Inane job app questions

[loinburger]

I usually say "if I get micromanged by idiots then I resign"

[rah]

If I figure out it's not a job I wanted I would sometimes answer differently than normal.

Why did you leave your last position?
They lied about their corporate culture. They said their employees where their main concern and they were long term planners only to find they treated us like crap and only cared about the next quarter profits. By the way, what are this companies values?

[loinburger]

My last employer suddenly stopped paying its employees, and we had to file a class action suit to get (most of) our wages. So "why did you leave your last job" resulted in "they stopped paying us and now we're suing them," my reasoning being that if this was a problem for them then **** them.

[rah]

I would consider that an acceptable answer.

[C0ckney]

Until you got to the why you did that answer, you were scoring pretty good on my scale.

I've used the Lazy line before but I always follow it up with, it's really just another name for efficient.

yeah, i didn't really want the job, i just wanted to see what would happen. the guy didn't really know how to react, but he carried on regardless; perhaps he found it funny too and was keeping a straight face.

[My Hubby Loves Civ]

Source:

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/20-craziest-job-interview-questions-and-the-right-answers/

Facebook: Twenty five racehorses, no stopwatch, five tracks. Figure out the top three fastest horses in the fewest number of races.


Citigroup: What is your strategy at table tennis?


UBS: If we were playing Russian roulette and had one bullet, I randomly spun the chamber and fired but nothing was fired. Would you rather fire the gun again or respin the chamber and then fire on your turn?

Merrill Lynch: Tell me about your life from kindergarten onwards.

Obviously, you aren't alone! Check out the article above and some more of the zaniest questions asked applicants!

Employers want to see how candidates think. For tough or oddball interview questions, it's not always about getting the right answers it's about how you tackle a challenging problem. The question for employers may be really about how fast you think on your feet.


When faced with tough questions like these, take a deep breath, slow down and then sound out your thinking process aloud and walk the interviewer through how you get to an answer.


If you feel the question is unrelated to the job or company, before trying to respond, very politely ask the interviewer, "In order to best get to what you are looking for from me, can you provide more detail as to how the problem relates to how problems are solved here?" You have to ask this delicately though as you don't want the interviewer to think you are being defensive or want to duck the question.

[loinburger]

In several interviews I've been to they'll say "solve blah blah blah problem" and I'll say "okay" and sit there thinking silently, and then they'll say "no you have to vocalize your thinking process" and I'll say "but that's not how I think." I mean what the hell? "First I'll sort the data, then I'll think about boobs, then I'll hash the data from the minimum to the median, then I'll think about more boobs..."

[Dinner]

I generally do not fill out job applications. Those are for common people.

[Lorizael]

i once gave a totally honest job interview. i answered every question honestly and kept a straight face, which was hard at times. it's actually remarkable how liberating it is to free oneself from the kind of rubbish that one is expected to regurgitate at interview. i kept it going for about twenty minutes. the interviewer didn't really know how to take me but he was a good sport.

Once, during a stint of unemployment back in 2010, I went a little mad and, after finding a job posting for a copywriting position that wanted an "attention grabbing and original" cover letter, I sent this:

Hello,

Right now, you have a very special opportunity to hire an outstanding writer with a creative voice and a strong command of the English language. In hiring me, Lorizael, you would acquire the knowledge of a voracious reader who researches everything from nanotechnology to world economics to philosophy on a continual basis.

But there's more to this potential copywriter than his proficiency in reading and writing. With me, you would also receive an individual with a keen intellect and a sharp wit who knows how to speak to his audience. Other copywriters you could hire might claim to be detail-oriented or deadline-driven, but only I, Lorizael, have the intellectual curiosity, breadth of knowledge, and full sense of irony necessary to get your attention.

So if you're willing to schedule an interview with me as soon as possible, I would be willing to begin working for your company as soon as possible as well.
But you must act fast, because Maryland's unemployment regulations stipulate that I must take virtually any job I'm offered. Any delay on your part and you could lose this once in a lifetime opportunity. And remember, if you choose to hire me, Lorizael, you can pay me significantly less than you would pay other potential copywriters, because while I have the skills to learn and perform this job, I don't have the college degree necessary to command a higher salary.

Again, by hiring me, Lorizael, you get a skilled writer with a sense of style, a head full of facts and information, and a terrific sense of humor for a low, low annual salary. For you consideration, my resume is attached. After reviewing my resume, don't hesitate to contact me - before it's too late.

Thank you,

Lorizael

I didn't get the job.

[Elok]

Given my education, I apply for dumb-monkey type jobs any schmoe can do; these barrages of silly questions are fairly typical of non-retail drone work. The OP sample was for clerical help at a hospital.

Now, my current crappy McTempJob I got through a staffing agency--and what a special staffing agency it was. The online application actually asked me, "Do you use any illegal drugs, and if so, which and how often?" Then I came in to finalize my employment, and they gave me a questionnaire of forty-odd variants on that and other illegal/horrible activity. "How much do you agree with the statement 'anyone who insults me deserves a punch in the face'?" "Would you commit insurance fraud against an employer who treated you poorly?" "Which of the following is an appropriate disciplinary action for an employee who shows up to work intoxicated?" And my favorite: "How would you characterize your crystal meth use? Never, occasional, social use or heavy but controlled?" That had a bunch of variants for most major drug families, but I really like the idea that you can be blasting your ass off with meth every day and somehow consider yourself fit for work.

It took them two damn weeks to sign me up for their payroll program, and that's with me and my job site's HR lady screaming at them from both ends. In the end she demanded to talk to a supervisor and I said, "Eh, I'm not living paycheck-to-paycheck, so I'm not going to print out this PDF time sheet, fill it out, rush into the office early to scan it and e-mail it to you, all so I can meet the direct deposit deadline and save you from doing the one bit of actual work you have to put into this arrangement."

And the job is rubbish part-time work. So, yeah, still looking.

[Lorizael]

i use to ask questions like that in interviews.

now i just ask what do you like to do on weekends. maybe a few basic work questions just to verify they know what programming is.

but i would rather have someone who is not socially handicapped. If they are a good team player I'll teach them to code.

The best coder who can't work with anyone is no good.

There's probably not a way to say this without sounding like a dick, but it's kind of weird to think that you're like a real human being with skills and stuff. In my head, you're just one of Poly's drunks.

[Elok]

You're right, that was rude. "One of," indeed. He is THE Poly drunk.

[My Hubby Loves Civ]

Yeah, it blows my mind too! The real word looks on him as some kind of genius. Go figure, geniuses usually are crazy as all get out. Have to love those kooky brainiacs!

[DaShi]

Geez, the questions I ask are a lot simpler:

How old are you?
Do you have a boyfriend?
Does he know you are doing this?

[NICE MOBIUS]

It is true. Clearly MWHC enjoys trolling around on poly. I mean in another thread he wants Trump as POTUS so he can attack NK and Iran. Nobody could be that dumb, so clearly it's a wind-up.