Applying for a job ... sincerely (Not serious)

[Egbert]

What if recruiting was frank? What would a job application look like and what would interviewers ask if the whole process was sincere?

A key work place skill is the ability to look really busy when doing no work at all. How would this be addressed in the recruiting process?

What are the other really important issues?


BTW This is not a serious thread. It says so in the title.

[Egbert]

And answering dumb questions such as "why do you want to work here"?

Truthful answer: Your office is filthy, you smell, your reputation is bad. I see this as a stepping stone until until I can get a job anywhere else.

[giblets]

If they're hiring a janitor, then "your office is filthy" might be an appropriate answer

[rah]

And answering an even dumber question like "what is your greatest weakness"?

[giblets]

I'm weak to fire and lightning

[giblets]

Alby is weak to dogs and water

[loinburger]

And answering an even dumber question like "what is your greatest weakness"?

"I work too hard!!!"

Another irritating question is "where do you see yourself in five years [or ten years or whatever]," because the truth is "how the **** should I know?" So instead I answer "still programming." Sometimes the interviewer will give me a quizzical look and ask something like "Not in management?" to which I say "no, I'm not a masochist."

[loinburger]

"How well do you work with idiots who create more work for you?"

[rah]

I once answered the 5 year one with, 'Your job'. I didn't get the job.

And I can honestly say that I've never hired anyone that wimped out on the weakness question with the I work too hard bull**** answer.

I've always preferred a variation of the 'Sometimes I get stubborn when trying to work out a problem and won't ask for help soon enough when I probably should'
Figuring that they at least made the effort preparing.

[pchang]

My greatest weakness is a lack of patience when dealing with idiotic questions.

[rah]

"How well do you work with idiots who create more work for you?"

Actually there's an equivalent to this question in the behavioral interview methodology.

[loinburger]

I've always preferred a variation of the 'Sometimes I get stubborn when trying to work out a problem and won't ask for help soon enough when I probably should'

I give the answer "sometimes I won't ask for help even when I should because I don't want to look stupid or waste anybody else's time"

[rah]

An acceptable variation.

[loinburger]

As a software developer I often get asked questions like this (this is the most recent example)

Interviewer: Do you know JBoss [a Java application server]?

loinburger: No, but I have five years of experience with Tomcat [another Java application server]

Interviewer: Oh. We were looking for somebody with JBoss experience.

loinburger: They're the same thing - I can guarantee that at least 95% of my Tomcat experience will transfer over to JBoss, and this is a senior developer position so I ought to be able to figure out that remaining 5% in a reasonable amount of time.

The interviewer just gave me a confused look and went on with the next question. I mean, come on. I expect this sort of thing out of HR because they've just got a list of prepared questions and don't know anything about JBoss or Tomcat or whatever, but this is really irritating when it's another developer conducting the interviewer and they're like "oh you have a hundred years of Java7 experience but no Java8 experience? Well sorry we were looking for somebody with Java8 experience" or whatever.

[rah]

Some of the best programmers that I've ever hired had 0 experience in the language I was hiring them for.
I can't teach people who aren't programmers but I can teach languages. (actually I don't have to teach the language since they usually pick it up quite quickly all by themselves).