[serious] How to tell an 8-year-old that her grandfather is losing his mind

[loinburger]

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[Ming]

*WARNING - PLEASE NOTE THE SERIOUS TAG ON THIS THREAD*

If you are just going to post insults or troll the thread, don't bother to post.
Because if you do, you won't be posting much longer.
Stay on topic and play nice.

[kentonio]

I think the most gentle route is probably to just put it in quite vague terms. Something like "Grandpa is quite sick and its making him forget things. It doesn't mean he's being naughty if he forgets something he's told you, it just means that we need to be especially kind and look after him as much as we can'.

[OneFootInTheGrave]

Ken

[dannubis]

I agree

[Proteus_MST]

I more or less agree with Ken,
although it may prove difficult when his memory over time degrades and he may have times when he doesn't even recognize his relatives (including your niece) anymore.

[loinburger]

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[BeBMan]

If it's mostly the "forgetting things" I'd say Kentonio's approach is best -- we all get old and will forget stuff then, and this is probably not difficult to understand for kids.

Besides forgetting, what I find most serious is:

- depending how serious things are simple everyday things/tasks can turn into a huge struggle for the affected, often end in failure without help
- in early stages ppl can realize they have problems and tend to hide them out of shame, isolating themselves
- later tendency to paranoia - not remembering stuff and misunderstandings can lead to suspicions, hostility in some cases, overall character changes

We have a case like that in the family. It's not so serious that he does not know his relatives anymore. Also my nephew/nieces are all late school/early job age, who do understand what's going on.

For kids you probably have to expand the explanation, but in simple terms like: "Grandpa's sickness affects him so seriously that he cannot do certain things anymore/needs help with/needs especially patience when being talked to" etc.

[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

You know, I have a distressing amount of experience with this, and what the kid thinks, God bless her, is not making the top ten list of coming problems. -Ken's basically got it right, though.

I certainly hope your sister-in-law and the rest of her family realize that right now is a really good time to get up w/ Dad and love him while they have him, and while he knows what's going on. Dementia can progress really slowly, but it would be good anyway. Every case is different just as every person is, and one of the things I cherish most in my sad life is that I got to participate in caring for my dad in his last years.

Treating them lovingly seems to never be out of order, even after they've gone full-stupid.

Tell the kid to let Grampa know she loves him ASAP and hug him early and often - or whatever fits for her and him. I went through this in short order with two grandparents who lived next door and my father, and the central lesson was: Love them while you have them.

[loinburger]

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[Buster Crabbe's Uncle]

-That means he'll be more open to being taken care of than can just be assumed, which is very good news. People going stupid are extremely prone to denial in the early stages, which can create all sorts of problems with looking after them.

These things can be very very hard on the family, mostly the responsible party. Momma's stress and resentment was powerful. -Pitching in and being generally supportive of the S-I-L can be a lot of help to your brother and nieces...

[loinburger]

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[BeBMan]

You know, I have a distressing amount of experience with this, and what the kid thinks, God bless her, is not making the top ten list of coming problems. -Ken's basically got it right, though.

I certainly hope your sister-in-law and the rest of her family realize that right now is a really good time to get up w/ Dad and love him while they have him, and while he knows what's going on. Dementia can progress really slowly, but it would be good anyway. Every case is different just as every person is, and one of the things I cherish most in my sad life is that I got to participate in caring for my dad in his last years.

Treating them lovingly seems to never be out of order, even after they've gone full-stupid.

Tell the kid to let Grampa know she loves him ASAP and hug him early and often - or whatever fits for her and him. I went through this in short order with two grandparents who lived next door and my father, and the central lesson was: Love them while you have them.

QFT

[rah]

I'm glad my father passed (86) before he started to lose it too bad. But he was in denial about his vision and still drove. Thank god he never hurt anyone

[Lorizael]

I'm not sure much of an explanation is required, honestly. My grandparents all died when I was young, and they all died of slow, progressive diseases (good news for me). At the time (especially the first set of grandparents, which died when I was in the single digits), nobody really told me what was going on. I was only aware long after the fact how long they had been sick, what all the family drama was surrounding their deaths, etc. In the short term, it was just... hey we're visiting grandpa today because he's sick, so be nice and patient and understanding.