Have you participated in psychotherapy?

[Dr Strangelove]

I've written an enormous number of prescriptions for psychotropic drugs.. Does that count?

[Alexander's Horse]

Yes I'm getting some counselling at the moment because one of my sons is struggling and I need to be strong for him. Also I'm retiring.

[Pekka]

Those are some life events, stay strong AH!

[Pekka]

I¨ll be in for years it seems like. Some definite issues. Was diagnosed by a for severe burnout, depression, anxiety and "strange conceptions of the self". Notice, not grandiose or anything specific, just strange As in I literally believe I am strange. Don't see what the problem is but that is what he wrote.

In summary, was brought up by a controlling manipulative mother, a devouring mother and Dad who was always away (working). Emotionally distant parents somewhat skewed the way I act and see the world. No delusions, no meds. Just some hard time. With the help of this therapy, I should stop making horrible relationship choices. It is what it is. And yes, I like my therapy, and I just need to make sure my therapist will not cross professional boundaries and force herself on me. She giggles all the time pays me complements at odd points. And when I talk about my sexual behaviour, she gets a bit too interested, keeps changing her leg position and leans forward a lot, pupils all big and just a bit flushed. I know she wants me. But she cannot have me. Besides I pay her for professional therapy.

[Alexander's Horse]

she should pay you

[Pekka]

She should... to be honest though, I respect her. She is nice and a pro. I think we get along. Sometimes I think she has a bit too much empathy for me. Not there for that. Just need my hour of "so this is what happened last week and how I think my Mum relates to this all". and "so the story of Abraham makes no sense, unless God is perverted sadistic deity... " "so of course we love him".

It helps, I thought it wouldn't. But the more open I am, honest, brutally honest, I really think it helps. Next I think I'll start to discuss my leather daddy outfit that I want to make. Actually, not even kidding. It'll be a huge hit for this summer.

[Sirotnikov]

Yeah, for about a year.

Started going to help with horrible procrastination, slight depression, and exam anxiety, all of which developed in university, due to living with undiagnosed ADHD for years. Also worked on some guilt and issues relating to family matters. While the therapist was meh, and frequently tried to put me in cookie cutter scenarios which I resisted, it was generally very freeing to share and speak my mind. Even hearing my self speak out loud on some issues, and having things reflected back to me, from someone who isn't part of my everyday life, helped me handle many of my fears, which generally helped with the procrastination and anxiety. It also helped catching myself earlier when I drift off to procrastination land. I kept sex entirely out of the conversations.

I've come to believe almost anyone probably has some unresolved issues and insecurities which therapy can help with, just by talking, and reflecting on one's self.

I hope your therapy helps.

If it doesn't - make sweet sweet love to that therapist.

[Alexander's Horse]

Its kind of weird because we have to see shrinks at various points at work and doctors too and basically everyone hides their ailments.

Some people overthink it though and gets diagnosed with horrible problems

The counselling I'm getting now I'm paying for so there is no back-channeling to management and I'm finding it very helpful.

[Pekka]

True... I've got a diagnosis or three. Not awful though.

Today was interesting: she giggled a lot, again, and asked me how I feel about our long break due to summer vacation and I said "well I do like coming here"... to which she said, "well fi you feel like it, you can always call me during, text, email... " and I said, "thanks but I reckon I will not call you". "Sure... maybe text and I will call you instead". I know it means nothing, but still found it a bit off. Especially after I described my difficulties of getting up in the morning and feeling like giving up, but not having the luxury as I have kids, so I have to get up every morning. But if I did not have kids, I dunno, I might just not get up (I am burned out), to which her reply was, "well if you do not shoe up here, I will come to your place and fetch you".... "yes but you don't know where I live, when I'm not with the kids", to which she smiled and swore she will just find out.

I guess it's just a way of saying "I care, you're not alone, don't give up". But also a bit personal. I won't call her during HER summer vacation. And I sure as hell won't open the door for her. Like I said, she is soon enforcing herself on me, and she defo has the hots for yours truly. Or her style of therapy is just very personal. I'd like to believe the last is correct. Otherwise she is being very inappropriate.

[Bereta_Eder]

Yeah it is very inappropriate no way around it.

I remember a therapist had the hots for me was asking my mom if I was still with my girlfriend etc

It can happen.

And of course therapy doesn't happen when that happens.

Unprofessional inappropriate and eventually ineffective.

We are hot dudes but they can try to keep their pants on for a change.

[Bereta_Eder]

I might have also hit on her a bit (was before the SO)

The thing is to set boundaries while of course not appearing distant (talking from the POV of the therapist)

I don't think having a woman therapist is a good idea exactly because of this as well as other reasons

[Pekka]

BE, Found your replies helpful.

And yes, I think therapy is not happening if there's a hint of this going on.

I have not hit on her, I have not flirted with her. She isn't flirting with me either, and I think she can't help giggling but I haven't made any jokes. Mine is flat pan humour so if you like it, then you're most likely going to find some things amusing. But she is more communicative at all times, at first she was fairly quiet, asking only one or two questions. Now she talks more, observes, and first I thought it'd be funny if she had the hots for me. Now I think she cares just a bit too much.

We both know that my problem is setting boundaries, and getting into bad and overly sexual relationships. So, just common sense dictates she should keep distance, as it is common for both parties to have feelings for each other, I've read. But those feelings should be kept in check. For myself, I find it easy; I have crap I need to let out, I pay for it (well my employer does), so it is professional setting. Ethically, we cannot be even distant friends, as then we are no in a therapy relationship.

This is also one of the reasons I find it difficult to discuss anything sexual, as I am afraid she will get more excited, and I say this with a straight face. I don't know, maybe I should say this to her.

[Pekka]

BE, Found your replies helpful.

And yes, I think therapy is not happening if there's a hint of this going on.

I have not hit on her, I have not flirted with her. She isn't flirting with me either, and I think she can't help giggling but I haven't made any jokes. Mine is flat pan humour so if you like it, then you're most likely going to find some things amusing. But she is more communicative at all times, at first she was fairly quiet, asking only one or two questions. Now she talks more, observes, and first I thought it'd be funny if she had the hots for me. Now I think she cares just a bit too much.

We both know that my problem is setting boundaries, and getting into bad and overly sexual relationships. So, just common sense dictates she should keep distance, as it is common for both parties to have feelings for each other, I've read. But those feelings should be kept in check. For myself, I find it easy; I have crap I need to let out, I pay for it (well my employer does), so it is professional setting. Ethically, we cannot be even distant friends, as then we are no in a therapy relationship.

This is also one of the reasons I find it difficult to discuss anything sexual, as I am afraid she will get more excited, and I say this with a straight face. I don't know, maybe I should say this to her.

[Pekka]

Thanks BE, I think it's commonplace for therapists to feel for their clients, and especially for the clients to developed crushes on their therapists. Must be one of the biggest topics in training, especially long term psychotherapy.

However, she knows I have problems with setting boundaries, huge issues with entering into bad relationships, them being too sexual. In the beginning, she was very distant and did not say much, now she talks a lot more, though is mostly observing. I think that she should be more distant, or find the right position. This prohibits me from talking more about my problems with sexual behaviour. Simply, I do not want her to get excited about it. And knowing I am single. I know she is very well read, is well versed in her profession, is about my age, has kids, and is into endurance sports. None of these were ever explicitly told, but implied. She also knows that I'm a perv, not opposed to polyamory, which got her attention. Naturally I would like to have a monogamous relationship, kind of done with the whole tons of sex thing. For my credit, the people were all consenting and knew each other, and about each other. So, tried it, not my thing. She is waiting, clearly, for me to talk more about this. While it is a good topic and a problem area in life, I just find it more difficult now after she giggles, gives me praise on stuff that needs no praise (you're intelligent, very empathetic, etc.). If it was a man, I guess I wouldn't be bothered. I just don't see a male doing that with me, though. I think if this was any other circumstances, she might be interested in dating me. Also, she is not married, as she rubs the ring on her middle finger up and down quite a lot when I talk about anxiety. Maybe it's a habit, but I also see it and notice she does not have one in the married section. A lot of this is just not correct, my own interpretation, but some of it might be just inappropriate on her part. I've not once given any hint of interest, nor would I. If I felt like was the one, I'd have to stop the therapy. And I don't know anything about her, except the things implied. Or maybe she just feels sorry for me. Must be that. I know the red beard and short hair is a distinct look, a father of 2 with time running out is also an opportunity to fantasise. I think I should bring this up with her. Also, I think her swearing to seek me and rescue me from my bed if I was too tired to come is flirting. Maybe she mistook my, "you don't know where I live" as a flirt. But it should end there.

[Alexander's Horse]

If you raise this she will probably say it is all your fantasy.

[pchang]

Having a male therapist is no guarantee. What if he is gay and likes bears?