Making my move - a bit scary

[Pekka]

So finally (yet another look at my life thread), I have an appointment with officials about the custody issues.

This time I get to go alone. Man, let me tell you, it is not easy to be a father here, against a mother that has mental health issues (undiagnosed). It's like I can't be but wrong and the evil-doer. Finally though, an actual official wants to see me and she is a real psychiatrist. So, a real doctor. Good. I am bringing my evidence, with her own signature on it. I feel it is poetic, almost. I went over the evidence once again and it was shocking. I had forgotten some of it.

I have not looked at it for almost a year because it is disturbing and I needed to recover myself and get the ball rolling. On top of that we have been settling custody issues and the separation of assets, all kinds of legal mumbo jumbo.

I have an email thread in which I talk to my mom for that whole time period and detail weird stuff my ex-wife did, so we got time stamps and I can forward it to anyone, I am surprised how clean it is. Or how clean we are. We are not even trashing her. It gives a feeling of fake, considering the crap that was going on, but it is real. And it went from my gmail to my moms email so not like we wrote clean (no swearing, callign her names or anything like that) for half a year. Then again, it was genuine wondering what the hell is going on. At some point it seems lke I was actually worried about her wellbeing. I mean caring for it. Weird. Then I got her letters to me which are nothing but psychotic evil crap. I also have her diary scanned, filled with suicidial thoughts, changing personalities and just insanity. It's all neat and short. And I have her threats and SMSs from all this time as well. She was too stupid to consider that they might be used against her some day. Like tomorrow.

So the scary part? As a shrink, she might take fast action. If she thinks she is dangerous, it might go down tomorrow. So what is scary about that? YOu don't know my ex... no one does, except perhaps lucifer.

But going through the material was shocking. Disgusting. I mean my mom actually sent an email to HER mom saying that it is unreasonable and difficult for her to watch adn see how her daughter wishes my death. How she attacks me and yells at me. I almost forgot that it actually did happen, and we did let her know, and she actually did come back yelling at me how it is my fault. I mean her mom did. They are both insane. Just insane. Dad is taking action now. They didn't see this one coming. They have probably lived all their lives with no one standing up. They got it wrong. The buck stops here.

[My Wife Hates CIV]

kinda makes you want to be single for a while. like after having pets for years and years and the dog dies. oh, lets go a bit with no pets babe.

[My Wife Hates CIV]

if only life was that easy. kids make it tough. and by that I mean, you just can't walk away.

[My Wife Hates CIV]

it's all about the kids. MWHC is a lucky bastard in so many ways.

3 grand sons... all younger than 6. it's a posse here with any acticity. tonight one has keys... so we researched it a bit. i didn't know what the shear line is. i know now. cool.

so do everything for the kid - say nothing bad about anyone else while they are young (they are smart and can/will see it the way it really is).

and - they don't stay young very long. it's over quick.

[Pekka]

Yes... I am single and am thinking of why shoudl I ever change that situation. I kind of like being single. i have female friends in my life who aren't crazy, ones I've known for years. They are, in fact, hostile as hell, they want to kick my ex-wife's ass but of course they won't. They're my friends so the feel it's wrong, what's happened.

In any case, I have never said anything bad about her to the kids. Not worth it, I don't need to. Like you say, they will be old enough soon. In fact my daughter is 5, so school starts soon. At the age of 12, they get to decide themselves where they want to live. So.. if they want, they can move in here and there is nothing anyoen can do about it. Or they can move in to their mom's place. I doubt that would ever happen. Why? I have actual feelings. Their friends are here. School. A real house (instead of an apartment). Their grandfather is here. SO they will probably want to move here.

My idea here is to raise my concern, that if an episode would break out, I will call the cops, who then have information about the situation. Then they will actually go in and take her to a hospital and bring the kids here. Otherwise they woudl just take her to hospital and take the kids to social workers. Also, if she ever tries to go to court, she will fail before it starts. This is like a child protection notification without doing it. Because if I do it, they have the obligation to tell her that she's been reported by me. This is actually something that my therapist and lawyer said is the best way to advance with the safety of the kids in mind.

The psychiatrist might make a move and just go ahead right away or a week later, but the point being, I did not start it. So there is no court, there is no forum for her to attack me. It is a big difference. Then she only attacks social workers and mental health professionals. It is kind of Kafkaesque situation, but any normal person could shut up. She cannot. It is my duty now.

I had to think this over for a loong time. I had to be sure this is for the safety of the kids, the concern, adn not a tool to get back at her for what she did. And now I am ready to take care of the kids full time should someone ask. Before, even six months ago? I was not ready. Now I have made my full recovery, and now I am ready. I am also ready and can take the madness again, the anger and lies that starts to come from her direction. It is so draining (you have to experience it, otherwise you have no idea) that I just needed to avoid it. Now my shield is up again and it's time to go forward.

[notyoueither]

You go, Pekka!

Hope it all works out.

[Dinner]

Best of lucky, man. Let us know how it turns out.

[Bereta_Eder]

Pekka

[Sava]

i don't have any helpful comments

but stay strong pekka

you have beaten cancer

you got this

[N35t0r]

Pekka

Good luck with the hearing

[The Mad Monk]

Good luck!

[pchang]

Good luck

[C0ckney]

good luck pekka. i'm sure things will work out.

[benren]

wow, i wish you all the best.

[Pekka]

Well it went OK. It is very obvious me being a dad is not helping me at all.

She listened, and kept saying I must feel insulted by what happened, which is totally besides the point. And I kept saying that sure but this is not about me or my ex-wife. This is about my concern of all of them. It was like a big circle that kept going on and on.

She did agree that my concern is legit and that it was good to bring it out. Action? None. Maybe we will see in the future... that's it.

She agreed that the kdis would benefit from having a schedule that is predictable, like week with me, week with mom. Not the total randomness that is now. BUT she cannot, even as an expert, say that because she has no mandate to state that it is of the benefit of children that they have a solid schedule instead of arbitrary one. I kept thinking then what the hell can they do, or what is the purpose of them, except emphatise with the situation. SO that was a bit of a disappointment. Then again, I don't know what was I expecting. It became clear to me that if there is no immediate physical danger that can be proven, the best I can hope for is to have the kids with me half the month, that's it.

I'll take it though.

Then again, what I really want is for her to get some help and for us to have that week-week -schedule. Or two weeks, because that would allow me to shuttle between countries.