The Long Road Ahead

[Snowflake]

I am overjoyed. I PMed Engima earlier today. While I was writing the last post, I received his response. And I am so happy.

Enigma,

I'm glad that you were forthcoming in admiting that you had been using former reactivation exploits and so on. Bear Baiting is essentially a game that were set up for all the others to rally against you. I understand the pressure you are facing.

I know you know how to reload without getting the reload warning. Using this exploit can be so rewarding, and play without exploits can often been punishing if one encounters bad random incidents. The reward, however, may lie in the end, when you can tell yourself that you are strong enough to fight your old habit, even if it is so hard, and that you were able to achieve your win without having to resort to exploits.

I know that you have been trying to fight your old habit. I believe in HoF you have tried to play without exploits. It is hard to fight habits. It is always so easy and tempting to fall back to ones old habit. In HoF there were many times I wanted to reactivate those formers. In Long Road I've been using that expoit, because it is not prohibited. And you won't be surprised to know that I'm leading the game. I will not say that it is the exploit that gives me the entire lead, but I can certainly say that it helped, and a lot. It is hard to resist from using an exploit, especially when you have used it before and know how powerful and easy it is. There was once when I played the HoF turn I clicked on one former, but stopped before I go further, and saved the game. I came back in half an hour and ended the turn without using the exploit. I felt relieved after I sent the turn out. I knew I would feel regret if I did the other way, for I'd know that I failed in front of temptation.

I know you love this place, and this game. I have seen how much you have changed since I first met you. Yes I was actually very pleasantly surprised when I saw the change in your posting style. You have great intellectual capability. And I belive you also have the will power to do what you set up to achieve.

Therefore I want to offer you a pact. On the bases that you promise you will fight your old habits, I will stand with you, fight for you when you are questioned and challenged. For the Bear Baiting game, I'm willing to be your submissive pactmate and abandon my pacts with the others. I will help you to conqure the others, without wanting to share your glory of winning. Pacting with me may not be as beneficial as using exploits, but you'd have my complete trust. You'll gain a heart.

If you are willing, we can then annouce to the thread. That you will start fighting your old habit, and Kody can check and verify for you. And I will be your permanent submissive pactmate.

Do you want to do it?

Hong

His response is "affirmative". I have not obtained his permission so I will not post his PM here. But it is moving. And I'm happy for him. He could be lying to me, so I would continue to believe him. However he is smarter than that. He knows it is very easy for Kody to verify if he has cheated. And he says that if be going clean he would lose 10% chance of winning, but gaining 400% of chances of playing games with others, he'd go for it. And I believe him.

[Snowflake]

Heck what if he's so messed up right now and couldn't care less to reply about permissions of posting PMs.

Here's the hope that we have just destroyed.

Bear Baiting is essentially a game that were set up for all the others to rally against you. I understand the pressure you are facing.

You guys have 27 pods between you, and I have 9.
You're also able to leapfrog tech.
You also have commerce.
That's an Energy, Pop and Tech advantage! @_@;;

It's not temptation so much as being used to a playstyle.
Coming straight out of single-player, where SAVE / LOAD was a fundamental component of play, and turns came around instantly.
And since I've reduced the amount of complaints I have for fast turns...

I belive you also have the will power to do what you set up to achieve.

I believe what you ask is within my abilities.
I do not believe that I can achieve whatever I put my mind to,
as I am failing in my quest to protect Children from Ignorance.

For the Bear Baiting game, I'm willing to be your submissive pactmate and abandon my pacts with the others.

Then I insist the game be restarted.
The problem is, you're likely to be invaded and 0wn3d by the other 5 players.
I doubt I can get my (4x-3-1) alien machines there in time.
That said, Co-op victory is on. Presuming we both survive, we both can win.

Do you want to do it?

Affirmative.

As I see it, I must do what I can to win the most games.
I will be able to play many more games if I am clean
So if going clean reduces my ability to win by 10% and increases the number of playable games by 400%
...
Clean it is!

[Snowflake]

I have quitted all of my pbems.

[Snowflake]

PM to Geo:

I'm not leaving Poly. I'm not dissappointed at one person. I'm fighting to get him back. I told him that I will stand with him and I will fight for him. I'm hanging myself on his life. If he gives up his fight, he gives up my life. He said he is sorry. After I said I'd quit for him.

I want to save him. I don't mind if that means I have to let go of myself.

[Snowflake]

Back log PM to Geo.

You won't believe this.

I sent a PM to Enigma talking about his cheating, and proposed that I'm willing to be his submissive pactmate for Bear Baits if he promises to stop cheating. And Kody would be able to verify it.

Enigma responded with such affirmative attitude. He says that if going clean means he would have 10% less chance to win a game, but will give him 400% chance that people will want to play pbems with him, then he'll do it.

I am very happy about this. And I believed him. If he is lying, he won't last a turn before Kody finds him out.

Now I run happily telling Kody. Kody says "I don't play chicken". (wth does this mean?) He said that he has laid out consequences before me and now he has started, he will have to finish it no matter how much it hurts. And that he will talk to me when he finishes with Enigma.

I know he is mad because I effectively forced him to disclose Enigma's cheating. But why isn't he happy hearing Enigma is willing to try to fight his bad habit? Is he so mad at me that he must completely destroy Enigma as a punishment to me? Or am I reading too much from it again?

I know men's pride is a very sensitive thing. And I've always been a careless girl. Tell me Geo, have I handled this all wrong?

[Snowflake]

I have decided to leave ACDGIII. It has been a hard road, but it is also rewarding.

I have stated to Drogue the reason for my leaving.

I feel that we have mistreated Enigma. No matter how bad one person has acted before, it does not given us right to mistreat him.

We have decided not to take action against Enigma at the first turn when we had suspected that he cheated because we didn't have enough evidence. This has not changed. We know that he later tried to play honestly in his replay turn and the third turn when he was the turn player. The only real accusation right now is that he might have tried played ahead in the second turn when Maki was the turn player. While we didn't give Maki any punishment for her offense, I do not feel Enigma should be receiving this uncomparably harsh punishment. Especially when it is clear that he has realized his mistakes, apologized openly about his past offenses in the pbems (which cannot be used against him in the Demo game), he has stated in public that he will never do it again, and he wants to learn how to work with people in the demo game, and he realizes that his teamate will not support cheaters. In my mind, the most suitable discipline action for Engima is not to allow him to act as a turn player, but allow him to stay in the team.

However, I also understand that some players have indicated that they will leave if Enigma does not leave. The ACDG is already filled with animosity. Keeping Engima will not be a wise decision. Therefore as the moderator, the only decision you can make is to banish Enigma to appease the public.

My leaving the ACDG is a protest against the unfairness of the sociaty and the collective consciousness.

It is somewhat sad to realize that all of these could have been avoided. From the start of the game I have hated to be the subject of a competition about who has the most and best spam, who is the most favorate mod, who has the right predictions and who has the work cut out for her. It is kind of disheartening that a young man has to be completely destroyed just to prove a point, that one is more right than the other. It is so dangerous to play god, to know that one has the power to determine when the other would die.

Power game, is this what they call it? I have never, ever, wanted to be involved in something stupid like that. But the hardest as I tried, I could not avoid it. I could not prevent the using of a human being as the sacrifice of such a game. Perhaps the real mistake, is that I shouldn't have accepted and wanted to become a CMN in the first place.

Enigma's leaving would mean the game is less contentious. My leaving would mean the game is out of the hidden tension. The game will be more enjoyable for everyone. I have believed that I can help to make the world a little more beautiful. Sometimes help means to give up on herself.

[Snowflake]

Come fly with me, lets fly, lets fly

Do you still remember the serenity of the little quiet lake; do you still remember the turbulence of the deep blue sea? What has caused you to lose everything you have; what has caused you to disappear? Where has the wind carry you; to whose ears have you told your whispers? Have you been dancing around the stars; have you been wandering among the clouds? Was it cold up there high in the sky; was it lonely away from whom your love? When you turned into a little snow crystal, did anybody know the pains that went through your heart?

Life is so short and beauty is so fragile, why don’t you forget everything and come fly with me?

I have received many nicest communications from others. They've been so patient with me, and made me believe perhaps I should forget everything and start over. The game is going smoothly, and as scared as I was to come back I couldn't get myself completely away from this place. I've been thinking that too much hatred and discontent has accumulated in my heart. What has happened to that innocent and happy girl when she started fall in love in this little place?

Perhaps I could start over, and become that girl who only has love in her heart once again. When one has unfulfilled desires, it will poison her heart. When I entered the Spartans forum, I felt my heart is grinded one more time. I started to doubt if it is the wrong decision to come back after all.

Don't be bitter. Let the past pass.

[Snowflake]

I realize that I have overtaken a really hard job. I've been progressing very slowly in the writings of the history thread. I wish I've started much earlier and had followed the game. The hardest thing is to try find the personality of each team. I'm trying to distant myself from other aspects of the game to give myself more time, skimming through team newspapers etc. However they are also an important part of a teams personality ... Kody's been busy lately. How I wish I could have somebody to talk about how the story should go and such.

The remanent of the rebel in me still shows up from time to time. I had to constantly remind myself to be more open, more tolerant and less confrontational.

[Snowflake]

I started to back read the threads in team forums. Reading how the Morgans and Spartans study their rival teams are very interesting. I wonder if I could some how incorporate these into the history threads.

Those two teams also have decent turn summary threads. For the Gaians and Angels it is a little harder to try to find out what have happened for each turn.

I've started to make a table for important event of each team in each turn. It is so appearant now to me that the reason the Gaians have been lagging is due to their initial mistake in sending the 2nd CP into the fungus. If they had send it north or northwest instead, it would be much more likely that they would find the uranium flat sooner, and be in approximate parity with the other teams. They just seemed to have gone to the wrong direction.

[Snowflake]

I've learnt that one can not change herself, or deny part of herself. I was determined to become a happy and loving girl who doesn't fight. But I found that I'm not able to do that. Rebellion is part of myself. The hate for unfairness and abuse of power is born with me and buried inside me. I just can't eradicate it from me.

Illuminatus is frequently editing people's post, moving meaningful posts to the dedicated "spam thread" at the Gaians forum and then locking the threads preventing people to comment on it or edit their posts back. For him perhaps he was diligently doing his work. However I view this as clear abuses of a moderator's power. I had tried to raise my opposition subtly for several times. However it doesn't appear that he had understood my concerns because he continued to do it.

The fact that I confronted him in a thread is inevitable I guess. Other people could stay quiet, or may not care about it. But not me. Trying to overlook what I oppose and pretend nothing had happened is just not me. The only way to let me shut my mouth, is to not let me see it. However I can't leave the Gaians forum because I need the access to record the history. I have promised that I will not post in the Gaians forum other than my history thread. But I know I will not be silent if I see anything outreageous again. There are many other ways to voice my opposition other than to post.

[Snowflake]

Looks like I jumped back in right in the middle of actions. No wonder Drogue's been saying the game is interesting. I have so much to read and not sure when can I finish.

Morgan's are hoping that Spartans will not choose to roll over them due to the appearant Gaian - Angel alliance. The Spartans on the other hand realize how powerful Morgan can be and would rather have Gaians as their last enemy. Gaians being in the position of having met the most teams are planning playing each other and rip everybody off. Angels of course are trying to outplay Gaians.

[Snowflake]

Gaians wanted to prevent Spartans to meet the Angels. While the Spartans are already planning to buy Angel commlinks from Yang. But Spartans wants the Gaians to be their friend and the Gaians still don't know about it. The diplomacy is getting so interesting. I don't think I have the capability of grasping it in my history record. Sigh. I had thought from the very beginning that Kody and I would be able to do it, each be responsible for two teams. I had fancied the coorperating so much. It's really a shame he didn't have the same idea as me. I really hope he'd pop back in again some time.

[Snowflake]

Oh my god this is so interesting. The Spartan's have started worrying over the Gaian's appearant non-responsiveness, and almost panicking about the possibility of the other three factions have met with each other and having a big party. Angels are wondering what the Spartan's been busy working on. Gaians on the other hand, was simply being itself. The nonspammy nonactive nonconsiderable monoplized quick turn playing self.

It's interesting to see how the Gaians being a late starter in the game turns to be in the tech broker position. Morgan wants to love the Spartans, the Spartans wants to love the Gaians. Gaians wants to love the Angels, right? And Angels? Do they love the Morgans? I need to go back and read some more private forums.

[Snowflake]

Looks like the Spartans just pissed off the Gaians with their last minute amendament. If I were the Gaians and if I was interested in more permanent relationship with the Angels I would let them know the situation. Since Angels didn't need Doc Mobility for at least 7 or 8 years the Gaians may be able to reduce the 20 year no trade ban to say 8 years.

And if I were the Spartans and if I was interested in partial permanent realationship with the Gaians, I would be more straight forward about this with the Gaians and try to get their attitude in this issue first, I think. Then I would allow the Gaians to make trade with Angels which are benefical to both of us.

It's the touch and feel stage that is very interesting.

[Snowflake]

And now the Spartans have met the Morgans. Gaians and Spartans are continueing to feel each other out. They are both doing great. Morgans seems to be competing with the Angels toward several SPs.

I struggle to keep track with everything that happens, especially since Drogue is not here, and Method is not around much. Haven't even got enough time to read all relevant threads and all the offsite embassies. Leave alone the history record.

Where are you Kody?