Do humans really communicate this way?

[Lorizael]

Okay, I've seen this posted in *cough* two places on the internet now, so I'd like to get Poly's take.

http://lierdumoa.tumblr.com/post/161...-me-explain-to

To my friends on the spectrum, let me explain to you an unspoken social rule that possibly nobody has ever explained to you before

If a neurotypical asks you, “What game are you playing?” they’re not asking you to describe the game.

They’re asking you if they can play too.

If a neurotypical asks you, “What are you watching?” they’re not asking you to explain the plot of the movie/tv show to them.

They’re asking if they can watch it with you.

.

When neurotypicals ask you “What are you doing?”

• What you think they’re asking: “Please explain to me what you are doing.”
• What they’re actually asking: “Can I join you?”

Now here’s the really ****ed up part. If you start explaining to them what you’re doing? They will interpret that as a rejection.

• What you think you’re saying: [the answer to their question]
• What they think you’re saying: This is an elite and exclusive activity for a level 5 friend and you are a level 1 acquaintance. You are not qualified to join me because you don’t know all this stuff. Go away.

.

This is why neurotypicals think you’re being cold and antisocial.


IT’S ALL A HORRIBLE MISCOMMUNICATION.

Is this really true? I don't know if I really fall anywhere on ye olde spectrum, but I do know there are a lot of things about human social interaction I don't understand very well. My initial reaction to this explanation was utter disbelief. But I also know that the mechanism by which two people initiate conversation/activity seems utterly opaque to me and I really don't get how it happens. All I know is that there's something I'm missing that almost always prevents me from being a part of it.

[rah]

Just plan silly. IF you want to play, just ask. Geeze.

[Jon Miller]

Sometimes true.

JM

[Lorizael]

Okay, so why do people sometimes do this?

[Elok]

Because there are always weird social games and ordinary people have nonspoken means of communicating their feelings and intentions. This may be a purely American phenomenon, with other countries having their own games with even stricter rules. In Iran, there's this thing called "tarouf" where you're expected to decline every offer three times before accepting. Everyone knows it's bull**** and the taxi driver does, in fact, expect payment. But he will tell you that his service is unworthy of payment, that it was but a small favor, and that he cannot possibly accept payment from such a wonderful individual as yourself before finally saying he will take it, with thanks, to set your heart at ease. Now, tarouf is a purely public phenomenon, you don't do it with intimate friends. But I'm sure you've heard or read about equivalent games from Japan or China.

I'm vaguely aware of this particular rule, being a very mild case, but it's far from the only one; I have no aptitude for plugging myself into people's social scenes. My coworkers all seem to like me, some of them quite well, and really enjoy my company, but I'm not part of the out-of-work social scene. This may be because I don't have a smartphone and thus exist on a separate, slower social plane. But I suspect that, even if it were 1993, they'd be going and doing stuff and I wouldn't. I don't mind terribly. I've got my family to get to. But I am vaguely curious about how exactly the girls started going to the gym together, etc. over such a short period of time.

[Aeson]

If I ask you, "what are you doing?" ... what I mean is you're doing something really stupid and it should stop immediately.

[Lorizael]

This may be because I don't have a smartphone and thus exist on a separate, slower social plane. But I suspect that, even if it were 1993, they'd be going and doing stuff and I wouldn't. ... But I am vaguely curious about how exactly the girls started going to the gym together, etc. over such a short period of time.

Yeah. This happened with my astronomy cohort when I was still in school. The group seemed to coalesce into a social unit that hung out and had each other's numbers and were Facebook friends in an unreasonably short period of time. I have no idea how it happened. I, of course, wasn't involved. Now, I was the creepy, balding, old dude still in college for some reason, but a similar process transpires in nearly every social environment I get a whiff of.

[ZEE]

Answer: Who cares. But on the other hand I am a schizo that shuns people willingly because I am emotionally disturbed and I don't care about people's feelings at times.

I believe Lori is Autistic and he shuns people unwillingly because he is socially disturbed and he cares too much about people's feelings at times.

I have a very good therapist.

[Lorizael]

I believe Lori is Autistic...

Well then go vote in the poll.

[ZEE]

done.

This came about when I asked my therapist who would be smarter for 2 geniuses in Math for example... One is austistic, one schizo.

He said BOTH because the autistic has social problems and the schizo has emotional problems but their IQ's are still very much in tact. It would go down to who is better based on the individual not their disorders that limit them in other fields.

But not to threadjack.

[-Jrabbit]

But not to threadjack.

AAHZ, you are a fine example to us all.