Comments on "Fault line of the Mind "

[korn469]

well i finally got inspired to write a little, i envision this as a fairly short story...basically it is going to be a tale about a man pushing himself beyond his limits to try and accomplish something very dear to his heart

it is going to feature the U.N., Spartans, Hive, Morgan, Cyborgs, and the Cult (with some references to the gaian's as part of the back story)

hopefully i will be able to post a new segment or two fairly consistantly

but any feedback you have is great appreciated

[problem_child]

Looks interesting so far, and i want to read more of the story, but a little more story to get stuck into would be nice! i think if you start with enough text to get people loyal to at least one character in the story, it makes em start to complain when you don't post more chapters soon enough.

so bigger chunks please

[Clear Skies]

Geez pc, are you ever satisfied? Why haven't we seen bigger chunks of any of your stories recently?

Anyway, back on topic. Great story - only fault i could find was where you used 'covered' twice in the same sentence - although fitting in 'ubiquitous' is laudable - I can never get that word in myself!

[problem_child]

*studiously traces pattern on the ground with toe*
i er.. re-read the whole thing and was so alarmed by all the spelling mistakes i vowed never to write in public again.

only kiddin

and hey, valuable feedback requires traction!

[korn469]

problem_child

well this time my chunck was a little bit larger than last...i hope that helps get you a little more interested. one of the biggest problems i have is in dialog between characters...i find i dread writing it because it is probably my weakest area in writing...i wish i had mark twain's ability to realistically capture a conversation between people...i strive to at least sound like movie dialog

additionally i know my adherance to comma rules is also weak...but i do try and use a spell checker so i hope that there weren't too many spelling mistakes in it

SMAC fanatic

i edited my first post and changed one of the covered to blanketed

also i am trying to drop in little hooks throughout the story to interest my reads in my vision of this particular SMAC world and the characters that populate it

if anyone wants to start speculating on the plot be my guest

[problem_child]

Story building nicely methinks, so far it kind of puts me in mind of Apocalypse Now or Heart of Darkness- they'll all die one by one- and messily, and the quiet religious one will go mad, and someone will say "The Horror, The Horror...."

well you got my interest anyway, do type on