Still alive

[C0ckney]

glad to see you're still alive man

[Kidlicious]

Praying that you have strength and courage to face the shadow of death. It seems you were blessed at birth though

[Tuberski]

Glad to see you still fighting Pekka!

ACK!

[Pekka]

Still alive but had some bad news today... my wife told me she don't want to stay with me any longer. I asked her why, she said it's unreasonable that she'd have to take care of me since she is not even 30 yet. Well, I'm not much older either. After hours from this statement, I said listen, let ti all out, if something happens to me soon, you'll regret not telling me. Is that REALLY teh reason? She said "yes, I have a future ahead of me and it' snot fair that we're stuck in this situation". OK....

... so, now I'm finally a bachelor, probably not the hottest ticket in the town right now though. She says she is taking the kids with her as well, so that leaves me not only alone, but without my kids as well. That was kind of my worst fear: 1) To die alone, 2) to die and not spend enough time with the kids.

I'm not exactly comprehending the situation right now.

[N35t0r]

Ouch, that sucks

Will she still let you see them as much as you want?

[N35t0r]

We should save all the Pekka threads, and send them to his kids when they're older.

[Pekka]

Haven't discussed the arrengements yet, but I think she won't object us being together. Then again, I do not know. She has been very cold lately, and cruel. Like the kids start their "summer vacation" from the kindergarten on Thursday and I said I'll take them fishing nearby that morning and she said "no". She is saying "no" just because a lot lately. So I don't know, I hope she won't object, because I don't think she has any moral or upper ground on this one. I don't want to separate anyway, this is purely her decision, so I think it's unreasonable for her to make a lone decision to leave and take the kids while I might not have long to live. She can go if she wants to for sure, but I want to spend time with the kids and if my situation deteriorates, I REALLY want to see my kids. I'm afraid she takes that away from me because "it's too hard on us". I don't say I need them to see at my worst or last, I just want to see them and play with them... I don't want to die alone. They're my life too I would die for them in a heart beat, and I will die of sorrow if I can't see them

[Dinner]

Maybe it is better to not have the stress of her negativity around right now. Yes, I'm sure it emotionally sucks but it might be a good thing in the long run.

[rah]

This woman needs a wake up call. Yes, it must really suck for her to have to deal with you being so sick. And if she doesn't think she has the guts to watch you die, as much as that makes her out as a horrible person, there's nothing you can do to stop her. And as said, if that's how she really feels you're probably better off without listening to her.

BUT when it comes to the kids, they're yours too. She needs a wake up call. Get a lawyer and tell her you'll fight her for your visitation rights. (I can't see a judge screwing you over)
I'm not saying go all the way with it but it might slap some sense into her and make her a bit more accommodating when it comes to that.

But this really sucks for you.
I've had a bad last couple of years(nowhere near as bad as yours) but my wife has stood behind me the entire time and picked up the slack. She also trades weekends with her siblings taking care of their mother. I would have been really depressed if I had to do it alone.

My prayers are with you, and I hope she sees reason.

[Pekka]

True, nothing I can do to stop her. I can tell her not to leave me but that's about it. It' snot like I hate her now. I really don't want to die alone. Dying is not the worst thing, this is far worse.

I'm not sure there's hope. I've seen her deliberately distancing her from me and turning ice cold. Quick analysis, she's gone already, has made her decision long time ago and as part of the process, has not slept in the same room for months now.

I'm worried because I want my kids to know my side of the family as well. I'm afraid that's not going to happen if she gets her way, even with the good years she has always wanted to take the kids to her family, not mine. I'd like them to know both families equally. That's the side I know, so I can go in peace with that. I've got fears about her behavior, why? Because I had these fears before, and none of them was even close THIS bad. I couldn't even dream her doing this one, so the other ones will come easy for her.

First she will sell this house that we built with my father for 2 years and spent both of our fortunes in this one (sucks for my old man as well!), and because she can't pay this back even though we saved enough money and have a great plan, she cannot manage money at all. She has spent her money, my money and our money on stuff we don't need or want. And she still owes a lot of money. She as a legit finance/shopping problem. Like a legit/she needs help problem. So, even though this is the cheapest solution possible with a nice egg nest given, the first thing she will do is sell the house and move to a rental. Gone is the dream, gone is me and my father's hard work, and the home of our kids. We put everything into this, including our hearts. When I told her how much the houses are going in our block, I saw her eyes gleaming. THey go for half a mil at the moment. But she can't make it last.... adn this wasn't built to be sold, this was built to be a home. And for me, I did it becaues I wanted my kids to grow in this one, and when they are of age, THEY can sell it forward and get new houses somewhere else. That was the plan. I have to see how this works out with the lawyers, no way in hell will I just give it up for it to be sold the first chance possible. It wouldn't be in her interest either, except she just does not get it. She's not good with money.

The second thing she will do is move out from this town, as it probably has too many bad memories by then, and is too expensive for her and the kids to live in. Which sucks, because this is the place we choose a long time ago, went through a lengthy process to be able to even buy land here, this is the place where the kids have spent most of their lives now and have friends, kindergarten, etc. To just break it off will suck a lot. It also breaks off lots of close by relatives of mine who could help.

That's about it though, I think she's a good mom so that doesn't worry me, except if she gets too tired, that might be a problem for anyone.

but these behaviours are guaranteed. I know it. I also have to talk ot my dad about this.. he has invested in this house in terms of money adn time (2 years, free labor from him, every day excluding Sundays).... like if this is the way it goes down, what does he want? I bet he wants to see his grand kids, that is the MAIN reason he's done all he has. If they just sell the house and leave, that's like the worst thing that could happen (profit from his free work and take the grand kids).

And he is old too, when he dies and if I'm dead before that, I guess I'll inherit him and since I'm not here, my kids will inherit him, so that's basically my wife inheriting my dad, which is BS. I have to make sure my kids get it, not her. Not out of revenge, but she does not deserve it and she will screw it up being bad wiht finances and so forth.

[rah]

Trust funds. Find an executor that you can trust.

[pchang]

Talk to your business associates. You need a good lawyer.

[PLATO]

I am nearly overwhelmed by sadness at this thread. Best wishes Pekka...you certainly deserve better than the hand you have been dealt. pchang and rah have it right...you must protect not only yourself but also your children from this cold hearted woman. It is so sad to read all this...

You will be in my prayers for sure.

[Sava]

There are no words.

Pekka

[C0ckney]

i'm really sorry to hear about this pekka. it must be very hard to take.