You know you're playing to much SMAC when...

[Xzilenifo]

I'm starting this thread because I have an Idea for a good thread. How it works is that you post jokes that begin "You know you're playing to much SMAC when..."
for example:

You know you're playing to much Alpha Centauri when you refer to your underlings at work as "drones."

So come on!!! Post!!!

[Kassiopeia]

Yeah, indeed, it is a good idea. So good even, that it's been done before.

http://apolyton.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=58645

and

http://apolyton.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=23213

Besides, none of that is fiction

(Oh, and welcome to the forums)

[Frankychan]

Your a thread-killer, Kass...

[aktarian]

You read about Persian wars and wonder why Santiago didn't launch planet buster at Persians.

[Kassiopeia]

Originally posted by Frankychan
Your a thread-killer, Kass...

On the contrary, I resurrect old threads

[History Guy]

(removes a long, thin dagger from the thread's back...)

Yep...it's Kassiopeia's all right. This time, we have our thread killer.

[Mr. President]

. . . when someone picks up a stapler and you flinch, pulling away areas like the elbow where a nerve passes near the skin.

. . . when you turn to your lab partner and say "I believe your knowledge of Matrix Theory could have important implications for my business plans".

[aktarian]

... you hear about search for Iraq WMD and wonder why didn't US infiltrate their datalinks ages ago

... you wonder when will US deploy their hovertank brigade to Gulf

... whenever you are late you claim your car got stuck in fungal field

... you see military parade and think "well, they certanly aren't Spartans"

... you see riots in Nigeria and think "They'll have to rush buy those rec commons"

... you ask your drill sargeant when will your unit go to monolith to upgrade

... you see the sun in the sky and wonder where is the other one

... you salute any woman with long braided hair

... in summer you are afraid that bacause you reached perihelion mind worm activity will increase

... you are no longer minister at your church because you started your sermons with "As Sister Miriam said in We must disent..."

[Raging Mouse]

... You have a nervous breakdown after catching your child playing with a worm.

... You blame your lack of sleep on Planet.

... You ask your local zoo's manager if they might consider renaming it to a Terran Preserve.

... You ask yor mechanic if he could upgrade your car to fusion technology.

... Your teacher asks you why you haven't done any homework, and you answer that you couldn't find the relevant datalink on the network node.

... seeing the phrase 'mary had a little lamb' gives you paranoid delusions.

[jlederer]

Resurrecting the past

Here's some material from another forum far away:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You refer to the garden fence as a Perimeter Defense.
You build a sensor in your garden.
You refer to your car as a Recon Rover.
You check the local arcade for the Recon Rover Rick game.
Every time you see an earthworm you yell "Mind worms! Where's my flamegun" and run away.
You build a functioning chaos gun out of the trash in your garage.
You spend hours in a forest hoping you'll see Deirdre dancing naked among the trees.
MichaeltheGreat posted 06-20-99 02:31 PM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rimmer - why don't you and Hardman wander off to a little island somewhere and hose each other down, someplace where there is no internet connection for you to post your mindless, puerile, attitude. We don't really give a F*CK about your little fetish. Although I do think it would be entertaining to see a video of you buried to your neck in a quicksand of overused kitty litter.
Why don't you spray some in your ear and give yourself more brains than you currently have. (Hey, anything would help you.)

MichaeltheGreat posted 06-20-99 02:32 PM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stasis - you dream about dancing naked in a forest WITH Deirdre
jimmytrick posted 06-20-99 02:37 PM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
while diddling your wife you scream:
"oh Miriam "
[top that one ]

MichaeltheGreat posted 06-20-99 02:45 PM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Great Lt. Col. and fellow southern boy JimmyT - If I ever THOUGHT about Miriam and diddling within a few hours of each other, I'd check myself into the seminary and give it up. I try not to even think of her when I'm SMACing, let alone any other time. Now Deirdre the babe is a totally different story, and Santiago would be nice for a hot weekend fling, assuming she'd never heard of Fatal Attraction or Lorena Bobbitt.
LoD posted 06-20-99 03:03 PM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh, come on people, you're surfacing an old thread... Anyway, I don't have the HTML address for the original, but I do have a text file with it. Should I post it (here or another thread - I'm asking this because it's pretty big)?
LoD

Delgath posted 06-20-99 06:18 PM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A fly lands on you and you go catatonic from assuming it was a locust of Chiron.
You start building Zak's glasses. (Not that funny by itself, but I'm actually doing this. Although you can't see through the green lens.)
You name your house "University Base".
You join the NRA and campaign to change the name to "The Spartans"
When voting for your nation's leader you add another box to the form and vote for Pravin Lal.
You try to commune with the fungus by talking to your Tinea.
-Delgath. UoP.
Where do you want to joke today?

Galen posted 06-20-99 07:11 PM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
post it here.
Stasis Archon posted 06-20-99 07:33 PM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I agree. Post it here.
Rimmer posted 06-20-99 09:11 PM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Mike. Who is Hardman? BTW I am sorry to ruin the reality and mysticism that this site represents to you. Sometimes I forget that autistics have no sense of humor. I'll keep looking for your baseball.
Jimmy,
My wife's name is Miriam so she will never know.

AJR B.S.C. S.S.C.


TheMadStork posted 06-20-99 11:48 PM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My favorite from the previous thread was:
"You follow everything you say with: , Datalinks."

May the owner of this I.P. claim it.

I go now.

LoD posted 06-21-99 09:55 AM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By unanimous (2/2 votes) I'm posting it here:
I hope this works correctly:
OK, the original topic is You know you played too much SMAC when... (Top 10)

Axeman
posted 03-16-99 03:43 PM ET

In no particular order:
10. You terraform your backyard to increase nutrient output.
9. You know more about the singularity of a black hole than Steven Hawking.
8. You build a quantum chamber using the game manual and some household items.
7. You follow everything you say with "(Your name), Datalinks.
6. You have nightmares about the Citizen's Defense Force cinematic (the one with the
mindworms).
5. Instead of saving money, you "stockpile energy" by turning off lights after you leave
a room.
4. You convert your freezer into a cryogenic chamber; you plan to set out for Planet
after you finish construction your fusion spacecraft.
3. You're planning to invent the longevity vaccine so you can have more time to play
SMAC.
2. You "monopolize the household energy market" by diverting all the electrical outlet
energy to your room and charge people 50 energy credits for each minute of use.
1. You pay off your friends to elect you "supreme leader" of your "faction."
Any more suggestions?
sandworm
posted 03-16-99 03:47 PM ET

You construct a perimeter defense to keep the neighbor's dog from "messing" in your
yard.

You refer to the toilet the "recycling tank"

Your fiance asks if she is going to be a
"SMAC widow" (Could we play King's quest now, PLEASE... Hmm? Okay just ONE MORE
TURN, honey)
HMFIC
posted 03-16-99 03:55 PM ET

You dont give your kids 'time-out' any more,
rather you send them to the Punishment Sphere.
Wen_Amon
posted 03-17-99 04:08 AM ET

lol. These are pretty good!

You construct an Echelon Mirror out of old, broken solar calculators.
Resource
Consumer
posted 03-17-99 09:39 AM ET

While playing SMAC, send the wife out for nutrients in the supply crawler.
Giant Squid
posted 03-17-99 10:24 AM ET

You begin writing your forum name and password on any document asking NAME:
(This has actually happened to me)

Instead of turning the heat up, you build a thermal borehole to raise temperature.

You begin to wonder why Lal's never intervened in Bosnia.

You begin searching for mind worm boils in your backyard so you can get Planetpearls.

<-:-)-K
Giant Squid
"Eternity lies ahead of us, and behind. Have you drunk your fill?"
Mnich
posted 03-17-99 10:59 AM ET

1. You refer to a frat party as "drone riots"

2. Your promise kids to build a singularity planet buster for the 4th of July.

3. You suddenly stop in the middle of trafic thinking you just heard the PlanetVoice.

4. You actualy start writing "How to raise a nerve-stapled child."

5. When people mention cutpaper-animation hit you think they talk about the scene
from the Longevity SP.

6. You approach your boss with voice converter and exclaim with digital overtones,
"Project complete."

7. You attempt to mind-control your pet.

8. You notice an earthworm and shout "Use your flameguns!" to the nearby
pedestrians.

9a)Your wife uses pop-ups to remind you of important things, such as eating.

9b) You scorn at her attempts claiming you are about to reach transcendence
anyway.

10. You refer to your work associates as "GeneJacks."

11. You rewire your company building to obtain enough energy credits to complete the
Project before any other faction.

12. You are very cautious near religious fanatics because of their +25% belief bonus.

13. At a corporate meeting you suggest to elect Mr. Yang for a chairman to get the
efficiency bonus.

14. You suggest to your boss to send a Probe Team to the rival's company building.

15. You reprimend people at work for refering their computers in any other way than
"Network Node."

16. You tell your landlord you can't pay the rent because of heavy clouds and mist
over your solar collectors.

17. You scout the countryside for monoliths and Unity pods.

18. You go to your bank with bags full of batteries and ask the clerk if they accept
change.

19. You assign significan part of your budget to your misbehaving kids expecting
"Golden Age."

20. You spend significant amount of time trying to come up with an addition to this
topic.


Heh, I hope at least some are enjoyable. Couldn't help myself.
micje
posted 03-17-99 12:05 PM ET

You're trying to run over stray dogs with your car, hoping that it will become elite for
the extra movement point.

When there are elections, you vote for the faction that goes for the Weather
Paradigm.

When you go on vacation, you put hypnotic trance on your caravan.
gotag
posted 03-17-99 12:50 PM ET

There is sunspot activity, and you get lonely, because there is no one to talk to.
Dredd
posted 03-17-99 01:09 PM ET

You say to your supervisor "Vendetta upon you!" when receiving a new project at
work.
HMFIC
posted 03-17-99 01:21 PM ET

You spend all your work time lurking in the SMAC forums!
Luke
posted 03-17-99 01:56 PM ET

You replace the hood ornament on you '89 Buick Le Sabre with a Chaos Gun.

Unlike environmentally concerned citizens worldwide, you're all for melting the polar ice
caps.

Before you head for the bathroom, you announce, "Boy, I've got to go cause some
eco-damage!"

You snicker as you drive by the local church, knowing that the poor fools inside must
be years behind you in technology by now.

You've written Playboy, requesting that they pursue a photo shoot with Deidre.

You're arrested for spraying local business' walls with Spartan barracks graffiti.
Matt Fox
posted 03-17-99 02:23 PM ET

Ammendment to Mnich's #6:

When you complete a job at work, you say "ProjectProject Completeplete"
Rong
posted 03-17-99 03:17 PM ET

You look out the window, wondering where the second sun is.
December Man
posted 03-17-99 04:14 PM ET

You begin to lift up 'man hole covers' in the hope that they contain new tech
advances or hope that it won't induce a fungus bloom.
jsorense
posted 03-17-99 04:37 PM ET

Manhole covers?

I've been dumpster diving myself. Talk about blooms? Eeeeeuuuuuuuuu! :-(
Rong
posted 03-17-99 05:57 PM ET

You read the forum thinking you'd definitely PB those clueless newbies when the
sunspot activity picks up.
DerekM
posted 03-17-99 06:04 PM ET

When somebody steals your parking space, you tell them that they have violated your
territory, and threaten vendetta unless they leave.

You disassemble your car so that you can choose different components every time
you go somewhere.

You move next to a farm in order to increase your wife's chances of getting pregnant.

When that doesn't work, you start siphoning energy from your neighbors to try and
start a "golden age."

You put a sign on your house that says "University Base."
MrSmily
posted 03-17-99 08:36 PM ET

Walk to your neighbors and show off your new "toy" and tell them to shut-up at 4
A.M. or you will nerve staple thier nose hairs.

When you see a construction site you think of terraforming (happend to me!).

Highways become Magtubes to you.

Refer (sp?) to the internet as "datalinks".

Try and make your own game named "Omega Centauri" only to realize it will suck
compared to SMAC.
MrSmily
posted 03-17-99 08:54 PM ET

When you have a kid you change the population number on your house from 2 to 3.

Shopping carts at Kroger are now supply crawlers.

You hear the word children and think of the base facalty and not your own kids.

If you see someone litter you pronounce vendetta and start mumbleing about Morgan
Industrys.

You try and launch your own satalites to get more food.

When you order pizza you ask the delivery boy a series of questions to see if hes in
fact part of a Beliver probe team.

You hear the Gilligans Island theme and think of the creative song written in the
forums before the crash.

Afraid of demon-boil squirrels, you try and be eco-freindly.
MoSe
posted 03-19-99 11:57 AM ET

Mnich 20.
HMFIC
really happen

gotag (btw, 'go, tag!' or "got a 'G'"?)
DerekM 2nd
my favotites


You spot a spider, moth or fly, and you think
"Indigenous lifeforms"

You try to classify weather forecasts into Cloud Coverage: sparse, average,
abundant.

Real conversation:
- What's the magazine you're reading?
- Alpha Centauri
- ???
- Er... I mean, National Geographic!

you wonder 'Alpha' Centauri shouldn't get 'beta' tested

you talk with your cousin woking for Physics PhD at Stanford, and you tell him:
'So, how's the SuperCollider doing?'

Breakfast: wondering if you'd pour the second orange juice mug "Have I drunk my fill?"

urgent need ...mmm, Pi$$Keeper
MoSe
posted 03-19-99 12:13 PM ET

when I disagree with my (friendly) boss, I tell him:
"I must dissent"
"beg your pardon? I couldn'get your last Blah!"

forgot how do you call the car plaques/labels with identification code (letters and/or
digits)
we now have here a
AA 999 AA
pattern and got recently by the initial B
I score a point for each ABxxxRD, half point for ACxxxSM (long time before SMxxxAC,
10 points). Next big shot will be BLxxxAH, coming soon.


DerekM
posted 03-19-99 01:40 PM ET

Here are a few more...

You start lobbying your government to start work on "submersable carriers."

Every time you see Bill Gates, you do a double-take because he is causcasian.

You confuse your son's Transformers video with his Construction Machines video,
mumbling, "but THESE look more like Trance Formers..."

You annoy your fiancee by repeatedly stating, "but even 500 would be pretty nice!"
This actually happened.
Magnanimous
posted 03-19-99 01:44 PM ET

You know you're addicted to SMAC when..

You're actually happy when your wife says "sorry hon, I have a headache," because
you'd rather probe Deidre anyway.

You're on your 9th beer, it's late, the lights are dim, and you start thinking that maybe
Miriam ain't that bad looking after all.

You're a teacher and you spend your non-playing SMAC time trying to figure out how
to incorporate SMAC into your lesson plans.
Rong
posted 03-19-99 01:55 PM ET

You call your Jeep scout rover and wish you have a gravship instead.
Imran Siddiqui
posted 03-19-99 03:34 PM ET

10) You've been on these forums since October
9) You've been on these forums since September
8) You've been on these forums since August
7) You've been on these forums since July
6) You've been on these forums since June
5) You've been on these forums since May
4) You've been on these forums since March
3) You've been on these forums since April (HA HA)
2) You've been on these forums since February
1) You've been on these forums since Brother Greg was here .

Imran Siddiqui
OhWell
posted 03-22-99 07:23 AM ET

- You take your rover (..er car) in for service and insist on an upgrade to a fusion
reactor.
- You are jealous of people who have green cars 'cause they have Silksteel Armor and
your red car only has Plasma Steel.
- You refer to your back yard fence as the Perimeter Defense.
- You try to build a Pressure Dome over your house when it rains.
- You refer to the local park as the Recreation Commons.
- You call your riding mower a Former.
- You plan a trip to the Washington Monument hoping for a Morale upgrade.
- You are disappointed when you get to the Washington Monument and find that "this
Monolith is Silent".
- You refer to a deposit in your bank account as Stockpiling Energy.
- You try to order a Gravship at you local car dealer.

L8r
The Panther
posted 03-22-99 10:06 AM ET

when you are eating spaghetti. You forget what you are doing, and start yelling:
"MINDWORM MINDWORM"

You watch a movie about archeollogy, and wonders what on earth that Thermal
Borehole should be good for in the middle of nowhere.

stands in the middle of a Highway, and wonders why the mag tubes doesn't work.

You try to pet up your spaghetti, so that it eventually might become Demon Boil once.
EnBee
posted 03-22-99 03:11 PM ET

You do permanent damage to your bladder by forgetting to pee (how many of you
have finished a game only to find an excruciating pain in you bladder that was
unnoticed while playing ...confess up now.)

You start a game at night and then become bewildered at why the room is so bright all
of a sudden (is it sunlight??)

Both true stories, no attention-deficit here.
Luke
posted 03-22-99 05:13 PM ET

You have nothing funny to add, but you reply to this post anyway.
eNo
posted 03-22-99 05:31 PM ET

You avoid KFC because you're afraid the food is cloned.
LadyVanessa
posted 03-22-99 07:22 PM ET

You get in a fight with your boyfriend and declare "Vendetta" on him.

Your laptop hard drive is full... of nothing but saved games.

You attempt to grow moind worm DNA in your refrigerator.
duncanthemad
posted 03-23-99 04:35 AM ET

When asked why you're building an extension to your house you reply, "maximum
population reached"

When you're mad at someone and you tell them to, "go play in the Xenofungus"
Aredhran
posted 03-23-99 05:43 AM ET

It's 4.30 am, you're dead tired and have been lying in your bed for a few minutes. You
have just reached Transcendence, and decided that you didn't have enough time to
start a new game so you though you'd get a couple hours sleep before going to work.
Unfortunately, the neighbor's dog is barking like hell, depriving you of your
well-deserved and needed sleep, and all you can think about is "Nerve Staple the God
Damned Bastard" (True story, btw)

-Aredhran
Barbarian
posted 03-23-99 05:54 AM ET

Your bargaining position when shopping for a house is: "$200,000 for that wretched
hive?"

You are certain that if you could get that fire hydrant into your house and hook it up
to your computer you'd get a free tech.
tOFfGI
posted 03-23-99 06:50 AM ET

This is something that happened to me in real life. I was walking down to get some
food after a long session of SMAC. I was very tired, and started to see lines before my
eyes. I instantly identified them as "magtubes" without thinking about it.
Giant Squid
posted 03-23-99 10:22 AM ET

You stomp on bugs to get Planetpearls

Whenever you see a mushroom outside your house, you feel you need to reduce
Eco-Damage

You hear about global warming and write to your representative asking for a pressure
dome over your city.


Giant Squid
<=O=E
"Eternity lies ahead of us, and behind. Have you drunk your fill?"
Wen_Amon
posted 03-23-99 04:44 PM ET

lol... I cant stop thinking of giant squid filling out his application for work!
Wen_Amon
posted 03-23-99 04:44 PM ET

lol... I cant stop thinking of giant squid filling out his application for work!
Alpha Texana
posted 03-27-99 12:59 AM ET

1) You move your family to the west coast because it is easier to grow nutrients
there.
2) You tell your children "go to your creche and go to bed."
cousLee
posted 03-27-99 03:00 AM ET

you check the toy section for Recon Rover Rick action figures.

you never eat Spaghetti anymore

when your stuck in traffic, you imagine yourself as part of a great Rover Run.

you call the auto parts store a design workshop.

you call you wife Deidre while making woopie (no, I didn't)
4Horses
posted 03-27-99 10:08 AM ET

[jlederer]

The rest...

- You try to bargain with the bank by telling them if they'll give you $500 you'll pay
them back $6/year for the next 100 years.

- You inform your wife that you now know the names of your first 7 children.

- You don't read the directions when putting together your new computer desk....you
"Consult Datalinks" instead.

- You refer to sex as "Orbital Insertion"

- You buy a frame for your Technology Tree poster
cousLee
posted 03-28-99 10:23 AM ET

When your making a post, and you bring up the game screen to verify some info, and
forget your connected to the internet, you might be addicted.
cousLee
posted 03-28-99 07:41 PM ET

you buy a bunch of small pools to put in your backyard so you can have you own
borehole cluster.
MikeH II
posted 03-29-99 05:15 AM ET

When you meet someone from the States, who you 'met' on the SMAC forums, for a
drink in London and end up talking about all the other forum posters as if they are
mutual friends and recounting stories about stuff that happened on the forums. You
really have to try hard not to call them their posting name.

True story.
MoSe
posted 03-29-99 05:42 AM ET

What do you mean?
I BOUGHT a frame for my TechTree poster!!!
I'm designing and printing a personal one (A2 paper, maybe fits in A3) for everyday
use, w/out all those spaghetti arrows.

Whoops, I forgot this open for awhile...!!!
JRennison
posted 03-29-99 11:39 AM ET

Great forum Axeman!

1) The letters 'r', 'l', and 'h' have had the transfers warn away on your keyboard.

2) You never finish the Gaians off because the idea of Deirdre in a Punishment Sphere
is too traumatic.

3) You've got a pair of sun glasses like Academician Prokharov...
And you wear them while playing as UofP.

4) You've started talking in an accent similar to the leader of your chosen faction.

5) Your dog, Scout Rover, has learnt to switch off the power to your computer when
it wants to be fed.

6) You've compiled copy of 'We must dissent' from the voice overs...
And can recite it verbatim.

7) You play a few 'warm-up games' at talent level before trying to break your record
1000% at Ironman Transcend level.

8) You have a save file of the map of planet where you terraformed your name into a
mountain range and then melted the ice caps until it was only thing still above sea
level...
And you used your forum name so everyone would know who you are.

9) Your login password at work is De1rdre...(Okay, how many of you have just
changed your password?)

10) You stay behind fifteen minutes after everyone else has left the office compiling
this list..!
cousLee
posted 03-29-99 11:51 AM ET

your dog Scout Rover!!??!! ROFLMAO.
cousLee
posted 03-29-99 11:56 AM ET

Your game CD has become so thin from use that it only has one side.
JT2
posted 03-29-99 12:17 PM ET

-While mowing the lawn you find your dog's chew toy and hook it to your computer to
try to get a free tech

-You're afraid to carry grafiti because you think the lasers from the Self-Aware Colony
will disintgrate you

-You refer to your umbrella as The Weather Paradgim

-You're afraid to go to church because of the Believers' 25% attack bonus

-You romp naked among the trees hoping to meet Dierdre
Vorrin Nal
posted 03-29-99 03:15 PM ET

When you leave for the day, you try to upgrade your dogs to police units.

You wonder, sitting behind a SUV in traffic, if any combination of special abilities in
SMAC will create a Land Rover.

You read about the Cold War and think "If the USSR had downloaded 3.0, they'd have
had no effeciency penalties..."

You call the local National Guard station the Bioenhancement Center.

You start to research the history of the United States Marine Corps after taking all of
Yangs' coastal and sea bases in a single turn.
Axeman
posted 03-29-99 08:36 PM ET

Hey its me again.
Just stopped by to thank everyone for posting on my msg board; thanks for all your
support, and keep 'em coming!

Oh yeah btw never set your new topic to "e-mail when someone responds", i learned
that when i open my mailbox and found 27 new messages all from
webmaster@firaxis.com

Talon
posted 03-30-99 07:42 PM ET

10.You remember the old forums
9.You remember the new test forums
8.You join a organization protecting the democracy of the forums and hailing Sid Meier
as their God.
7.You obtain a military position in the organization protecting the democracy of the
forums and hailing Sid Meier as their God.
6.You have subordinates in your military position in the organization protecting the
democracy of the forums and hailing Sid Meier as their God.
5.Imran Siddiqui is the President of the organization protecting the democracy of the
forums and hailing Sid Meier as their God.
4.You ratified a constitution for the organization protecting the democracy of the
forums and hailing Sid Meier as their God.
3.You avoid all other forums exept for the Non-Topic forum
2.You know YYYH personally
1.You reload over and over to see if anyone has replied to your post

-Talon


cousLee
posted 03-30-99 11:02 PM ET

1> YOU start stuttering.

2> You have a seperate folder on your HD called Bugsaves.

3> You blame problems on someone's system, when it is obviously a game problem.

4> You finally admit that you are never wrong.

5> When you turn your body, you use a stop and go motion doing it.

6> You use a solid blue wallpaper on your desktop, because that is what your use to.

7> Your favorite quote is: 'Damnit, not again!?!"

8> You buy Activision stock.

9> Your doctor gives you medicine to treat masochism.

10> You think the boogyYin is hiding in your closet.
CarniveaN
posted 03-31-99 02:32 AM ET

someone is obviously unsatisfied

Carnivean
--BTW I have the same problems, I run SMAC on my 486-66
MikeH II
posted 03-31-99 05:23 AM ET

Talon: You know YYYH personally? I'm so sorry.

1. You wonder if Santiago would like to inspect YOUR Artillery

2. You hook up a nutriant drip by the side of your PC to try and prevent fainting due
to lack of food.

3. You wonder why students don't have white flags on their back.
MikeH II
posted 03-31-99 05:24 AM ET

4. You can't spell anymore. Whoops.
Finngall
posted 03-31-99 03:35 PM ET

you're having a running dialogue with the computer.

CPU: "Perhaps a careful review of your op--"

Me: [hitting return, annoyed] Thank you, Mr. Data.
Koshko
posted 03-31-99 11:25 PM ET

You can quote word for word everything that is said for each advancement

To Voices in your head are starting to talk like Morgan

You refer to the Washington Monument as the Monolith
Giant Squid
posted 04-01-99 12:59 AM ET

1) You refer to your religious leader (priest, minister, rabbi, etc.) as Sister.
2) You do number one, despite the fact that your religious leader is male.
3) If he complains, you yell "Shrivel and die, you Religious Lunatic!"

<=O=E
DJ
posted 04-01-99 09:40 AM ET

I was walking outside the other night when I saw a bright star. My immediate reaction
was to think, "I've been there ..."
Jay
posted 04-01-99 05:15 PM ET

Talon do we have a constitution? I thought it was Green Army not BoS...

Anyhow, you know you'll have to go to school early tomorrow, and you just keep
hitting reload in the SMAC forums.
Imran Siddiqui
posted 04-01-99 08:50 PM ET

Yes, Jay! I'm suprised at you! I wrote the Constitution myself (of course I've forgotten
all about it ).

Imran Siddiqui
cousLee
posted 04-02-99 02:51 AM ET

You rupture your bladder playing SMAC, AND make a post to the forums while waiting
for the ambulance to arrive.
MoSe
posted 04-02-99 03:17 AM ET

You edit your Software Engineering textbook, substituting SW lifecycle with MW
lifecycle.
ViVicdi
posted 04-02-99 04:01 AM ET

You start quoting quotes quoted in SMAC in everyday conversations:

"Companions the creator seeks, not corpses, not herds and believers. Fellow creators
the creator seeks ..." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

You put Friedrich Nietzsche on your reading list and Baraka on your must-see list.

You keep the game running in the background to have the Datalinks available for
reference to insure accurate forum posts.

You start referring to weeds as Xenofungus, and weeding as "clearing fungus".

You replace your Gregorian calendar's "A.D." with SMAC's "M.Y.", as in "the Y2k bug
might shut down a few Network Nodes during M.Y. 2000".

You think by building an Echelon Mirror in Ireland, moving to Scotland, and building a
Solar Collector you can strike it rich before M.Y. 2250.

You see an offshore oil rig and think, "6 energy credits!"

You see a News Helicopter and think, "1-1-12 Police / Clean Probe Copter".

You see a Police Car and think, "1-1-2 Police / Clean Scout Rover".

You see a surveillance camera and think, "We Must Dissent! *** ZAP ***"

You build Special Projects just to watch those cool movies. Then you run "PlayUV" to
watch them all again. Finally you hyperlink the "movies" directory so you can watch
them some more later!

You see a politician from another country and wonder what his country's SE settings
are.

You see a politician from your country and wonder what SE settings he would like
there to be ...
Mortis
posted 04-02-99 08:14 AM ET

You walk into your local bookstore and ask for a copy of "The Ethics of Greed".

When you say a quote from SMAC you credit it to the faction leader who said it.

You where mentioned in the story.

You stay up to 4am, posting on the SMAC forums (true story).
sandworm
posted 04-02-99 03:54 PM ET

You start reading the suggested science fiction from the back of the manual. Manual?
There's a manual? We don't need no stinking manual.

"I would like to have is Raquel Welsch (sp?) dropped on my head. She's got a big
bottom."

sandworm
tfs99
posted 04-02-99 09:50 PM ET

- If someone has to stop playing your multiplayer game, you say out loud, "Please
don't go ... the drones need you ... they look up to you"

- When your roommate is hogging the bathroom or phone you contemplate turning off
simultaneous moves and setting time limits to 15 seconds

- When a car cuts you off in traffic you think to yourself: "Stupid AI"

- You start referring to anyone who disagrees with you as "Yin"

- You start humming that catchy "Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum ... dum dum dum
dum dum ... wah wah waaaaah" music from the multiplayer hosting screen.

- You get a bunch of mossy rocks, paint them red and put them in your front yard,
hoping it will at least give you a random chance of keeping the neighbors dog from
doing its business there

- You look forward to bribing your neighbors to vote for you in the next Council
election

- You tell your boss that the new Recreation Commons are nice, but unless they
budget minerals for The Virtual World, people are going to quit and go work for Morgan
Industries

- You call up Swingline and ask if they sell Nerve Staplers

- You start looking for your favorite faction leader's books on Amazon.com

- You send birthday cards and gifts to faction leaders that were born before the year
2000 just so you can improve your chances of favorable diplomatic relations once you
get to A.C.

- You start thinking that if you go to Kosovo and become a mercenary, you might get
named to be on the security force of the Unity project

- You find yourself suffering from the JOMP syndrome (Just One More Post)

- You find yourself compulsively clicking on the little forum sunglasses so you can
snicker at "how few posts that loser has"

- When life gets rough you start contemplating starting over again on Citizen difficulty

- You find yourself suffering from the JOMTTL syndrome (Just One More Top Ten Line)

- You sign your posts with some cute little saying about the game

SMAC n ... Ted S.
Kusader
posted 04-03-99 12:49 AM ET

How about, you threaten your friends by saying, "I will terminate you as a matter of
good business practice!"

This has become a regular saying of mine now... =)
Mortis
posted 04-03-99 04:40 AM ET

You use prahses like "Sorry, no cheque no tech!" in everyday conversation.
Terbo
posted 04-04-99 12:18 AM ET

hehehe...


When your kids are bad, you hit them with a stapler svreaming "If you kids act up
agian, I'll nerve-staple you in 10 more turns!"

(You then go to jail for child abuse)
Mortis
posted 04-04-99 08:10 AM ET

Nahh, you just get UN sanctions imposed on you.
BlueBlazer
posted 04-04-99 11:14 PM ET

You have gotten a suntan from all the computer radiation

You have the tech chart memorized

You are trying to drill to the aquifer in your backyard so you can get more water

YOu call your TV a Hologram Theatre

You start playing Friday Night and finish just in time for school monday
Koshko
posted 04-04-99 11:52 PM ET

The binding that holds the pages of the manual are wearing out.

New TV Show "Where in the Planet is Col. Santiago"

You notice that the Believer symbol looks like Kenny from South Park.
Koshko
posted 04-05-99 12:02 AM ET

Couple more

The members of Firaxis has to issue a restraining order on you.

When steping outside, you get scared by the bright warm yellow ball in the sky.
Zeratul
posted 04-05-99 01:53 PM ET

-You tell the new neighbors that it is customary of smaller, weaker factions to pay a
small protection "fee".

-You miss your wedding because of JOMT (just one more turn) sydrome.

-You keep starting new games with the UoP just to hear Zhakarov say his name. (i do)
4Horses
posted 04-05-99 03:55 PM ET

- you start submitting words with the word "SMAC" in daily conversations

- you actually think "SMAC" is a word

- after reading the previous 76 posts, you still have something to contribute
4Horses
posted 04-05-99 03:58 PM ET

- you spend a lot of time replying to a thread, submit your reply, and get the "you
entered the wrong password" screen. You curse to yourself, throw the nearest object
at the wall, and proceed to enter the information all over again.......thinking "next time
i'll EDIT, COPY before I submit, just in case."
Koshko
posted 04-05-99 08:57 PM ET

You continue to supply posts even though the premise has worn thin.

You see a Ford Probe drive by, and you assume they're going to break into your home
and steal stuff.

You stop taking baths in order to recreate Xenofungus growth.


Kinda large, isn't it?

LoD

onepaul posted 06-21-99 10:44 AM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
case closed...
Stefu posted 06-21-99 11:45 AM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You are hysterically afraid of fishing. I mean, first you take can of mindwrms and THEN you go to potentially meet Isle of the Deep?
You only eat apples, and even when doing so call them 'nutrients.'

You whistle Network Node song in public.

You wonder why YOUR television doesn't show Morgan doing aerobic.

You now pronounce 'complete' as 'conclete'

You have used WinAmp to make some quotes of your own.

Your insults always have Big First Letters.

icosahedron posted 07-07-99 04:01 PM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
- ico


lucifer posted 07-07-99 07:04 PM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you impose 10 years of sanctions against your kids for using "nerve gas pods" (farting)
you swear to never build the hunter seeker algorithm (after all you wouldn't want your "probe" team to be a thing of the past)

you try to nerve staple your teenage kid for rebelling/"rioting"

you have dreams of xenofungal blooms only to wake up and find the only thing that has bloomed on "planet" is your hemoroid problem

Resource Consumer posted 07-07-99 07:16 PM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So what. Truth for you.......
I went into our local stationers and asked for Nerve Staples. They suggested that I tried at the Post Office.....

So, between tears of laughter, I even paid my phone bill.

No NSs though........

Resource Consumer
- gotta give this up, it's doing my productivity -

Stasis Archon posted 07-07-99 08:28 PM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You refer to your cable modem as the Bulk Matter Transmitter.
**** posted 07-07-99 09:43 PM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your speech at a company board meeting includes the words: "Results show that we have a Paradigm Economy but our Labs output is -10%."
As a teacher, your opening day speech to your physics class consists of: "Zee substructure of zee universe reegresses eenfinitely tovards smoller and smoller components. Behind atoms ve find electrons,
and behind electrons cvuarks. Each layer unraveled reeveals new seecrets, but also new meesteries." (the misspellsing is intentional, duh)

When you arguing about the US's stance in the wars between various other countries, you mention something about singularity needlejets, drop probe teams, and planet busters, citing "that'll teach that religious *****".

Instead of celebrating your 18th birthday you announce: "I have achieved Mature Boil Status!!"

While arguing with friends or coleagues you find yourself saying: "Oh yeah? Well Morgan says that (insert something here)"

You call up Bill Clinton and say: "President Clinton, your so called 'Democracy' is godless and wretched. True freedom and happiness are only to be found in God's love, and I urge you to repent your sins and open your heart to the Lord."
Then, no matter what his response is you say: "Very well then, Vendetta Upon You, President Clinton!"

Ok, thats it for now, I'm busy, be back with more later.

****

Stasis Archon posted 07-08-99 11:25 AM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Someone tries to sell you something for $100 and you say "Perhaps 50 credits would take care of our little problem."
Stasis Archon posted 07-08-99 11:27 AM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Every time you quote someone you end with
--(name), Datalinks.
Resource Consumer posted 07-08-99 11:52 AM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When your kids ask you for additional pocket money, tou reply either :
"I am not your personal moneylender"

Or

"50 it is, then, but if you rob me you will feel my wrath"

Stasis Archon posted 07-09-99 05:04 PM ET

[jlederer]

The last bit.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You visit the Washington monument and actually DO get a morale upgrade.
**** posted 07-10-99 01:10 AM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
RC: You forgot: "I'll lend you half of that, and no more"
You spend 50K on plastic surgery to make you look like Deirdre......and you're male.

As a teacher, you split off 5 students from your class, telling them that they're talents and should paint their faces white, grow tentacles, and wear robes.

You buy a Tyco offroad remote controlled pickup, and make it run over earthworms, shouting "Take that Planet!"

You develop a SEVERE hatred of all redheaded women.

During conversations with other people, you involuntarily say "OK" after they say each sentence.

****

Stasis Archon posted 07-10-99 04:53 AM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You try to research nonlinear mathematics so you can be the first guy on the block with a particle impactor.
When depositing money in a bank you say: "Would you find a modest sum of energy credits helpful?"
You almost get a divorce trying to explain what happened between you and three women called Deirdre, Miriam and Corazon when your wife was away.
You then manage to persuade your wife to play SMAC.
I think maybe we should make a top 50 or top 100 of these and get it posted on some SMAC page. That would rule.

edgecrusher posted 07-13-99 12:53 AM ET
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you've named your twins "nessus" and "chiron".
"edgecrusher" ~ Spartan Probe Team 'angelis'

[Mr. President]

. . . when you try to become Argentina's fifth President this month so you can convert the pampas into an energy park.

[baygator IV]

you turn the tv on after a 'short' game and hear that

'The spaceship unity blasted off today for alpha centauri, carrying the cream of humanitys now-soured milk...'