Why can't I get interviews?

[loinburger]

Mr. loinburger, we regret to inform you for the twelfth time that Larry King has refused to interview you. This will be the final communique on the matter. We reiterate: your heroic kitten rescue is simply not national news, particularly because the kitten in question was actually a sandbag. Secondly, Larry King has been dead for over seven years, and as such he no longer conducts interviews.

Help me out. What big mistake am I making?

Thanks

[MRT144]

Not enough dickgirls.

[Tupac Shakur]

There can never be enough.

[MrFun]

Marry, get divorced, then remarry at least a half dozen times then maybe you'll get your show.

[OneFootInTheGrave]

They lied to you, Larry King is still alive, even though he looks like a living dead... so sue them for harrasment and psychological trauma... in exchange they may grant you the interview. ( edit: interview with Piers Morgan. Once you get to that interview, decapitate Piers live, you will become famous and the world will be grateful, especially Jeremy Clarkson... after live decapitation do not forget to say into the camera: "There can be only Oneeeeee!")