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In an unprecedented "demonstrative ruling," SCOTUS found that PETA lacked standing in their lawsuit against a Tennessee breeder, and delivered the verdict while castrating a three-year-old male horse.
Chief Justice Roberts, who wrote the opinion, opined thus as he rubbed sterilizing alcohol on the site of the excision: "PETA's moral principles, well-intentioned as they may be, are not sufficient to render them legal custodians of animals such as Bourbon Fred here. We find the plaintiff's citing of precedent inadequate and patchy, and furthermore claims of 'kidnapping,' 'sexual slavery,' and so on are not relevant when applied to non-humans such as--oh, quit flinching, or I'll make glue out of you. You placed fifth, you lazy bastard; you think that's good enough to stud?"
Justice Thomas broke his customary silence on the bench by delivering an oral concurring opinion at this point: "You see what happens when you **** a stranger in the ass?"
Chief Justice Roberts, who wrote the opinion, opined thus as he rubbed sterilizing alcohol on the site of the excision: "PETA's moral principles, well-intentioned as they may be, are not sufficient to render them legal custodians of animals such as Bourbon Fred here. We find the plaintiff's citing of precedent inadequate and patchy, and furthermore claims of 'kidnapping,' 'sexual slavery,' and so on are not relevant when applied to non-humans such as--oh, quit flinching, or I'll make glue out of you. You placed fifth, you lazy bastard; you think that's good enough to stud?"
Justice Thomas broke his customary silence on the bench by delivering an oral concurring opinion at this point: "You see what happens when you **** a stranger in the ass?"
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