maybe a new gf?

[Sava]

I met a nice girl and she's the first girl I'm gonna date since my Dad died barely 9 months ago.

Hmm... people who were sexing and preggering their eggers the day my dad died, the buns are still in the ovens. Unless they are creepy fetus bubble children who would normally be dead if not for man's unnatural intervention.

but i digress

I'm afraid of leaving my mom to go date some girl. Does that sound weird? Since my Dad died, I've stayed with my mom here at the house. If I start spending time with someone else, she is here by herself.

Also, I am 31. This girl is 21. Problem? Nah. But I have a non-specific concern about introducing her to my family. That's scary.

What else?

I've been mostly depressed and anti-social for a long time. That's nothing new. Periods of happiness that may come with spending time with someone could feel uncomfortable... or... well... I've kind of forgotten what it feels like.

What do I do if I wake up every day and don't feel like the world sucks?

The thought of being happy for a while and then crashing down again scares me.

Sexing with someone... while fun... is initially a little scary. It always is. I have to say a lot of things out loud that I don't normally say. It's switching between internal and external expression. A transition. Maybe not scary. But different. Finding comfort levels.

Adjusting to smells, tastes, touches.

Getting over the last one... every last one.

Is it like that for you guys?

I don't rack up large counts. I think I've probably only ever kissed... 5?

Anyways, I want the next one to be the last one. So my standards are higher. Maybe that's why I had to get all Oprah on you guys.

[OneFootInTheGrave]

all Oprah or not... it's a simple solution - go for it , and mom should try to find some other social life than kids... time heals, at least partially.

[Sava]

thanks

Acceptable courses of action sometimes seem disproportionately unreasonable when viewed through my own emotional prism.

[Riesstiu IV]

Raep

[Sava]

taht comes later

[rah]

While it's admirable that you've sacrificed to help your mother through this tough time, you are allowed some happiness. Go for it. Your mother would want you to and will probably find some satisfaction if you can find a little happiness.

[Sava]

She cares more about waking up to a clean kitchen.

I'm slowly saving up, but it will take a while to get to the point where I can afford to buy my own place. There are long term opportunities on the horizon that may bring in money. I do a lot of freelance design. I'm in the early stages of looking at a qEEG (brain imaging scan) input device. If I can overcome certain problems with the existing product, regarding signal transfer between the conductive gel and the patient, I can file for patents and license the product. Unfortunately, there are issues to be worked out still between the company, the head of the practice who has the hook up, and intellectual property stuff. I know the equipment. I know what the finished product is. I know how to get there. But I'm not giving it to them for free... DUH. And I've been told I may get to have free reign at the lab with smart little Korean high school interns doing my bidding. I can do all this stuff in my basement or garage, so I think it's more about who gets to control what.

My independence is not necessarily tied to finances. I genuinely like staying with my mom. Even if my savings was in the mid to high six figures, I would still likely live with her.

It's probably more about culture. This is my family. I live here until I have a new family... my own family.

[Imran Siddiqui]

The OP was like a poem . Top notch efforts.

I'd suggest that if you have any issues with women, you should take advice from Alby

Oh, and rah is right. You've been there for your mom and I know she appreciates it, but she'd want you to go out there and find happiness for yourself. She'd regret it if you missed out because you felt that she needed most of your time.

[notyoueither]

Would it be terrible if being happy became more or less permanent?

And everyone wants a clean kitchen.

[Sava]

Would it be terrible if being happy became more or less permanent?

And everyone wants a clean kitchen.

I don't know.

In the past, strategies that I have implemented to promote "happy" resulted in a busier and more stressful lifestyle. There tends to be a point where I become unable to cope with this heightened stress and a somewhat normally manageable acute depressive state. The subsequent crash tends to be far worse than my usual routine of... bleh.

Unfortunately, I seem to be particularly sensitive to biological conditions and my emotional surroundings. An increasing awareness of such issues over the years has lead to an extraordinary mastery of my emotional state, given the circumstances. However, most of the strategies involved in such control places limitations on myself... socially. Which, perhaps, closes doors educationally and professionally. However, given the state of American institutions, I am not terribly upset about not participating in such things. My brain may have saved me from life crushing debt.

[notyoueither]

Seek out a happy, less busy lifestyle?

There may well be people out there who would prefer that too.

[rah]

And sometimes stress is more easily coped with when it's shared.

[Sava]

Make other people miserable

[rah]

That's what couples do. I have been helped through some tough times by my wife. And hopefully she'll agree that I have done the same for her.

[OneFootInTheGrave]

move back to the Balkans.... slow and happy life , speaking from experience... after 15 years in UK, this is heaven