Dating (stalkers, and she's baaack!)

[Pekka]

I know, I know... I deserve it all.

So... went on a date with a really nice person. Pretty, too. Talking about the cop. She's awesome. First date was good, and definitely at least I felt chemistry. I felt as if she wanted me to come on, but I kind of decided not to. Why? Bad things happen, well at least for me. Maybe not for you, but I am not looking for sex only, and she seemed nice. She is nice. Had a second date, it was decent. Wanted to move a bit forward, but this was after work date so we just had a good meal and chatted, drinks, and early work for the both of us. I know what you're saying, but come on. I invited her to my house for next Sat, and we're working out details this week, so definitely will show my whole interest, then. Again, not talking about sex necessarily, but would not be opposed to it either.

In the meanwhile, I was chatting with this woman on the internet, and she wanted to meet badly. I figured what the hell, let's get a cup of coffee but no more. You never know, but I am into the abobe lady first and foremost. Then, she backed out and I said OK. As in never going to see you again. Fine. I jsut figured a cup of coffee and maybe a new friend. Literally. If she was the love of my life, then why not, but not a date date. Then, she had found out a disturbing amount of information about me. So... someone who is insecure (confirmed), goes on a spy mission, that spells trouble, so I just said no thank you and stay the **** away from me.

While I was writing to her not to get in contact, my good old Dr. Lovely asks if i wanted to hang out. I ask drinks, maybe later? She suggests her place. Food, movie and her couch. I mean seriously. How predictable was that? It's like 6 weeks now, and she suddenly wants me to come to her place to hang out. I know she wants to see how much pull she has. Just yesterday night I was watching Youtube on sociopaths, and sadists, checking "yup, yah, totally". The whole spectrum is there. The clearest indicator for me was that the only times she was truly happy was when I was truly miserable. As in very miserable and confused. So... in short, I guess she is out of "fun".

Stalkers, sadists... I have it all. If I look at it from a positive perspective, at least it's interesting, right?

I really hope the nice and beautiful cop lady will accept my invitation. She kind of has, but if not... I guess I am still in the dating game. But hey, said "NO" to an obvious red flag person. I think that's a first. I was asked out and I said no. I've refused sex before, but never a date. Or a cup of coffee. I don't know if it was an overkill but I don't have regrets.

I am trying to figure out if I like this mess or not. I kind of hate it, but then again, it would be the most simple of things to get out of it. Right?

edit: the best part! I went to a doctor at work today for a full blood work. Since I have me pre-existing condition, I get a free blood work so I can track everything and change my diet accordingly. So why not do it? So I went, and I said I've been a bit tired (I have) and would like to know my testosterone levels and have a full blood work done. And while at it, why not get the STD situation checked up as well. I have not had sex since Dr. Lovely, so I should be clear, and I have no symptoms, but no symptoms is not really the same. And we did not use protection. So the doc said that they don't cover for the STD work... and asked if I had symptoms. I said no... "Well... was she, you, or any of you... sexually adventorous, or do you have a reason to suspect?" "Well... I dunno... she was fairly kinky, and a doctor so I assume she would let me know but then again mumble mumble.." "A doctor? OK... I'll add the STD for the common ones."

And that was it. The information that my previous gf was a doctor was enough to convince him that there might be problems I guess doctors know each others ways.

[rah]

If you're chatting with women on the internet, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect they they do a little cyber investigating.
Actually I'd be more concerned if they didn't.

Not much to comment on the doctor thing, unless you're just looking for a little uncommitted fun, I'd stay away.

[C0ckney]

Not much to comment on the doctor thing STAY AWAY.

FTFY.

[Pekka]

You're right. But it raised my flags. To get the info she had to go way out of her way to do that. I suspect she is not an IT expert with scripting abilities, so her OSINT efforts were manual. It would be painstaking effort. For me, it wasn't some investigating. It was an effort. We never even saw for once. She could have asked for the info, and I never lied to her about anything. But that was not my only concern. I'd say it was enough for my mental triage to go oh noes...

Not looking for uncommited fun. Not with Dr. Lovely. If there were guarantees of just fun, and nothing else, but with her, there are no guarantees. Only superior intelligence and high likelyhood of sadism. I am single. But I fancy the cop lady, and even when we've been out just twice, if she comes for the third time, I don't know... for me it would be troubling to look for fun, even when we'd still both be single. Guilt-driven, I'd have to tell her that in between seeing her, I had some butt redning sex with my ex-gf. Nope, I could not sleep after that. I want that pure conscience. It comes down to truth being the best policy. Never telling lies, unless white ones, the ones we all tell, but no big ones like having sex with others. The cop lady is very attractive (Tall brunette with long hair, very fit due to her job and hobbies, with the widest smile ever, and green eyes, just catches the eye). Most of all, she is also very normal. She has actual empathy. And yes she is still single, and I would not blame her for having some fun. I don't own her. We're not even in a relationship. There's just trouble with Dr. Lovely. I guess to be honest I am afraid I'd be hooked again, knowing she might be a bit on the other side of the spectrum, not really into me anyway and I'd be miserable, and losing any chances on the normal and wonderful cop lady.

you could say well, follow your gut instinct, you're still single, why settle now... mistakes happen, there will be more opportunities. I just don't know. I guess the question also is, if I'd be actually willing to be Dr. Lovely's friend. Friend, as in no sex, I would consider it. She'd pay her own damn way, but it's not like we didn't share lots of common interests... she's a really killer cook, her food tops some restaurants (seriously), and she has a good taste in movies, so we'd probably watch some space documentaries anyway and have a laugh. And then I'd remember how much fun she is, how pretty she is, and how compatible we are in bed... and the mental torture would continue. If she'd flirt with me, I guess I'd better stay away altogether. But I do like her. Non-sexually as well. Now that I haven't been in contact with her, she is coming to me. This is exactly the MO of people who like to play games. Yet - the pull is strangely strong. You go in your head, "people date on and off, they get over it and get back into again, it's normal". True, but there's also the gut instinct feeling of, "and she is incapable of actual normal feelings, I'm only to satisfy her thirst for blood". But she's a really good cook. Superb.

I also realise that this is yet another Dr. Lovely and dating in general thread. Where all you good people come and say the same thing, as you already know what's going to happen. So what is my motivation to still make the threads, insulting some of you, making you bored? I'd say I am talking myself out of it. I am weak. So rationalising and getting the same, "don't you do it!", helps.

[rah]

Docs and Cops. Two tough groups to date if you can believe everything you read. Good luck, but we all know the supercitizen can handle it if anyone can.

Having close female friends is probably not the best idea when you're looking for that special one.

Once you're in a omitted trusting relationship then maybe, but until then there's no reason to add the potential stress to the process. It's hard enough as it is.

[Pekka]

Docs and Cops... True... I don't knwo about the rumours, the rumours about Docs being a bit cold and kinky is definitely true but I don't knwo what they say about cops. The one I've seen is from homicide as well. She is just really nice and very normal. Yes, she shoots guns. Her normal day is seeing dead bodies, making sure that there is no foul play if suicides, interrogating violent people with a calm face, everything that has to do with it. And yes, she was a normal cop before that, walking the beat. Taking down baddies. At the same time though.. she's jsut tall and beautiful, likes to laugh (who doesn't). Both of these professions see lots of death, and they are quite natural with it, so for example my medical history does not scare them. So that's a plus. Besides both professions are respectable and somewhat of a calling. Actually, she said she has never had to fight anyone, ever. I believe her. Who would want to fight her? Not trying to sound like an a-hole, but she has a good demenaour and a smile. What, would you assault her? Of course not. She says she tries to understand the killers, talk to them like any normal person would, and the respect that. People and other cops talk to them like they're just crap. Level, and they will talk to you.

So I'll stay off the koolaid for now, and see how this goes, and if it does not fly, I am still single. But I want to see how this turns out first.

[rah]

Yeah, both groups deal with live and death which some claim lead to more "intense" personalities. And more often they say that both professions are more "my way or the highway" types which doesn't work well with equal partnerships. But I have not dated a doc or cop so what the heck do I know.

[Lorizael]

Pekka, I'm sorry that women are paying so much attention to you.

Having close female friends is probably not the best idea when you're looking for that special one.

Bah! What could possibly go wrong?

[Dinner]

Don't hang out with the crazy doctor unless you intend to plow her. Other wise she will just lead you on and try to mess with you. If you want to be a jerk, hit it, then never call her again.

[Kidlicious]

Kind of weird to me, checking up on someone just for coffee. I could see if you were moving in. Good judgment on that, IMO.

[Bereta_Eder]

I have a friend who is divorced (has a kid) and has vowed to never be "tied down" again.
He is, how should I put it in a refined way, swarmed in pvssy.
He doesn't want a serious relationship, he says so and they still hunt him like bees to honey

Not that I reccoment it since he now has 4 or 5 girlfriends and seems very exhausted and thin.. like butter stressed over too much bread, psychologically too

[Giancarlo]

I am sometimes glad I am gay, but gay guys can be just as much trouble and drama. One wanted me for a long time but I just didn't feel any connection. He was obsessive. A good reason why I changed my cell phone number and deleted Facebook (besides from its crappy privacy rules).

I can't stand stalkers.

[Pekka]

Well, one called it off. The cop lady says she likes me but in all honesty, she does not think there is a future to it and she is dating others, and if I'd be cool with it, we could go out but not in romantic sense. I replied, "that's OK". Because it is. Sure, she is hot and nice, but I respect her wishes. TO be really honest, I am just getting a new gig in another country that I'll be commuting to back and forth for 6 months, and I'd have liek 1 day free per 2 weeks. The ability to see her twice a month at max is asking too much. We're both better off this way. She was very accepting of me, but we did not have much common interest, we shared 0 likes in terms of entertainment. Like nothing. I cringed when I heard what she is into. But I'd have accepted it, she was genuinely a nice person otherwise. Perhaps not a perfect match.

So, definitely single and ready to date! I think I'll stop with the whole "looking for long term relationship" for a while. Not realistic. I'd have to fall in love madly to prioritise my time between what I already do and love to do, kids and a partner. I am quite happy knowing that women are interested. So I figure I'll date, have fun, and if someone turns out to be a good match and vice versa... just keep an open heart but not push it.

In fact, I felt a bit of a relief, though I was looking for this weekend. I'm also tired. And if a person does not appreciate even some of the same authors, hates horror movies (the good ones, not the Hollywood types), is into cheesy domestic music... it's just going to be pretending. And she'd have to accept my gaming habits. I would have been too much for her to deal with.

Summarum: turned out right and now time to move on with excitement!

Dr. Lovely wants to be friends. But first, she wanted to go for a coffee or after work pint. That's a proper start. To see how it goes. Then, after 6 weeks since she broke up with me, she messages me to finally meet up, at her place. Netflix, couch and food was the exact proposal. It does not necessarily spell sex. But in her case, what I know of her, it spells "I want to see if you are still into me". Still thinking about it, not quite sure. I am not in a relationship, or looking for one. OTOH I could go and see if she genuinely wants to be friends. It's free food and good company. If she acts like a jerk or if she just sees if I am still interested in her and plays games... no harm done.

Or I could just not reply at all.

[rah]

Netflix, couch and food was the exact proposal. It does not necessarily spell sex.

uh, yeah it does.

[Pekka]

uh, yeah it does.

I know I'm just a really good liar to myself. And she already proved her point.