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  • Comments on "Joe"

    Well, this is the place I've set aside for comments on my piece of fiction "Joe". As of 19th July 2000, only the starting episode has been posted, so I understand the comments will probably be a bit sparse as yet.

    Hopefully it'll get a bit more momentum as time goes by and more episodes go up.

    ------------------
    Machines: outthinkable YES outfightable NO.
    Men: outfightable YES outthinkable NO.
    Allie Cove: outfallable INEVITABLY

    Homepage http://www.enixine.dabsol.co.uk (Shared)

    The story to which this thread relates can be found here.
    [This message has been edited by Alinestra Covelia (edited December 19, 2000).]

    Further edit:

    I have moved the map of Planet up here for easy accessibility. As you can see, the geography is the same as you'd find on a MAP OF PLANET: HUGE map.

    The names of landmasses are NOT directly related to the factions living on them. They are named thus:



    Xing Ya (pronounced "Sheeng Yah") is Chinese for "New Asia". Harmonia is so named for the Harmonics of the Caretakers. Iphiclia is named after Iphicles, the mythical mortal brother to Hercules. Phoenica is named because of the shape of the continent - fancifully held to be a Phoenix and plumage, although the Hiverians sometimes called it Long Zhou ("Luhng Joe" in pronunciation) meaning "Dragon Continent".

    The factions you can see here are the ones so far included in the story. Note that all the colors are "correct" in this picture. If a city looks like it's a Caretaker city, it means it is a Caretaker city. This is just to give a vague idea of the territories held by the factions:



    The Hive are heavily predominant on Xing Ya, with the ruins of the Usurpers north. On the same continent are the University and the Monsoon Jungle. The Drones also once shared this continent, but were definitively eradicated by the Hive - more on that to come in the tales.

    The Data Angels inhabit the northern continent (Iphiclia), and their population is still quite low, given their later start in the game. The central continent (Harmonia) is inhabited almost solely by the Caretakers - although it is important to note that the Hive are eliminating bases left, right, and center. In the story, the Hive have destroyed enough Caretaker bases to be the likely winners... so a 75% extermination is the most probable-sounding state of affairs.

    The westernmost continent - Phoenica or Long Zhou - houses the Morganites, the Peacekeepers, and the Gaians. The Spartans make their rocky lairs on the slopes of Mount Planet, and the neighboring landmass.

    The Nautilus Pirates are a delocalized faction, but they are certainly present, and comprise part of the Aquascante Treaty - a Treaty alliance between the Morganites, the Peacekeepers, and the Pirates. Their main base of operations is to the north of the Caretaker continent, Harmonia.

    Factions not present: Cybernetic Consciousness, Lord's Believers, Cult of Planet. However, note that in later episodes of the tale, all of these factions are mentioned, however slightly.

    Right. Hope that clears things up, and don't hesitate to post any questions up here!
    Last edited by Alinestra Covelia; June 15, 2002, 05:00.
    "lol internet" ~ AAHZ

  • #2
    I like it so far. Looking forward to reading more, especially seeing as it involves the Data Angels (my faction of choice).
    -Argo

    "Work like you don't need money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching. Sing like nobody's listening."

    Comment


    • #3
      AC:

      Interesting start. Am looking foirward to reading more about Joe and his environment.

      Question?

      Would the early colonists have been worried about fire? I read somewhere that the nitrogen-rich/oxygen-poor atmosphere would in itself be a fire inhibitor.

      Maybe the injection of oxygen into the living environments to create a breathable balance caused a fear of internal fire?

      As I say, looking forward expectantly.

      Googlie

      Comment


      • #4
        Googlie: Yeah, it's a good point. In the episodes I've posted so far (as of now, 3 of them) the city has people walking about in the open without headgear or breathing apparatus - so perhaps this would imply the latter of your suggestions: the atmosphere has somehow been doctored to be high in oxygen and not nitrogen.

        If this is the case, then fires would be much more worrisome than they were in the 20th century on earth - perhaps more to the degree of London, 1666 and the Great Fire.

        Anyway, right now the structure of this story is purely episodic - I'm not very good at planning out great big plots. This story was inspired by a very lucky series of turns I had playing as Iron Woman on Transcend. I just thought it would be a way for me to say "thank you" to all those little Elite units that secured me the victory I needed.

        ------------------
        Machines: outthinkable YES outfightable NO.
        Men: outfightable YES outthinkable NO.
        Allie Cove: outfallable INEVITABLY

        Homepage http://www.enixine.dabsol.co.uk (Shared)
        [This message has been edited by Alinestra Covelia (edited August 15, 2000).]
        "lol internet" ~ AAHZ

        Comment


        • #5
          Bravo, AC. A fine tale told well.

          Good action, great detail, and fits right in with the classic definition of good SF:

          the suspension of disbelief

          (as an expat, I liked the little Brit touches, too - 'story' instead of 'floor', etc.)



          Googlie

          Comment


          • #6
            I'm glad you liked it, Googlie. I was happy to see that "Bollocks to that" wasn't altered by the forum censor

            And it's not over by a long way yet. That was just the primary detonation, to use an appalling pun.

            I just need a bit of time to get the next episode straight...
            "lol internet" ~ AAHZ

            Comment


            • #7
              I like it as well, especially how you portrayed the Data Angels (the police using "Citizen's Arrest", for example). With all due respect to Argo, I always thought the factional goals of the Data Angels were pretty stupid (OK for parasites in a society, but not credible for a physically isolated faction that had to struggle to survive in a hostile environment - I can't see hackers farming and 'forming, let alone rising beyond the size of the factions they prey on, *because* they need to rely upon a pre-existing infrastructure to support their social values). Instead, you've portrayed them like semi-anarchists; libertarians (unlike the PKs which are heavily governed)
              with a heavy network bent, and that's far more viable (or at least, credible) as a society.

              Nice to see "Human being" return. I take it you were playing the Hive in your game.

              Comment


              • #8
                Senatus: Yeah, I also found the entire logic behind a complete faction that preys on others rather faulty. I could understand a sort of meta-underground that existed between all the factions, run by a DataJack at the top and with various cells of operations beneath her, but surely once the faction actually announced its existence, then it would cease to be underground! And any decent Planetary council would move to stamp out the DataTechs immediately in order to preserve technological integrity... failing that, they could go the other way and liberalize all technology - in which situation, the DataTechs would be out of a job!

                Concerning the character Hu Man Bing - he's the codename of my housemate, but in Mandarin it can actually mean "Hu the Complete Soldier". That's a little bit off right here, seeing as the character is a diplomat, but it's interesting to see that a name as artifical-sounding as that can actually bear a real meaning.


                Yes, I was playing as the Hive. In fact, I am still playing that game, although the present situation is much changed from the story timeline's.

                ------------------
                Machines: outthinkable YES outfightable NO.
                Men: outfightable YES outthinkable NO.
                Allie Cove: outfallable INEVITABLY

                Homepage http://www.enixine.dabsol.co.uk (Shared)
                "lol internet" ~ AAHZ

                Comment


                • #9
                  AC:

                  Another hit. Bravo.

                  I do love the depth you are bringing to your story. And making Yang human - WOW

                  G.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    AC,

                    I like your Yang.

                    He is coldly logical, but aware of the 'failings' of those around him. He is ruthless when he needs to be, but is not completely cold hearted (re. - Agent Hu). He is supremely intelligent and in complete control, of himself at least. I don't see Yang ever loosing his temper, and he would always talk in the strangely penetrating soft voice like in the SMAC tech and SP voiceovers.

                    As Senetus said recently, it is far too easy to portray Yang as a caricature, or as a brutish communist thug. Yang is much deeper than that. Does that make him a nice man, or likeable? Probably not. Understandable? Only if you are very lucky.

                    Nice job, and I look forward to more.

                    Hydro

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Please don't tell me you gave this up!
                      -Argo

                      "Work like you don't need money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching. Sing like nobody's listening."

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Whoops, sorry everybody! On holiday.

                        The fourth instalment is on its way to completion even as we speak.
                        "lol internet" ~ AAHZ

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Okay, I've posted an episode so long it had to be done in two postings!

                          EDIT: There used to be three pictures of the SMAX world as relevant to this story here, but I have altered and moved them upwards to post number one in this thread for accessibility.

                          Allie Cove
                          Last edited by Alinestra Covelia; June 15, 2002, 04:51.
                          "lol internet" ~ AAHZ

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Brief note: Went back to episodes 1 and 3 to change some times of day. On re-reading the Alpha Centauri manual, I remembered that Planet doesn't have a 24-hour day.

                            Whoops!
                            "lol internet" ~ AAHZ

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              A new post!

                              Yes! It's true!

                              The story continues!

                              Mind you, I have to go back at some point and really DO SOMETHING about a rather massive inconsistency in the story about the time of day. Can anybody spot what it is? Free jpeg or gif to those who see and post it up here!

                              Right. I'm off to play Super Smash Brothers.


                              ------------------
                              Machines: outthinkable YES outfightable NO.
                              Men: outfightable YES outthinkable NO.
                              Allie Cove: outfallable INEVITABLY

                              Homepage http://www.enixine.dabsol.co.uk (Shared)
                              "lol internet" ~ AAHZ

                              Comment

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