Comments on the Forgotten Faction

[OldCodger]

Those of you who enjoy reading Alpha Centauri fiction will notice the premier of a new story line, "The Forgotten Faction". As is customary, I have opened a parallel posting for comments. As with the other stories, comments are both invited and welcomed.

A few prelimary comments and then a question for the readers. First, the usual disclaimer that I haven't written anything like this before, so suggestions and criticisms are welcome as long as they are given with courtesy (I've never seen any problem in this area before, so I don't really anticipate one now). Second, this story has a beginning, a planned middle, and a planned ending, but may try to evolve into something different as time goes on. Therefore, at least for now, I do not see this as appropriate for a collaborative effort (though I would like to try one in the future). Third, this kind of story may not be for everyone. And that's okay too.

Now for the question. One of the things that I thought might be fun would be to use names or handles from individuals in the forum for some of the characters in this story. If you would not mind having your name or handle used in this story, please post your permission to do so here or send me an e-mail. Most of the characters who would be using these names or handles are background characters, but significant. Obviously, since I don't know any of you personally, the character descriptions and personalities, will not bear much resemblance to anyone in this forum. Also, the characters may engage in inexplicable or unusual behavior that you would never, ever do. Most of these characters will figure prominently in a few chapters and then fade as we move on to other areas. However, I won't kill any of them off (as you will see, this isn't that kind of story anyway). So, let me know if you would like to furnish a character name, and I'll try to work it in.

NOTE: I've already worked Vel into the story, but I won't post those chapters until I get his permission to use his handle.

I hope you will enjoy this story line. I've been having quite a bit of fun writing it.

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Old age and treachery: the perfect cure for youth and ambition...

[Jasonian]

OldCodger,

So, you're a new writer, huh? Well, welcome to AC-Fiction! We always like to see a new face (and a new story) show up here.

I've read the first two parts, and I must say that you have a very interesting writing voice. Most of the stories here read like books, which they are intended to be. Yours reads like a story being told to me, and me alone. It's a very personal voice, and I find it a welcome change.

I myself tried to write a solo story with custom factions, so I'll give you some advice. Make sure your readers know what this 'fogotten faction' stands for, if anything. Everyone knows the Hive, and the Spartans, and the Usurpers. But custom factions are harder. So try not to cut any corners in faction description.

Also, when you write solo, you have total control of the plot. This makes writing it easier, since you know what you're doing, but less exciting, since there are no other writers to throw you off. Try not to get discoraged or bored with it. After I finished 13 parts or so with mine, I stopped out of boredom. Don't let this happen to you!

Of course, you can use Jasonian in your story, if you wish. Some background on him: (and me in real life) He's kinda quiet and shy, and prefers to hang around in the shadows. But he knows quite a bit what's going on around him, and will tell people if they ask nicely. He's loyal, but not above using people to further his own needs. Of course, this background is optional, so turn him into a noisy rude soldier if it fits the story I know you said you wouldn't kill us off, but you have my permission to do so, if you choose.

Good luck to you, and I await part three!

[Bearcat]

Well OldCodger you're free to use Bearcat as one of your names. I'm kind of a computer addict. But I'm not much interested in math or science. I kind of like ot make jokes. So you could make me a wiseguy probe or something.

Go ahead and do what you want. And good luck with your story.
[This message has been edited by Bearcat (edited January 28, 2000).]

[~LordLMP~]

Sure, i don't mind if you use my handle LordLMP for character, but doubt it really, like, who would name themselves like that anyway?

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-LordLMP

[Vi Vicdi]

Your story has a lot of character. It's a little cliche' [a la Stephen King], but very entertaining.

But I'm not complaining -- I'm dying to know who the "Maynards" are ...

[Googlie]

OldCodger:

Love the story - it's totally different from the other fiction - keep it coming

Googlie

[edgecrusher]

love the story. sort of a shades of 'deliverance.' keep up the great work.

oh, and you can use the edgecrusher, if you like, but remember that he's a one-man probe team... should be interesting to watch him try to infiltrate their society.

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"edgecrusher" Spartan Probe Team 'angelis'

[OldCodger]

For those of you following this story line, all six of you , I plan to post a new chapter every Tuesday and Friday; at least as long as I can stay a couple chapters ahead of the posting (much editing is required....).

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Old age and treachery: the perfect cure for youth and ambition...

[President Jakjon]

Another great chapter! Though it might be nice if you explained why the Spartan weapondry itself is a tad inneffectual. Maybe the Maynards/(erm... their kin) have unusually tough skin? I'm seriously thinking of whipping up a custom faction based on them. A few stats welcome to comment from everyone:
GROWTH +3/4 (Big families.)
SUPPORT +2/3 (Plenty of Soldiers.)
TECHNOLOGY -2/4 (Not into book learnin')

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--President Jakjon
--Datalinks

[OldCodger]

President Jakjon,

I had actually been thinking along similar lines--i.e., social engineering settings--myself. There should definitely be a large plus on growth. I didn't think of support, but I have to agree with you there. Morale should also get a +1.

On the negatives, right now I'm thinking maybe a -1 research and possibly a -1 on industry, but that may be too much.

Also, I would think that the faction could not choose Police State politics; they are simply too individualistic to tolerate that kind of control.

Now for a little foreshadowing: I would not name the faction the Maynards. Sometime around chapter 5 or 6, you will find out who they really are...

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Old age and treachery: the perfect cure for youth and ambition...

[edgecrusher]

buh.. buh... YOU CAN"T DO THAT! ... oh wait... i suppose you can. excellently done. just... differently.... perhaps my national pride is getting in the way. hey... when's the banjo duel coming?

edgecrusher, probe master.

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i've felt darkness closing in on me
chilling shadows surrounding me
i've had the poison leak into my skin
and it corroded my heart away
bled away.
cut away.
dark night of my soul

[edgecrusher]

headlines the next day read "rednecks bent on world domination..."

[Jasonian]

Hmm... I can understand why the Spartans are declining, since their morale just took a death-dive. But why the Usurpers?

Man, these rednecks are tough! Guess I'll have to just wait and see... keep it comming!

[President Jakjon]

Ah, the plot gets... stranger and stranger. It's a great relief from the usual. I just can't see Santiago growing a moustache, but that could be because I don't WANT to see Santiago sporting a moustache. (Crud, I forgot how to spell moustache. I hope my dad's spelling is right. After all, he has one.)
As to the stats, I can't see them having anything less than -3 research. They have to be worse off in that department than the Believers, at least. (Speaking of which, the title of my third chapter is "Enter the Believers." It's not very imaginative...) I was considering just giving them some ludicrous defense bonus. I can't really imagine them trooping off to an enemy base and just ripping apart the perimeter defenses with their bare hands. However, a +1 morale would be reasonable.
As to social engineering: They evidently have some sort of social pecking order based on physical force (or the threat thereof) so I believe that a police state wouldn't be beyond their ken. (But they're your creation, so I yield to your judgement. This freedom-loving aspect should be brought out more.) However, their lack of general organization suggests to me that a planned economy would be impossible. Referring to the above "social pecking order," I think they might be particularaly attracted to "Power" social values.

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--President Jakjon
--Datalinks

[OldCodger]

The thing about Santiago's moustache is a "nod" to a discussion we had several months ago back on the old OWO forums (before they were taken down by The Powers That Be). We had one of those threads about "which faction do you most enjoy crushing?", and the Spartans ended up winning by a large margin (Miriam was second as I recall). This was before SMACx came out, so I don't know if that would still stand true.

Anyway, the thread twisted into a discussion of what makes Santiago so hard to get along with, and then it was suggested that she had a drug addiction problem, "crack" or something like that, and then I suggested that the addiction was correct, just the wrong substance. I offered the suggestion that she was actually addicted to testosterone (anyone who uses steroids heavily is prone to excessive aggression). After that, the discussion pretty much degenerated into the sublimely silly. The moustache was simply my way of carrying that line of silliness to a "logical extreme".

EdgeCrusher's speculation about where this story is going is not too far off. However, there will be no dueling banjos. Unless I can work it in in some completely unusual and unexpected fashion.

The nature of writing a "serial novel" like this demands that much of the story be left to the reader's imagination. To write the level of detail that a "real novel" would demand requires far more time than I can give to this project. Thus, the actual details of how the Maynards and their kinfolks beat the Spartans is up to you to decide. But here is how I see it happening. First, the Spartans were arrogant and did not do a proper job of recon and intelligence. Second, Major Payne's report was actually pretty accurate. The odds were heavily against her, the terrain--lots of fungus, trees, and underbrush--reduced visibility and hence weapons range. Third, they had no idea of the kind of fight they were actually in. I don't see that there were alot of people killed on either side. I see a lot of wounded, especially Spartans, and I see them holding to their military honor and never leaving a fallen comrade, bring your wounded buddy out, etc., and then I see their ability to fight evaporate rather quickly as their support structure collapsed from the number of wounded and all the other confusion.

What I see in this story line is that it represents something entirely different from most of the other fiction in this forum. In saying that, I also want you to understand that I *LIKE* the other fiction in this forum. I've very much enjoyed reading the other stories and would like to encourage our blossoming crew of writers to continue their efforts.

I won't tell you how to "enjoy" this storyline, if in fact you are enjoying it at all. I will tell you this much: this story will focus on some "highly creative" problem solving, i.e., nothing will ever seem to turn out the way you would expect. Try not to take it too seriously. I'm already having enough problem with that aspect of writing the story, i.e., I keep wanting to take it too seriously myself.

With that thought in mind, you will start to see more "character names" from the forum start to show up in the storyline. I think there are four or so in the very next chapter. To a small degree, I tried to follow the character preferences expressed in this forum. To a large degree, I took considerable liberty (as I promised or threatened, depending on your point of view). Many of your "handles" which were not included will show up later.

I want to get back to the discussion on SE settings, but I have to leave for an appointment and will return to this forum later to do that.



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Old age and treachery: the perfect cure for youth and ambition...