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Note that the following probably really dont express the opinions of the CNN. Meaning we can't be sued for anything.
NETFLASH!
Change Of The Guard
Tassadar5000 resigns as editor in bizarre week for the CNN
Citing personal reasons and a lack of available time, Tassadar5000, co-editor and founder of the CNN, resigned this week. Abolishing the CNN was considered, but after brief discussions, fellow co-editor Darkness’ Edge agreed to take over completely for the foreseeable future. This change of the guard appeared to be fairly straightforward, although Tassadar’s editions will be greatly missed.
Unfortunately, Director Pandemoniak did not read Darkness’ Edge’s announcement that the demise of Tassadar did not mean the end of the CNN, and promptly set up about founding his own newswire service, the “New CNN”. On being informed that the CNN was still existing, and would be released weekly as usual, Pandemoniak refused to back down for several days. A source, who wished not to be named, said that he only backed down when nerve stapling was mentioned. The source quoted Darkness’ Edge as saying “Ah, the advantages of being in charge of the military!”.
Alpha Talent sacked!
Diablero impeached
The Peacekeepers are tonight without an Alpha Talent, after Diablero became the first official in the history of humankind to be successfully impeached, in the second ground-breaking vote in the space of a month. The sacked Alpha Talent, Diablero, has been missing ever since his election campaign. He could not even be found to turn up to his own impeachment session. A massive 80.95% of the populace voted to oust the missing AT, and there is currently debate about his replacement. MrWhereItsAt has put his hand up to fill in the remainder of Diablero’s term.
Director arrested in drunken state
Kassiopeia charged with breaching the peace
Former Director Kassiopeia is tonight in the cells of New Apolyton police station, after his arrest earlier today for breaching the peace. After consuming large quantities of a mysterious new form of xenobrew, Kassiopeia proceeded to pack his handbag with even more xenobrew, and move to the steps of Headquarters, where he began to sing hideous versions of a strange form of Earth-music, once known as “J-pop”. Chief Sergeant Hercules told the CNN soon after Kassiopeia’s arrest that he would be put in the cells overnight, and released in the morning, once he had sobered up. Social welfare commentator Toni Blair suggested that his drunken escapade may be due to his defeat for his old position of Director of Social Engineering, in the re-poll earlier this month.
Another drunken binge results in confusion
Commissioner gives two cities same name after night on the town
Confusion reigned supreme earlier this week, when after a session of government, CNN editor Darkness’ Edge examined the maps of our empire, and found that mysteriously, there were two cities named “Concordia”. Another examination of previous polls revealed that one of these two bases was to be named “Tacticus Academy”. A member of Headquarters cleaning staff, who wished not to be named, revealed that Commissioner DeathByTheSword had been drinking copious amounts of xenobrew in his office beforehand, and had seemed intoxicated during the session. Our analysts were at a loss to explain this bizarre behavior from our respected Commissioner.
Military and economic developments
Industrial Economics discovered, new prototype created
Our economists and military scientists have been working quietly away in their labs in the government quarter of New Apolyton, and finally, there have been some successes. Anna Smythe, one of our most respected economists, has discovered a new theory, entitled “Industrial Economics”. An economics analyst here at the CNN suggested that this could revolutionise Peacekeeper thinking. In the other recent breakthrough, General Miskali Baschev announced that a prototype for a new military vehicle, the “Recon Speeder” had been developed. “We merged the sections that worked from two inferior models into one superior model. This could really turn the tide against those bastard mindworms.”
The Bench Is Now Sitting
The first bench of justices elected to the UN Court
The polls have just closed, and the first bench of five justices has been elected comfortably. Darkness’ Edge and Tassadar5000 tied for the most votes, followed by another tie, between Mr. President and Pandemoniak, and trailing only slightly behind, -Groucho-. With elections now over, there is likely to be some debate over the format the court cases will take, before it finally hears its first case. Legal analysts here at the CNN suggest that a November 1 start date may be likely for the Court to go into operation.
Mysterious envelope appears on CNN news desk
A mysterious envelope arrived on the CNN news desk several days ago. It contained only one sentence, “Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated”. This would appear to be linked to the news story in the short-lived newswire service that suggested that former Director candidate Archaic had been murdered. As Archaic has now reappeared alive and well, and is even standing again for Director of Social Engineering, those reports would appear to be false.
Notice from “The General”
Military academy soon to be founded
Famous former general and Director of Foreign Affairs, GeneralTacticus, announced today that he has plans to found a military academy at Tacticus Academy, the base named after him, in the near future. More details to come in a later edition.
Note that the following probably really dont express the opinions of the CNN. Meaning we can't be sued for anything.
NETFLASH!
Change Of The Guard
Tassadar5000 resigns as editor in bizarre week for the CNN
Citing personal reasons and a lack of available time, Tassadar5000, co-editor and founder of the CNN, resigned this week. Abolishing the CNN was considered, but after brief discussions, fellow co-editor Darkness’ Edge agreed to take over completely for the foreseeable future. This change of the guard appeared to be fairly straightforward, although Tassadar’s editions will be greatly missed.
Unfortunately, Director Pandemoniak did not read Darkness’ Edge’s announcement that the demise of Tassadar did not mean the end of the CNN, and promptly set up about founding his own newswire service, the “New CNN”. On being informed that the CNN was still existing, and would be released weekly as usual, Pandemoniak refused to back down for several days. A source, who wished not to be named, said that he only backed down when nerve stapling was mentioned. The source quoted Darkness’ Edge as saying “Ah, the advantages of being in charge of the military!”.
Alpha Talent sacked!
Diablero impeached
The Peacekeepers are tonight without an Alpha Talent, after Diablero became the first official in the history of humankind to be successfully impeached, in the second ground-breaking vote in the space of a month. The sacked Alpha Talent, Diablero, has been missing ever since his election campaign. He could not even be found to turn up to his own impeachment session. A massive 80.95% of the populace voted to oust the missing AT, and there is currently debate about his replacement. MrWhereItsAt has put his hand up to fill in the remainder of Diablero’s term.
Director arrested in drunken state
Kassiopeia charged with breaching the peace
Former Director Kassiopeia is tonight in the cells of New Apolyton police station, after his arrest earlier today for breaching the peace. After consuming large quantities of a mysterious new form of xenobrew, Kassiopeia proceeded to pack his handbag with even more xenobrew, and move to the steps of Headquarters, where he began to sing hideous versions of a strange form of Earth-music, once known as “J-pop”. Chief Sergeant Hercules told the CNN soon after Kassiopeia’s arrest that he would be put in the cells overnight, and released in the morning, once he had sobered up. Social welfare commentator Toni Blair suggested that his drunken escapade may be due to his defeat for his old position of Director of Social Engineering, in the re-poll earlier this month.
Another drunken binge results in confusion
Commissioner gives two cities same name after night on the town
Confusion reigned supreme earlier this week, when after a session of government, CNN editor Darkness’ Edge examined the maps of our empire, and found that mysteriously, there were two cities named “Concordia”. Another examination of previous polls revealed that one of these two bases was to be named “Tacticus Academy”. A member of Headquarters cleaning staff, who wished not to be named, revealed that Commissioner DeathByTheSword had been drinking copious amounts of xenobrew in his office beforehand, and had seemed intoxicated during the session. Our analysts were at a loss to explain this bizarre behavior from our respected Commissioner.
Military and economic developments
Industrial Economics discovered, new prototype created
Our economists and military scientists have been working quietly away in their labs in the government quarter of New Apolyton, and finally, there have been some successes. Anna Smythe, one of our most respected economists, has discovered a new theory, entitled “Industrial Economics”. An economics analyst here at the CNN suggested that this could revolutionise Peacekeeper thinking. In the other recent breakthrough, General Miskali Baschev announced that a prototype for a new military vehicle, the “Recon Speeder” had been developed. “We merged the sections that worked from two inferior models into one superior model. This could really turn the tide against those bastard mindworms.”
The Bench Is Now Sitting
The first bench of justices elected to the UN Court
The polls have just closed, and the first bench of five justices has been elected comfortably. Darkness’ Edge and Tassadar5000 tied for the most votes, followed by another tie, between Mr. President and Pandemoniak, and trailing only slightly behind, -Groucho-. With elections now over, there is likely to be some debate over the format the court cases will take, before it finally hears its first case. Legal analysts here at the CNN suggest that a November 1 start date may be likely for the Court to go into operation.
Mysterious envelope appears on CNN news desk
A mysterious envelope arrived on the CNN news desk several days ago. It contained only one sentence, “Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated”. This would appear to be linked to the news story in the short-lived newswire service that suggested that former Director candidate Archaic had been murdered. As Archaic has now reappeared alive and well, and is even standing again for Director of Social Engineering, those reports would appear to be false.
Notice from “The General”
Military academy soon to be founded
Famous former general and Director of Foreign Affairs, GeneralTacticus, announced today that he has plans to found a military academy at Tacticus Academy, the base named after him, in the near future. More details to come in a later edition.
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