Should the penalty for having sex with a giraffe be the same as for having sex with a panda bear?

[loinburger]

I've selected these two specific animals as examples for a more general question because apolyton has been beset by giraffe-****ers (Kidicious) as well as panda-****ers (Dale). However, the question can generally be expanded to two classes of animals: those with approximately human-sized or smaller bungholes, and those with gargantuan bungholes. (It's assumed that the two posters in question would prefer to attack the bunghole instead of any other available orifice.)

My proposal is that the crime of bestiality be subdivided between "menacing animals" (e.g. buggering a panda bear, who presumably would not take kindly to the act) and "just being rather pathetic" (e.g. buggering a giraffe, who probably wouldn't even notice that anything was happening). The first should be punished with fines and jail time; the latter should probably just be punished with a public shaming.

[Provost Harrison]

I'll stick my neck out and say yes

[Berzerker]

I agree, but the Panda is more than capable of administering a proper punishment

and if you screw a giraffe without getting kicked, more power to ya

[giblets]

HOW DARE YOU SLANDER A MESSENGER OF GOD WITH YOU SERIOUS ACCUSATION THAT HE ****S GIRAFFES! GOOD NIGHT!

[Elok]

I actually intended to accuse Kid only of heterosexual giraffe intercourse. Geez, I have some standards.

Of course, depending on the size of the animal's labia, it may in fact be physically impossible for an average-endowed human to actually reach the animal's hoo-ha and thus technically have sex at all. This is a more complex question than it actually appears. However, it's ultimately moot, since any human trying to copulate with a giraffe would be stuck trying desperately to climb up the back end (getting no grip on the sloping back) with his pants around his ankles, flailing comically around until he accidentally grabbed the tail and got kicked several feet backward into the wall of the zoo enclosure. Assuming the absence of complex restraining apparatus and climbing gear.

[Thoth]

Haven't you ever heard of a step ladder?



Dude, it's how us Canuks manage to **** Moose without resorting to silly nonsense like stilts.

[Elok]

That's extremely unsafe even by screwing-a-giraffe standards. Vigorous pelvic thrusting from atop a step ladder is a shortcut to a broken neck.

[loinburger]

Kidicious would be the expert on this, but I imagine he'd use some sort of rope-and-pulley system.

[Aeson]

Sexing up a panda should be considered a public service. They have to learn about the birds and bees somehow, and they certainly aren't learning about it from other pandas.

[Uncle Sparky]

That's extremely unsafe even by screwing-a-giraffe standards. Vigorous pelvic thrusting from atop a step ladder is a shortcut to a broken neck.

I would suggest stilts and really long wellies (or rubber-boots).

However, I would find panda f*cking more apropos since 'panda' , pronounced by a Yorkshireman, sounds like 'pander'. This is why you must choose your words very carefully in Yorkshire.

[100% Wolf]

Both deserve the DEATH PENALTY!

v

[Sava]

I dont remember these threads at all

[Kidlicious]

I dont remember these threads at all

That explains why you think you're the first one to lie about me.

[Kidlicious]

I don't think I've ever been on a trolls ignore list. This is a new experience for me

[self biased]

quality necrobump.