So my son just got diagnosed with autism, what should I know?

[Bosh]

Took my younger son in for testing and it came back autism (30 points on the CARS test). Wasn't surprised and wish we knew this for sure earlier as we took the kid in for tests last year but the psychiatrist said that he was just slow learning how to talk and not to worry. But was a real gut punch to hear that your son who's going to be four in three months is averaging 18 months on a series of development benchmarks.

He's been getting easier, learning more words and throwing fewer tantrums but when he throws them, damn does he throw them. Was just screaming because we wouldn't take him to a swimming pool at 11:30 PM and was a long wearying time getting him to sleep. Eventually took him to the kitchen to get some orange juice and sit on my lap and slowly nod off.

So, what should I know? What can I do to help the kid get ready for the rest of his life? What books should I read that are practical and aren't full of woo? He's got an older brother (six years old) who's a really good kid and never ever fights back if his younger brother starts pushing him or something but he doesn't really know what's going on and has a hard time including his brother in the stuff he does.

[pchang]

Early intervention is key. http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/ne...utism-symptoms

Not sure where to find those resources in South Korea though.

[Bosh]

Early intervention is key. http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/ne...utism-symptoms

Not sure where to find those resources in South Korea though.

Wish we could've started earlier but, like I said in the OP the doc we took him to last year said didn't diagnose him with anything and so was hard to do anything before now. He'll be going in for 2 2-hour weekly sessions starting ASAP.

[Dinner]

I don't even know where to begin with this one other than to say I feel for your family and hope that you folks can find an effective way to help him manage his disability so he can still live a productive and fulfilling life. Best wishes.

[Sava]

So, what should I know? What can I do to help the kid get ready for the rest of his life?

Love him. Acknowledge his condition but don't make him feel like a weirdo. Be an advocate... a strong one. Don't take **** from school administrators or anyone like that. His peer group may give him a seriously tough time. Be prepared to deal with that.

Try to think of him as being different, not broken. People's first instinct is to be like "awwwww I'm so sorry, that's terrible". Certainly, kids on the spectrum face challenges. But he still is an amazing positive presence in this world. I personally find sentiments of pity to be as unhelpful as they are well-intentioned.

I say this as someone who was "othered" as a kid... though, in a much different way.

[SlowwHand]

My 6 year old grandson is on the autism scale.
Far from dumb and so funny. He's a good boy.

The one thing that I'll suggest is to never assume...anything.
I'm sure your son is wonderful.

[Alexander's Horse]

jeez Bosh, I feel for you and your son - but Sloww is so right

If he will go to sleep in your arms I don't see you are doing much wrong already, so take a bow man

Although you might want to think about returning to the USA, or going somewhere tolerant like France where health care is free, if you are still in Korea.

We loved Korea but we didn't think the health care was all that good - especially for disabled people because of the weird ideas Koreans have about racial purity (no offense).

I can't believe it's been almost ten years since I saw you over there in Seoul

[Nikolai]

First of all, don't worry too much. He will probably be slow and less "smart" on some areas, but you can be darn sure he will be amazing on other areas. I know several people who have various kinds of diagnoses on the autism scale, and they all function well in life.

One has problems with math and some other school subjects, but excel in English(second language), get loads of praise for her skills in caring for people(she studies for being a caretaker) and is so good at hiding her weaker sides that few know she has a diagnosis.

Another worked for years as a computer expert, works now in school administration, is married with kids and functions well. She had problems understanding herself, she and her family knew something was off, but not what, and got the diagnisis first as an adult. School was hard, but she prevailed.

Myself, I have Tourettes, which is in the weaker scale of the autism spectre. I have a temper, and react very negatively to stuff you would think is of minor important, but also am calm for stuff you would get into a rage for. This used to be a big problem, but meds together with parents who wisely repeatedly told me I had to work with it to function better in society, helped me a lot. Me 10 or even 4 years ago is quite the difference. In short, much can be done if the kid and the parents work tirelessly with it. I will never be 100% normal, but who are? I don't always get why I need to be like X or Y in a situation, and neither do the other I've mentioned, but if you can learn that you have to be like X or Y, the reason and understanding actually are of lesser importance.

As for skills, I as many others in my situation are often very good in school, some with a kind of autism is good at 1 or 2 things, others, like me, are good at a wide selection of areas, with some areas being sub average. With cooperation with school, parents and doctors, your kid will do just fine. Some of us can function in a normal job, some need some extra supervision, but few are in need of more than that. From your description, I'd guess your kid is in one of the first two fields. Do know it will take some work, both for you and for your kid, but the road is far from impossible. I suggest taking contact with an organization for people having his kind of autism, they will have plenty of folders, information courses and parents and kids in the same situation. Me and my folks had much use for that in my youth.

I also recommend you consider meeting with his school class to tell them a little about his diagnosis etc. My father did that when I went to school, and it helped my class mates to understand why I was like I was, and it made life for me at school much easier.

[Bereta_Eder]

The kid needs to be "coached" from as early on as possbile and for a long time (probably years)
There are professionals who can do that.
It is expensive but it will make a hell of a load of difference in regards to his levels of functionality in the years to come and for his adult life.

(and also pay attention to the other kid because he will probably develop a "guardian angel" approach to his brother. while this is not inherently bad at all, it also needs a bit of checking. what I mean to say is that this affects his brother as well and the way he will be viewing life. the professional will be able to advice on that issue too, as well as talk with the teachers etc)

[Bosh]

I don't even know where to begin with this one other than to say I feel for your family and hope that you folks can find an effective way to help him manage his disability so he can still live a productive and fulfilling life. Best wishes.

I hope so. Just today he's been speaking some sentences that he never spoke before. He also made a sprint into traffic but we caught him immediately.

Love him. Acknowledge his condition but don't make him feel like a weirdo. Be an advocate... a strong one. Don't take **** from school administrators or anyone like that. His peer group may give him a seriously tough time. Be prepared to deal with that..

On it. Love that kid so damn much.

One thing is that physically he's incredibly strong for his age and unlike most kids on the spectrum has good coordination. So more worried about him hurting other kids then getting bullied, at least for now. He pushes a lot when he gets angry but luckily doesn't punch and never bites anymore.

My 6 year old grandson is on the autism scale.
Far from dumb and so funny. He's a good boy.

The one thing that I'll suggest is to never assume...anything.
I'm sure your son is wonderful.

Yeah so much variety in symptoms I can't assume anything but on the other hand it's frustrating not knowing how things will turn out since there's such a massive range of outcomes.

Although you might want to think about returning to the USA, or going somewhere tolerant like France where health care is free, if you are still in Korea.

Still in Korea. Still a lot of prejudice against disabilities of all kinds but now it's an issue that people talk about a lot instead of sweep under the rug.

What's keeping me tied here is my business. Autism treatment can get pricey but I can afford it now. If worst comes to worse I could send his brother to Korean public school instead of international school and scrape together the money to hire a full time specialist to home school him one-on-one in another year or two the way things are going.

Nikolai: as far as areas he could do well in (besides being the strongest three year old I've ever seen) he loves the alphabet. That's how I've managed to teach him most of the English words he knows. Going over different alphabet books and toys again and again (and again) and repeating what each letter stands for. He learned C is Car from one book and C is Cat from another book and C is Candy from some toys and on down the list.

Learned to count to twenty (as in being able to see a random number and say what it is, not just being able to mumble out the words) well over a year ago, learned "up" today despite me trying to teach him it for years now.

Bereta_Eder: kid will be going in for therapy for two two hour sessions a week. Not as expensive in Korea as in the states but insurance doesn't cover it I don't think.

[SlowwHand]

I also mean not to assume anything on his inabilities.
Tommy didn't talk much at all until he was about 5. He knows about playing games on an iPad though.

Your son will require your patience at times, but what child doesn't? Enjoy him.

[Berzerker]

patience