ,

excellent job , keep it up , ....

have a nice day

[ThePlagueRat]

Originally posted by notyoueither
It appears perfectly fine for me.

Yes, it's was that damn MS browser... (let's sue them once again!)
Now I started Opera and it was all clear and fine.
I really enjoyed reading this paper!

[Panag]

hi ,

several people are now rolling on the floor , when they discovered all the news , ....
since i put a somewhat strange new meaning in their live , they ask if its possible to post at least every other day , ....

have a nice day

[Moral Hazard]

Good stuff! A regular broadsheet to my tabloid. I will continue to publish at least for a while. Unless Siro would be interested in a merger, you have to admit that I've got the better name This does put a damper on my power, I was hoping I could bribe Ministers to my point of view with promises of good press

Thanks for the comments Tassador

[Sirotnikov]

Why not have several competing newspapers??

You know, making this took me several hours!!

I'm not sure I can do this too often. Perhaps twice a week.

So we'll have two (even three) newspapers, filling in for each other.

[Sirotnikov]

Btw, Tassadar, could you post a print screen of how you see the paper?

I have internet explorer and it looks perfect for me.

[Sirotnikov]

Btw, anyone who wants to post articles, just PM them to me, or E-mail them to me.

It's hard writing good content.

Btw, I would like an appriciation of the content and jokes.

[Panag]

Originally posted by Sirotnikov
Btw, anyone who wants to post articles, just PM them to me, or E-mail them to me.

It's hard writing good content.

Btw, I would like an appriciation of the content and jokes.

hi ,

the last lines of the "lobby" , yeah , that really is nice , ....

as for the rest , well the jokes you put in there , man some people where really having a good time , ....

have a nice day

[Sirotnikov]

Panag, I'm not sure you are up to date with the Civ III democracy game, as I don't recall seeing you here.

The jokes are all based on the current polls.

[Panag]

Originally posted by Sirotnikov
Panag, I'm not sure you are up to date with the Civ III democracy game, as I don't recall seeing you here.

The jokes are all based on the current polls.

hi ,



have a nice day