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Comrades - we greet each day with the truth!
PRAVDA
The unoffical newspaper of the Human Hive
(***censored picture***)
In this SPECIAL PRAVDA Edition :
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Pravda Offices Invaded
The PRAVDA offices have been invaded by a small group of soldiers and Crimson Guardsmen loyal to ex-Deputy Chairman Comrade Jamski. They are forcing the PRAVDA staff to print this edition. Help they are making me type this and they have a gun on my head but I think the stupid guard cannot read what the commisar no no not the nervestapleeeeeeer!!!!!!Glory To Jamski! Glory to the Hive! Long Live Democracy! YAY!
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Chairman Accused
Mobs are forming on the streets, in the bunkers and along the tunnels of the bases of the Human Hive following the shocking news from the daily PRAVDA show broadcast on the Communal Network Nodes. It appears that ex-Deputy Chairman, currently enjoying a certain popularity with the common workers and drones due to the serialised drama of his Escape from Spam Prison* was shown (PRAVDA Entertainment 3, 7pm weeknights. Starring Burt Reynolds and other famous cloned actors of 20th Century Earth) has made a shocking discovery :
THE HIVE GOVERNMENT IS A PUPPET !
Yes, Comrade Jamski has bravely confronted the government following his failed coup, and has discovered, that even if his coup had succeeded, then he would still have not gained control of the Hive. The Hive is actually run by the so-called "Shaddow Forum" (sic) who have been secretly managing the affiars of the Hive for many years.
Jamski has risked his life once more in exposing this dastardly state of affairs to the rest of the world. Only PRAVDA can be trusted to stand by him however, as the "Shaddow Forum" have acted rapidly to control the situation, promising reform on one hand, but with the other arresting Comrade Jamski and putting him on trial for the second time in 4 years. The people are up in arms. More news as we find out the extent of the Hive's moral corruption, and the risk that out loyal Comrade Jamski is now in.
*not based on a true story.
*********************************
Missing Forlani
Claire Forlani, missing for many months has been found dead in the Chairman's private apartments by a PRAVDA reporter disgised as a cleaning Drone. The Chairman has denied all responisbility, the reporter never returned from a special report on the recycling tanks, and Comrade Forlani's body seems to have disappeared. A computer generated image has filled in for her in recent Node shows, but... AHHH NOT THE NERVESTAPLER AGAIN!
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Religion
A recent (thankfully non-secret) council of the Hive has dermined that Tassadar is NOT a God. It is possible that both sides tried to affect the minds of the others in the debate BUT ENIGMA_NOVA IS RIGHT YES HE IS TASS IS NOT A GOD YES ENIGMA_NOVA IS VERY CORRECT. Indeed, and there is also no secret mind-control program in the Hive.
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No Cartoon
Look, I'm just a sub-sub-sub editor, all the cartoonists are burning in a hallway, and there's a gun against my head, held by a moron who worships Jamski, for Googliegod's sake, do you think I'm capable of making a funny cartoon? He's in the toilet right now, so this is my only chance, if you get this broadsheetcast, help me please... oh damm, he's coming back. They're all dead... Oh my sweet GooglieGod! Just help me for *BANG*
++End of message++Transmission disconnected++
-Jam
PRAVDA
The unoffical newspaper of the Human Hive
(***censored picture***)
In this SPECIAL PRAVDA Edition :
- PRAVDA offices invaded!
- Chairman accused!
- Secrets and Scandal
- Missing Forlani
- Religion
- No Cartoon
- Other News
*******************************
Pravda Offices Invaded
The PRAVDA offices have been invaded by a small group of soldiers and Crimson Guardsmen loyal to ex-Deputy Chairman Comrade Jamski. They are forcing the PRAVDA staff to print this edition. Help they are making me type this and they have a gun on my head but I think the stupid guard cannot read what the commisar no no not the nervestapleeeeeeer!!!!!!Glory To Jamski! Glory to the Hive! Long Live Democracy! YAY!
********************************
Chairman Accused
Mobs are forming on the streets, in the bunkers and along the tunnels of the bases of the Human Hive following the shocking news from the daily PRAVDA show broadcast on the Communal Network Nodes. It appears that ex-Deputy Chairman, currently enjoying a certain popularity with the common workers and drones due to the serialised drama of his Escape from Spam Prison* was shown (PRAVDA Entertainment 3, 7pm weeknights. Starring Burt Reynolds and other famous cloned actors of 20th Century Earth) has made a shocking discovery :
THE HIVE GOVERNMENT IS A PUPPET !
Yes, Comrade Jamski has bravely confronted the government following his failed coup, and has discovered, that even if his coup had succeeded, then he would still have not gained control of the Hive. The Hive is actually run by the so-called "Shaddow Forum" (sic) who have been secretly managing the affiars of the Hive for many years.
Jamski has risked his life once more in exposing this dastardly state of affairs to the rest of the world. Only PRAVDA can be trusted to stand by him however, as the "Shaddow Forum" have acted rapidly to control the situation, promising reform on one hand, but with the other arresting Comrade Jamski and putting him on trial for the second time in 4 years. The people are up in arms. More news as we find out the extent of the Hive's moral corruption, and the risk that out loyal Comrade Jamski is now in.
*not based on a true story.
*********************************
Missing Forlani
Claire Forlani, missing for many months has been found dead in the Chairman's private apartments by a PRAVDA reporter disgised as a cleaning Drone. The Chairman has denied all responisbility, the reporter never returned from a special report on the recycling tanks, and Comrade Forlani's body seems to have disappeared. A computer generated image has filled in for her in recent Node shows, but... AHHH NOT THE NERVESTAPLER AGAIN!
**********************************
Religion
A recent (thankfully non-secret) council of the Hive has dermined that Tassadar is NOT a God. It is possible that both sides tried to affect the minds of the others in the debate BUT ENIGMA_NOVA IS RIGHT YES HE IS TASS IS NOT A GOD YES ENIGMA_NOVA IS VERY CORRECT. Indeed, and there is also no secret mind-control program in the Hive.
***********************************
No Cartoon
Look, I'm just a sub-sub-sub editor, all the cartoonists are burning in a hallway, and there's a gun against my head, held by a moron who worships Jamski, for Googliegod's sake, do you think I'm capable of making a funny cartoon? He's in the toilet right now, so this is my only chance, if you get this broadsheetcast, help me please... oh damm, he's coming back. They're all dead... Oh my sweet GooglieGod! Just help me for *BANG*
++End of message++Transmission disconnected++
-Jam
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