E-meter recommendations

[Elok]

I've had enough; L. Ron Hubbard was right. I need to get all these alien ghosts off my soul, like, now. They're making me do terrible things, like post on dorky internet forums and give my children odd names. But I'd like to skip the actual Church of Scientology stuff, especially the part where David Miscavige kicks you in the kidneys for five hours while screaming "******" over and over again. I hear they charge a lot for that, and I'm on a limited income.

There are so many models of e-meter. Which one would be best for blowing my body thetans?

[Lorizael]

http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/the-scientology-christmas-catalog-is-totally-insane-1673241003

They suggest the $5,000 one.

[Aeson]

I can have 2 guys kick you in the kidneys for five hours and it'll only cost you $10. Well, that and a plane ticket halfway around the world.

[Elok]

Okay, a couple of problems there. It's only supposed to be one guy, not two. It doesn't work if you alter LRH's tech. Also, "******" has to be screamed in a normal American accent, preferably midwestern. If I have Filipinos do it, I'll be infected with Swarthy Person engrams, and the treatment for that has David Miscavige kick you in the kidneys for ten hours. Then he calls you a CICS and puts you in the RPF for peeing blood all over the nice clean floor.

[OneFootInTheGrave]

I read that as an offer, two guys for the price of one.

[Alexander's Horse]

hilarious link elok

[Sava]

i thought this was about opposition to wireless "smart" meters that transmit data directly to the energy provider