History of the World 4.0

[Alexander's Horse]

cough, cough

[deity]

"Do not let that secret intelligence get into the wrong hands..."

[deity]

Originally posted by Alexander's Horse
cough, cough

LMAO!

[deity]

Azande Vision

A jungle based dream...

[deity]

Azadine Traders

The peaceful Azadine...

[deity]

Uele armageddon...

The Uele freaks with hardly one city in the upper reaches of the jungles dream of conquest...

[Alexander's Horse]

good god

[Rasputin]

The Razlamics accept the Ueles challlenge and will meet any attempts at domination of africa with the full force of our mighty and brave wariors.

We know the azande will support the destruction of these evil witch doctors

[Rasputin]

.

[Rasputin]

The Head of the Senate in Egypt, does hereby write to the Infidels of Serbia Major.

WE have seen your secret plans for invasion of the Mid East and we are not pleased. We request that you immediatly send home all and any troops headed into the Holy Area of the World.
Your activities elsewehere are of little or no concern to us, but we cannot allow you to enter our hold lands. The GREAT RAZ is with us and we shall not fail.

[OzzyKP]

The Ballad of King Henry VIII

I’m Henry the 8th I am,
Henry the 8th I am, I am,
I got married to the widow next door,
She’s been married 7 times before,
And every one was a Henry (Henry),
She wouldn’t have a Willy or a Sam (no Sam)
I’m her 8th old man I Henry,
Henry the 8th I am

Second verse same as the first
I’m Henry the 8th I am,
Henry the 8th I am, I am,
I got married to the widow next door,
She’s been married 7 times before,
And every one was a Henry (Henry),
She wouldn’t have a Willy or a Sam (no Sam)
I’m her 8th old man I Henry,
Henry the 8th I am
(shouts)

(mandolin solo)

I’m Henry the 8th I am,
Henry the 8th I am, I am,
I got married to the widow next door,
She’s been married 7 times before,
And every one was a Henry (Henry),
She wouldn’t have a Willy or a Sam (no Sam)
I’m her 8th old man I Henry,
Henry the 8th I am

H-E-N-R-Y
Henry (Henry) Henry (Henry)
Henry the 8th I am, I am,
Henry the 8th I am.

[OzzyKP]

Protestant Reformation Hits England

After many years of pure Catholic faith, the British empire has been split by a revolution of religious dissent and fervor. Sadly the break in the faith occured over less than honorable circumstances resulting from the search for a male heir by King Henry VIII. Minsteral comedian, Eddie Izzard tells the tale:

Then Henry VIII came along, Henry VIII, a big hairy king, ummm, and uhh, he said to the Pope, the head of the Catholic Church, “Mr. Pope! I’m going to marry my first wife, and then I’m going to divorce her. Now, I know what you’re going to say but stick with me – my story gets better. I’m going to marry my second wife and then I’m gong to kill her – cut her head off! Ahhhh, not expecting that, are ya? Hahaha! Third wife, gonna shoot her. Fourth wife, put her into a bag. Fifth wife, into outer space. Sixth wife, on a Rotissimat. Seventh wife, made out of jam. Eighth wife – hoooa, hooo – ” And the Pope’s going, “You crazy bugger! You can’t do all this! What are you, a Mormon? You can’t marry all these people! It’s illegal! You can’t do all thi – I am the Pope, I am the head of the church, I have to keep up st – ciao… I have to be respect… What have you been reading, the gospel according to St. Bastard?” So Henry VIII, who was, uh, Sean Connery for this film: “Well then, I will shet up a new religion in thish country. I will sh – I will shet up – the – g – uh – the, uh, religion – the Pshychotic Bashtard religion.” And an advisor said, “Why not call it Church of England, shall we?” “Ch – Church of England!” “Yes sir, much better.” “Even though I am Shcottish myshelf.”

After a long, victorious reign, King Henry VIII lost all respect for the institutions of the church, beleiving himself the ultimate authority in the world. His victories over the Cherokee and Tartars only served to boost his sense of power and control in the world. His arrogance would lead to a catastrophic split in the church, and challenge the faith of Christians everywhere. It was not a complete loss however. One day a German monk, inspired by the courage of King Henry to break away from the Catholic church, but sickened by his reasons for doing so, began his own faith. Eddie Izzard continues to tell his tale:

That’s the birth of Church of England, the birth of the Anglican Church! Disgusting, eh? That’s no basis to start a religion on! Nothing to do with the Protestant church – I mean, He – H – Henry just ****ged and killed a lot of women and then stole all the money off the monasteries. You know. Rape – pillage, rape and pillage, that is.

The Protestant faith was different. That started, umm, uh, well, probably around a similar time, but that was about Martin Luther, this German guy who pinned a note on a church door saying, “ ‘ang on a minute.” But in German, so, “Ein Minuten, bitte. Ich habe einen kleinen Problemo avect dieser Religionay.” He was from everywhere. So yeah. So, and, uh, so the Protestant faith was sort of tacked, you know, on by Queen Elizabeth I a bit later. “…Oh, principles! Thank God! We’ve got some principles.”

This split rocked the foundation of the British empire. The once unified people were now split in half. England, Scandanavia, Austria and Amsterdam choose some form of new Protestant faith while France, Spain, Italy and Ireland retained their Catholic beliefs. The colonies were just a jumbled mess.

After the mess he caused trying to find a male heir, King Henry VIII never succeeded, and his daughter Queen Elizabeth I took the throne.

[OzzyKP]

Meanwhile, Eddie Izzard relays the heavenly reactions to the events unfolding down on earth:

God must be up – must be up there going, “What on earth is that?” God, who is James Mason. “What on earth is that, Jesus? Jesus Christ! What on earth is that?” “Don’t take my name in vain, Dad!” “Jezee Chrizee, what on earth is that?” “Don’t call me Jezee Chrizee. Look Dad, I went down there, I taught ‘em to be hang out, be groovy, drink a bit of wine, they split into different groups! You’ve got the Catholics, the Protestants, the Jesuits, the Methodists, the Evangelicals, the free Presbyterians, the locked up Presbyterians…the Quakers, the Bakers, the Candlestick Makers... The Mormons are from Mars, Dad, we’ve had that checked out.” “And what does the Holy Ghost think of all this?” “Oh, he’s useless, Dad. Got a sheet over his head these days.” [Holy Ghost:] “Ooooh…Holy Ghost…Holy Ghost…Holy Ghost!” [God:] “Holy Ghost, this is not an episode of Scooby Doo!” [Holy Ghost:] “I would have succeeded if it wasn’t for those pesky God and Jesus fellows!”

[OzzyKP]

Any other Eddie Izzard fans out there?

[Rasputin]

ooc never hear of him


IC

Communications with the Serbs broke down last night amidst fears of an invasion. Razlamic fundamentalists have reported to the senate that they have sighted Serbian military forces amassing on our borders.


The Egyptian Emprorer Palpatine, last night passed emergency laws due to the imminent attacks from the Serbs. All Serbian nationsalists have been asked to leave our borders immediatlely, any Serbs found within our territory by end of week will be regarded as a spy.

Further to this, all true beleiving Razlamics are called to sign on at your nearest army barracks. This call to arms has already been met by huge crowds of men women and children lining up at Fort Rameses and Fort Trev.

The Emporer has called on all other world nations to take notice of this agression shown by the Christian Serbs against a peace loving Razlam nation. He asks that the Tartars be on guard for further aggresion but states that all Egyptian troops will do their damndest to stop Serbian Infidels from passing through our lands and on into Tartar territory. The emporer knows tha tmany Tartar citizens have the true faith and he feels as close to them as his own people.

Due to the outbreak of war, all Camels arriving or attempting to cross our lands will be searched for weopons and spys.