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I have a handful of competitive job applicants. It does not matter what the position is for, because no one really knows anyway. 
I plan to hire them based on their educational credentials.
Applicant one: Probable transsexual who attended Georgetown Law school. Note that I went to Georgetown and got my nut off a lot there and never once ran into a transsexual or a cross dresser or transvestite or whatever the PC term is these days.
Applicant two: Straight man who attended Columbia Law school. He lists 'racquetball' as one of his interests and so is probably pretty fat
Applicant three: Black man named Clarence, like my elementary school bus driver, who attended Yale undergraduate and has no legal training. He mentioned something about having a disability but once they're black you're vulnerable to all sorts of liability already so I didn't listen to him (something about his pancreas)
Applicant four: Straight woman, probable smoker who attended UCLA law school, home of the mexicans and In n Out burger, and just a six-hour drive south of the birthplace of AIDS.
Applicant five: Probable homosexual with a Ph.D. in anthropology from some no-name school (George Mason?) and an undergraduate degree from Berkeley.
I am an equal opportunity employer, but I do not observe any Jewish holidays or allow anyone to do so without taking a sick day. Please let me know which of these applicants I should hire, given that I have only interviewed three of them on the phone and need to make a decision by Monday. I do not plan on doing call-backs. This is not some porno, this is the federal government, this is meritocracy.
I plan to hire them based on their educational credentials.
Applicant one: Probable transsexual who attended Georgetown Law school. Note that I went to Georgetown and got my nut off a lot there and never once ran into a transsexual or a cross dresser or transvestite or whatever the PC term is these days.
Applicant two: Straight man who attended Columbia Law school. He lists 'racquetball' as one of his interests and so is probably pretty fat
Applicant three: Black man named Clarence, like my elementary school bus driver, who attended Yale undergraduate and has no legal training. He mentioned something about having a disability but once they're black you're vulnerable to all sorts of liability already so I didn't listen to him (something about his pancreas)
Applicant four: Straight woman, probable smoker who attended UCLA law school, home of the mexicans and In n Out burger, and just a six-hour drive south of the birthplace of AIDS.
Applicant five: Probable homosexual with a Ph.D. in anthropology from some no-name school (George Mason?) and an undergraduate degree from Berkeley.
I am an equal opportunity employer, but I do not observe any Jewish holidays or allow anyone to do so without taking a sick day. Please let me know which of these applicants I should hire, given that I have only interviewed three of them on the phone and need to make a decision by Monday. I do not plan on doing call-backs. This is not some porno, this is the federal government, this is meritocracy.
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