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Taken 3: Taken It To The Streets

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  • Taken 3: Taken It To The Streets

    Now HC can safely put Europe on his list of places to blow 20 grand on.



    Liam Neeson helpfully informs American parents that Taken is fiction

    By Alex McCown@alexm247 Jan 6, 2015 1:59 PM

    Who can take anything ”big media” says as the truth anymore? Sure, they may tell you that the movies Hollywood makes aren’t real, but then again, they also said we were safe from Ebola, and now look at us! Ebola everywhere! That’s why some sensible Texas parents—more than 40 of them—refused to accept that their high school-age children could safely go on a field trip to Europe. They had seen Liam Neeson’s Taken films, and knew that every kid who lands in that godforsaken continent is just a hair’s breadth away from being kidnapped and sold into sex slavery.

    So their teacher did what any reasonable educator would do: she stopped citing facts, statistics, and verifiable evidence, and instead went straight to the source, asking Neeson himself to step in and speak to the parents about what’s really going down in Europe. And Neeson had a surprisingly comforting answer. Turns out, this time, those crazy Hollywood liberals weren’t lying—there is no epidemic of American youths being kidnapped abroad and sold into sex slavery. Neeson told News.com.au that the teacher needed his help, and he offered her some support:

    “These kids had never been outside the state and she was desperate to get some assurance but what I am doing is writing her a letter or a to-whom-it-may-concern letter that she can print out or send to these parents that this is a movie. The chance of your kids being taken in Europe is one in 20 million or something.”

    That sounds more like 20 millions reasons to worry, right, parents? But Neeson seems awfully sure of himself: “I was shocked, I was just shocked... It’s fiction, I know stuff happens in life but the Taken movies are fiction.” So rest easy, Texas parents, your children are safe. Rest easy about this, that is; Neeson didn’t say a damn thing about Ebola.
    My high school English teacher tried to host a trip to Europe for us. However, so few students applied to go that it never got off the ground. And this was well before Taken and when sex slavery was still considered a respectable occupation choice for young girls. You know, before the internet gave it away for free.
    “As a lifelong member of the Columbia Business School community, I adhere to the principles of truth, integrity, and respect. I will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do.”
    "Capitalism ho!"

  • #2
    There are too many words in that Poast.
    The Wizard of AAHZ

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    • #3
      Texans are dumb #474636235656267289
      "Aha, you must have supported the Iraq war and wear underpants made out of firearms, just like every other American!" Loinburger

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      • #4
        Great. Now Europe will have a bunch of Texan kids coming over and spreading Ebola. Thanks Liam Neeson.
        Libraries are state sanctioned, so they're technically engaged in privateering. - Felch
        I thought we're trying to have a serious discussion? It says serious in the thread title!- Al. B. Sure

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        • #5
          Uhg, and yet i bet none of them are worried about the police killing their kids, something that is more likely to happen.
          "I hope I get to punch you in the face one day" - MRT144, Imran Siddiqui
          'I'm fairly certain that a ban on me punching you in the face is not a "right" worth respecting." - loinburger

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          • #6
            Originally posted by MRT144 View Post
            Uhg, and yet i bet none of them are worried about the police killing their kids, something that is more likely to happen.
            I'm pretty sure almost all those kids are white.
            “It is no use trying to 'see through' first principles. If you see through everything, then everything is transparent. But a wholly transparent world is an invisible world. To 'see through' all things is the same as not to see.”

            ― C.S. Lewis, The Abolition of Man

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            • #7
              Originally posted by pchang View Post
              I'm pretty sure almost all those kids are white.
              Well now I wish they would get...taken!
              "I hope I get to punch you in the face one day" - MRT144, Imran Siddiqui
              'I'm fairly certain that a ban on me punching you in the face is not a "right" worth respecting." - loinburger

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              • #8
                In Texas they should worry about getting accidentally shot to death by their kids playing with guns in the house...
                "Aha, you must have supported the Iraq war and wear underpants made out of firearms, just like every other American!" Loinburger

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                • #9
                  Ummm. . .guys, this thread was actually about the title. Please comment on that.
                  “As a lifelong member of the Columbia Business School community, I adhere to the principles of truth, integrity, and respect. I will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do.”
                  "Capitalism ho!"

                  Comment

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