Torchwood: Miracle Day

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

What the hell did I just spend 10 hours watching?

[Gibsie]

A message has appeared at the top of the page, saying, "Hello Gibsie it appears that you have not posted on Apolyton in several weeks, why not take a few moments to ask a question, help provide a solution or just engage in a conversation with another member in any one on Apolyton?"

And so, here I am. Let's talk the philosophy of Torchwood and the ethics of giant vaginas that need to be sealed with immortal blood.

[The Mad Monk]

I had the same reaction from Evangelion.

[-Jrabbit]

Short version: They really screwed up a fun show. Torchwood is dead to me.

[onodera]

I had the same reaction from Evangelion.

NGE is for teens who have just learned what introspection is and furiously introspect every day in the bathroom and/or in bed.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

I'll try to explain the plot, as I understand it.

1- There's a massive hole through the Earth that connects Buenos Aires to Shanghai. We don't know why, who put it there, what it does or how it works.

2- The hole was making everyone in the immediate vicinity of its two poles live as long as the Earth's average human lifespan at that particular time in history. We don't know how or why.

3- However if Evil Forces put Captain Jack's immortal blood into both poles simultaneously, it sort of reboots the hole. We don't know how or why.

4- Incidentally, we haven't the faintest clue how they came up with that plan, or how much experimentation was involved. Lucky guess?

5- Now it gets clever. Because the really big hole is nice, and likes us, it then uses its knowledge of Captain Jack's blood to make humans immortal.

6- But it's not just the ones in the immediate vicinity of its two poles this time. Oh no. It's suddenly everyone on Earth. We don't know how or why that sudden change happened.

7- We don't know how the Evil Forces knew that would happen either. Lucky guess again?

8- But get this- it actually makes Captain Jack mortal. No, I don't know why. Yes, it probably would have been both easier and nicer for The Hole to leave him immortal, but it just didn't. That's holes for you. They're all homophobes, or something.

9- I don't know how the Evil Forces knew it wouldn't leave him immortal either. Lucky guess #3, I suppose.

10- Incidentally, despite Torchwood's uber-secret ninja contact lenses being all uber and secret, the Evil Forces hacked them instantly. No, I don't know how. They're just really, really smart and all-powerful.

11- However I really, really don't know why, after hacking the lenses, they didn't think to say "Incidentally, leave your cellphone on so we can listen in to you hatching any devious plans".

12- Or how they managed to get hacked back by the Incredibly Annoying Dribble**** American Hams either. They must have stopped being all-powerful to have a ***-break, or something.

13- Incidentally, I don't know why, when being all deeply undercover and secretive, the heroes keep bellowing each other's real names at each other in cellphone conversations.

14- Or why Captain Jack went "OK, it's all really really bad and everyone's in deep trouble. However you're on your own now because I'm off to have spectacularly gratuitous gay sex that has no relevance to the plot whatsoever".

15- I think Russell T Knobflap thinks that marks Captain Jack out as a cool and rebellious free spirit and not a massive and colossally self-centred *****. I have no idea why.

16- At least, I'm assuming it was Russell T Knobflap writing this. On reflection, it might have been an over-excited 8-year-old on a heroic sugar rush.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

17- Incidentally, I've no idea why the paedophile murderer decided to turn up in Cardiff. Or why they took him to The Hole, either. Perhaps it was "Take Your Kiddy-Fiddler To Work" Day.

[MRT144]

Tell the bbc to support more Luther series.

[-Jrabbit]

Much appreciated.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Can anyone explain why, if the immortality was based on Captain Jack's immortality, people didn't regenerate like he does?

Instead they just stay sick/comatose. Which the Evil Forces predicted and invested billions in pharmaceuticals to prepare for. Man, they really reap in those lucky guesses.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Where's Mobius?

We badly need a "I fully appreciate the points you raise, but let me remind you that it's made in Cardiff and therefore I win" argument at this point.

[Uncle Sparky]

The Welsh have creative control of Torchwood and they all live in holes in the ground. It's an allegory...

[Dr Strangelove]

It's not on here. We can't even get Dr.Who anymore.

[Tuberski]

It's not on here. We can't even get Dr.Who anymore.

It is on Starz, it was made for American TV. I got bored after the second episode.

ACK!

[Uncle Sparky]

Then you missed the soft core gay sex.