Serb's poetry.

[Serb]

Is it understable?

Please, correct any of my mistakes!!!

Everything has gone wrong, You're my friend, I'm your foe,
How did things come to that, despite the feelings?
This April we were strong, swore in love to the toe,
Moscow’s streets, rainy day, there are only leaves!

Third day of this month is a day of silence,
The day when ashberry will start to flame,
Paper promises are on fire,
It’s the day, when I am giving in…

I’ll turn the page of calendar,
And it’s September third again,
I look at photo in my hand,
And it’s September third again,

Just tell me why; Just tell me why,
We separated at this day,
Despite we were so serious,
At the September two?

Just tell me why; Just tell me why,
We separated at this day?
Despite we were so serious,
At the September two...

A flock of cranes over sun,
Here is your daughter, here is my son,
All of them need our parent's care,

We have played our love, like a dream with no pain,
A chilly wind will remain, but this date came again:

It’s September three - the day of silence,
The day when ashberry will start to flame,
Paper promises are on fire,
It’s the day, when I am giving in…

I’ll turn the page of calendar,
And it’s September third again,
I look at photo in my hand,
And it’s September third again,

Just tell me why; Just tell me why,
We separated at this day,
Despite we were so serious,
At the September two...

Just tell me why; Just tell me why?
We separated at this day,
Despite we were so serious,
At the September two...

I’ll turn the page of calendar,
And it’s September third again,
I look at photo in my hand,
And it’s September third again,

Just tell me why; Just tell me why,
We separated at this day,
Despite we were so serious,
At the September two...

Just tell me why; Just tell me why,
We separated at this day,
We were so God damn serious…
At the September two...



Any feedback will be pretty much appreciated! Please, correct me!!!

​

[The Mad Monk]

Is this a poem, or song lyrics? I ask because poetry doesn't typically have a chorus; while they are related, the rules for poetry tend to be stricter than for lyrics.

[The Mad Monk]

Sorry, I just realized this is an interpretation.

"At the September two" should be "On September second"

[Serb]

Is this a poem, or song lyrics? I ask because poetry doesn't typically have a chorus; while they are related, the rules for poetry tend to be stricter than for lyrics.

A song lyrics of course, so I had to marry the lyrics with the music (and it is not an easy task - you have to sacrifice rhyme to lay the lyrics on the notes).

[Serb]

Sorry, I just realized this is an interpretation.

"At the September two" should be "On September second"

Thanks!

[Serb]

Is it ok now?

Just tell me why; Just tell me why,
We separated at this day,
While there was no sign of pain,
One day before this date!
​

[Serb]

This song is like 30 years old and I love it!

[The Mad Monk]

I'm sorry, I don't see any changes. There are five or six instances of "At the September two" and none of them have been changed to "On September second". Is there an attachment I missed?

[The Mad Monk]

This is just grammar; if you don't want to change it, we can call it art.

[Serb]

I'm sorry, I don't see any changes. There are five or six instances of "At the September two" and none of them have been changed to "On September second". Is there an attachment I missed?

I didn't edit the full text. Just gave you quote of the new version of chorus.
But, ok! Here is the full edited version (thank you once again):

Everything has gone wrong, You're my friend, I'm your foe,
How did things come to that, despite the feelings?
This April we were strong, swore in love to the toe,
Moscow’s streets, rainy day, there are only leaves!

Third day of this month is a day of silence,
The day when ashberry will start to flame,
Paper promises are on fire,
It’s the day, when I am giving in…

I’ll turn the page of calendar,
And it’s September third again,
I look at photo in my hand,
And it’s September third again,

Just tell me why; Just tell me why,
We separated at this day,
While there was no sign of pain,
One day before this date!

Just tell me why; Just tell me why,
We separated at this day,
While there was no sign of pain,
One day before this date!

A flock of cranes over sun,
Here is your daughter, here is my son,
All of them need our parent's care,

We have played our love, like a dream with no gain,
A chilly wind will remain, but this date came again:

It’s September three - the day of silence,
The day when ashberry will start to flame,
Paper promises are on fire,
It’s the day, when I am giving in…

I’ll turn the page of calendar,
And it’s September third again,
I look at photo in my hand,
And it’s September third again,

Just tell me why; Just tell me why,
We separated at this day,
While there was no sign of pain,
One day before this date!

Just tell me why; Just tell me why,
We separated at this day,
While there was no sign of pain,
One day before this date!

I’ll turn the page of calendar,
And it’s September third again,
I look at photo in my hand,
And it’s September third again,

Just tell me why; Just tell me why,
We separated at this day,
While there was no sign of pain,
One day before this date!

Just tell me why; Just tell me why,
We separated at this day,
While there was no sign of pain,
One day before this date!

​
Metallica AI cover:

[The Mad Monk]

Yeah, that works.

[Serb]

Thank you very much for your help!

[Serb]

I hope you have enjoyed Metallica's cover.
I just love AI and the way it create things!

[ZEE]

Please write a poem about Kursk.

[Dinner]

If it is a song what is the melody you will be using? I ask because usually you want the lyrics to fit the melody.