History of the World 4.0

[OzzyKP]

And cause I'm a stats junkie, here is something for the website, Raz.

[Rasputin]

thanks ozzy....

[Rasputin]

Even though he was unaware, ThE MAN was resting in the home of one of the many remnants from the Mid East massacres conducted in his name. This family were of Tartar origin but they had taken him in and cared for him. They gave him the best care they could even though they were very poor as were all Tartars from the Mideast , being so far from Tartar home territory they had long been forgotten.

THE MAN continued to heal and his broken legs would heal well enoguh for him to walk agian, however he would forever have a limp in his right leg.

All went well till one day during his convelescance THE MAN did espy the daughter of the household. She was bathing herself down by the river and thought she was all alone, but THE MAN did spy upon her beauty and grace and wanted her for himself. He couldnt help himself, he was drawn to her. But the household would not allow it as she was only 15 years of age, which whilst legal in Egypt was not accepted by Tartartradition.

And so THE MAN , so full of lust and desire for the girl, did one day follow her to her bathing spot again, but this time he approached her and before she could run or make a sound he wa son her and had his way with her.

The brothers of the girl found her later and told their father, who gathered some of the vilalge together to kill this evil evil man. But befor ethey could organsie themselves, THE MAN had fled to the new Egyptian city of The Holy LAnd and disguised himself amongs the populace.

[Rasputin]

Funeral

In the southern Holy city of Tuts home, the great and aged Pharaoh was lain to rest. His rule had been one of internal stife in Egypt but the people remembered him for the peacr hr had forged at a time of great need.

The mourners carried his mummified body into the tomb and shut him in. The new Pharaoh Rameses wept tears showing his loss was great.

But Egypt would go on. Now in times of peace and with the bordsers open for trade, great things lay ahead.

[OzzyKP]

In the final days of King Arthur a crisis struck the Round Table. Stephan Uros, the Domestic Advisor, exiled King of Serbia, and son-in-law to King Arthur was assassinated. Princess Ann awoke on the 4th day of the 8th month to find her husband dead, a victim of poisoning. The royal guard searched Camelot for the assassin, and after detaining the entire palace kitchen staff for questioning, Milorad Sekaric was discovered and found to be the assassin. After interrogation Milorad proved to be a disciple of the late Archbishop Sava. Angered by the spread of Arianism and religious persecution under the reign of King Uros I, Milorad plotted for years before pulling off the poisoning that sealed the ex-ruler's fate.

After a trial, the magistrate sentenced Milorad to death by beheading. A crowd gathered 5 days later to witness his execution. He was given a chance to utter his last words before the crowd before his death. Milorad swore that he, and the Crimson Brotherhood would not rest until the English "heathens" were put to the sword for their crimes against the faith. He then named Princess Ann as their next target. His death then came swiftly, but his bold threats unnerved the crowd. As his daughter was named, King Arthur was as unnerved as any.

Concerned by the religious fanaticism that the Serbian fringe group, Crimson Brotherhood represented, Arthur invested himself in religion with new vigor. He had been born a pagan, and only well into adulthood did he convert to Christianity, however it was an issue he never much concerned himself with. To shed light on this issue, he invited Pope Leo I up from Rome to attend a meeting of the Round Table to discuss this matter.

"Your Excellency," began Sir Gawaine, "what is this Arianism the foul assassin accused us of?"
"The accusations are none but lies and propaganda my son. The Arians are a cult of heretics that deny the divinity of Christ, but hold little influence on the mainstream church." explained Pope Leo.
Sir Percivale pressed him further, "And what of the monk Arius? The Serbs say he is of English origin, and founded this movement."
"More deceit. It is true that towards his death Arius moved to England to practice and spread his heresy, but he is of Serb origin. Living most of his life in Antioch, near the mideastern Serbian city of Ras. His was a theological response to the Serb polytheistic heresy."
"Which is?"
"In conversations with the Ras Patriarch, he spoke of 'gods', declaring both Jesus and God to be separate deities. This is a heretical understanding that challenges the notion of the Trinity and our belief in one God. Arius was right to rebel against this teaching, but in his zeal went too far."
Leaning back in his chair, King Arthur folded his hands by his chin in thought. Waiting for a comment, the table quieted and looked to the King. After a great wait, he emerged from thought, righted his posture and spoke.
"This is a matter that must be resolved. The Faith is becoming factionalized and turning to violence to solve its disputes. The Crimson Brotherhood has just begun what it promises to be a long campaign of violence. As the doctrinal differences proposed are matters of faith, they cannot be resolved through bloodshed, but rather through discussion. Pope Leo, I propose you call an Ecumenical Council to settle these disputes."
Nodding in agreement, Leo said, "Yes, that is a grand idea. Christians of the world will come together to work out the true doctrine. I propose we meet at the spectacular new cathedral finished in Novi Sad. I shall dispatch a messenger to the Ras Patriarch immediately."
"Make it so," said King Arthur, "let us hope this can squash religious extremism and save the life of Princess Ann."

[OzzyKP]

The Voyage of Leif Ericson 875bc. Excepts from his journal.

Day 1 - France

At long last we have set upon the sea. For many days we have been trapped at this foul port, loading up these pilgrims. What a disorganized bunch of ninnies. Why the King is granting Iceland to the French I shall never know. Have I a thing to say, it shall become Norwegian, but alas it is not my call.

We travel next to London where we shall stock up for the trip and gather suitable provisions.

Day 5 - London

What a grand city London is, but if I spend another day on land without rape and pillage I shall go mad. The King is a good man, but the excessive precaution he commands is frustrating. Tis but a 10 day sail to Iceland but he demands we stock provisions for 30! Worse yet, he insists we bring a division of English footmen.

It is rumored Merlin had a vision which prompted these adjustments, but that mystic is a crazy fool as far as I am concerned. That cannot be the reason behind these troops, it must be the King does not trust my crew. Sending along these soldiers to spy upon us.

As long as they understand that on my ship I do not take orders I give them, we shall be fine.

Day 6 - London

At last we are to ship out today. My father, Eric visited with me one last time today. He wishes it were he who led this voyage. As he discovered and named Iceland he thinks it only right he should lead the voyage to settle it. He agrees with me the French should not be allowed to set foot on the island.

Arthur has made him governor of Scandinavia. I can see his wanderlust cooped up in his new life of bureaucracy. He admires our King greatly though, and admires all he serves with on the Round Table. Tis a grand institution I agree. I shall bring him a report of the trip upon my return.

Day 14 - North Atlantic

Twas a grand storm last night. The likes of which I had not seen in years. Not far from Iceland we were and the great storm struck. The ferocious demon threatened to tear apart our ships board by board. With sails down, the oarsmen awoke to fight through the storm. It was no use as our ships were tossed in the waves like twigs.

We are fewer in number this morning, tis a sad loss. One ship of our five was lost in the torrent. Those of us that remain are far off course. Lacking proper navigation techniques I fear we may only get further off course as we continue. But continue we must.

Day 20 - Greenland

Land is sighted. Tis a cold, barren land. I shall dispatch a party to scavenge what food and resources that can be found. Our provisions may grow low otherwise. I have decided to name this place Greenland. Perhaps the foolish French will be enticed and decide to settle here rather than our Iceland.

Day 27 - Greenland

We continue to hug the coast. This is a great mass of land. I am making charts of our journey. Should we ever return the King will be pleased to learn of this land. Not much use, however. Our several treks inland have yielded not much more than a few deer and fish. Vegetation is sparse. No firewood can be found. May God deliver us from this unforgiving land.

Day 35 - North Atlantic

Leaving the Greenland coast we have again ventured out to sea. Our provisions are low, but we survive. Mayhaps the loss of that ship is a blessing in disguise. Less mouths to feed in this, our time of need. Not much did we take from the Greenland tundra, but enough to supplement our stocks.

The English threaten mutiny for my decision to press onward. Shall we wait on Greenland for death? Nay, we must continue on. I see signs there be land ahead. My sailor's gut says we are near, my faith in the Lord says not to fear, and my wild spirit says we must continue on if nothing other than to see what lies beyond the next crest of wave.

My father discovered Iceland, and it is fate that led me to discover Greenland. What more does fate hold for me? What lands lay undiscovered before me? My first officer has looked over the maps we have made and has figured a rough idea of where we went wrong and how to get back. I cannot go back now. We have come so far already. There is more out there, I can feel it in my bones.

Day 36 - North Atlantic

The hours pass slowly. It has been several days since we saw land. The French colonists once fat and haughty are solemn. They do naught but pray for deliverance. It is now those English soldiers who cause a stir. They have threatened my crew many times, and fights have broke out. Their commander has been very vocal in complaint towards me, but keeps his men under control. He knows I and my crew are the only ones who save us from a watery grave. Without us, we shall all perish. However without some proof to buttress my pleas, they may soon be beyond reason and restraint.

Day 37 - North Atlantic

Great celebration aboard the ships today. A gull was spotted this afternoon. I then spotted with my own eyes a patch of grass and wood drifting in the surf. The mood has changed dramatically among all. There is tangible hope. It shan't be long now.

Day 39 - New England

Land ho!!! Tis a sight that warms the heart. We are at last in sight of land. Unlike the land we encountered in Greenland, this land is lush and green. In honor of my great King and country, I shall call this land New England.

We shall begin landing parties in the morning. We are in dire need of provisions, but at last there is prospects for new food.

Day 40 - New England

Our landing parties have encountered native peoples. A savage people, dressed in rags and animal skins. They seem friendly enough, and have offered us food. Enough to make our return voyage. There is much rejoicing.

We have traded some basic trinkets to the natives in exchange. For such common good as beads and cloth these savages would trade away a whole empire. Perhaps this could be handy knowledge later.

Day 41 - New England

After further exploration I have found the mouth of a great river. The natives call it the Cin Laoureince. I shall name it the Ericson River.

This is truly a great land of high forests and ample game. Believing their prayers have been answered, the French settlers have decided to establish their colony here at the mouth of the river. They shall call the colony Quebec. Hoping to protect the settlers from the barbarian natives who populate this land, the English soldiers have vacated the fleet as well.

With a successful voyage, and the discovery of a New World, I now look to home and our return trip. With the area mapped, it should be a much quicker and easier journey. We all anticipate a grand welcome upon our return.

[Rasputin]

The great Raz was not pleased, infidels still stood upon the Holy Grounds, and worse yet, his people had begun to doubt he existed, priests were no longer the accepted origin of power, wel lhe would deal with that. And the infidels, well their time would come too.

[Rasputin]

The MAN gathered with some of his trustworthy friends, he knew that the local populace were agaisnt him, rumour sof his rape were spreading and he knew he would have to stamp that fire out quick.

And now word had come to him of the Treacherous English landing on far away shores. They had interferred with his plans for Mid east dominance by placing Sir Galahad in the way of his troops. He would never forgive thme that, And now they claimed to be smal land insignificant, and yet were laying clai mto what he knew through the old priests to be the lushest and best land in all the world. No he would make them pay for their treachury and fires would burn again, this time in Europe and then in Briton ....

Yes he loved the thought of that .....

[Rasputin]

Pharaoh Rameses looked out upon his new realm and then sighed. He had a heavy heart. Rumours of the Evil that was known simply as THE MAN had returned by messenger from The Holy Lands. His atrocitys of killing so many Egyptians had now beenexasperated by his actions at the hands of the kind Tartars. Rameses knew that although he needed to be planning his countrys rebuilding and modernisation his first actions were going to be chase down the elusive MAN. The Egyptian people were still torn between two oppsoing forces. He had hoped all had changed but not so. He had heard rumour of the Senate set up in some of the Northern Provinces, but down here in the South they were still loyal to the Pharaohs. And as for thr Mid East, that now seemed full of all that was deplorable. THE MAN had gathered to himself all the scum of the earth , the terrorists and murderers and rapists. That was THE MAN's army. Mercenarys all. Bought for gold, Egypts gold, thought Rameses. Yes THE MAN had robbed Egypt broke spending all their money on mercenaries from around the world to conduct his violence.

Now I too need to gather an army thought Rameses, but not to remove the foriegners , but one of their own....

[Rasputin]

Egyptian Secret Service HQ

Gathered round the table were all the top ranking spies in Egypt. They had contacts through out the world now and were analysing the latest information

"According to our main spy, the Englsih have 14 citys" said General Isas

"Yes sire, but on our maps of Europe we have received there is only 9!!" replied Major Ramis

General Isas smiled " Yes the crafty devils have obviously been settling the new frontieer they named as New England for a long time now, and have more there than their latest release indicates"

"But General couldnt those missing cities fit into Europe instead"

"Ah yes they could, but look at the English style of City layout, they like large spaces between each city and dont like crowding, no I would say room for maybe 2 more in Europe, so the toher 3 must be in NEW England. Sneaky little bastards they are "

[OzzyKP]

Leif Ericson returned from his great voyage in 700bc. Expecting great celebrations to honor his heroic journey he marched triumphantly into Camelot and told King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table his story. They were jubuliant, and had much praise for Leif. His father, Eric the Red, was very happy for his son.

However the celebrations he expected did not come to pass. King Arthur, and the rest of the council decided to hush the entire endevor. Citing national security interests, the King made the knights take an oath of secrecy to not let news of New England leave the room. Otherwise New England risks becoming New Serbia, New Tartardom, or New Egypt, and that was a risk they could not take.

Ericson was mollified, but he understood the wisdom of the council. The council promised to honor him appropriately when the time came, and quietly began building a monument in honor of his voyage. Maintaining the utmost secrecy the Round Table sent Leif again to the New World with more setters, and then sent Captain John Cabot with his own fleet to explore as well.

Many years in the future, a minstrel comedian described the intrepid English forces thusly:

So, yeah. So there was a lot of that, and we built up empires – we stole countries! That’s what you do – that’s how you build an empire. We stole countries with the cunning use of flags. Yeah. Just sail around the world and stick a flag in. “I claim Scandinavia for Britain!” They go, “You can’t claim us – we live here! Five million of us!” “Do you have a flag?” “We don’t need a bloody flag! We – it’s our country, you bastards!” “No flag, no country – you can’t have one. That’s the rules that – I’ve just made up. And I’m backing it up with this sword.

But in – in America it was different. They set off from Plymouth and landed in Plymouth! How lucky is that? “This is Plymouth? We’ve just come from Plymouth! We’ve gone round in a circle. Lads, back on the boats.” They finally got there and said, “Ahh, this is where our God has brought us to. We can – we can practice our religion here. We can raise a family. There’s nobody here!…excuse me. There’s nobody here! Yes, a land empty of human existe – who the **** are these guys? What’s all this, please? No, we don’t want any of your food, thank you very much. Just put some clothes on!”

Meanwhile, meanwhile that winter, “’Scuse me, do you have any food? I love all this, love the idea. Hahahe, yes, I’m sorry, we were a bit brisk when we first arrived… We didn’t realize you owned the entire country! But you have no system of ownership! Mmm, interesting. Umm…maybe that can come in useful later – food! Thank you very much, very nice… Yes, there’re more of us coming but we’ll keep our promises.” So the British government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years.

[OzzyKP]

"General Isas! General Isas, sir!"
"Calm down son, what is the excitement about?"
"Sir, I have just returned from England, I have an amazing revelation. Perhaps the biggest intelligence coup the Egyptian Intelligence has ever had."
"Did you find more information on New England and the colonies there?"
"Yes sir, in fact I have even found maps!"
"Agent Khufu, I will recommend you for Major for this acheivement! The civilized world has been second guessing itself for decades over rumors of English exploration, this find will make you a household name in Egypt. How ever did you manage this?"
"I posed as a scientist sir, on a mission of technology exchange as per our earlier arrangement. I was paired up with a young English scientist. She demonstrated the English use of underwear, I demonstrated the Egyptian practice of bathing, one thing led to another and we became intimately involved. Using this connection I was able to gain entrance to Camelot and then was able to break into the maproom and seize the maps."
"Good work Khufu! I shall send these to Seti, the royal Egyptian mapmaker and create a comprehensive map of the world. Your career looks bright young man, I shall speak to Ramses about you personally."
"Thank you sir."

[OzzyKP]

275 BC

[Rasputin]

Originally posted by OzzyKP

"I posed as a scientist sir, on a mission of technology exchange as per our earlier arrangement. I was paired up with a young English scientist. She demonstrated the English use of underwear, I demonstrated the Egyptian practice of bathing, one thing led to another and we became intimately involved.

Man if i dont stop laugihng i wont be able t oget to work, best post ever !!!!

[OzzyKP]

Hehe, glad you enjoyed it.