The History of the World V . . . .

[OzzyKP]

An Open Letter to All Nations

I, King Janaka, send warm greetings to all the civilized peoples of Terra. It is with a joyous heart that I announce to the world that my beautiful daughter, Princess Sita, will soon come of age and is in need of a husband.

India seeks to strengthen our diplomatic relationship with another worthy kingdom through the blood union of our families with my dauther Sita. In addition to being the fairest on our mighty continent, Sita is quite learned, having studied under the great Yajnavalkya himself, and will make a spectacular queen.

Sita has always been the favorite of my daughters, and as I care about her deeply I intend to find the best suitor possible for her. It is for this reason I am announcing a grand competition among all interested suitors from around the world for the hand of my fair Sita.

Only the strongest and most fair-minded man will be selected. This is your official invitation to send your sons to Delhi on the day of Sita's 16th birthday, which is also the summer equinox.

Please RSVP immediately if you are interested in competing for her hand in marriage.

A picture is enclosed.

[condor223]

OOOOOoooooooooooooo !!!!!!!! Nice...
About my eldest son.... I shall send him, but perhaps he will bring extra horses as a wedding gift.




However she might make a queen for ME!






It would be a long road to bring a wedding gift.. but she IS a delightful match.

[KunojiLym]

It is with a heavy heart that I put these words to parchment. But such must be done, if we are to avoid the mistakes that had carried us to this point.

It all started five seasons ago, when we all first heard of the ailing health of the Tsar. To be honest, it started much earlier than that, but five seasons ago is perhaps the best place to start this tale. For it was then that this fateful and wasteful struggle for supremancy became overt, which such tragic consequences.

I will get to the point. Rudolf was the heir apparent to the throne, but the Tsar had never formally endorsed him as such. Furthermore, he was idle, having spent much time in intense study of the One True God. As such, the council of elders, those most responsible in the business of selecting a new Tsar, were divided for the first time in known history.

Into this void, stepped Victor. His ambition and distrust for all things foreign knew no bounds. The fact that he commanded the 3rd Imperial Axemen, stationed just on the outskirts of Moscow herself, was certainly a motivating factor, I feel, for him to feel confident enough to depose of Rudolf, right under the nose of our Tsar. Of course, there was, and there will never be, any direct evidence linking Rudolf to the gruesome murder. Anasthesia, instead, was implicated. I suspect that she was framed by Rudolf, as the uproar that ensued the murder was greater than even I had anticipated. It does not matter now, for she has since vanished from the face of the earth. Where the she-devil is, I know not, but I fear that she may yet return to haunt us. In the meantime, I pray that Rudolf is happy where he is, in that heaven of his.

But I am rambling. With the death of Rudolf, the Tsar's already frail health took a blow from which, in the span of three days, resulted in his passage from this world. The council of elders shut themselves up for a week. We all expected that Victor would become the Tsar, by hook or by crook. We were determined to prevent that from happening.

What happened next... Suffice it to say that it was bloody. Very much so. I myself do not know if my hands will ever be clean after what I have done. But it was for the good of Russia, to preserve the legacy that our forefathers had left us. As Rudolf's Axemen approached the palace, a group of us overwhelmed and slew him, just after he himself had slew the council. After that, much fighting broke out among us. I will only direct my readers to the official records of the imperial scribe for details of this most bloody of wars.

Now, here I am. All who had opposed me are dead. But now I am alone. The people are uncertain and fearful, and indeed, I cannot blame them for that. All I can do now, as heir to the legacy of Ivan II, is to restore to Mother Russia the splendor and greatness that lately had been so bitterly tarnished.

Let this be a record, and a solemn reminder to all who would follow in my footsteps. There can never again be any doubt as to who is the next in line of succession. In the past, it was the council, the lately departed council, that performed that function. Now, I, the Tsar of all Russia, will take up that awesome task. Let those with boundless ambition beware, for ambition so unlimited, and so blinkered, can only lead to ruin.

Nicholas I
Tsar of Mother Russia

[OzzyKP]

Open Letter to All Nations -

An appropriate contest of wits and battle might has been set up for all potential suitors of Sita. All men interested in competing will travel to the jungles of NYRA outside of Delhi to do battle with the ancient Hindu spirits that live there. The most successful warrior will win the lovely Sita's hand in marriage.

These spirits (ghosts if you will) inhabit a region of the jungle so overgrown with trees and vegitation it is a maze. The men will run through this maze doing battle with the spirits, and the most successful will win the competition.

Please contact me personally for directions to the NYRA jungle and how the competition will opperate (OCC - Yes it is a REAL competition).

All suitors will have until 5 pm EST on Thursday to prove their mettle before the contest is over. At that time I shall award the victor.

I thank all for your interest. May this yield a great and worthy husband for my darling daughter and many years of peace and close relations between our two kingdoms.

-King Janaka

[The Capo]

El Cid, El Campeador, y El Rey... (Part II)

Rodrigo awoke violently clutching his temples, his head rang horribly, as he buried his head between his knees. He had no idea where he was nor did he care. Khalid dumped a bucket of water on his head, and kicked him to the ground. The cave was very dark, and only one torch provided enough light for Rodrigo to see he was surrounded by Andalusian warriors.

"You are in the forests south of Seville." Khalid said to him, crouching next to Rodrigo "You're safe, don't worry."

Khalid helped Rodrigo up. "What is this about?" Rodrigo asked.

"You seem pretty well, considering we killed your father." Khalid mentioned.

"He wasn't my father." Rodrigo said broodingly.

"Regardless, your master, doesn't matter." Khalid explained "We as you may already be aware, are enemies of King Bainor de Castilla, and thus enemies of Spain." he helped Rodrigo to his feet and handed him a goblet of water, which he quickly gulped down.

"The only reason you are alive right now is because of your fighting abilities, otherwise I would have killed you when I had the chance. The men you killed are former members of Rahman's royal guard. You may not realize it now, but it was an amazing feat of skills." Khalid held out his hand "And I must commend you... Al-Sayyid (El Cid)."

Rodrigo suspiciously shook his hand "Al-Sayyid (El Cid)?" he asked Khalid, he didn't know Andalusian.

"It means you are a great warrior." Khalid laughed, "We wish for you to join our ranks, King Bainor is a terrible man. He wishes for nothing but power. The kingdom of Leon was invented merely to support his will, we are making attempts to reach Prince Dodabella of Aragon to get his support, but doing so would put him in jeopardy. We need someone who, well, looks like you to go in there and get the king's support."

Rodrigo was confused "You want me to go to the King of Aragon and ask him to openly rebel against the King of Castille and more importantly Spain?"

"Precisely." Khalid answered with a smile, Rodrigo wanted to leave and go about his life, but he realized that he couldn't; what was he supposed to do?

"Why would the King of Aragon go against the King of Castille, they've been in a state of peace for years, why would they risk it now?" Rodrigo asked.

"Clearly you know nothing of the situation, Dodabella hates Bainor, he is reluctantly at peace. If we can get our soldiers close enough to Madrid and muster the Aragonese we can end Bainor's rule once and for all." Khalid explained...

Meanwhile in Madrid...

"Those bastards!" Bainor exclaimed at Juan Luis Olivares, his head minister of foreign relations "I can't believe they did this!"

"Sire, it had to be expected, we rushed the Leon plans. There were hardly enough soldiers to ensure the safety of Fiador. Besides, he was a puppet, a new puppet can be easily found." Olivares explained.

"This is bad timing Juan, we've already sent a small army to England because of the Mongolian situation and now this comes up." Bainor complained.

"Sire, it is fine. Our empire flourishes! The roads around Madrid are almost complete, including our roads connecting Leon and Aragon as well. The Kingdoms of Spain are stronger than they ever have been. Our staunch opposition to Mongolian expansion into England has gone well internationally, believe me, things aren't as awful as they seem."

"I understand that. But the reality of the situation, Juan, is that I have to maintain power here. And I can't do that with a bunch of Andalusians running around in the forests stirring up trouble, and now that Dodabella is in charge in Aragon who knows how long it will take for these pathetic rabble to get his support." Bainor poured himself some wine "Alright, I have a plan, we have to marry my daughter Evita to Dodabella. This way his son, considering they have one, will be next in line for the throne and he will have no trouble keeping his troops at bay, meanwhile we crush the rebels in the forests before they can reach Spanish territory. Warn the Chinese and Russians too, maybe we'll get lucky and they'll be caught."

Olivares realized that this King was on his last legs, he had made too many enemies and not enough allies "Sire, perhaps the time has come to consider sharing power with Aragon." Bainor turned his head slowly towards Olivares, who became nervous "I mean, Dodabella is already married with a daughter Elena who may potentially marry the Chinese Prince, potentially."

The King slammed his fist upon the table, breaking the skin on his knuckles "You bring me Dodabella at once!"

"Yes Sire." Olivares responded...

Years Later...

In the years since Leon was established by Bainor many things had occured. A new religion was founded; Confucianism, tensions between Mongolia and England increased leading to the prescence of Spanish troops as well as multiple solutions to the problem, and the Andalusian armies under Rodrigo, now known as El Cid gained two amazing victories over the royal army in the forests around Seville. The King's clutch over power only increased, however, when he convinced Dodabella to leave his wife in exchange for Bainor's daughter Evita of Castille.

Despite this the legend of El Cid reached Madrid and children of Spain sang his praises, much to Bainor's displeasure. The time soon came where the Spanish started called El Cid "El Campeador," for his mastery on the battlefield. Despite the legend surrounding the great Spanish warrior the King refused to speak with him and went so far as to make him an enemy of the state. Regardless Rodrigo and Khalid's goal remained the same; get Aragonese support in dethroning King Bainor. Eventually this plan would hit a huge crossroads as tensions in England found their way to the west and a small issue between two small countries would become an even bigger one in a way that nobody could have predicted...

NEXT: El Cid, El Campeador, y El Rey (part III)

[The Capo]

United Kingdoms of Spain - Foreign Ministry
To: Queen Elizabeth I of England
From: Minister Juan Luis Olivares

Subject: Tensions with Mongolia

The first thing I'd like to say on behalf of King Bainor de Castilla is that we appreciate the gratitude expressed by her majesty Queen Elizabeth I of England. King Bainor is happy that you have received our army with open arms, and laments our inability to send more soldiers to the region; we have some domestic issues that need resolution at the moment.

Firstly, we wish to express our intentions in the area; despite contentions made by any nation, but Russia specifically, to the contrary we have no aims towards maintaining a territorial nor military presence in the region what-so-ever. Our initial aim in sending that force to the area were merely exploratory, so the expedience in which Spanish soldiers arrived should not alarm you or any other nation in any way. If we were to accept the territory of Trufan it would be on a very temporary basis, and only to supplement our military prescence in the area, which again is solely there for the purpose of helping the English if in fact the Mongols have military aims towards England's territory.

Secondly, it has come to our attention that the Russian Empire has offered you some territory in their region, and while we concur with their belief that England should have more land we also believe that this is a foolhardy measure to give away territory that Russia has no control over. The main reason this is an issue is the simple fact that this land is right next to Spain, and is territory Spain has intented on settling and is in fact making moves to expand into. So in our minds, the Russians have no business promising such land to you, or getting your hopes up for such land either. I hope England agrees with this position, for it is one that King Bainor refuses to budge on.

Again, you have our full military and political support to stopping the Mongolian threat and expanding the territory of England so they can be a viable competitor on the world's stage. If there are any further worries on the part of the English feel free to contact the Spanish Foreign Ministry, and it's chief advisor Juan Luis Olivares.

Thank you,

Juan Luis Olivares

This message has been related with the full authorization of his majesty Bainor King of Castille, Prefect of Madrid, and King of the United Kingdoms of Spain.

[Robert]

Hail King Janaka,

Never before have the Americans seen a woman that beautifull as your daughter Sita!
Unfortunately I do not have a son who's older then 3 years.
I will agree with a mariage between my son and Sita anyway, though I'm sure that you'll understand that Sita must live in Robingthon from the mariage day on.
My son will be the next ruler of our kingdom and can therefor not leave our country.

Since Robingthon is not that far away from the indian territories, I'm sure that this will not be a problem for you. You are allowed to visit your daughter as oftenly as you wish! We can drink some thea in my humble palace, and strengthen our relations.

I'm sure that you agree that there's no need for my son to compete against other contesters, since the relations between India and America are very good.
Plus that you don't have to fear that your daughter will lose her virginity any time soon, since my son is absolutely not capable to perform such a task. I'm sure that'll please you as a father!

If you wish to not accept these terms, I want to warn you as a good friend and neighbour. Don't give your daughter to the russians! Word has been spread that they sacrifice beautifull women and eat their flesh!

Robert LXVII of the Americans

[OzzyKP]

Dear Robert LXVII,

We appreciate the offer, however it is with much regret that we must inform you that the rules of this contest are firm and cannot be negotiated. Either send a man from your royal house to participate in the competition or Sita will marry another. She is not interested in changing her husband's diaper.

As for the Russians, I shall look into the matter of their performing human sacrifices. As for eating beautiful women, you may be surprized to know that this is a readily accepted practice here in India as well. As a sign of our enduring friendship, if you like I can travel to Robingthon and demonstrate with your beautiful American women the proper technique for eating them out. I'm sure your women would be very pleased for us to share this knowledge with your people. I would do it as a favor to the great Robert.

-King Janaka

[KunojiLym]

To Robert LXVII of America,

I find myself appalled to find our erstwhile brothers in faith accusing us of such barbarous activities as eating our womenfolk. While it is true that there has been much turmoil in Mother Russia which has only lately been quelled, I am sure that your priests can attest to the fact that we do no such thing. I am dismayed that the leader of a great nation such as America can bring himself to believe in such groundless rumors.

I will therefore kindly request that America withdraws such a shamefaced accusation, and apologize presently, for the honor of the Russian people. I am sure that such an act will clear up any misunderstanding that might otherwise emerge.

Nicholas I
Tsar of Mother Russia

[Robert]

Hail Nicholas, Tsar of the Russians,

You will be pleased to hear that those who have spread lies about the russians have been executed!
They shall not spread more lies about the Russians.



Hail Janaka, King of the Indians,

You are very welcome to show the technique of the woman eating overhere in Robingthon.
While you are here you can look for proper men to marry your beautifull daughter yourself!

It's a pitty that Nicholas has chickened out of the women eating! Otherwise I would surely have invited him as well for this party!

I wish you a very good journey!

Robert LXXVII
Ruler of the Americans

[The Capo]

In the forests outside of Seville, 1430 bc...

Sorry double post.

[The Capo]

In the forests outside of Seville, 1430 bc...

El Cid quickly halted his soldiers as he noticed a slew of dead bodies strewn about an upcoming creek, "Stay with the army Khalid, I'll go look into this." the young warrior said as he pushed the brush from his face. They were mere miles away from the Ebro river valley, which they would follow to Madrid and set up camp.

The bodies were cleary foreign, and all of them were dressed the same, like soldiers, but one. He was ornately decorated with a grand head-dress. El Cid couldn't tell exactly what tragic end had come to these men, but they were ripped apart limb from limb, there was hardly a stench so he assumed whoever, or whatever, attacked these men was still lurking close by. "Khalid, you had better come quickly, I have never seen such carnage!" Rodrigo (El Cid) yelled. Khalid quickly came running.

"What is the matter Sayyid?" he asked, holding his hand on his sword.

"It looks like bears, or lions." El Cid replied lifting one of the dead soldier's legs.

"This is strange, its a small garrison of Incan Quecha warriors, but I don't understand, there is hardly enough men here to constitute a proper army, and as far as I know there are no Incan settlements nearby. They're quite far from their territory." Khalid looked around "That's a nobleman." he said as his eyes grew larger.

El Cid looked around as Khalid took a closer look at the nobleman, El Cid noticed a peice of paper on the ground and picked it up "Hey Khalid, I found something, here do you know how to read Incan?"

Khalid took it and looked it over "No not at all, but luckily for us this is in Indian, there is a contest in the forests of Naira I believe, these men were coming to compete for princess Sita's hand. It was an open contest for noblemen the world over."

"Well what happened to these men?"

"I don't know Sayyid, the letter says they were headed to fight evil spirits in the forests of Naira, I don't even know where that is." He handed the letter to El Cid, who shrugged his shoulders.

"What am I going to do with that?" he asked Khalid.

"I guess nothing, the competition was supposed to go on today, from the looks of things these guys lost."

"Alright, this place doesn't have a positive aura, we should head to Spain. C'mon, summon the army, we can't waste our time here in the forests." El Cid said, Khalid agreed and the two returned to the army...

Ten Miles West of Trufan...

General Mendoza stroked his beard as he surveyed his army, it was small, too small. He again looked over the exact same letter which held the exact same information; it would be a few years before re-enforcements came, how could he possibly hold a Mongolian invasion at bay with such a small army. "I told you General, we just don't have the means right now for an invasion." He said to his counterpart General Manning (remember him Deity?) of the English.

"General Mendoza, with all due respect your king offered full military support, and you are telling me that this support consists of a few small bands of warriors?" the Englishman said unimpressed.

"Well, with all due respect to YOU General Manning, maybe your so called army shouldn't rely on charity." the tensions were mounting, but both men were under a lot of pressure. On one hand General Mendoza was little more than an explorer, he had no clue when he left Madrid that he would wind up on the brink of war so far from Spain, let alone this ill-prepared and with a ridiculous mandate from King Bainor, and for his part General Manning had been given the task of saving England from the Mongols through hand-outs, but wasn't allowed to look weak to the Spanish. It was a difficult situation to say the least, and neither man was willing to admit to their faults.

"These petty squabbles are useless, has Spain had any luck contacting the Mongols?" Manning asked, he already knew the answer.

"No." General Mendoza said, again, he only wished he had recieved some help from his King "None what-so-ever."

"Well" Manning said, he had a thing for saying 'well' when he had nothing else to say, he sat and pondered for a couple of seconds then said "I guess for now we wait, we should let our men get to know eachother here at the camp, hopefully they'll fight stronger if they at least have some respect for one another, and besides, this gives us a chance to bring you to London for some proper English tea..."

Wildwaldt Forests, North of America...

"Are you serious Minolo?" Pedro asked as he snatched the map from his fellow scout "Give me that thing!"

They had been lost in the forests for what seemed like days and had not seen the plains they had to cross to reach Russia, first stop on their way to Trufan "The damn forest is so thick I can't tell which way is north, I think we're going to wrong way, leave things up to an Aragonese man and look what happens." Pedro said to Minolo, the two scouts were new soldiers and between the two had no clue where they were, why there were there, or where they were going.

"You take that back you son of a *****!" Minolo said, pushing Pedro to the ground.

"Both you stop now!" General Cadrez said "I'm tired of walking through this f*cking jungle!" he lifted Pedro up, looking around "Obviously the two of you have no idea what we're doing, do you realize if we don't get there in time Mendoza will be outnumbered and outclassed by the Mongols, which is embarassing enough, let alone showing up late with you idiots at my side."

The general looked around, "alright, we are heading south right now. We should be headed north-east, I can't believe I let this happen." he said shaking his head "You're both going to be flogged tomorrow morning, bright and f*cking early, now come on, we have to make time quickly." he threw the map on the ground "One of you numbskulls find a river that flows north, if we're late it could mean Mendoza's death."

NEXT: El Cid, El Campeador, y El Rey (Part III, I swear!)

[OzzyKP]

The Great Swayamvara & the Nicoyana

The story of the great swayamvara of Sita is one of the most epic stories ever told in India. For time immemorial this grand tale will be repeated and studied. Intertwined with history and myth, this heroic epic has no equal.

It began innocent enough, King Janaka send forth riders to all corners of Terra to spread the word of his daughter Sita's coming of age and to solicit suitors to compete for her hand in marriage. Many brave men came from many lands. Not all knowing quite what laid in store for them. Yet they could not resist the beauty of Princess Sita. Nor could they resist the promise of a long lasting alliance with the great kingdom of India.

Five days before Sita's 16th birthday King Janaka gathered together the assembled men outside the entrance to the Naira jungle and explained the task they must complete. The jungle was the home to evil spirits calledRakshasa. Many Rakshasa were particularly wicked humans in previous incarnations. Their fingernails are poisonous, and they feed on human flesh and spoiled food. They are shapechangers and magicians, and often appear in the forms of humans, dogs, and large birds.

The Rakshasas were a great disturbance to the lands of King Janaka, and were notorious for disturbing sacrifices, desecrating graves, harassing priests, possessing human beings, and so on. Only by cleansing the jungle of their evil presence and bring back the head of their king, Ravana, will one of the contenders win the hand of Sita.

Fighting the Rakshasas would be no easy task, and far more daunting is doing battle with the great Ravana. After a penance of 10,000 years, endeavoring to please Lord Brahma. Brahma tells Ravana that he cannot grant him the immortality he desires, for none of the created are immortal. But Ravana obtains invulnerability against Devas (divinities), Asuras (enemies of the Devas), Rakshasas (demons), Gandharvas (celestial musicians), Yakshas (demigods), and other celestial and magical beings. He is a fearsome creature and conquerer of the celestial plain.

Hearing of the terrible demons awaiting them, some of the assembled men fled in terror. Many however remained, for according to legend, in his arrogance Ravana forgot to ask for protection from man. Among those courageous men who remained to face the demons were King Nicholas (translated as Rama in Hindi) of Russia and Prince Sun Wukong (translated as Hanumana in Hindi), of China. These two, above all were the favorites to succeed this mighty challenge. There was another, a mighty champion of the Inca, who was rumored to be fearsome in battle yet was strangly absent that day despite a letter to the King promsing he'd attend. Many wondered of his fate.

The nervous warriors prepared for the contest with many Hindu rituals preparing them for battle. After much prayer and sacrifice the brave assembled men were ready for the challenge that lay before them and courageously entered the dark jungle of Naira.

[deity]

Originally posted by OzzyKP
Dear Robert LXVII,

We appreciate the offer, however it is with much regret that we must inform you that the rules of this contest are firm and cannot be negotiated. Either send a man from your royal house to participate in the competition or Sita will marry another. She is not interested in changing her husband's diaper.

As for the Russians, I shall look into the matter of their performing human sacrifices. As for eating beautiful women, you may be surprized to know that this is a readily accepted practice here in India as well. As a sign of our enduring friendship, if you like I can travel to Robingthon and demonstrate with your beautiful American women the proper technique for eating them out. I'm sure your women would be very pleased for us to share this knowledge with your people. I would do it as a favor to the great Robert.

-King Janaka

Elizabeth was beside herself with laughter!

Maybe this Indian king was not so bad after all

Hmmm... she strolled casually through her private courtyard, shedding garments gracefully, to her favourite spa... The royal felines paraded themselves...

[deity]

Re: In the forests outside of Seville, 1430 bc...

Originally posted by The Capo

Ten Miles West of Turfan...

General Mendoza stroked his beard as he surveyed his army, it was small, too small. He again looked over the exact same letter which held the exact same information; it would be a few years before re-enforcements came, how could he possibly hold a Mongolian invasion at bay with such a small army. "I told you General, we just don't have the means right now for an invasion." He said to his counterpart General Manning of the English.

"General Mendoza, with all due respect your king offered full military support, and you are telling me that this support consists of a few small bands of warriors?" the Englishman said unimpressed.

"Well, with all due respect to YOU General Manning, maybe your so called army shouldn't rely on charity." the tensions were mounting, but both men were under a lot of pressure. On one hand General Mendoza was little more than an explorer, he had no clue when he left Madrid that he would wind up on the brink of war so far from Spain, let alone this ill-prepared and with a ridiculous mandate from King Bainor, and for his part General Manning had been given the task of saving England from the Mongols through hand-outs, but wasn't allowed to look weak to the Spanish. It was a difficult situation to say the least, and neither man was willing to admit to their faults.

"These petty squabbles are useless, has Spain had any luck contacting the Mongols?" Manning asked, he already knew the answer.

"No." General Mendoza said, again, he only wished he had recieved some help from his King "None what-so-ever."

"Well" Manning said, he had a thing for saying 'well' when he had nothing else to say, he sat and pondered for a couple of seconds then said "I guess for now we wait, we should let our men get to know eachother here at the camp, hopefully they'll fight stronger if they at least have some respect for one another, and besides, this gives us a chance to bring you to London for some proper English tea..."

Well, General Manning of the English, of direct Deitian lineage, was English through and through - an intrepid explorer and great potential leader wherever he surfaced.

A man of peace and goodwill he felt comfortable with Mendoza. Although militarily weak at the moment he always, through all of time, managed to muster mighty armies that did bring planetory peace. Peace through strength. He whispered to Mendoza a secret that would only be revealed in the fullness of time.

Mendoza smiled. "Excellent. Through such means I'm sure we'll defeat the Mongols. I'll transmit this to Bainor. He must surely act swiftly."

"Come, Elizabeth awaits us. The Mongols will not yet invade; and English pussies await you." Manning smirked.