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Hi.
So I am a pathetic person in general, and this is one of the pinacles of my patheticy or whatever it is called.
I fell in love with someone who lives afar. Well, a guy from Syria. It was very nice in the beginning. We talked daily, and could talk up to 8 hours a day without interruption and would hardly let me leave and go to sleep even then. Then, after a couple of months, he disappeared.
I found him though, and it turned out he's in Germany now. And was very forgiving, even though he left so suddenly and it turned out he was seeing a guy back there and never told me about him. It's ok for me that he had, but he should've told me. Anyway, we started mailing again, though less. I mean daily, but less long etc. I had no work or money back then so I couldn't come. Although we both wanted to meet very much. But when I did get some money, my first decision was to come to Germany - to see him and my other Syrian friends there. He told me that he can't meet because he's busy getting his family there. But I couldn't postpone it, because Germany was about to expel my another friend. So I came, and only then he told me he'd like to meet me. But it was too late. I told him I'd come again, for him.
Later on he told me he doesn't want to meet because he has no flat to guest me in. OK. We've been telling each other we love each other for a year or so, and he was very kind to me (and even when he had dates, he would spoil them by talking about me: I did it with some guys to, I mean I talked about him during them). It started changing after a year, about when I didn't meet him in Germany. But we still talked from time to time. Less and less, but still. In general he thought we should find someone close to each other,
Anyway, lately, after almost 3 years from our aborted meeting, he told me he has a flat and I should visit him. He wanted me to come immediately, but I couldn't, but I started planning the trip and he was ok with it, just told me to come on weekend. I told my other friends I'd come, And then he told me to postpone it until late December, because he doesn't feel well and he has no money to take me out. I told him I don't need restaurants or anything, and I agreed to come on December, but he changed his mind again and told me to come even later on. When? he doesn't know.
I got angry and started complaining. And I realised I still love him and started telling him that, until he started telling me me how childish, strange, laughable etc I am, that we don't know each other and the thing between us one can not even call friendship.
I decided to mail him perhaps once a month from now on, or perhaps 4 times a year. Just for sentimental reasons and to fulfill my promess I'll care for him forever. there's a symbolical gift I bought him when I had no money, I carry it on a chain on my neck. That makes me feel I remember and care about him even though I do not mail him. He was my first reciprocated love. And used to be very nice.
I do not tell a person I love them easily. Arabs are prone to that, especially since there's no distinction between "liking" and "loving" in their language. I'm not like that. But you know, when I found him he first told me that he doesn't want to tell me he loves me because he's afraid he'd hurt me, because he has many internal issues and it always turns out badly when he tells someone he loves him. And so it was. Though now he says he never acted badly towards anyone: nor me nor his Syrian bf whom he left without telling him he's leaving the country. It's silly actually. I have several friends from Syria in Germany, and it's only him that doesn't want to meet. The rest are happy to see me even if we didn't talk for years. Perhaps the reason is exactly that. I mean, he doesn't want to rekindle the relationship with me, because the relationship was love and he doesn't want to love someone from afar, with whom he can hardly meet. If he was indifferent or just friendly, it would be easy.
So I am a pathetic person in general, and this is one of the pinacles of my patheticy or whatever it is called.
I fell in love with someone who lives afar. Well, a guy from Syria. It was very nice in the beginning. We talked daily, and could talk up to 8 hours a day without interruption and would hardly let me leave and go to sleep even then. Then, after a couple of months, he disappeared.
I found him though, and it turned out he's in Germany now. And was very forgiving, even though he left so suddenly and it turned out he was seeing a guy back there and never told me about him. It's ok for me that he had, but he should've told me. Anyway, we started mailing again, though less. I mean daily, but less long etc. I had no work or money back then so I couldn't come. Although we both wanted to meet very much. But when I did get some money, my first decision was to come to Germany - to see him and my other Syrian friends there. He told me that he can't meet because he's busy getting his family there. But I couldn't postpone it, because Germany was about to expel my another friend. So I came, and only then he told me he'd like to meet me. But it was too late. I told him I'd come again, for him.
Later on he told me he doesn't want to meet because he has no flat to guest me in. OK. We've been telling each other we love each other for a year or so, and he was very kind to me (and even when he had dates, he would spoil them by talking about me: I did it with some guys to, I mean I talked about him during them). It started changing after a year, about when I didn't meet him in Germany. But we still talked from time to time. Less and less, but still. In general he thought we should find someone close to each other,
Anyway, lately, after almost 3 years from our aborted meeting, he told me he has a flat and I should visit him. He wanted me to come immediately, but I couldn't, but I started planning the trip and he was ok with it, just told me to come on weekend. I told my other friends I'd come, And then he told me to postpone it until late December, because he doesn't feel well and he has no money to take me out. I told him I don't need restaurants or anything, and I agreed to come on December, but he changed his mind again and told me to come even later on. When? he doesn't know.
I got angry and started complaining. And I realised I still love him and started telling him that, until he started telling me me how childish, strange, laughable etc I am, that we don't know each other and the thing between us one can not even call friendship.
I decided to mail him perhaps once a month from now on, or perhaps 4 times a year. Just for sentimental reasons and to fulfill my promess I'll care for him forever. there's a symbolical gift I bought him when I had no money, I carry it on a chain on my neck. That makes me feel I remember and care about him even though I do not mail him. He was my first reciprocated love. And used to be very nice.
I do not tell a person I love them easily. Arabs are prone to that, especially since there's no distinction between "liking" and "loving" in their language. I'm not like that. But you know, when I found him he first told me that he doesn't want to tell me he loves me because he's afraid he'd hurt me, because he has many internal issues and it always turns out badly when he tells someone he loves him. And so it was. Though now he says he never acted badly towards anyone: nor me nor his Syrian bf whom he left without telling him he's leaving the country. It's silly actually. I have several friends from Syria in Germany, and it's only him that doesn't want to meet. The rest are happy to see me even if we didn't talk for years. Perhaps the reason is exactly that. I mean, he doesn't want to rekindle the relationship with me, because the relationship was love and he doesn't want to love someone from afar, with whom he can hardly meet. If he was indifferent or just friendly, it would be easy.
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