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ONE OF MY HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS INVITED ME TO THE DELIVERY ROOM, and let's just say seeing a live birth is lower on my bucket list than seeing a live homeless man taking a dump, but I agreed to go because I am mutual friends with his wife and she said prayers are more powerful if they are said close to the baby, so I sucked it up AND DID THE MAN THING TO DO. 
I get in there and the nurse basically gives me one rule: No spitting, vomiting, insulting anyone's vagina, and stay back. The baby comes out and clear as day it has the biggest boner I have ever seen. This boner is bigger than the baby's legs, by a good several inches, and is towering high above all the blood and even the umm-bill-i-kill (sp) cord. Then the nurse, noticing something, exclaims, MYCONIUM or MECONIUM! And the doctor says "MECONIUM!" back, and at this point I am thinking that is like plutonium, and that there is some radioactive detonation going on But the smell made it very clear MYCONIUM IS ANOTHER WORD FOR BABY CRAP, which means that the baby officially had his first boner while it was looking at his mother's vagina and covered in mounds of blood and feces. 
AT THIS POINT I PRAYED FOR THE BABY TO DIE ALONG WITH THE MOTHER AND LEFT THE ROOM CLAIMING I HAD A BOMB, WHICH I'M TOLD UPSET THE NURSE GREATLY.
TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE I called my mother after I fled the delivery room and she told me that when my father did the same thing to her when he was drunk in college, minus the blood but with an even larger dump
I WAS CONCEIVED IN A PILE OF **** :MAD:
I get in there and the nurse basically gives me one rule: No spitting, vomiting, insulting anyone's vagina, and stay back. The baby comes out and clear as day it has the biggest boner I have ever seen. This boner is bigger than the baby's legs, by a good several inches, and is towering high above all the blood and even the umm-bill-i-kill (sp) cord. Then the nurse, noticing something, exclaims, MYCONIUM or MECONIUM! And the doctor says "MECONIUM!" back, and at this point I am thinking that is like plutonium, and that there is some radioactive detonation going on
But the smell made it very clear MYCONIUM IS ANOTHER WORD FOR BABY CRAP, which means that the baby officially had his first boner while it was looking at his mother's vagina and covered in mounds of blood and feces. AT THIS POINT I PRAYED FOR THE BABY TO DIE ALONG WITH THE MOTHER AND LEFT THE ROOM CLAIMING I HAD A BOMB, WHICH I'M TOLD UPSET THE NURSE GREATLY.
TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE I called my mother after I fled the delivery room and she told me that when my father did the same thing to her when he was drunk in college, minus the blood but with an even larger dump
I WAS CONCEIVED IN A PILE OF **** :MAD:
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