Is Lori being a dick?

[MOBIUS]

EBFWRML is most emphatically not my ex. Were she, my life would be quite different today.

Oh yes she is!!! Maybe not in the physical sense, but certainly in the mind**** sense and you're seriously considering getting back with her!!!

Now she's trying some kind of cunning (so she thinks!) way to reconnect and you're gonna fall for it because despite an entire thread of getting the whole of poly to agree on something, you're still sniffing around...

I laugh in your general direction because it is obvious that you will eventually reply to her...

[MOBIUS]

Yes yes, I understand, poly is different. But from I'm sitting you're doing your girlfriend a big disservice pandering to the wacko needs of the wacko. If she was still good looking and satisfying other needs then that would be something different. (a girlfriend is not a wife)

THIS! Sort of...

Stop sort of cheating on your not wife, in rah's words...

Why are people so dumb on poly when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex?

[self biased]

because my dick doesn't suck itself, MOBIUS.

all things considered, lori, as someone who's dealt with a similar situations, run as far and as fast as you can manage.

[Lorizael]

Oh yes she is!!! Maybe not in the physical sense, but certainly in the mind**** sense and you're seriously considering getting back with her!!!

Now she's trying some kind of cunning (so she thinks!) way to reconnect and you're gonna fall for it because despite an entire thread of getting the whole of poly to agree on something, you're still sniffing around...

I laugh in your general direction because it is obvious that you will eventually reply to her...

Err, there's no cunning plan here. She more or less came out and said she wants to reconnect. And it's not because she's some evil temptress who gets off on pulling people's strings; it's because we used to be very close and she misses that to some extent.

But none of that means reconnecting with her doesn't have its dangers, anyway. I'm fully aware of those dangers, what with me having lived through them for the past 9 years. Again, however, the dangers are not a result of her being a sadistic harpy living off of my misfortune. Most of what went wrong in our friendship was due to me not clearly establishing boundaries between us, and me being madly in love with her and lying to my significant others about it. There's plenty she did wrong, too, but I feel as if the majority of the blame rests on my shoulders.

If I felt comfortable knowing that I would not make the same mistakes twice (or thrice, or four times, or whatever my count is at now), then I would attempt to be friends with her again. As it stands, I'm not confident that I've learned my lesson yet, which is why I've kept her at arms length since we stopped being friends 3 years ago.

[self biased]

There's plenty she did wrong, too, but I feel as if the majority of the blame rests on my shoulders.

****.

[Lorizael]

I was there, self. I'm significantly more aware of all the things she did wrong and all the things I did wrong than you guys are. As I said, there's plenty she did wrong. And sometimes it's hard for me to think about her and not get this burning sense of rage on the inside. But it's in my nature to point out my own faults and failings. Even if ultimately the thing I really screwed up was falling for her in the first place 9 years ago, that's still my own fault.

[self biased]

so it sounds like you've made one mistake, and you keep revisiting that mistake. on top of that it seems like you're blaming yourself for the way she reacted to whatever your error was. sometimes, one just needs to wash their hands of an ordeal. clearly she still means a lot to you, but it is equally clear that the friendship is toxic, and will spiral in the familiar direction eventually.

[Lorizael]

Washing my hands of ordeals is not my forte. I still hold a grudge against my brother for something he doesn't even remember. I still know the phone number of a girl I was obsessed with in middle school. I still cringe every time I think of how I incorrectly explained the phrase "blue moon" to my second grade class.

[OzzyKP]

Err, there's no cunning plan here. She more or less came out and said she wants to reconnect. And it's not because she's some evil temptress who gets off on pulling people's strings; it's because we used to be very close and she misses that to some extent.

But none of that means reconnecting with her doesn't have its dangers, anyway. I'm fully aware of those dangers, what with me having lived through them for the past 9 years. Again, however, the dangers are not a result of her being a sadistic harpy living off of my misfortune. Most of what went wrong in our friendship was due to me not clearly establishing boundaries between us, and me being madly in love with her and lying to my significant others about it. There's plenty she did wrong, too, but I feel as if the majority of the blame rests on my shoulders.

If I felt comfortable knowing that I would not make the same mistakes twice (or thrice, or four times, or whatever my count is at now), then I would attempt to be friends with her again. As it stands, I'm not confident that I've learned my lesson yet, which is why I've kept her at arms length since we stopped being friends 3 years ago.

It isn't about assigning blame. It is just about recognizing that having a relationship with her, for whatever reasons, is harmful to you. And protecting yourself from that harm.

[self biased]

Washing my hands of ordeals is not my forte. I still hold a grudge against my brother for something he doesn't even remember. I still know the phone number of a girl I was obsessed with in middle school. I still cringe every time I think of how I incorrectly explained the phrase "blue moon" to my second grade class.

then put on your big girl panties and make it happen this time. unless you grow a spine and stand up for yourself, this cycle will repeat itself.

[MOBIUS]

Basically if you have any respect whatsoever for your current g/f, you will act to terminate your association with your ex. I know you say she isn't, but from a mind**** capacity, she might as well be!

[rah]

When you say

I still hold a grudge against my brother for something he doesn't even remember.

Does this mean when you think of the incident you get a little irritated or do you mean you don't talk to him anymore because of it. Just trying to measure the level of your psychosis.

[MOBIUS]

I tried my best to ignore that entire sentence...

[self biased]

Basically if you have any respect whatsoever for your current g/f, you will act to terminate your association with your ex. I know you say she isn't, but from a mind**** capacity, she might as well be!

because clearly, he has no respect for himself.

[pchang]

To answer the original post, the answer is no. However, if you did want to be a dick, try the following:

solicit an anonymous forum for suitable text responses for every text you receive
pick a response at random and use it
see how long it takes for the other person to realize they are not communicating with you
use this experiment as the basis of a story (or some sort of psychology study)