today in therapy - laughter ensued

[Pekka]

So today's topic was Dr. Lovely. In general, I end up in bad relationships. And Dr. Lovely has been active again.

So I explained how she is dumping her primary BF, and how she's talking how she misses me and might want me back soon. And that I need powers to say NO.

Because a) she hates men (except me....??), and then tons of other reasons that don't even matter after point a.

I went on to explain how her GF was born a man, who then went on to have his penis removed to become a woman. Now, I don't want to say you cannot do that, or that you'd be any less of a person. Just saying it's a bit different. So, Lovely used to complain how the sex is different. Well, duh. Then, how she(he) had another GF, so they formed a group of 3 lesbians, basically. And how Lovely wanted a primary BF (for **** and someone to hate on). And wanted me to be a lover on the side. At this point, the therapist laughed hard. Then she profusely apologised. I had to laugh too and say, yeah, I know it's _really_ complicated, right?

I just thought that was kind of funny. Clearly I am not hte only one thinking that situation isn't just a little bit off the norms. But we ended up with a clear picture of the NO powers.

I also told how she considers me to not have toxic masculinity and not part of the patriarchy, so as to consider me as "the good one" and "woke". But I am not supposed to say I am "woke". I guess she'll be googling about this tonight. And this is not to say there's lots of wrong with activism or that there is no patriarchy. Some people just take it to the extremes.

But I'm telling you, the therapist could not hold her laugh, it was genuine and _loud_. And it kept going, she had to catch her breath. Therapist can always go with you, even when you are rambling with nothing a therapist would agree on, but there's no hiding of genuine "wtf??". Of course it is revealing. Imagine yours truly, dating an openly hostile misandrist, who has 3somes with 1 born male turned female and her lesbian dom, while... yeah. Just imagine that. With whips, leg spreaders and all kinds of thingies.

NO!

[Lorizael]

I made my therapist laugh two sessions ago. I was discussing an obvious contradiction between two bits of my personality in a way that was intended to make light of it, to show that I understood the problem. In the 4-ish years that I've been coming to see her, I think that's the first time she's laughed out loud. I didn't consider it to be a breach of protocol or the mask of non-judgmental neutrality that therapists are supposed to have, because it seemed like a pretty genuine reaction. I do want therapists to keep their feelings to themselves, mostly, though, because to me obvious displays of emotion very often come off as artificial or exaggerated, and then I begin to doubt that I'm actually communicating with another human.

[Pekka]

Lori, I agree. I've grown to like my therapist in the very manner of therapy. I know I used to blame her for giggling and all that. But, she's a professional and a human. I don't think she did anything wrong. I realise how weird the setting is, I find it funny, so I do not blame her for accidentally letting the laugh out. She has also been frustrated. I find it that the longer we go, the more she is starting to communicate back. I used to babble myself and she'd be quiet. Found it frustrating.

I mean, who is to say if they are even listening or if they think you're an *******. Judging you. A genuine what is that laugh just validated I am not alone with this thought. As in she considers it strange but hilarious as a person, yet apologised as a professional and as I said it's OK, it's like a movie, she kept laughing. I feel the same way as you do in that regard. I'd rather have a human (professional) helping, than emotionless robot with Freudian algorithms.

[Dry]

So today's topic was Dr. Lovely.

I'm kind of confused. I'm far from being a therapist customer as in my entire life, I went for a grand total of 5 sessions.
Aren't you supposed to talk about yourself or your problems?
From what you say here, you seem to have spent your entire session talking about the problems/behavior of someone else. Is that really the purpose of therapy?

[Pekka]

Exactly. The topic is often whatever it is. What happened last week, it takes tangents into real issues. The therapist connects dots from it. Dr. Lovely is an issue to me. I still feel draw, and she is no good for me. The topic is, I get into bad relationships, and I just spent some time with her.

In fact, today I said to the therapist she should pick the topic. So she said, "Would you like to discuss Dr. Lovely". That is how it started.

We talk about everything. Kids, friends, things that are annoying, parents... everything. I seem to stumble on things she picks up very well. I told her she's a misandrist ideologue, and I don't like that. Why do I feel drawn to a person who openly is hostile towards men? I know this, it feels bad, yet I do not say NO to her. So that is my problem.

But yeah, you talk what ever you feel like. Sometimes it is about very random topics. It just takes other paths and narrows down to something more important. Like the devouring mother, absent father, etc. and how you constantly feel disappointment and hide aggression.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

(Edit: ninja'd)

It is - she's (one of) Pekka's ongoing problem(s).

My last therapist had a major personal touch to her style. She once hugged me and my sister after there'd been a very long gap between sessions for some reason. I told my sister "she's not supposed to do that" -it's a professional ethics thing, as well as a pragmatic on, seeing as Lori allegedly wouldn't object too strongly to naked time with his therapist and she could be in a world of trouble if it came to that- and our therapist said "No; I'm not". I appreciate the very good reasons for a clinical approach, but I DID prefer the personal touch - I know a good deal more about the therapist's teenage son and daughter than they would probably want me to, but that made it like having a good (paid) friend, and was more comfortable to deal with - it's definitely a good way to deal with paranoids, or just some tendencies that way; openness establishes trust....

[Lorizael]

I'm kind of confused. I'm far from being a therapist customer as in my entire life, I went for a grand total of 5 sessions.
Aren't you supposed to talk about yourself or your problems?
From what you say here, you seem to have spent your entire session talking about the problems/behavior of someone else. Is that really the purpose of therapy?

For me personally, I walk into almost every therapy session knowing exactly what I want to talk about. I am usually upset about how I've responded to some situation or how my life is going professionally/socially/romantically/etc. My therapist usually explains other, more helpful ways of interpreting/understanding my behavior based on my history of depression and anxiety and my past experiences, then suggests tools and strategies for changing my thoughts and behavior.

[Lorizael]

She once hugged me and my sister after there'd been a very long gap between sessions for some reason. I told my sister "she's not supposed to do that" -it's a professional ethics thing, as well as a pragmatic on, seeing as Lori allegedly wouldn't object too strongly to naked time with his therapist and she could be in a world of trouble if it came to that- and our therapist said "No; I'm not".

I just think my therapist is hot and like to make light of that. If she ever so much as hugged me, it would make me extremely uncomfortable and I would seriously consider finding a new therapist.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

I was fine with it, though I really only got one because she hugged my sister and I was standing right there. A well-turned-out woman with silver hair, and I could never decide if she was ten years younger than us or ten years older or what, but not unattractive. She's the only therapist I ever had who I'm sure did me some good besides just being someone to unburden to - and that was because she, German, attached electrodes to my head every session, and neurotherapy appears to have put an end to me waking up being unable to talk at first... OhMyGod, is that nice. I rarely want to talk before an hour and a whole coffee, but it isn't flirting with death to ask me a question first thing, at least if it seems important...

[pchang]

Who could have predicted that the shy and inexperienced Pekka of 10 years ago would be the total kink/fetish maven he is now?

[Pekka]

I am still shy. That's a turn on for some beast women. My therapist does not hug, shakes hands. She is pretty though but I don't think about that. I've got pretty friends and a kinky ex GF who wants me to do things I don't want to. I'd like to find a somewhat geeky and nice, warm and stable lady. Someone nice. With a smile.

[Ricardo111]

For me personally, I walk into almost every therapy session knowing exactly what I want to talk about. I am usually upset about how I've responded to some situation or how my life is going professionally/socially/romantically/etc. My therapist usually explains other, more helpful ways of interpreting/understanding my behavior based on my history of depression and anxiety and my past experiences, then suggests tools and strategies for changing my thoughts and behavior.

I had the same feeling, this depression and anxiety is too strong for a long time.

[margosp]

yo

[margosp]

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[Dinner]

Pekka, life is short and that woman is clearly not capable of giving you what you want. That is fine but you need to move on and find a woman who can give you what you want out of a relationship.

Just my $0.02.