Comments on Scourging of Planet: The Gaian-AXIS War

[Lord_Icewind]

Mh...I've always liked the idea of many factions on Planet (more than 7, Civ-ish like)...this tale of yours shows a glimpse of how interesting that would be...if any SMACX2 is ever made, offshoot factions is a must
Good story!.

[MysticWind]

Thanks. The Second Ship is a personal project of mine, to be open source to anyone who wants any faction... there would be 14 in all.

In SMAC 2 there should be about 30 to 35 new factions. 50 would be overkill. Maybe there should be more attributes and special units to make them unique. Would complicate things a bit more, but not by too much.

Any more comments? This is just a draft, kind of. I didn't get a chance to write a lot of battle scenes yet.

[Mr. President]

Whoa! Intense. It's a very birds-eye-view kind of thing, which is okay, though I personally prefer a more intimate view. Seems good, though, nice premise and suchlike.

[WotanAnubis]

I've only skimmed over it, but my first reaction was something like "Oh my God, it's a Mary Sue faction!"

This is not a positive reaction.

Personally, when I'm reading fanfiction, I'd like to read about the stuff I'm a fan of. I do not know AXIS, I do not care for AXIS and I'm certainly not interested in how they're waltzing around Planet crushing everyone in their way (OK, just the Gaians, but it seems like a lot of others are soon to follow).

[Lord_Icewind]

Well, altough it is true that I don't care much about AXIS, new factions are always welcome...as long as the old facs have a tale or two about their view of the happenings.

[MysticWind]

Mary Sue? Hardly.

From my created profile of them here you can find out who they are. They are fanatic, have +2 Support (Military-oriented society),
+2 Police (Citizens used to discipline and order), and start out with a freaking planet buster. But that doesn't tell you everything. Remember, what I have above is just a first draft, and tells you nothing about how long the war has been going on, or even how long the faction has been in existence. Also, the Cult of Planet is fighting the Gaians at the same time, Morgan is only half-heartedly aiding Deidre, and everyone else is busy fighting each other. This is just a first draft, so some things are ambiguous for a reason.

Finally, the AXIS are fanatics, and so the General is understandably resolute in beating anyone of the "non-human" factions. The last sentences doesn't prove that he's capable of doing that.

And besides, WotanAnubis, this fanfiction was not written for you alone. If it's not "the stuff you're a fan of", then go read that stuff. Don't complain to me that what I'm writing about isn't what you're interested in.

Again, sorry about being ambiguous. I should have included the AXIS profile:

Anti-Xenos Initiative Society
“After the arrival at Chiron, humanity has become degraded by alien forces. Today, the vile ‘Voice of Planet’ calls out lies that mislead our citizens to their deaths, psychics hide within us, reading our thoughts, sentient Xenos lay waste to our land for their own agendas, and our own machines have learned to rebel. The time to fight back and resist temptation is now!”
- AXIS Manifesto, Datalinks
“I suggest you take this time and prepare to meet your Gaia.”
- General Gray, shortly before launching a Planet Buster against a Cult of Planet colony.
Symbol/Insignia: A medieval shield that has a picture of mindworms on it, except crossed out.
Leader: General Patrick Donovan Gray
Background: Former Spartan Fed general from Billings, Montana.
Agenda: Destruction of all alien factions and philosophies.
Technology: High Energy Chemistry
+2 Support (Military-oriented society)
+2 Police (Citizens used to discipline and order)
-2 Planet (Anti-Planet viewed as Anti-Xenos)
Fanatic (‘Nuff said)
Does not negotiate with Aliens.
Cannot have Secrets of the Human Brain.
May not have Ascent to Transcendence Victory
Starts with free unit: Planet Buster
Aggression: Aggressive Agenda: Fundamentalist (Politics)
Priorities: Conquer Aversion: Green (Economics)

Notes: I was going to make him from a “Montana Free State” from another character at networknode.org. Then I realized that most of the sets had nothing to do with each other, that is, they did not exist I none fan universe. Thus, Gray’s from the “regular”, “canon” U.S. in SMAC, that apparently suffered a civil war, though the AXIS quote is a joke against all of the disparate factions you find there- bug aliens, cyborgs, etc. Also, points to whoever guesses who he’s based on.

[WotanAnubis]

Originally posted by MysticWind
Mary Sue? Hardly.

They start with a Planet Buster. They easily crush the Gaians. They are the main focus of the story.

Mary Sue? Yeah, pretty much. Granted, perhaps not extremely Mary Sue, but pretty Sue-ish all the same.

Furthermore, the Gaians, those freedom-loving, pacifist eco-hippies are commiting all kinds of atrocities. Which is odd, because they can't even nerve staple. But, then again, they are opposed to your faction, so obviously they must be very much in the wrong and having them practising bloodthirsty rituals makes it easier to have them removed, niftily sidestepping the moral implications of wiping out a peaceloving faction just because you don't agree with them.

Also, the Cult of Planet is fighting the Gaians at the same time, Morgan is only half-heartedly aiding Deidre, and everyone else is busy fighting each other. This is just a first draft, so some things are ambiguous for a reason.

You're right. The Cult of Planet fighting anyone isn't very much of a stretch, but why the Gaians? Are they afraid of the competition? Personally, I think those "Planet is God", "There will be a Jihad", "Let's cleanse humanity" fanatics are more likely to set their sights on your faction first - but you're right, I don't know the background.

And the Morgans being allied to the Gaians in the first place without sufficient explanation is ridiculous.

And besides, WotanAnubis, this fanfiction was not written for you alone. If it's not "the stuff you're a fan of", then go read that stuff. Don't complain to me that what I'm writing about isn't what you're interested in.

Ah, you're right about that. But fanfiction is *fan*fiction. I'm just as much of a fan as you are, but I'm a fan of SMAC/X, so obviously I like reading about the SMAC/X factions. Bringing an original faction into the mix is perfectly allowable, but it must be plausible, there must be a good reason for it and they must not take precedence over all the other factions (or, to put it differently, 'hog the spotlight').

But you're right, it's your story, it's your faction, it's your fantasy Planet, I suppose. But if you want other people to enjoy it then you should be convincing enough to have them share your fantasy. This rough draft simply isn't convincing enough just yet. In my very critical anti-original character/faction point of view, that is.

Mind you, I write ridiculous alliances as well. In fact, the story that I still haven't written has the a solid Gaian/Spartan alliance at the heart of it.
Mostly because Deirdre and Santiago are involved with each other. Which sounds ludicrous, I know, so I'd have to devote a great deal of time to lessen that sense of ludicrousness so that other people can accept what I'm telling them. The willing suspension of disbelief is all very nice and well, but you shouldn't rely on it blindly.

“I suggest you take this time and prepare to meet your Gaia.”
- General Gray, shortly before launching a Planet Buster against a Cult of Planet colony.
Also, points to whoever guesses who he’s based on.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say "General Hein". Mostly because Gray's quote is also pretty much a direct quote from Hein just before he fires the Zeus Cannon at Aki and the alien meteor.

[binTravkin]

Ahh, that's what it is about - about Gaians!

[MysticWind]

Giving a faction the power do destroy a base does not make it superpowered. This story isn't meant to follow the events of a particular game I've played, since I don't have SMAX and can't reenact my story. The Gaians have existed for decades before the proposed AXIS broke off from Sparta. Why do they still win? They're allied with the Cult, and later the University. Everyone else is too busy to intervene. It's a grim spectacle, aye.

Yes, it's an extreme stretch that the Gaians are involved in atrocities. For the purpose of this story and this story only, they do. Just following the ideals of Zakahorv's rant for the Temple of Planet. In retrospect, it was too extreme. Nevertheless, who knows what goes on in the depths of the Planet worshipping sanctum sanctorum?

I didn't say that the Gaians were nerve stapling. Sorry if I implied it, though.

Read, for the purposes of this story, I made the Gaians seem sort of negative, and the AXIS sort of positive. However, that's not what I really think. Sorry if you like the Gaians or something.

I was wrong for saying that AXIS's number one enemy is the Stepdaughters of Gaia.

As for "there must be a good reason for it and they must not take precedence over all the other factions," who made that rule? Who says one cannot focus on a faction to introduce it? While it is implausible that AXIS would defeat the Gaians on their own, they never did that.

Okay, I did give them too many nukes in the end. But having one planet buster won't destroy the Gaians completely. The section where the buster is used near the middle of the story is a flashback to an earlier AXIS-Cult War. The reversal to truce and pact against Gaia does seem implausible, but I can explain that. Anyhow, it's not like Cha Dawn cares much for his individual people, anyhow. If there's a strategic alliance to be made, why not make it? I do admit that having three busters at the end is way, way, too much.

I can go on and on but I'll just render it in an official semi-humorus backstory skit:

AXIS: Whoo hoo! We're free of Sparta and the crazy fight everyone for no reason! Time to kill things just because they're different!

Cult: Stop right there! You are an abomination to Planet! Especially so because you want to kill us.

[They fight for a long time, eventually leading to a standstill]

Cult: Whew...

Prophet Cha Dawn: No! The Psions (another proposed faction by me) have manifested themselves and threaten my psychic powers! No! The Gaians have been snuggling up to Planet whilst I've been fighting! My dominon is weakening!
[To Gray]: Say, those Gaians are weak. Why don't you fight them, instead? We'll even help you!

AXIS: But we planet busted you once with the planet buster we busted from Santiago!

Cha Dawn: Ah ha ha. Bygones be bygones. That base was full of heretics, anyway. In fact, we'll help you fight whoever else you want afterwards! {Ok, that part of the alliance is kind of hokey.}

Gray: Uh... it goes against my principles... but it's justified in the long run. Deal.
[To himself]: I'll just betray him later when his troops are in my territory.
[End transmission]

Gray: Sucker

Cha Dawn: Sucker.

Thus begins my story.

About Morgans allied with Gaians- why not? This story is set in the thick of history, decades after Planetfall, my proposed Second Ship arrived, the Progenitors arrived, and all of the in-faction fighting. Yes, I should have put more background.

There is a concept I didn't fully develop in my story. Yes, I called Planetmind an "idiot god". I'm sorry if that offended you. Yes, this is different from the official storyline, since the Stepdaughters and Cha Dawn and many other people talk to Planet all of the time. My idea, or at least for this story, of it is more Lovecraftian: perhaps the Planet is sentient, but capable of being swayed, or possibly is divided up into separate entities. Humans with psychic/empathic/whatever powers can command parts or entities from Planet to fight for them. Otherwise, how do you explain non-Gaians getting tamed mindworm swarms? In this story, there is a rise of a separate group of empathic humans (the Psions), and the Gaians and Cult both have great powers over Planet in that respect.

Also, note that even in the above description Planet isn't exactly an "idiot god," which is a nickname of the Lovecraftian Mythos deity Azahoth. That is simply Gray's concept of it, because he must deny its sentience in order to justify fighting and killing it. Personally, I'm getting sick of the idea that Planet is oh-so-wonderful, but I don't think it's an idiot at all.

Again, this is only a rough draft, and a minimalist one at that. Yes, there are many things I left unexplained. I should elaborate on certain things. The title is misleading. But what I am trying to do is to show my otherwise xenaphobic, narrow-minded, semi-Luddite faction as somewhat good (not really, since they've used at least four planet busters) for the purposes of introducing them. It would be too easy to show them as a blend of Sparta, Hive, and the Believers- a militaristic, paranoid society. Thus I chose to be counterintuitive and show the Gaians as somehow sinister, for once.

By the way, did I ever give the impression that the AXIS are morally correct in any way but in their own reckoning? Yes, I did vilify the Gaians, but I still showed AXIS as narrowminded and militaristic. And they're named Axis, for crying out loud.

Once again, Mary Sue? Please. Wikipedia defines one as "a usually derogatory expression for a fictional character who is an idealized stand-in for the author, or for a story with such a character". While I understand many of your criticisms, calling my story is like sending hate mail to a webmaster. I know that Gray has a tormented past, but that's the whole reason why he created his faction. I don't think he's a particularly perfect. He's strong in his convictions and somewhat clever and strategic, but then again so is Miriam and Yang. As for making AXIS idealized or too powerful- yes, I do admit to making them somewhat more powerful, and I do admit I seem to be villifying the Gaians in order to make them less evil, but remember that this story focuses on them and tries to make them seem evil, for once.

Sorry for the rant, but I get defensive, since I believe that you have insulted me. Ever since I found out what a Mary Sue was (before this story, I assure you), I have taken great care to not fall into such traps. I must thank you for your other criticisms, though. There are flaws within my story, but I still reject that it is Sue-ish. It is simply unelaborated and the Gaians are too evil.

About the quote- it's bloody time someone actually responded. Kudos for that, you.

Now, unless you have any other issues or complaints, I might actually revise this. Probably next week, if I have time (HA HA HA).

[WotanAnubis]

Originally posted by MysticWind
Giving a faction the power do destroy a base does not make it superpowered.

They start with a Planet Buster. I don't care if it's just one, I don't care that they pinched it. They start with a freakin' Planet Buster.

That's... so bloody ridiculous. How on Earth (or Planet) could the Federation be so careless with security? And why, oh why, when AXIS broke off, taking along the Planet Buster did Santiago not go forth and eliminate the threat? Letting Gray skip off scott-free (yes, exaggeration, I know, but Sparta's still there, isn't it?) would make the Spartans look weak and the Spartans are all about not looking weak.

Besides, Planet Busting is a global atrocity - unless the Charter's been repealed, but there been no mention of that - and that means that the instant Gray drops the bomb every single faction on Planet declares war on him. And if AXIS isn't even powerful enough to beat the Gaians without pacting with the Cult of all factions, they could never stand up to everyone combined.

The Gaians have existed for decades before the proposed AXIS broke off from Sparta. Why do they still win? They're allied with the Cult, and later the University. Everyone else is too busy to intervene. It's a grim spectacle, aye.

Unfortunately, your "how do they join up" skit has a logic flaw. AXIS says that the Cult can start a war with the Gaians because they're weak. The Cult accepts, basically, because the Gaians are stronger than they are. And "snuggling up to Planet" isn't a bad thing, in Cha Dawn's book. Everyone must snuggle up to Planet or face cleansing. It still does not make any kind of sense for the little kid to go against most if not all of his principles just to eliminate someone who's better at fungus-hugging than he is.

Yes, it's an extreme stretch that the Gaians are involved in atrocities. For the purpose of this story and this story only, they do. Just following the ideals of Zakahorv's rant for the Temple of Planet.

I dunno. He calls it a "silly religion". I think he was more upset about the fact that Gaian mindworm boils probably destroyed Lab 3.

In retrospect, it was too extreme. Nevertheless, who knows what goes on in the depths of the Planet worshipping sanctum sanctorum?

Oh, I didn't say there wasn't any kind of substance abuse. Heck, one of the later Interludes practically confirms there is. It's just Gaians + Human Sacrifice =/= Believable Gaians.

Mind you, Cha Dawn feeding humans to the spawning mindworms in his Brood Pits is believable, mostly thanks to Svensgaard's quote about the Pits ("... because, having been chosen to work in the Pits, meant it was highly unlikely to become one of its victims") and to the police bonus Brood Pits add to your bases.

I didn't say that the Gaians were nerve stapling. Sorry if I implied it, though.

That... wasn't my point. Because of their freedom-loving, pacifist ways, they have a negative police rating so they can't nerve staple. And nerve stapling is a minor atrocity to keep the citizenry in line. And if Lady Deirdre disapproves of that, I wonder what her stance would be on Human Sacrifice.

Read, for the purposes of this story, I made the Gaians seem sort of negative, and the AXIS sort of positive. However, that's not what I really think. Sorry if you like the Gaians or something.

Oh, I like the Gaians, it's true. However, I don't mind if they're being eliminated as long as the faction remains in-character and doesn't engage in all sorts of silliness to kind of excuse their elimination.

As for "there must be a good reason for it and they must not take precedence over all the other factions," who made that rule? Who says one cannot focus on a faction to introduce it?

OK...

And your faction wasn't a Mary Sue, right?

But why introduce it in the first place? What does it add? Apart from an anti-Planet mentality (shared, presumably, by the University, the Believers, the Morganites and possibly the Drones to some extent) what sets it apart from the other factions?

If there's no good answer, then you probably added it just for fun and that's fine, but don't expect the obsessed purists to like it.

Okay, I did give them too many nukes in the end. But having one planet buster won't destroy the Gaians completely. The section where the buster is used near the middle of the story is a flashback to an earlier AXIS-Cult War. The reversal to truce and pact against Gaia does seem implausible, but I can explain that. Anyhow, it's not like Cha Dawn cares much for his individual people, anyhow. If there's a strategic alliance to be made, why not make it?

Again, global atrocity. Everyone should've declared Vendetta on AXIS just for that. Also, every faction that you've committed an atrocity on in the game never, ever forgives you, so pacting is rather unlikely.

And Cha Dawn worships Planet, and Planet Busting, next to running Free Market, is pretty much the ultimate attack on Planet itself.

And Cha Dawn forging a "strategic alliance"? The kid's a complete fanatic! Even more so than the other faction leaders, I mean. He would never put common sense and rationality above his Beliefs.

About Morgans allied with Gaians- why not? This story is set in the thick of history, decades after Planetfall, my proposed Second Ship arrived, the Progenitors arrived, and all of the in-faction fighting. Yes, I should have put more background.

Why not? The Morganites and the Gaians are the traditional antogonists, much like the University and the Believers and the Hive and the Peacekeepers. For Deirdre to even consider making an alliance with that money-hungry Planet-polluter, she'd have to be in deep trouble indeed. Or have an otherwise very convincing reason. Granted, however, if it were the Peacekeepers or the Consciousness or even the Data Angels, you wouldn't have to have a convincing reason, but with the Morganites you do.

That is simply Gray's concept of it, because he must deny its sentience in order to justify fighting and killing it. Personally, I'm getting sick of the idea that Planet is oh-so-wonderful, but I don't think it's an idiot at all.

Now that would be an outcome I could be happy with. You know, Gray going on his butchering spree and ending up destroying himself and all of humanity. The irony in that speaks to me.

And Planet being wonderful? Only if you're of a Gaian, Cultist or possibly Progenitor mindset. For everybody else, Planet is something you just need to deal with.

But what I am trying to do is to show my otherwise xenaphobic, narrow-minded, semi-Luddite faction as somewhat good (not really, since they've used at least four planet busters) for the purposes of introducing them.

Why would you want to show them as "somewhat good"? Why do they need to be in a bit more positive light? For that matter, why do they need to be the focus of the stories and not one of the other original-character factions that populate your Planet?

Thus I chose to be counterintuitive and show the Gaians as somehow sinister, for once.

Again, "being counterintuitive" in fanfiction doesn't work unless you offer decent explanation. You didn't, so it looked as if you made the Gaians look bad for the sole purpose of making your own faction look better.

But it's not a Mary Sue.

Once again, Mary Sue? Please. Wikipedia defines one as "a usually derogatory expression for a fictional character who is an idealized stand-in for the author, or for a story with such a character". While I understand many of your criticisms, calling my story is like sending hate mail to a webmaster.

Could be true. Perhaps I'm just more sensitive than Wikipedia and have a broader definition. But an original character (OK, faction) that is the focus of the story and makes everybody else behave out of character (OK, just the Gaians and the Cultist) just so that the story can work around them adds up to... a not very properly written original character. And they do share some of your beliefs, at least ("I just wanted to have the Gaians be evil for once", "I was just getting sick of the Planet is oh-so-wonderful idea").

Plus, they use Planet Busters and get away with it.

but remember that this story focuses on them and tries to make them seem evil, for once.

But why? Oh, I'm sure there are heaps of ways of making the Gaians look bad and still have them in-character. But the fact remains, Lady Deirdre -and by extension, her whole faction- is a pacifist tree-hugger. How can you make her evil without changing who she is to the extent that she becomes unrecognisable?

I mean, there's probably a good reason why the Gaians aren't often portrayed as being evil.

Sorry for the rant, but I get defensive, since I believe that you have insulted me.

Come now, I didn't say you write like a cow, now did I? I mean, I don't know you, I can't say anything about you. I just really don't like how AXIS has the star role in your story and warps (some of) the other factions around itself. If you translate that into me attacking you directly I fear I really am going to have to use the MS-word again.

Ever since I found out what a Mary Sue was (before this story, I assure you), I have taken great care to not fall into such traps.

Like the original character that becomes the focus of the story trap?
Or the everybody else starts behaving differently in the presence of the OC trap?
Or maybe the much too over-powered trap?

There are flaws within my story, but I still reject that it is Sue-ish. It is simply unelaborated and the Gaians are too evil.

And I retain my opinion that it is Sue-ish, because there is too much OOC-ness going on merely to suit the tastes of the OC faction.
This may be due to its unelaborated nature, so I'll reserve final judgement for the full release.

[MysticWind]

Yes, there is a considerable amount of times when you have to suspend your belief. For AXIS, I thought of the idea of giving a faction a planet buster first, and then I created a rationale (but not before I thought of who they would be). I just wanted to see what would happen if a militaristic faction started with one. In this case it’s more about the mechanics of a mod with the faction, rather than the backstory.

As for Spartan Fed, yes, I mentioned that one of AXIS’s worst enemies is “Mother Sparta.” However, for some reason AXIS was able to survive in the beginning. Maybe they formed an alliance with the Believers and never told them about the planet buster. Maybe they had Lal intervene in Council to support their “political freedom” and never told him about their planet buster and their ideology. Maybe they were located on the fringes of Spartan territory, and so were safe for a while. Maybe the original planet buster was a relic from an older era, and Sparta had it ready to use but at the time AXIS seceded they weren’t expecting to use it, and so forgot about it (perhaps they had more than one planet buster, and didn’t inspect each one closely, as one was replaced by a dud)

I suggest you reread the fanfiction. There’s a whole Planetary Council section. Yes, it is wacky that the Peacekeepers are losing so much that Lal would actually vote for repealing the charter, but I’ve read fanfics before where he does use WMDs. (“Godwinson's Hope” is one.)

Yes, I know that Gray used the buster in the flashback, which takes place in an indefinite amount of time in the past. Well, maybe when he used it the charter [I]just happenedi/I] to be lifted for purposes of plot contrivance, and then it was reinstated, and then in the story it was repealed once again.

I understand the seriousness of the atrocity, but I still don’t think that using a buster would mean that an opposing faction dies instantly or is doomed.
Unfortunately, your "how do they join up" skit has a logic flaw. AXIS says that the Cult can start a war with the Gaians because they're weak. The Cult accepts, basically, because the Gaians are stronger than they are.
Well, the Gaians seem weak. Both factions believe that with resolution (and most of everyone else on Planet occupied and unable to intervene) the Gaians can be overcome eventually because of their pacifism and hippie mentality and whatnot. It doesn’t take Santiago to realize that the Gaians aren’t particularly strong in the military department.
However, remember that the Gaians are more established than either the Cult or AXIS, and so would take time and effort to destroy, plus they’re allied with the Consciousness (more on that later). I think I was wrong if I said that AXIS said that the Cult can start a war; Cult approached AXIS, because the Cult seeks to backstab them later on anyway.
And "snuggling up to Planet" isn't a bad thing, in Cha Dawn's book. Everyone must snuggle up to Planet or face cleansing. It still does not make any kind of sense for the little kid to go against most if not all of his principles just to eliminate someone who's better at fungus-hugging than he is.
Right, but that’s a throwback to my “Planet is a Cthulhu Mythos deity-type” concept, which means that the Gaians get more psychic/empathic powers by snuggling up to Planet. Cha Dawn does want everyone to snuggle up to Planet, but only if they bow down to his authority as Planet’s living representative. If they bow down to Planet itself, they get powers from it, and threaten his (previous) monopoly on controlling mindworm boils, xenofungus benefits, etc.
I’m still trying to work this out. I probably won’t include this idea in future stories.

It's just Gaians + Human Sacrifice =/= Believable Gaians.
If I ever get around to it, I’m going to do an opposite version of this story from the Gaians’ point of view, which will make the storming of the Temple a very different scene. You’ll have to read it to understand it.
For now, hold your comments on human sacrifice until that version. All will be revealed, eventually.
Oh, I like the Gaians, it's true. However, I don't mind if they're being eliminated as long as the faction remains in-character and doesn't engage in all sorts of silliness to kind of excuse their elimination.
Well, remember that this story has crimson-colored lenses, as the omnipotent narrator is somewhat on AXIS’s side (the narrator never truly criticizes AXIS, except the comment that the planet buster attack near the end produced horros beyond words). Some of the silliness are excuses used by AXIS alone. The temple scene will be revealed as a deception of sorts, and the rest of the factions buy into it only partly.

But why introduce it in the first place? What does it add?
What does it add? Oh, absolutely nothing, actually. I’m working on two concept sets of seven called “The Second Ship”, and the dividing of factions from the original SMAC seven. It’s at the link. AXIS is only one of many originals. I chose to write about them because since I’ve always wondered what carnage General Hein would bring to Planet, and it was deliciously evil and grim and gratuitous. It’s like doing a fanfiction about the Hive, except for “Joe.”
Apart from an anti-Planet mentality (shared, presumably, by the University, the Believers, the Morganites and possibly the Drones to some extent) what sets it apart from the other factions?
For one thing, AXIS is explicitly anti-Planet for the sake of being anti-Planet, pro-humanity, and anti-alien. University is anti-Planet because of their lack of ethics when doing science, the Believers are more in-tuned with AXIS’s ideas but they have more of it for a religious reason (plus they think of Planet as a promised land for them to exploit; AXIS thinks that it could become more Earth-like, but at the present is a dangerous hellhole full of devilish aliens that must be purified), and the Morganites and Drones are anti-Planet in order to exploit it.
An anti-Planet rating doesn’t mean you hate the Planet and the planetmind, per se.

Also, every faction that you've committed an atrocity on in the game never, ever forgives you, so pacting is rather unlikely.
Things can happen differently in stories for the sake of dramatic reasons. Anyhow, I think Cha Dawn would stand losing some followers for the sake of preserving his power and Planet. I always thought of him as somewhat Yang-like. He’s not big on the rights and lives of individuals.

And Cha Dawn worships Planet, and Planet Busting, next to running Free Market, is pretty much the ultimate attack on Planet itself.
Eh. Xenofungus grow back.

And Cha Dawn forging a "strategic alliance"? The kid's a complete fanatic! Even more so than the other faction leaders, I mean. He would never put common sense and rationality above his Beliefs.
Fanatics can’t have strategy? Where’s Bin Laden right now? Hitler was a bad strategist, true, but even he had some foresight. Besides, in this story Cha Dawn isn’t making any long-term plans, just a quick war to eliminate a competitor who is harming his very monopoly over the psionic powers of Planet. He’s desperate enough to hire one Gaia’s new sworn enemies to help him destroy them, which he knows AXIS will do.
Besides, he thinks that Gray is just a pawn, and that his “bizarre barbaric views” will blind him into going into a trap of betrayal.
The Morganites and the Gaians are the traditional antogonists, much like the University and the Believers and the Hive and the Peacekeepers.
Okay, I get your point. I’ll replace them with the Consciousness, even though I don’t know much about them on account of not having SMAX. Also, I forgot that the cyborgs would be a natural enemy of AXIS until near the end of the story.
Now that would be an outcome I could be happy with. You know, Gray going on his butchering spree and ending up destroying himself and all of humanity. The irony in that speaks to me.
He would probably kill everyone by accident, but like General Hein, he’s got no pretensions to rule, and thus destroying everyone would probably be the only bad ending for him (unless he gets defeated).
I’m pretty sure that irony’s been pursued, though. Remember General Stryker from X-Men 2? Wasn’t the general in Hulk also trigger-happy? Gray is just an archetype. He’s different from Santiago, though. I dislike the Spatan Fed not because they fight a lot, but because their ideology is pointless. They want to be defended at all times to exist, and while they exist they work on their defenses or fight for survival, but they don’t really pursue anything else while existing.
And Planet being wonderful? Only if you're of a Gaian, Cultist or possibly Progenitor mindset. For everybody else, Planet is something you just need to deal with.
Yeah, but one of the New Agey aspects emphasized by the little blurbs in SMAC is that you get called upon by planetmind and all that. Of course, that just might be because I usually play as Peacekeepers. Also, the quotes later on for technology gradually lead to Deidre talking to planet, and there’s a whole feel of an end to the game. It seems almost as to suggest that ascent to transcendence is the “natural” end of the game. I doubt it, but there’s not many blurbs that has Morgan going, “Oh goody! I’m a-cornering the stocks!” (cornering the energy market is never fully explained as what would occur in the story), and there aren’t any when Miriam goes, “Our Lord has blessed up with victories- our crusade is near the end.” Or Santiago going, “We may finally find an end to war,” (as if). Or Lal going, “Peace is at hand, humanity shall be one, once more.”
My idea about the story was that even though you could play the game any way you’d like, the “natural” progression would be the elimination of the dastardly Yang and the craaaazy Miriam, the rehabilitation of Santiago, the greening of Morgan and Zakharov, and then Santiago, Morgan, Zakharov, Lal, and Deidire would find peace with planetmind and everyone would be happy and nice and green and prosperous and smart and well-defended and peaceful and posthuman.

Why would you want to show them as "somewhat good"? Why do they need to be in a bit more positive light?
What fun would it be for a Hive story that shows Yang doing nothing but evil, with no redeeming qualities? True, there’s not much going for Gray, other than his intent to protect humanity, but that doesn’t mean I vilify him completely for the entire story. Yes, I know I should have been more balanced in my descriptions and my portrayal of the Gaians. That’s why this is only the first draft.
For that matter, why do they need to be the focus of the stories and not one of the other original-character factions that populate your Planet?
Because this is likely to be the first of many stories. Besides, I kind of like dropping names as the story progresses, hinting at happenings in the background that is never explained in this story. It brings to mind a world where independent events are occurring all the time, but the world is so vast, there is no way to cover them all at once without departing from the original story.

Again, "being counterintuitive" in fanfiction doesn't work unless you offer decent explanation. You didn't, so it looked as if you made the Gaians look bad for the sole purpose of making your own faction look better.
All will be revealed.
But an original character (OK, faction) that is the focus of the story and makes everybody else behave out of character (OK, just the Gaians and the Cultist) just so that the story can work around them adds up to... a not very properly written original character.
Yes, I recant my original portrayal of the Stepdaughters of Gaia, but I stand by my portrayal of Cha Dawn as a dictatorial fanatic who is capable of making compromises with a lesser threat in order to destroy a greater threat.
And they do share some of your beliefs, at least ("I just wanted to have the Gaians be evil for once", "I was just getting sick of the Planet is oh-so-wonderful idea").
Maybe they do, but I’m also making some pro-Planet factions, just none focusing on worshipping the Planet, though.
I think I’m mostly venting against the huge influx of environmental factions on networknode.org , most of which are very much like the Gaians in all but name.
And wouldn’t it be funny with a Gaian faction that is actually secretly evil? The stereotypes of the factions can be funny (there’s a story in the fiction forums… “The Council Meeting”, I believe), but it’s time for some changes and counterintuitives and M. Night Shaymalan moments.
Besides, it’s not as if I made the Gaians hate Planet.
How can you make her evil without changing who she is to the extent that she becomes unrecognisable?
Yes, but what if she’s acting pacifist in order to hide something? Without war and foreign invasion, her inner bases and chambers will never be seen, and secrets locked in there will never be found. For who knows if the life-loving personality is only a veneer, shown only for diplomatic conferences and Vidfilms? Perhaps in all her love for Planet, she has been consumed by the psi powers of Chiron… by the Beast.
I smell spin-off!

I just really don't like how AXIS has the star role in your story and warps (some of) the other factions around itself.
Ah, well I was planning on writing short vignettes for all of my 14 original factions. I started with AXIS only because it was more fun to write an evil, or at least super-aggressive, faction out for a crusade.
Like the original character that becomes the focus of the story trap?
Or the everybody else starts behaving differently in the presence of the OC trap?
Or maybe the much too over-powered trap?
Ah, well at least Gray isn’t the girl with a tragic past who is saved by a manly, noble hero who (s)he aids with (her) sweetness, kindness, fondness of music, and ability to do all things such as speak thirty languages, play several instruments, and to ride despite never even seeing a horse before…?
Seriously, though, I don’t think that having an original character becoming the focus is such a bad thing. It’s just a… format, a POV, is all. Besides, I’m adding fourteen new character-factions, and this is only the first of that number. If your definition of Mary Sue is a new character being the focus, then all of Michael Ely’s works for SMAX are Mary Sue tales.
Heh. Everyone in the story is behaving differently. The setting of the story is deliberately grim, as if a time of reckoning is approaching. Almost every other faction is involved in some sort of conflict, whether with another faction or with increasing drone riots. You need to reread the section about the council.
And again, I must deny that AXIS is overpowered, except on the issue of planet busters. I believe that with strategic leaders and a strong alliance (which eventually includes the University, remember), even a long-established faction like the Gaians will be defeated if no one comes to their aid.

And I retain my opinion that it is Sue-ish, because there is too much OOC-ness going on merely to suit the tastes of the OC faction.
Okay, I’ll admit that. But only because this is a first draft, and that only.
This may be due to its unelaborated nature, so I'll reserve final judgement for the full release.
You are wise to do that. The ETA for the revised AXIS story is probably June 2007. The Gaian perspective is April 2009. The other original faction stories will be here shortly afterwards.
I am very glad you are responding, as it seems that most fans have gone away or no longer patronize the story forum. It is good to have a critic who is willing to go into great lengths to explain their position. I like you for that. I don’t know if you want my babies yet, but I would greatly appreciate any aid you could give me in regards to my original factions project.
It is good that you are not attacking my honor. Otherwise I would have no reason but to change my name to Loki and to challenge you to a duel. My choice of weapons. Nerve gas pods at dawn.

And anyone else, please read and review!. Argh, this forum is dwindling.

[binTravkin]

Hey, hey, seems you're making a real Vendetta here!

Just don't take it to atrocities!

[binTravkin]

But in general I think that someone does not like the story he should simply go away.

Creativity is a subtle thing - it can be killed easily.

And always remember that it is hundred times easier to criticise than to make something creative yourself.

[WotanAnubis]

Originally posted by MysticWind
He’s different from Santiago, though. I dislike the Spatan Fed not because they fight a lot, but because their ideology is pointless. They want to be defended at all times to exist, and while they exist they work on their defenses or fight for survival, but they don’t really pursue anything else while existing.

Their ideology makes perfect sense. It is survival. While others talk about "ideals" and whatnot, they forget that humanity's primary function is to survive. Because what are your ideals worth if you can't survive to keep them?

And the means of survival are, of course, a lot of really big guns.

My idea about the story was that even though you could play the game any way you’d like, the “natural” progression would be the elimination of the dastardly Yang and the craaaazy Miriam, the rehabilitation of Santiago, the greening of Morgan and Zakharov, and then Santiago, Morgan, Zakharov, Lal, and Deidire would find peace with planetmind and everyone would be happy and nice and green and prosperous and smart and well-defended and peaceful and posthuman.

There is no natural progression. While, yes, the end-game very heavily implies that the Gaians transcend, everything before that is completely up in the air. Yang could very well crush Lal, Miriam might wipe out the University and the Data Angels' custom-made viruses could rob Morgan of all his energy credits.

Yes, but what if she’s acting pacifist in order to hide something? Without war and foreign invasion, her inner bases and chambers will never be seen, and secrets locked in there will never be found. For who knows if the life-loving personality is only a veneer, shown only for diplomatic conferences and Vidfilms? Perhaps in all her love for Planet, she has been consumed by the psi powers of Chiron… by the Beast.
I smell spin-off!

I smell wishful thinking. If Deirdre really is the manipulating scheming b*tch you want her to be, I'd expect her faction to have a heavily positive PROBE rating, not negative POLICE and MORALE rating.

Seriously, though, I don’t think that having an original character becoming the focus is such a bad thing. It’s just a… format, a POV, is all. Besides, I’m adding fourteen new character-factions, and this is only the first of that number. If your definition of Mary Sue is a new character being the focus, then all of Michael Ely’s works for SMAX are Mary Sue tales.

Yes, but those are not new faction leaders. They are member of the factions doing whatever it is they are doing. Perhaps their actions might lead to the downfal of other factions, but they do so as part of a very strict already-established faction.
Whatever you may think, there is a difference.

I don't mind reading a story about, for example, a Free Drone drone going about his day without Domai showing up even once as long as it's solidly believable within the SMAC/X framework.

It is good that you are not attacking my honor. Otherwise I would have no reason but to change my name to Loki and to challenge you to a duel. My choice of weapons. Nerve gas pods at dawn.

Pshaw, "nerve gas pods"? Any true duelist uses the banjo. And, of course, the awesome might of the witty insult.

[MysticWind]

Originally posted by WotanAnubis

Their ideology makes perfect sense. It is survival. While others talk about "ideals" and whatnot, they forget that humanity's primary function is to survive. Because what are your ideals worth if you can't survive to keep them?

Yeah, but after basic Planetfall survival is achieved, there's just a period of stabilizing and arms building for a long time, and then what? Santiago is against any threat to her power, but it seems like that there's no final purpose to her ideology of basic survival. Survival doesn't even have that good a pretext to conquering Planet. Sure, you can knock off the strongest opponents in the name of fighting a threat, but there's not much besides that afterwards.