The Long Road Ahead

[Snowflake]

"You are not going to be involved in this game?" Kody asked.

Well, may be not. I don't know. Ever since reading that roleplay post Kody wrote for Micha, I felt I suddenly lost all my interest for any kind of roleplay. Why did he have to mention Jamski...

Time is the best medicine, I told myself. He'll live. There are other things and other people in this world too. Like the always grumpy obstructor who's leading the Gaians. I just couldn't help to worry for them. Although the help seemed to be unwanted ...

And Enigma seemed to be changing. Still talks straight and annoying sometimes, like he is above all the others. But he started to be able to listen, and not get all violent against the slightest criticism.

I was so happy that the Angels are willing to give him a home. Perhaps he won't be as disruptive like he was when he was in the Hive.

And then Geo said he would leave. And nobody other than me seemed to care, and be curious why such an active and able player suddenly wanted to quit the team that he cared for.

Hercules seemed to be content that Enigma to be their turn player. He had a good early game record after all. Whether the rumors about the extremely good luck is not heard, or just not cared, I don't know. Guess we could always hope for the best, that Enigma plays honorably and does not make the Angels an abusive place.

I guess this forum will be open too when the game is over. And all will see what I was thinking including the people I commented on. And they may be mad. But I can always leave this place too, as Jamski and Geo. It is so hard when people you care are going away, and the game you used to care is filled with not so pretty spirits. I can always fight for what I believe. To try my best making something beautiful, and an experience that is memoriable. But it is so hard to fight alone.

It is only a game. Nobody needs it to live. But I still hate to see those kids gets frustrated and depressed over it. It is so hard to give it up.

The road ahead is going to be long and rough.

[Snowflake]

Googlie seems to be leading constructive game discussions at the Spartans. The Morgans is well on its way with its many good tactical players such as Impaler. In the Angels looks like Enigma is snatching the game from everybody. Makuala is going to be totally dominated. I talked Geo into coming back but now I regret about it. Why couldn't I simply stay out of trouble, instead of causing more troubles. Who knows the former PEACE members may not want the one who destroyed them the last time to be their turnplayer anyhow. How naive I am. The Gaians seems to be doing ok. Darsnan is active, I'm so happy. And smacksim is probably the most prestigious Gaians. He's the founder of the Aldebaran mod, the game that Vel plays as a playtester, along with Blake and Tokamak. (What shock Enigma is going to have when he finds this out. Must have thought he's another noob that he can tromp on.) I'm hoping he'll be active too. Then the Gaians would be a decent competition to the others.

Kody seems to be in a spammy mood too. Not sure why I just don't have all that much interest in dancing around the trees and collecting titles any more. Enigma's kind of hyper, grabing +1s everywhere he can. But it is much better than his old style I think. And everybody may need to grow pass this period.

[Snowflake]

PM to Hercules yesterday:

I so wanted to nominate Geo myself and set the election going, instead of automatically set Enigma to be the turn player. Makahlua is not going to be able to counter balance Enigma. She would be totally dominated. I have warned you. And now I will try to stay away from your internal affair.

PM to Drogue, Kody, Hercules, and GeoModder:

Data Angels affair

Looks like everybody is jubilant about the extremely good luck that the Data Angels received, just as I predicted. And now they are knowningly committing cheating. And again, just as I predicted, he is using Makahlua. And this is only the first turn.

I would be damned if I let this go. I can be tolerant, but I cannot tolerate actions with ill intents. You can bet that I'll fight against this.

Drogue, it is time for us to see how you are going to maintain the integrity of the game.

[Edit] name spell

[Snowflake]

I am so enraged. I can't believe this is happening. And I can't believe nobody has seen this coming. I'm ready to do anything to fight this.

[Snowflake]

PM in reply to Kody
Kody's PM omitted

I logged it at my own CMN diary. I believe the fair thing to do is to restart the game, and Engima be forbidden to be the turn player for the Angels, until he can prove that he is an honest player. He can still stay in the team, and contribute to turn plans. He just can't touch the turn. All teams would be request to repeat the exact moves they had before, but pop result do not have to be the same. It the luck factor, they may get better result, or worse. Like what Drogue ruled in the Morgan's starting tech issue.

I do not have moderator power. I believe Drogue will not let this go easily. If he does, I will not be silent. You know me. I'm not that kind of a person. I would move for a vote in the CMN forum, and sought for an unanimous vote against Drogue's ruling. If necessary, I will start a poll in the public forum. If further necessary, I will resign as a CMN, and I'll quit the game. I have wanted to quit earlier anyway.

[Snowflake]

PM in reply to Hercules
Hercules' PM omitted

I cannot say if I know what happened for the good pop result isn't just a contineous streak of extremely good luck. However, Enigma stated at the Angels' forum that they have located a Hive base through clicking in the dark. He cannot claim he did not know the rule because he started a thread himself at the public forum to specifically ask about the rules and the settings and Drogue had specifically linked the rules for him. The "I was clicking around to look for mountains and oceans and Makhuala found the base unintentionally" cannot be a good enough excuse. If we allow this anybody could clicking around and look for mountains and oceans while unintentionally finding more bases.

I am not the moderator for this game. I do not have mod power. I will refrain from making any more comments on this issue at the Angels forum and let Drogue does his own investigation. However if Drogue fails to uphold the integrity of this game I will do all I can to fight this.

Hong

[Snowflake]

Regarding Gaians

Already made mistakes, and arguing violently. I thought it is kind of like the Hive, only lacking the cozzy loving feeling.

I feel sorry that I dragged all those people into this. And I'm so tired I don't have the strength to talk to each and every person. Perhaps I should stop worrying for others. If they can get along, they get along, if they can't, they can't. I sent a PM to Darsan, but at my current state, I'm not sure if the PM is the best that I could say.

Geo's doing great, volunteering as ambassador/infiltrator and all. But I still regret dragging him back in.

Why do I always have to bother people. How many people have I kept draging into deep trouble the last time. Kody, Jamski, roko, rubin, ... I really need to quit this game.

[Snowflake]

PM to Darsnan.

Sigh. I understand you feeling.

The Gaians has had a rough road ever since the start. I had thought that it was a little like the Hive, already making mistakes and violently arguing etc., just lacking the fuzzy loving feeling. I always wanted to help others, sometimes by dragging people who I trust like you into it. I now think perhaps it is better just let things run through its course naturally, rather than trying to help. Sigh. Anyway, I really appreciate all that you have done for me and the Gaians. And your support for me emotionally when I was frustrated.

I do not think it is in everybody's best interests that you quit the DG. I know it for a fact everybody will feel it is a great loss if you leave. I cannot beg you to stay, I do not have that right. I'm already hitting myself for talking you into this. You could have made a good CMN. I'm so sorry about it.

Best wishes no matter what you decide.

Hong

[Snowflake]

PM to Makalua

Makahlua,

I am not the moderator of this game and I know that I don't have any moderator power. However I would like to ask you a personal favor, considering I have tried to do all I could to help PEACE in the last game.

Could you tell me if it is you who proposed that you and Engima should click around in the dark when you play your first turn? Who is the one actually played? Who is the one that took the screenshot?

I would be greatly appreciated.

Hong

Her reply:

No-one proposed it actually; I was moving about to look at the island groups closer, and noticed that it didn't recenter. Probably I should've just shut up but I'd never used that before so I was suprised it really worked

Any play/screens were done by Enigma this turn; I'll be up to play next turn. My little bobble was done while taking a look at the mid turn for milking the slider and figuring out what squares were best to work.

I wish they have posted the turn chat in the forum. Well I guess I shouldn't just let my curiosity got the better of me. I have refrained from posting any more comments in Angels forum. I must wait for Drogue to make his rulings. I trust he will make the most fair decision.

[Snowflake]

PM to Drogue, Kody, Hercules, and GeoModder:

Mahkalua had provided me with the turn chat. I realize that Enigma actually spoke against the clicking in the dark action. I apologize in assuming that he is the one who used Mahkalua to do this based on my own previous bias.

This action still needs to be remedied, but I will withdraw any comment against Enigma personally. The good pop result is extreme, but I do not have any thing to go from there.

Hong

Ok today should be named the PM day.

[Snowflake]

Reading the turn chat...
Where did they talk about the good pop ...
Perhaps should ask for the mid turn save and look at the time of saving ...

Drogue is going to be furious about me interfering with his investigation.

Resisting ... resisting ... resisting ...

Ok I'm good. Too easy to work up. Remember your own place.

[Snowflake]

Read the Angels Forum. Drogue seems to be doing a good job there, making fair judgement. While I would like to see somebody else replaying the turn other than their current turn players, his statement that it is the Angels decision is fair. No evidence of attempting with the turn can be found, so no penalty action is warranted, at least at this stage. I would have required Maki not to play the turns for at least a few turns as a penalty since she did break the rules. However I feel fine with Drogue's judgement since I believe Maki is honest and did not do it with ill intention and so a warning could be surfice for her.

[Snowflake]

Yes this game is a rather grey picture for me, but not without its happy moments. With a couple communications with obstructor I felt that I now finally gained a great understanding of him.

Obstructor had always seemed to me a guy that is very easy to be ticked off, and the tone of his posts often sounded kind of threatening or even rude. With time I have learnt to read his post without picking up the tone. And that seems to be working pretty good. I and him don't get so much conflicts any more. When I saw him making a comment toward somebody else using kind of ordering tone on Friday I thought maybe it'll not make him mad if I PM him and gently suggest that he might want to soften up his tone a little bit.

And I was actually a little suprised at his reply. He told me about his language background. "It is actually a general problem when being accustomed to Slavic languages - their words carry redundant information, which tells more about the tone of sentence, while english looks more like a barren language - misunderstanidngs are common in it."

I'm so happy to have finally gained that understanding. The tone of his post would not be considered threathing at all if it was in Croatian. It was the differences in langurage and culture that made me misread his tones. I felt that I've known an entirely new person. He opened my eyes so much. We always talk about cultural differences and such. And I thought I was very tolerant and understanding toward different cultures. But obstructor has taught me that there are always things to learn about other people. He taught me to never assume about others.

I spend a lot of time talking to people in this game. Sometimes I regret that while trying to help I do not know what I'm doing is always beneficial to everybody. But this time I felt that communicating with each other can indeed be rewarding.

[Snowflake]

I have tried to refrain from game related threads in the team forums. I'm not an expert game player. My participating in discussion may actually have a bad effect. I have also refrained from trying to help in the moderator's roles. I talked to Drogue this afternoon. He was not aware of Engima's reload exploit thread. I felt that with full knowledge Drogue will be able to handle this. I will try to help him but not interfere with him.

Kody's doing great in being the narrator. He's already published two high quality editions of newspapers. He always shoots for the best whenever he does something. We are really lucky to have him as the narrator.

[Snowflake]

Obstructor said that he would leave the game because of Enigma. Smacksim was not happy to see this, plus what's been happening in Bear Baiting thread.

What Kody fails to see, is that this is not about Enigma. It's not about one person. Animosty flows around, poisoning the entire place. Being a CMN means great responsibility. It is not a crusade against one person. It is to upheld what is right, and to guide those who are lost.

It is not bad because obstructor wants to leave. It is bad because if we do not act correctly and promptly more and more people will be leaving. It is the rapport that we are lacking. The environment that people supports each other, in stead of banishing each other. The environment that people understand and tolerant each other, instead of resent and afraid of each other.

Kody's feeling resentful about the fact that my post effectively forced his hand. He felt that he was the one who's taking the hit while I was the one that is doing the deed. What he didn't realize, or he didn't want to realize, is that Enigma is intelligent enough to see who started this. I think Kody is resentful not really because he believes that Engima will hate him. He is resentful because he was forced to do something he is reluctant to do. Perhaps he even views this as I had betrayed his trust and friendship, that I have sold him down the river.

Jamski also thinks I'm ruthless.

Perhaps I am such a person. I'm always proud of my loyalty to my friends. But when it comes to what I believe is the right things to do, I always do it, no matter how hard and painful it is. Yes even when I was fearful.

Is there another way for one to deal with moments like this, when one has to choose whether to hurt her friend, or to give up her belief?