Corporate kludge

[Al B. Sure!]

That should be only the third hit in a google search

[Al B. Sure!]

And the company I worked as an accountant for has $1.6 trillion in assets under management. I don't know why everybody is scared to disclose the names of their employers but I worked for BNY Mellon. I did accounting for BlackRock mutual funds.

I haven't even worked as a teller since 2011 and that was for only 3 months.

[Lorizael]

That should be only the third hit in a google search

I do a lot of searches on snails, and google knows me well.

[N35t0r]

Are the snails afraid of dogs? If so, then that would explain a lot...

[Elok]

Okay, getting away from Al and his dream job:

My employer, as it turns out, uses Volusion because he more or less has to. If he drops them, he loses his current search engine ranking and his business dies. His current fustercluck of a database was created by two dudes who actually specialize in Volusion, using its import function; it seems that said import function is not only really, really ****ty in terms of accurately loading information, but it refuses to apply styling to the imported data, so you're still forced to go back over every damn thing you imported unless you want your company's online presence to resemble a Geocities page from 1995. Boss's theory is that they did this deliberately, to make you perpetually dependent on Volusion. I gather their company motto is "bend over and take it, *****," or some such.

The good news is that he currently has his marketing guy working on a non-busted website, which will slowly take over for the hideous abomination I'm working on. No, actually, the good news is that Aeson, fine mensch that he is, hooked me up with a little cgi widget that vastly increases my productivity. I did more today than I did in the first two days combined. No, no, actually, the good news is that, half an hour before I left, boss-man said, "if we sell another $15000 in these last four hours, everybody in the building gets an extra hundred! Even Elok!" We may or may not make the target, and a hundred isn't a huge, huge deal, but I like that my new boss uses actual incentives to motivate the crew instead of arbitrary harassment like most other retail jobs I've worked for.

So, yeah, life is pretty decent, considering.

[Al B. Sure!]

One more thing. You know what's great about my job? There's no Corporation. Only Corps.

[Elok]

And Corpses. Lots of Corpses. Luckily the only ones that matter are covered in SPIFFY AMERICAN FLAGS OORAH!

(Srsly, if you're happy with your dream, good for you; better than sacrificing all that to get it and then hating it. But you'll never convince me that it wasn't daft to begin with.)

[Elok]

Wait, what do you mean, no corporation? Where do you think all those fancy, expensive toys of yours come from, Santa Claus?

[Al B. Sure!]

Wait, what do you mean, no corporation? Where do you think all those fancy, expensive toys of yours come from, Santa Claus?

What I mean is I don't work for a corporation. Not in the usual sense, at least. My shareholders are the American people.

[Elok]

No, corporations are generally held accountable to their shareholders.

[regexcellent]

One more thing. You know what's great about my job? There's no Corporation. Only the federal government.

Fixed; also, the rest of us are not indentured servants.

[Al B. Sure!]

Fixed; also, the rest of us are not indentured servants.

Boy Patroklos had you pegged.

[regexcellent]

Oh yeah and our pay consistently comes on time.

But at least when you get out there are benefits to look forward to

(And if we have any dissatisfaction with our pay or benefits we can leave)

[The Mad Monk]

About what? That Alby at age 30 finally has managed to get his dream job for 38 days a year?

It's not bad that he's a reservist or whatever but that's not his job. He has some other job that is his primary job, presumably, so you actually didn't answer Drixnax's question.

I like how you edited that in a desperate attempt to increase the sting.

[Hauldren Collider]

No, corporations are generally held accountable to their shareholders.

^^^