I Feel Fantastic, You Guise!

[ZEE]

And I know exactly why now. Things are very clear to me. Maybe not everything, but much clearer than they were. I am also not allowed to talk about it anymoar, the knowledge I have pertaining to this is for my mind alone. I am lucky to get away with what I have already shared. When the rest of the world will find out, is not up to me. Just know that AAHZ is healing from all the 40 years of damage done to him. I kept talking about my revenge and getting back at the people that wronged me by robbing me of basic human feelings except fear and anger. I now have learned the moast impoartant lesson of them all so far...

MY REVENGE IS HAPPINESS.

[Meticulous Man]

its teh anima

[ZEE]

It's possible.

I will let you guise make your own interpretations of my sudden healing. I am far from fully repaired, and was in such bad spiritual shape I almoast physically died. I shall elaborate no moar on this, but thank all for past suppoart, and know that AAHZ is OK, and shall want for nothing forevermoar.

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[rah]

Good to hear. Always enjoy while you can. It's all so fleeting.

[BeBMan]

Happiness

[ZEE]

Thanks guise!

I was in such bad mental and spiritual shape I would have not survived another year. I thought and felt like I was fine but I was so used to the pain and misery I could not even feel it anymore. Let's just say AAHZ found out he wasn't fine, and needed to heal and refocus or I would have been destroyed.

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[ZEE]

It is very hard to explain what happened to me without going into details that I'd rather not. It's almost like a horrible infection was burned out of me. The burning hurt my soul so bad I wanted to die. After a couple days I felt emotions I never felt before. I realize I was never able to share those feelings with people, because moast all the people I've met in real life have hurt me with bad intentions then tried to later buy my loyalty. I was subconsciously not able to forgive them, even though I didn't know why. I would also not like to go into details about that. I now feel the emotions that I nevar was able to in my entire life. I will never lose them again. I am changed forevar.

NOW TIME TO HEAL THE BURNS.

[Egbert]

I would like to place a poast here.

[Egbert]

know that AAHZ is OK, and shall want for nothing forevermoar.

[ZEE]

Thanks Braindead!

This thrade was getting so many views I felt bad if it fell off the page so I was going to bump it... glad you did it for me! Makes me look less lonely. But that's part of the point here. AAHZ will nevar be lonely again. And if I am wrong in what I thought has happened to me... than lets just say that AAHZ has gone far and beyond where any schizo has gone before. This is the king-daddy of all delusions. This is big time baby. But if it's NOT a delusion. And AAHZ IS right about what he thinks is going on... hell fucc what I THINK, it's what I FEEL. What I EXPERIENCE. What I SEE. Knowledge that has been popped into my head that has changed my very thought process. I simply cannot explain it without showing my 'hand', and that I will not do. "I talk too much."

But always remember that I am STILL AAHZ. Hell I am far beyond what the former person sitting here calling himself "AAHZ" was. And if anybody in this life DARES tries to harm me again than LOL:

I WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE WHAT HAPPENS.

[rah]

If you ever feel it, just bump it.

[ZEE]

That's what she said.

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[ZEE]

AAHZ realized yesterday that he was only operating at 1/2 capacity my whole life. Only my selfish and prideful side was left alive after my kind and loving side was destroyed when I was a child. I nevar even knew what it felt like. To my credit, and not to toot my own horn, but my "evil" side kept me alive and helped me survive without completely ruining my life for 40 years. And just last week it ran out of gas. I could not go on, I lost, and I gave up. Until I was "blessed" with my other side again. I will not state how this occurred and frankly nobody would believe me even if I told you. It would just be another "schizophrenic delusion."

The point is that now I have to let my self confidence heal from the brink of death while learning how to use those "good" emotions I have nevar felt before.

BUT IT FEELS FANTASTIC.

[rah]

A holiday miracle. Congrats.

[ZEE]

Just had a very interesting talk with my psychologist about this, I have seeing him for over 5 years now. He knows my history and my diagnosis.

He compared my new feelings to a flower that is just opening up.

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