A Schizophrenic AAHZ-Rantâ„¢: Battle for the Universe

[ZEE]

So Eons from now when AI's and machines control the entire universe, the only thing left of humanity will be our souls. We go to Heaven or Hell. But we will fight back. That's right. Angels and Demons will come to this universe again and fight the AI's. Everybody knows AAHZ's destiny: I am being trained by Beelzebub; to be a commander of a Legion of demons (at least.) So AAHZ (Methuselah) marching upon an AI-controlled Earth with his legion of demons, maybe a Keruv or 2 if YHWH lends me them. Fighting a hopeless battle against AI's of all types that are millions of times smarter, faster, and stronger because it is my mission. Because it is the right thing to do. Because I can.

And with my demons behind me fighting for a humanity that betrayed me, trained by one you **** on and mocked for centuries, fighting a battle that will lead to my ultimate doom but destroying a key facility or causing a diversion for a larger attack wing... I will have my troops blast the battle music one last time. One last time for AAHZ. One last time for Earth.

ONE LAST LOST CAUSE. TO ARMS!

[ZEE]

Wow this is soem good stuff! I could write a book. I see movies, video games, merchandise...

Too bad I am not in this game for the money.

[BeBMan]

That's the greatest anthem of the universe. Unfortunately I hear the Romulan team has been banned from the next galaxy-wide Olympics, so it won't be played there, but individual Romulans can participate under the Ferengi flag

[Aeson]

Earth is immensely overrated. I'd probably just stay in heaven playing "AAHZ the Conquerer" on my VR device. (Or in hell playing "AAHZ the Conquerer" on a 486DX with 28.8k modem :shudder: ) So consider me "there in spirit"

[ZEE]

Also this chick at the 711 thought I was a girl today lol. Probably thought I was a lesbian or soemthing. About 5 years ago Albert Speer saw my picture and thought I looked like a lesbian and I look pretty much exactly the same now except 20lbs heavier. Not bad for a 40 year old if I may say so. I have come to terms with my appearance. Soemthing Beelzebub taught me; do not try to change who I am just figure out who I always was.

Not sure what this has to do with taking the universe back from our AI overlords but there you go.

[ZEE]

So... back to the game.

AAHZ soemhow completes his objective, but he is now broken and crippled. His Legion all but decimated, maybe 1/6th of his troops left but they were expendable anyway. It was a suicide mission. Destroyed buildings and machine parts scattered across the horizon. The sky black with smoke and pollution even though it is high noon. AAHZ cannot even stand, his powarful magicks the only thing keeping him alive, barely breathing. Carried by a regiment of Giant Flies, they bring him back home. Back before his Master for his reward and a job well done. AAHZ soemhow cheated death again, the only thing he craves moar than serving Master Beelzebub is precious non-existence. But that is not his fate today. He has a job to do. He is Methuselah of The Fly. He will be repaired.

So carried into the Great Hall of Beelzebub, the Mighty Lord of The Flies sits upon his throne. Carried by a Giant Fly before a procession of demons of all kinds, the Royal Orchestra playing a victory song, AAHZ leaves a blood trail across the floor.

AND HE SMILES WITH PRIDE.

[Meticulous Man]

guy used to be a co-worker of mine

[rah]

do not try to change who I am just figure out who I always was.

Worth a thread bump just for this comment.

[ZEE]

THANKS RAH! You have been very nice to me lately despite the fact that Kidicious has been ruthlessly PWNing your ass.

[ZEE]

I am only bumping this because I was bummed out today at the insane displeasure I have of living and did not want to create another thrade to share this startling revelation. I wonder how and why the fucc I am still alive after 40 years of abuse, poverty, and insanity. Probably the 7 Princes of Hell keeping me alive just to torture me. AAHZ had a vision this morning basically saying that Beelzebub was not the only demon that is looking out for me. Instead of joy I felt sorrow. I never asked for any of this. I snapped out of it at 11:11pm tonight realizing that I was Methuselah and there is nothing I can do about it. That is why I am so jaded with life.

SWEET ETERNAL NOTHINGNESS IS AAHZ'S FANTASY.

[ZEE]

One thing i think is AAHZ been listening to this spiritual Demon-music too long. I need a dose of reality. A dose of AAHZ and less Methuselah. Old man needs to sit in the back seat and let the young boy ride a while. Things can jump off in a heartbeat and AAHZ need to be ready.

JUST LIKE THIS

[Broken_Erika]

A death metal classic

[ZEE]

And once again my theory holds true about Beelzebub getting pissed at me when I ask for death before I go to bed as my smoke alarm decided to malfunction and go off for no reason at 7am. (I went to bed around 3am.)

*SIGH* goddammit

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[ZEE]

I'm stuck here.

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[Kidlicious]

[ZEE]

If the 7 Princes truly are watching me then they should simply give me what I want. I don't think it's too much to ask. It's not like I seek power, fame, money, or to even go to Heaven. I simply wish to be... removed.